Reprise
by Maibe Josie
Summary: Sequel to Numb and Encore: “Man…my girlfriend left me for a girl.” updated 02.27.09
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Degrassi and all it's characters belong to their creaters and to Epitome Pictures Inc. It's all fun and games until someone gets sued for copyright infringement, also any songs used in the writing of this fic belong to their owners (and are credited in each chapter, feel free to help them by listening to their music). Any original characters are owned by me, yup, I made them, i.e. Mark Orion, and Kemmie (as well as the Lake View Crew and the Middlebourough Group Therapy kids, Dr. Mo and Dr. Crescent).

**A/N: **Dear Readers: sorry for the decently long wait when it came to the first chapter of this final installment of the Elan (Ellie/Sean) Trilogy. I've had a lot going on and was figuring out the pacing and such as well as any plot points I really wanted to hit hard on. This is it, the last fic and yes, it will be 25 chapters ( I have this thing with keeping them the same like that), also if you want me to respond to any reviews and questions either sign in when you leave a review or leave your email address in the appropriate space so I can respond. I can't fathom how many times I've wanted to respond but were unable to. Anyways, enjoy the read, next chapter will be up in a week or so (it's about half way finished and then will be looked over for any mistakes that I miss, though they slip by anyone). **MJ**.

* * *

**Reprise**:

_A sudden slip between __my_ _pathetic sedatives  
__A real life script of how __mistakes_ _became a medicine.  
__So delay the hurt for words __of_ _complicated overcast.__  
Please take the message __that_ _I'm picking up my chin at last.  
__I said my confidence, __it_ _gets stronger when you're next to me.__  
But we pray for moms away __in_ _quest for what we long to be_

**Blue October "Everlasting Friend"**

'_I never thought I'd be in school before homeroom_,' Sean thought to himself as he laid underneath the nearly finished car for the expo, '_then again I never thought I could get Jay or Amy here either_.'

"Jay, can you hand me that ratchet?" Sean asked. He stuck his hand out from beneath the car, waiting for his friend to drop a tool into his hand. When no ratchet appeared in his awaiting open palm he rolled out from under the car to see Jay leaning against the car deep in thought and obviously not paying attention. Sean stood up and grabbed himself a ratchet, but before easing himself back under the elevated car he leaned against the front bumper of the car next to Jay.

"So, you gunna help with this or are you just going to throw this project out the window?"

Jay looked over at Sean, "huh?"

Sean rolled his eyes and wiped his brow with the blue bandana tied around his wrist, "did you finish with whatever magic you were working under the hood, man?"

Jay shook himself out of his thoughts, "yea man, everything's all ready to roll."

Sean looked around the shop and saw Amy lazily working on upholstering the two racing seats that scrounged up. "Where's Alex?" he asked, wondering why Alex wasn't working on the body kit.

Jay shrugged, "hell if I know…"

Sean glared, "did you still wanna do a full audio system, with subs and speakers?" he asked changing the subject, noticing that Alex was not a subject he wanted to speak about.

"Yea man, I picked up some speakers the other day and I'm getting the subs and everything else tonight, I'll wire it up tomorrow during lunch."

"you're not eating with us?" Sean asked.

"nah, I'll just duck out during remedial math or gym or what ever it is I usually skip before lunch," Jay answered as he twiddled a screwdriver between his fingers and caught site of Amy staring at him, and then caught sight of her smirking. He dropped the screwdriver into Sean's hands, "I'll be right back man, I'm gunna go help Amy out for a sec."

Sean watched in confusion as Jay walked over to Amy and tugged her arm and drug her through the door to speak in the hallway. He shook his head and rolled himself back under the car.

"What's with the looks?" Jay asked angrily.

Amy pouted, "what are you talking about Jay?"

Jay just shrugged, "whatever…" he muttered, "I told Alex."

Amy laughed, "yea…right." She turned to leave him, "you're serious, aren't you?"

"No, I told my girlfriend I was cheating her because I thought it would be funny." Jay rubbed the back of his neck, "stay away from me, stay away from Alex, stay away from Sean and Ellie, you're a fucking disease Amy."

"Jay…" she reached out to grab his arm and he tugged it away, "…baby."

"fuck you…you fucked up the best thing I ever had."

Amy laughed, "I fucked it up? I only offered, you said yes," cocking her head and smirking. "Don't blame your decisions on me because you don't know how to say no."

"I'm a guy Amy."

Amy laughed, "yea, like that has anything to do with it." Amy rolled her eyes as Jay shook his head at her statement. "If you cared…at all about Alex, and if you were a **real** man, you would have said no in a heartbeat."

Jay snorted, "what I do with you…with other girls has nothing to do with how I feel about Alex."

"uh huh…because you know, cheating on girls is how you prove how much you love her."

"fuck you." Jay said and walked back into auto-shop garage.

"Oh Jay?" he stopped mid step to listen, "tell Sean I'm finished with the seats." With that being said she walked walked down the hall swinging her hips. Jay rolled his hands into fists so tight his knuckles turned white. He was always taught never to hit a girl, sometimes he wondered if Amy was human, let alone a girl.

Jay walked over to the car and grabbed Sean's leg, pulling him out from under the car, "Amy says she's done with the seats." Jay mentioned.

Sean sat up leaning his back against the front bumper, "good, she finished the interior, and the upholstering on some of the interior last week…I think we're almost done, I got a bit of tinkering to do under here," he said motioning to the undercarriage of the car, "and under the hood, and we're just waiting on Alex's paint job on the kit, and your audio work with the stereo."

Jay nodded, "I'm gunna get—"

"Sean…"

He looked up to see Alex standing rigidly uncomfortable in the presence of Jay. He reached for a rag and wiped grease from his hands and reached for Jay's hand to pull him to his feet. "I'll see you later man…" Jay said. Sean nodded and he turned to Alex, watching as Jay turned in towards her, almost to kiss her, but she flashed him a dangerous glare that threatened keeping his manhood intact. He pulled back and left the garage.

"The kit's close to being done, I primed it last week, and painted the first coat a cream kinda, champagne color …taped of a great design …"

"and…" Sean asked waiting for her to finish her explanation.

"I can't finish painting Sean…"

"why?"

"I…er…I haven't been feeling well, and fumes and what not…"

Sean smiled, "it's alright, he said…" watching as she stood uncomfortably in the room, her arms folded aross her chest. "I can finish it today after school,…what color are you painting the second coat that's under the tape?"

"I was going with a candy apple red…"

Sean nodded, "sounds sweet," he said, and then noticing her looking a bit peaky and green in the face he suggested she get going, because she looked like she was going to be sick.

(**-X-**)

Ellie sat in the middle of her room. The hardwood floor cool against her bare skin as she sat in a pair of short boxer shorts and a long sleeved shirt. She looked around her room, from wall to wall. Posters of every band she'd ever seen live, movie posters, mostly documentary posters. She felt herself shiver at the thought of leaving her mother. She loved and hated her mother in the same breath. Loved her mother because it's her mother, the same woman who let her dress up on superhero costumes and prance around the backyard like a lunatic; this was the same woman who cried for Ellie every time she came waddling in with a bruise or a cut, the same woman who also drank herself to pieces whenever her husband left. Sometimes Ellie wondered why her mother couldn't stay sober for the daughter that still loved her. Was she not as important as her father?

Ellie sighed. She promised her one last straw, one more slip up on her mother's part and she was gone from this house, at least until her father was home on a more permanent basis.

"Eleanor…" Ellie turned to her closed bedroom door at the sound of her mother's voice echoing down the hall. Ellie rose to her feet and walked over to the door and pulled it open just in time to watch her mother grip the door frame to keep her balance, her gin and tonic sloshing in her hand.

"Yes mother?" Ellie said, verbally expressing her dislike in her mother's drinking habits.

"you were in your room, alone," her mother whined angrily.

"and?"

"and you're probably cutting yourself, aren't ya?" Judy said getting unnecessarily upset.

"no Mom, I'm just getting ready for school," she answered, "why are you drinking so early?" Ellie immediately regretting asking that question, seeing as how she knew, in a few moments, that her mother would become extremely defensive of her decisions.

"Oh, like you're one to talk Eleanor," Judy spat.

Ellie just rolled her eyes, "what ever Mom, I'm gunna get ready for school," and went to close her door when her mother jammed it with her foot.

"Don't you get an attitude with me Eleanor."

"I'm not getting an attitude with you Mom, I just want to get ready for school." Ellie turned away from the door and walked to her dresser and pulled out a gray and black skirt, some black leg warmers and a small and tight gray t-shirt, and threw them on her messy bed. She dug around in her top drawer and pulled out a pair of underwear and a bra, and tossed them on the pile, and catching her mother staring at her choice of dress.

"You're not wearing that are you?" her mother asked.

"yes, why?" Ellie asked checking the time on her digital alarm clock. She had about an hour to get a shower, dressed, and get to school.

"it's short sleeves, people will see your cuts."

"So…"

"So Eleanor, I do not need the world knowing my daughter is a **freak**."

Ellie stopped dead in her tracks, "what did you say?"

Judy took a sip of her morning cocktail, "I said I don't need the world knowing my daughter is a freak, think about me Eleanor, think about your father…this makes us look bad."

"God forbid everything is about you." Ellie said angrily as she pushed past her mother on the way to the bathroom, and locked herself in. Turning to shower she turned it on and waited until the room was practically filled with steam before hopping in. And when she was finally in the refuge of the bathroom, in the shower, she finally let herself breakdown.

If there were one thing that got to her literally every time it was her mother's drunken insults. It was almost as if her mother only had the guts to insult her own daughter while she was wasted on nothing less than eighty proof.

Every time they'd move with Greg's job she was met with glares and stares from people who didn't know her. _Freak, vampire, Goth Girl_. Thinking over the list of names she'd been called by her peers she was worried for herself as to why it never bothered her. And then tilting her head up to face the running water from the shower head she remembered, those people didn't know her…she was someone new, but she was never new to her mother. Her mother just never seemed to accept her, whether she was the perfect princess having tea parties with her girlfriends after pre-school, or the rocker-esque girl with the wild hair fiddling with a camera.

"strike three, you're out…sorry Mom," she said to herself and finished with her shower.

(**-X-**)

Craig walked through the halls in a daze, looking at everyone suspiciously as if they all knew already that there was something wrong with him, that he was completely crazy. "They know, they all know," he whispered to himself. He ran his fingers through his curly mop of hair and stepped in front of his locker, spinning his combination with ease. As he traded books in his locker he looked down the hall to see Manny walking with Emma, Toby, and JT. He quickly closed his locker, and rushed to catch Manny before she walked into homeroom.

Manny spun around as Craig gently grabbed her wrist. "Hi, Craig…" she said softly as she looked up at him. Emma watched on nervously, wondering if Craig were going to flip out or stay calm. It seemed to be an undeterminable thing these days.

Craig rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "can I talk to you a minute?" he asked. Manny looked back at her friends who nodded for her to go ahead. Toby and JT walked into the classroom. Emma stood just outside the door frame, watching cautiously, and in worry for her best friend. A strange term for someone she fought with so often that the situation was disparaging. It's often said that love knows no boundaries, and often a lover finds no faults in their lover, despite how many they do seem to have. That no matter how many times a mother and child fight they do love each other. And best friends is often a term not loosely thrown around once you know what it truly means, a term that means something almost like family. Manny was family. "_I don't have time to break in a new best friend_," Emma thought to herself.

Emma watched closely, watching Craig's habits, watching Manny, everything looked okay. "Hey Em," Sean said walking up and into homeroom. She turned to him and smiled gently.

"Hey Sean, how are things on the homestead?" she asked holding her binder to her chest, occasionally glancing over towards Manny and Craig.

Sean followed her gaze, "they giving it a go again?"

"Seems to happen to the best of us…" Emma answered watching them, and then immediately blushing as she caught wind of her own words. Sean smirked and laughed to himself. "So…you and Ellie?" she asked, quickly trying to change the subject from her crude suggestion that the pair start their usual dance again.

"Still going good, real good actually…"

"Oh?" Emma asked interestedly but then catching sight of Craig on the verge of getting frustrated.

"Yea, I she's thinking about moving in with me and Tracker…"

"Really?" Emma asked almost jealously, but then saw Manny turning towards her, pleading for an out, "just a sec Sean," she said trying to help Manny get away from Craig. Emma quickly excused Manny on account of needing to get to homeroom and drug her inside the classroom, Sean following suspiciously behind.

Manny grabbed a seat next to JT and Emma was quickly slowed when Sean grabbed her arm. "What was that about?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, Craig's been acting a little out of it lately…"

"You mean kind of like he did around the time …" Sean paused for a moment, not wanting to bring up Craig's dirty laundry unnecessarily.

"not quite…just going from happy to sad or angry," she answered, "Manny obviously just felt really uncomfortable there for a minute, I can tell you more later…if you want to know."

Sean nodded. "Sure, that's cool," he said and slipped into his seat in the back of the room and kicked his feet up onto his desk.

"What happened with Craig?" Emma asked as she slid into the seat beside Manny.

"It was just weird, he told me that, he knew everyone already knew," Manny said, obviously confused by the words she was saying.

"Knew what?"  
Manny shrugged, "do you think he means about my…"

"No, the only people who knew were me and you, and well, him, and I don't think he told anyone else, it's not their business to know." Emma said, sure of her words.

"Then what could he mean…"

"Maybe he meant that he knows people think he's crazy or something…"

"but he's not crazy, just a little, off beat ya know?" Manny said as Emma nodded understandingly and quickly quieted as their teacher entered the room.

(**-X-**)

"She actually said that?" Ashley asked in disbelief as Ellie retold the story of her mother in a drunken moment that morning.

Ellie laughed, she wasn't sure why but the whole situation was pretty much ridiculous. "Yup, called me a freak, and basically said I shamed the family but being well…**me**." Ellie answered as she twirled her wavy red hair around her finger. "It's just kinda sad that she called me a freak and I'm probably the sanest one between the two of us."

Ashley laughed uncomfortably. Uncomfortably because of the fact that she wouldn't know what she would do if her mother ever called her a freak, or treated her the same way Judy Nash was treating her own flesh and blood. "So you're really moving in with Sean…?"

"Yea…" Ellie said blushing, "I don't think I could spend another moment with someone as self destructive as that."

"Don't you think that's a bit hypocritical?" Ashley asked.

"No, the difference between me and her is, I know when I'm being self destructive and I'm not afraid to get help, not anymore anyways."

Ashley shrugged, "I guess…"

"How's Mark?" Ellie asked changing the subject on their walk into homeroom.

"He's taking this whole heart transplant thing really hard…I researched post-op depression online last night and…"Ellie smiled as her friend fell into her usual dutiful act of declaring her research skills. "…I think I'm going to break up with him…"

Ellie spun her head so quickly she nearly fell over, "what do you mean? Why?"

"Because I can't handle the stress…"

"You're just…" Ellie couldn't even finish the sentence, and then she caught site grabbed Marco by his polo collar and turned him towards Ashley, "tell her she's stupid."

"You're stupid?" Marco said questioning his belief in the words he was saying, he chuckled for a moment and then recoiled as Ashley flashed him a disaster wielding glare. "sorry, she told me to say it," and tried to hide behind Ellie.

"I can't believe you'd be so selfish," Ellie said.

"Again with the hypocrisy Ellie," Ashley argued as they stopped at her locker, "you and Sean took a break because you both needed to for selfish reasons…" she opened her locker, "in the end we know you could have helped each other."

"No one knows that Ashley…" Ellie said, "but you, we've been over this, you revert to your cave every time something goes wrong, you can't do that, it's called running away."

Ashley sighed, "I don't want to cause him more problems," she answered, "I don't want me and my problems to be the stress that ruins this chance for his healthy heart."

"That's not it and you know it, this is about you," Ellie argued, "it's always about you."

"no it's not!" Ashley responded, and then for a moment she was at a loss for words. She looked down into her locker and grabbed her journal.

"I don't mean it in a bad way," Ellie said softly, "you're never really happy, it's almost like your scared to be happy."

Ashley turned to her best friend, eyes red from fighting back tears and Marco placed a comforting arm around her shoulders, "I'm the happiest I've been in a while, or…I feel like I should be happy, but I'm not…"

"What do you mean?" Ellie asked, "you feel like you should be…"

"Mark's alive, he made it through surgery, I have the most amazing boyfriend who doesn't cheat on me, you're back, I have a great year ahead of me next year, and well it's just…I don't feel happy, but I should be right?" Ellie nodded, " I mean, I feel like I did after I found out about Craig…I feel like this…all the time, I don't want to put Mark through this…he shouldn't have to deal with me."

"I'm sure he's feeling the same way, with how he's feeling," Marco said, offering his piece.

Ashley smiled weakly, "so I shouldn't break up with him?"

Ellie rolled her eyes and Marco's jaw dropped, "this is what we've been talking about?" Marco asked, "Ashley wants to break up with her gorgeous boyfriend!" Marco removed his arm from her shoulders and lightly smacked the back of her head, "you're stupid."

Ashley looked at Ellie and the pair started laughing, "come on Marco, we're going to be late," Ashley said linking arms with him and him linking arms with Ellie.

"So what are the plans for after school ladies?" Marco asked.

"Dress shopping?" Ashley asked.

"I'm covered," Ellie answered smiling as she thought about the dress she'd bought with Marco and Orion at the thrift store.

"Hm, I think Paige and Hazel still need dresses," Marco answered, "I mean if you think you can put up with Paige when she's shopping," he said looking between me and Ashley.

"I don't mind going,…I still need…" Ellie answered and thought for a moment about what else she needed.

"Shoes? Because there is no way I'm letting you wear your clunky combat boots to that dance," Marco said.

Ashley laughed as Ellie frowned, "what's wrong with my boots," she pouted.

"Nothing, they just don't go with the dress," Marco answered.

"How do they not go with the dress!" Ellie shrieked, "they're both black!"

Ashley laughed, "forget him, just come and keep me company, it's been a long time since I've gone shopping with Paige, I might strangle her…"

Ellie laughed, "that'd make the world a lot easier…"

"yes, and less fashionable," Marco answered sadly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Reprise**

_Without a life that's sadly stuck again__  
Wish I was much more masculine  
Maybe then I could learn to swim  
Like "Fourteen miles away"__  
You're floating up and down__I spin, colliding into sound  
Like whales beneath me diving down__I'm sinking to the bottom of my__  
Everything that freaks me out  
The lighthouse beam has just ran out__I'm cold as cold as cold can be_

**Blue October** "**Into the Ocean"**

Alex sat alone in the zen garden. It may have been the soothing sound of a trickling waterfall or being surrounded by green foliage but she felt extremely calm, considering her situation. She closed her eyes and thoughts drifted to the road she'd been walking on thus far, a road covered in glass and eggshells that she seemed to stumble down in bare feet. She was as innocently and blissfully blind to the adult world growing up, like any child. Caring for her mother after drunken brawls with the new "daddy" of the week was like a game. Alex played doctor for her mother, patching her up with band aides and mixing up some soup when she didn't feel well. It was when she hit middle school that her eyes opened up to the world she'd been blind to. People weren't supposed to fight with the ones they love, at least not physically to the point of physical pain.

Sometime between growing up and thinking she was grown up Alex was a rebel, with a cause. She did everything to not be like her mother, despite the people she surrounded herself with, she wasn't like them, at least not entirely. While Jay, Sean and Towerz shoplifted, Alex worked part-time. While they ripped off vending machines in school, Alex caught up on missed assignments she'd acquired from skipping class with her boys. She didn't want to be like her mother, a teenage mother who dropped out of high school and lived off welfare.

She had potential. She could go places. She wanted to go places. Maybe be a doctor, a nurse, legal counsel in domestic abuse cases? '_it's all downhill from here_,' she thought to herself as she opened her eyes and stared at her not yet bulging stomach. She laughed to keep from crying, and stared up at the tiled ceiling, and stood up, and walked towards the library, she needed to think this all out.

Jay watched silently as Alex mused and began to laugh to herself and walk down the hall. He was silently beating the living piss out of himself for fucking up the only stable thing he had in his life. He was a mess for the same reasons Alex wasn't a living portrait of her mother. He strove to be bad for more reasons than one. Ladies always go for the bad guy, even though they want the sweet guy, and for that Jay was constantly jealous of Sean with his brooding look and perfect James Dean stare paired with a heart of gold. He was the perfect package wrapped in a dingy gray hooded sweatshirt. Reason number two was he didn't have to live up to anything, there were no expectations to go anywhere or be anyone special, to everyone that didn't matter he'd be the lowlife gutter scum ripping off corner stores. There was a third reason, that he'd never tell anyone about…attention. To anyone that looked close enough or cared enough to look closely, Jayson Hogart was crying out for attention, and mostly from his absent parents.

Jay took this moment to skip what classes he had left for the day, he didn't want to be here, didn't want to deal with Alex and the possibility of her putting a dent in his face rather than the car. He smiled, that was one of the things he loved about her, her spunk, she never held back anything. Pushing open the doors to the school he twirled his keys around his finger, silently thinking about what to do for the day.

(**-X-**)

"Anyone seen Jay?" Sean asked walking into the auto-shop garage, "I haven't seen him since this morning." Amy shrugged and Towerz was filling in for Alex with the paint job. Sean released a long breathe and rolled his head, "he better be getting his audio shit or…" Sean just shook his head, "never mind." Amy slunk up behind him and gently rubbed his shoulders.

"Relax Sean," she said seductively. Sean rolled his eyes as he felt Amy's hands on his shoulders and shrugged her off.

"Not now Amy," he said frustrated. Amy rolled her eyes as Sean leaned under the hood of the car. She began moving the racing seats across the garage and preparing to install them into the car.Emma hesitantly walked into the garage, instantly receiving jealous and angry stares from Amy as she strolled over to Sean and gently tapped him on the shoulder. "Look, I told you,…" Sean began angrily before turning around, "…talk to me later," he finished gently.

"Can I talk to you about Craig?" Emma asked.

"Uh,…" Sean reached for a rag and immediately began wiping the grease and oil from his hands, "yea, sure." He gently eased an arm around her waist and led her out of the garage and into the hall. "So what's this about Craig?" he asked.

"Well Manny's been mentioning he has these mood swings and I guess we're worried." Emma said shrugging, "it seems kind of silly when you think about it," she said smiling.

Sean shrugged, "not so silly when you think about what Craig told us about his dad,…"

Emma's eyes widened, "he really freaked hard when he found out about something Manny had done, something she should have considered Craig's feelings in."

"What did she do?" Sean asked so concernedly.

"She…_was _pregnant," Emma immediately regretted telling him the moment she saw his worried face.

"so Craig freaked?" he asked changing the subject quickly, though in the back of his mind he was almost more worried about Manny than he was about Craig. For a few seconds all he could see was the cute, sweet girl he'd gotten to know through dating Emma, the very same girl he practically thought of as a sister.

"Yea, he pretty much got into a fight with the lockers," she explained, "what do you think it's all about?"

"I could talk to him if that would make you feel better," he said crossing his arms and leaning back against a row of lockers.

Emma smiled weakly, "thanks Sean, really…" she said, "I guess I would talk to him myself but you two…" Sean nodded and dropped his hands to his side.

"Yea I know," he said trying to turn into back to the garage, but Emma gently grabbed his hand as he turned away. He turned back, to face her as she smiled at him.

"thanks."

Sean narrowed his eyes as he caught her softened gaze. Shaking off the moment he walked back into the garage as Amy finished the installation of the racing seats into the car. Looking over the car, he smirked, it looked _damn_ good if he said so himself. Amy shut the doors of the car, giving Towerz full ability to finish his paint job. "So there's nothing else we really need to do then today, we're just waiting on Jay with his audio system."

Amy smiled, "so wanna go grab a bite for a job well done?" she asked, flirtatiously.

Sean groaned, "not today Amy, I have plans."

"with the wife?" Amy asked pursing her lips and cocking her head to the side.

Sean snorted, and rolled his eyes, walking out of the garage, immediately bumping into Ellie. "Hey El," he said wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yes." She said simply.

"yes?"

"Yes, I'll move in," she said blankly, not wanting to expose what her mother had said about her that morning. Sean tried his damnedest to read the expression on her face.

"What did she do?" he asked simply.

Ellie turned away, "nothing too terrible, I just don't want to come home everyday feeling like a reject in her presence."

Sean smiled at her, "so, when do you wanna pack?" he asked, holding onto her hips gently and swaying excitedly from side to side.

Ellie smiled slightly, "how about tonight, I'm gunna run by the station and talk to Caitlin," she said simply.

Sean nodded, " alright, I think I have something I need to take care of," he said thinking of talking to Craig about the things Emma had told him.

(**-X-**)

Emma was walking home when Manny caught up with her. Manny furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to the expressions on her best friend's face. "I know that look," Manny said excitedly, "that's the Emma's fallen in love with a cute boy look." Emma rolled her eyes and smiled. "So, who is it?" Manny asked, "please tell me it's that guy from gym."

"It's no one Manny," Emma answered, almost laughing.

"Em, you're terrible at lying you know that?" Manny said smiling, "so," she said bumping hips with Emma, "who is it…I haven't seen you like this since…" Manny looked up before she could even say his name and she was already blushing, "no…Em, not Sean."

Emma's eyes widened, "what are you talking about Manny, Sean and I are over, no more Sean."

Manny jumped in front of Emma on the sidewalk, "this is the Sean look Emma, it's written all over your face."

Emma rolled her eyes, "whatever Manny, this has nothing to do with Sean, we're just friends."

Manny scoffed, "sure, because you'll always be _just friends_ with Sean." Manny let Emma pass on the sidewalk and walked beside her, "the only person you can be just friends with is me, and even then with all the stupid fights we get into, even that's hard enough."

Emma smiled. The remaining walk to the Simpson-Nelson home was in silence, and Manny was on her way to the Santos home when Emma walked into her house.

What Manny hadn't known was that she was right, the thousand-mile smiling stare was courtesy of Sean. She laughed to herself and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. Sitting down at the kitchen table she let out a long held breath and closed her eyes. In a few moments her step-father would be arriving home from school and shortly after that her mother would be arriving home with Jack on her hip. It was this small time frame that she'd have a moment to catch her breath, and relax before her mother would hand her Jack so she could get dinner ready while Snake graded assignments.

It was moments like this that Emma pondered about what she could get away with, or rather, what else she could be doing besides waiting around to baby-sit her brother and wait for dinner. Granted there were times when she'd slip out to be with her friends, and the one time she'd gone to the ravine to see how Sean was doing.

"Sean," she said aloud to herself, and either that name left a bad taste in her mouth or it made her blush; and at the moment she blushing heavily. Things had settled themselves between them. Settled, that is, for the most part. All the trouble they'd had, all the fights prior to that final break up was swept under the rug and forgotten about. What was important now was that they were friends, and what Emma knew best was, being friends with Sean would never stay that way, or she hoped.

(**-X-**)

Sean stood in front of the Jeremiah home, nervously fidgeting on the front porch, "so what do I say?" he asked himself, "oh, hey Craig, I heard you flipped out on Em and Manny…was just wondering what was goin' on." He practiced, and then shook his head, "no…that doesn't work." He paced back and forth and finally took a breath before knocking on the door.

"Just a sec!" he heard Craig call from inside. The door flew open and Sean furrowed his eyebrows for a moment and tried not to laugh at the site of Craig in a tiara and bright pink lipstick. "Um," Craig stuttered before wiping the lipstick off his mouth with his sleeve. "Hey Sean," he said as he pulled off the tiara and tossed it behind him, "what brings you to the neighborhood…"

Sean just started laughing, "well I was gunna ask if you wanted to hang out or something, but I mean, I can see you're busy, man." Sean jokingly turned to leave and stopped as he heard, Angela Jeremiah call for her _Craigy_ and scamper up to the doorway.

"Princess Craigy, you're missing the tea party!" Angela whined. Craig rolled his eyes and bent down to Angela's level.

"I'll be back for tea in a little bit Angie," he said before standing up as the girl pouted and stomped back into the living room. Craig stepped out of the house and gently pulled the door closed behind him, "So, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Sean stuffed his hands into his pockets, "um, so you know how I'm like working on this car project thing…for Ehl and some car expo," he began to rub the back of his neck, "and it's got me really thinking about going into working with cars and I was wondering if you could talk to Joey…maybe get me some part time work fixing up some of the junkers at the lot?" he asked. Craig raised an eyebrow, and rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms, "…and I need a better excuse?" Sean asked.

" it looks like it," Craig said, "so what did you really stop by for?"

"Alright man," he said throwing his hands up in defense, " Emma talked to me…about your situation with Manny and you know…freaking out."

Craig glared, "and?" he asked defensively.

"what's going on man?" Sean asked.

Craig's face softened as he looked at the person in front of him. This wasn't a stranger, this was Sean, one of his first friends in town. One of the first people he trusted with the knowledge of his brutal beatings from his father. He turned away, almost ashamed, "I'm bipolar," he said softly, and then turned around.

"Shit man, that sucks," Sean said honestly, "but that's good right?"

"how is this good Sean?" he asked, "I'm crazy," and pointed to the house. "Angie thinks I'm turning into my dad, they want me to take pills man!"

"yea, to help you control these freak outs."

Craig sighed and gently rubbed his temples, "this is all like,"

"feels like a dream?" Sean asked, "man you gotta realize you're lucky they figured you out sooner rather than later." Craig looked over at him and walked over to the rail of the porch and eased himself up. "Look Craig, you're not crazy, you're just…not capable of controlling your emotions without a little help," Sean tried to explain, "it's not your fault…"

"they're making me see a therapist," Craig said, "you still think I'm not crazy?"

"normal people see therapists too Craig, and yea, I still think you're not crazy."

"oh yea, name one normal person who's in therapy every week."

Sean looked him straight in the eyes, "Ellie."

Craig looked down at his feet, "really?" he asked, "I thought she was like, cured or whatever."

"Man, you aren't cured of something like that, you learn to control it, control yourself and your emotions, same thing seeing this therapist is gunna do for you."

Craig looked up at his friend, "Ellie likes it?" Craig asked, hoping that if one of his friends could learn to handle the angst that is teenage life by leaning on others and trusting herself that maybe, he could too.

Sean nodded, "she goes twice a week, once with her doctor one on one, and again for group."

Craig pressed his lips together and slipped off the banister, "all right man, I'll give it a go."

Angie swung open the door and crossed her arms, tapping her foot angrily as she frowned up at her older half brother, "Craig!" she whined. Craig looked down at her and smiled.

"Coming Angie," he said before turning to Sean, "thanks man, you know for…"

"yea I know," Sean said.

"um, we should hang out sometime this week," Craig suggested.

Sean nodded, and turned away, and then quickly turned back, "you should probably tell your friends, and especially Emma and Manny about you and your…_thing_, cause you have a lot of people worried," Sean suggested. Craig nodded and was tugged inside by an anxious Angela.

(**-X-**)

Sitting in the middle of her bed Ellie looked around her room, wondering what she could really take with her to Sean's. The Cameron home was small and messy enough without a girl to add her personal effects to the clutter. Part of her felt like she was intruding, but then again, Sean had invited her. Clothes, they were an obvious thing to bring, maybe pictures, her _box._ And on that thought she stopped. She handed really even touched her wooden box since she'd been back. _'In fact_,' she laid across her bed and leaned over the side, her red hair cascading to the floor as she pulled up the bed skirt and reached under the bed for her wooden box. She stopped reaching when her finger tips brushed across the top of the box and she gently slid it out, grabbed it and sat back up on her bed, resting the box in front of her she carefully took in its appearance and how thick of a layer of dust rested across it's cover. She gently ran her fingers across the cover, taking away layers of dust as she did so, and felt almost guilty for wanting to take her box with her. '_Almost_;, she thought to herself, and quickly decided that she'd take it, but she'd take the box only for what it's good for, as a symbol to comfort her. She pulled the lid off and began to separate it's contents. Pins from pen knives, razor blades from box cutters, and when she finished she took the lid to her wooden box and slid the razor blades and box cutters into the frame edges of the lid. She felt sneaky for hiding razors for herself, and from those who have done nothing but care about her wellbeing. She shrugged it off, she didn't plan on using them. She tossed the knives and pins into a desk drawer and pulled out an over sized suitcase and began rifling through her dresser and closet to fill it.

"are you decent in there?" Sean asked through the door. Ellie's ear's perked up, not expecting him to be there so soon.

"no?" She said, questioning her own response.

"good I'm coming in," he said smirking as he pushed open the door, "front door was unlocked, you're Mom's …" he paused for a moment.

"passed out on the couch?" Ellie asked, "you can say it Sean, _Ellie you're mother is piss drunk, passed out on the couch, you know like normal_?" she said trying to capture the comment in her best _Sean_ voice.

Sean tried to laugh, but it just wasn't a funny situation, "So…" he said looking around the room, "what's coming?"

Ellie again took a look around, and planted her foot atop her closed suitcase, and her hands on her hips, "pretty much just my clothes and then I guess I'll throw some stuff into a box and that should be it." Ellie walked to the closet and dragged out a cardboard box.

"Do you think I should call Jay to come help lug this stuff?" Sean asked as he noticed that the suitcase was already fairly heavy and the box was catching up.

Ellie shrugged, "why not ask Tracker to come?" she asked.

Sean rubbed the back of his neck and smiled nervously, "I haven't exactly told him yet," he explained. On that statement Ellie dropped the stuff bear she was holding into the box and looked at him in surprise.

"Hold it," she said planting her hands on her hips, "you're telling me, you asked me to move in without talking to Tracker about this?"

Sean took a few steps towards her, "he won't mind, he likes having you around."

Ellie frowned, "this still doesn't feel right…"

"Look, El, regardless of whether or not I asked him, he's not going to turn you away." And Sean settled his argument on that note, and Ellie knew he was right. Take a deep breath she tossed a few more things into the cardboard box, including her wooden box on her bed, a pillow, and a few books before grabbing her school bag and slinging it over her shoulder.

"I think we can handle this on our own." Ellie said, picking up the cardboard box and leading the way out of the room, leaving Sean staring at the packed, over-sized suitcase.

(**-X-**)

Alex was working behind the counter at the movie theater when she saw Amy walk in. She'd done her best to ignore her now ex-best friend but for the most part it didn't seem like that was going to happen. Amy waltzed to the concession counter, "hey Lexxi, you wanna spot me for some popcorn and a soda?" Alex squinted her eyes in disbelief.

"No," Alex said simply trying her best to make contact.

"No?" Amy asked, "come Lexxi you always toss me some popcorn," she said looking for a reason in Alex's eyes that she couldn't seem to meet.

"well I'm not today, can you stop bothering me?"

"Bothering you?" Amy said raising an eyebrow, "I'm your best friend, asking for you to spare me the drama and give me some fucking popcorn, Alex."

Alex slammed a rag down on the counter and glared at Amy. "Best friend?" Alex said, "that's laughable," she said staring at her, "some best friend you are, sleeping with Jay?"

"he told you that?" Amy asked, "because I didn't sleep with him."

"I'm sorry," Alex said rolling her eyes and getting obviously upset, "you're right, because blowing your best friend's boyfriend isn't as bad as sleeping with him." Alex wiped the counter clean, she looked up, "oh you're still here?"

"why are you being such a bitch?"

"are you serious? Did you miss the whole part of the conversation where you fucked my boyfriend with your disease ridden mouth."

"I told you, I…didn't…fuck…your…boyfriend"

Alex rolled her eyes and turned to her supervisor, " I'm taking a break," she said simply as she pulled her visor off and tossed it on the counter. Alex walked out from behind the counter, quickly stalked up to Amy and punched her square in the jaw. Amy stumbled backwards and into a table, too stunned to fight back. Alex walked back to her post, her supervisor staring at her in a stupor. She tugged on her visor and looked to the next customer as he ordered a large popcorn, "do you want extra butter on that?" Alex said smiling.

"Wow hon, that was entertaining," Paige said as she strolled up to the counter, "can I get a diet coke and a small popcorn."

Alex almost laughed at Paige's impressed attitude, "that'll be six seventy-five," Alex said as she stood at the register. Paige handed her a credit card and tapped her manicured nails on the counter as she waited for the transaction to go through. Looking at Alex she noticed the raven-haired girl's face was turning to look a bit queasy and green in the face.

"Hon, are you alright you're looking a bit peakish." Paige said concernedly.

Alex slid the credit card back to Paige and quickly covered her mouth, "yea I'm fine," she answered before quickly tearing the receipt and passing it to Paige to sign. Paige looked at her as she signed, something in the pit of her stomach telling her that Alex was lying. Not that Paige was one to care about someone who wasn't even close to being a friend of hers, but she just wasn't fond of watching people get sick, especially around her popcorn. Or at least that's what she told herself, to try and kick herself of a nice-streak. '_First__Ellie, now Alex, what is this Paige, the help the helpless school year for you_?' she thought to herself. Paige slid the now signed receipt back to Alex just as Alex made a quick dash to the nearest restroom to throw up. "Ew," Paige said aloud as she grabbed her small bag of popcorn and soda and retreated to find Spinner in the theater.

(**-X-**)

"What the hell do you have in here, El?" Sean asked as he practically drug her suitcase through the Cameron home and into his room.

"Clothes?" she answered as she set the cardboard box and back pack on the floor, "contrary to popular belief Sean, I am a girl." Sean laughed quietly to himself and grunted as he made his way over to the dresser.

Ellie looked around the room, a typical teenage boy's room, messy, dark, and definitely fitting of her broody boyfriend. Combined with her general dark and angst-ridden exterior she'd blend in perfectly. Sean stood up and scratched his head, "you've got your drawer and I guess whatever space is in the closet."

Ellie smiled, and walked over and wrapped her arms gently around his neck, "thank you." Sean smiled and Ellie eased herself up to his lips and gently kissed him.

"I'm gunna go find out where Jay's at and if he picked up the stereo and speakers for the car," he said reaching behind his head and gently releasing her hands from around his neck. Ellie smiled, "why don't you do your _girl_-thing and unpack."

Ellie laughed, "alright, and we really need to tell Tracker about this eventually you know, I think he'll get suspicious if I never go home." She watched as he walked out to the room and again she looked around, and before unpacking she began to straighten up, mostly picking up Sean's dirty laundry and tossing it in the hamper before fixing the bed. She fit as many of her clothes as she could into _her drawer_ and hung whatever could fit in the closet before shoving her suitcase under the bed. It was then that she set her eyes on the cardboard box that contained a few things that she wanted Sean to avoid seeing, and that was her small wooden box in which she'd hidden her box cutters.

Ellie sat on the floor in front of her cardboard box and gently began unloading it, starting with her wooden box. She placed it lightly on the floor and quickly looked around the room for a place to hide it, when she realized sometimes the best place to hide it is in plain sight. She ruffled through the cardboard box until she found some small memoirs to put in the box, to take away from the site of the box cutters she'd hidden. And that was that. She finished unpacking and changed into a t-shirt and loose pajama pants and climbed into bed, instantly falling asleep.

"Jay man, I've been looking for you all day," Sean said loudly as he walked back into his room, the cordless phone to his ear. Upon noticing Ellie asleep he lowered his voice and turned his attention to the conversation, "did you get the speakers and subs or what?" he asked. Sean nodded as he heard Jay's voice on the other line, slurring in a light drunken stupor. He rolled his eyes, "man, as long as you show up tomorrow with the stuff I don't care," and with that final word he hung up the phone.

Sean walked out to the living room to find Tracker stumbling in the door. "Hey," Tracker said tiredly as he practically fell onto the couch. Sean furrowed his eyebrows as he watched his older brother stare at the ceiling exhaustedly.

"you okay?" Sean asked.

"yea just tired, overtime…" Tracker said softly, "so what's up, how's Red?" He asked, sitting up on the couch and kicking off his shoes.

Sean tried to find humor in the situation and rubbed the back of his neck, "um, actually she's sleeping…" and sat down on the couch, "unpacking must of tired her out."

Tracker looked over at Sean and mimicked his brother's eyebrow furrowing, "what do you mean, unpacking?"

"Well I kinda asked her to move in with us."

Tracker closed his eyes, and rubbed his temples. This was not something he needed right now, making ends meet for the both of them was tough enough, but to add a third party to the mix was just icing on the cake, "were you going to ask me, or just wait for me to notice some bra's and girls underwear in the laundry before you'd mention that important piece of information." Tracker groaned.

"Do you want her to go home? Her mom did something…enough to upset Ellie and…"

"I get it Sean, but it's not that simple."

"What's so difficult about it?" Sean asked.

"The fact that it's hard enough paying bills and making rent with just me and you," Tracker explained, "not that Ellie isn't already here all the time, but it's just more food, a few more gallons of water on the water bill and god knows what else…"

Sean watched his brother carefully, and easily noticed the change from casual hard-working Tracker, to the stressed out over-worked Tracker. It was not the brother he wanted to see, or rather the way he wanted to see his brother.

Sean sighed, "look, I just didn't think it was a big deal, and I didn't know you were going to have a problem with it."

Tracker looked over at Sean, and released a breath he'd been holding, "it's alright, we'll make it work." Tracker lifted himself off the couch and decided it best to collapse in his own bed and on the way there he was met, face to face, with Ellie who was standing in the doorframe of Sean's room. Her red hair disheveled, and her t-shirt barely reaching the hem of her shorts.

"I didn't mean to be a problem Tracker," she said simply, "I didn't know Sean hadn't told you."

Tracker smiled, "it's not your fault, Red, don't worry about it, we'll make it work," he said. "I don't want you going back and living there, with someone like that." He was of course referring to her mother, who made her feel uncomfortable, unsafe.

Ellie smiled, and wrapped her arms around a tired Tracker. "thank you," she said simply as she nuzzled her face into his chest.

Tracker almost broke down under the overwhelming feeling of family he felt at that moment. He felt like he had a little sister, someone more vulnerable than his brother to look after, and someone other than Sean and his grand mother that loved him unconditionally. "Get to bed Ellie," he said softly and gently rubbed her head before she pulled away from the embrace.

He watched as Ellie crawled back into Sean's bed, pulling the covers up to her neck, waiting for Sean to join her. Tracker smiled, they'd make this all work.

(**-X-**)

Ashley sat at a small table at the Natura Café, watching as Mark strummed his new guitar while sitting up on a stool, and in front of a microphone. His voice was rough and harsh as he sang out lyrics that rang metaphors through her thoughts. He was hurting, she'd read about it, post-operative depression. What's worse was she didn't know how to help him, anymore than she knew how to help herself. Ashley was disrupted from her thoughts when she felt a looming shadow fall upon her, she caught site of the outline of the shadow and knew who it was without needing to turn around, "hi Craig," she said blandly.

Craig tried to smile politely, but it was almost useless with someone who hated his guts. He pulled back the empty chair at the table and looked over at Ashley, "mind if I sit?" he asked. Ashley pressed her lips together and shrugged.

"whatever," she answered, "be my guest," and turned her attention back to Mark as he belted out a new song while sitting on the stool.

Craig looked up and noticed that the artist on stage was the same that he'd punched out of jealousy, and his eyes fell up on the guitar he was strumming. It was the same guitar Ashley had almost given him for Christmas, definitely a gift he didn't deserve. "So is that your grandfather's guitar?" he said looking over at her.

Ashley nodded, her eyes focused on Mark's fingers as the slid over the strings.

"I'm sorry," he said after a few moments of silence between them, as Ashley gave more attention to Mark than she did to him, not that he blamed her, he'd been downright disrespectful to both her and Manny over the holiday season.

Ashley looked over at him, "what do you want me to say Craig? That _I forgive you_?" she asked, "because I don't, and I don't think I will."

Craig sighed, "okay," he knew there was nothing else he could do. And he again, didn't blame her. No one deserves to be cheated on, and Ashley had been good to him, they had a lot in common, it wasn't anyone's fault that there wasn't much of a spark between them physically like there was with him and Manny. Craig looked up at the small stage, and watched Mark play, "he's good," he said.

"Mmhmm," Ashley said between pressed lips. Mark gave one last strum and looked down at his toes. Ashley and majority of the café's customers, including Craig, applauded as he looked up, smiled, and grabbing the neck of the guitar and sliding the guitar strap over his head he walked down, off stage to join Ashley. He pecked her gently on the cheek and looked over at Craig.

"You alright?" Mark asked looking back and forth between Ashley and Craig.

"yea," she said, "I'm fine." Craig looked at Ashley as she said that. Even he knew she was lying, she was a horrible liar, and he looked up to catch Mark's gaze at her, and could tell he knew she was lying as well.

"Great set, man," Craig said to Mark as he bent down to pull the guitar case out from under the small table and pack away the guitar.

"thanks," Mark said looking up, and then said nothing. He was completely unsure of what to say to the young man who punched him in the face, not a few months before."

"Um, I'm sorry about punching you that day at the Dot," Craig said, "I've really been a mess lately, and that was just the start of things."

"It's in the past,…Craig, right?" Mark said unsure of whom he was speaking to.

Craig nodded, "heard about your surgery, how's that going for ya?" he asked, trying to have a conversation. He felt Ashley kick him hard on the leg under the table.

Mark shrugged, "as well as can be expected I guess," he said, not wanting to talk about how depressed he'd obviously been, but music was really helping, and working for him. He turned to Ashley, "I'm gunna go grab a cup of coffee and maybe a croissant sandwich, you want anything, Ash?"

Ashley shook her head, "not hungry," she answered.

"You sure?" he asked looking at her worriedly, he'd known for a while that she hadn't been that hungry lately, her appetite completely diminishing as things got worse for him, not to mention she hadn't been sleeping, he could tell from the bags under her eyes.

Ashley shrugged, "smoothie?" she asked, hoping that would make him a bit less worried.

Mark smiled and kissed her gently, "anything for you Sweets," he said softly and walked off to the deli-esque counter.

Craig looked over to Ashley, "you sure you're alright."

"fine," she answered, watching Mark up at the counter, and then looking back at Craig, "what would it matter to?"

"Well, I still care about you Ash," he said.

She rolled her eyes, and stared at him angrily, "what's wrong with you Craig, are you trying to ruin this for me?" she asked, referring to her relationship with Mark.

"I didn't mean it like that Ash, I meant it in a sense that I want to be your friend."

Ashley sighed, "I'm fine Craig," she said smiling weakly, "not to worry your curly head about."

Craig smiled, as she softened up to him.

Mark came back to the table a few minutes later, a coffee, smoothie, and sandwich in hand. Ashley felt herself fall into her own little world as Craig and Mark began to chat and she sipped her smoothie through a straw, and after a few sips she was tired of it and set it down on the table. She pulled her knees up to her chest and sat there, blankly watching Craig and Mark talk about guitar strings and various musical artists. She felt completely useless, and that it was all out of her control.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys, sorry for a bit of a wait and a last minute fix. I somehow lost the last bit of the chapter, dunno how I managed that...that and I noticed some thing I missed, it's weird how you notice things more after you post...Anyways thanks for the support, especially from those of you who've been around since Numb, it means alot. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Reprise**

_Her lips are quivering  
Like a withering rose  
She's back again  
What the fuck do you think love means  
Its_ _much more than words and feelings  
Sucking me dry  
Is my marrow that sweet  
Your dead lovers have left a trail of  
broken_ _hearts and misspent hopes  
sucking_ _them dry  
does_ _their marrow taste of sweetness, sweetness?  
I hope you choke_  
**Atreyu **"Bleeding Mascara"

Emma stood at her locker, tracing fingertips over pictures of her and Sean. Pictures from when her and Sean slowly rekindled to a friendship, almost certain that helping him get Ellie home and with him would make him realize that they were meant to be together again. Things didn't work out quite as planned. Sean and Ellie were together, and Emma was left with photographs in her locker. She looked down the hall at caught sight of a trio, Sean with his arms wrapped around Ellie's waist from behind, swaying back and forth laughing and smiling as his chin rested on Ellie's shoulder as they laughed at whatever Jay was talking about.

Sean felt her gaze and looked down the hall to catch a glimpse of Emma turning away and shutting her locker, before walking off down the hall. As of lately he was noticing that Emma was acting slightly like a reverted form of herself; from the lingering touches and glances, to her persistent presence around him. Up until recently he'd blown it off, but only just now was it really making him think about the past and present. Her presence was almost more unbearable than it had been around the time that they'd broken up. In the beginning it'd been simple, holding hands, the occasional kissing, and that turned into dates planned by her, always doing what she wanted, when she didn't get her way Sean was left feeling like the enemy, like dealing with his drinking. His thoughts expanded in his head as he remembered being pressured into stopping, rather than supported into, as if he weren't given a choice in the matter. As he thought about Emma he quickly turned to catch Ellie's soft gaze and he remembered the moments when she'd support him rather than pressure, when she just enjoyed spending time with him and not planning; how she'd ask him what he'd want to do, how he'd hang out with her friends because he wanted to, and she'd do the same, and just how even moments when they'd do practically nothing it seemed like it meant the world just to be in each other's presence. Those were the moments he seemed to live for, the moments when he could just lay down his armor and be with someone, and enjoy the company.

He kissed Ellie on the check and walked off with Jay on the way to auto-shop. Sean and Jay were walking down the hall when he felt a soft hand grab his and pull him into an adjacent hallway. At first he thought it was Ellie and relaxed, closing his eyes as he was pushed up against the wall. "Hey," the person said softly.

Sean's eyes opened wide and pushed the person away, "Emma what are you doing?"

She furrowed her eyes, and backed away, "nothing?" she said pouting. Sean rolled his eyes.

"I'm gunna be late for class," he said pushing her aside gently.

She reached for him again and gently touched his shoulder, "…Sean."

He spun around to face her, "Em, what do you want?" he asked dejectedly, and not amused by her actions.

"I just wanted to talk…like we used to."

"Like we used to how, Em?" he asked, "because I'm not blind, and I'm not stupid." Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she struggled to find the meaning in his words. "Things are never going to go back to the way they were when we together, we're friends, don't ruin that." He pushed past her gently and walked quickly to catch up with Jay. Emma stood back in the darkened corner and of the hallway junction, and folded her arms.

Sean slowed as he caught sight of Jay waiting for him outside the room, "Nelson sure got aggressive," Jay observed as he leaned against the hall wall.

Sean rolled his eyes, "she's always been like that, just bad with timing and priorities."

Jay laughed, amused, "I installed the system this morning," he said as they walked into the garage.

"Yea, would have been nice for you to do it yesterday after school like we planned," Sean said tossing his bag into one of the cubbies. "Where were you yesterday man? I got stuck working with Amy."

Jay shrugged, "I needed some quality Jay time."

Sean rolled his eyes, and went to give the car a look over while he found Towerz waxing the finish. Sean looked back at Jay as he circled the car, "so what's with you and Alex man, you two are like avoiding each other like guys with Amy."

Jay laughed, "nothing, man, we're just…not on good terms right now."

Sean cocked his head to the side, "what do you mean? You two are never on good terms, but that's …that's you and Alex."

Jay dug his hands into his pockets, "look don't worry about it, some shit went down, that's it."

Sean opened his mouth to dig farther into the situation when Ehl rolled over in his wheel chair, a delighted look on his face. "Amazing work Sean, you picked a great team," he said impressed, "mind if we take it for a test run after school?"

(**-X-**)

"Emma, you're late" Coach Armstrong stated as Emma tried to slip into the classroom unnoticed. Emma blushed and took her seat and pulled out a notebook for the purpose of taking notes, but was distracted by Manny tugging on her hair to get her attention.

"Where were you?" Manny whispered into Emma's ear as Emma turned her head slightly to let her friend know that she was paying attention to her.

"in the hallway, talking to Sean," Emma said.

Manny rolled her eyes, "why?" she whispered, "are you trying to get hurt? Or hurt Sean and Ellie?"

"no offense Manny but you're really not one to talk, what about Ashley, or don't you remember you messing around with her boyfriend."

Manny glared, "don't you think you're being a bit hypocritical?"

Emma gloated, "how? pursuing someone in a relationship is nothing compared to being impregnated by them and aborting an unborn child."

Manny's face reddened and her hand went straight up into the air, waiting to be called on, and when Coach Armstrong finally noticed his distressed student she asked to be excused. Manny walked out into the hallway pacing a few long strides before leaning her back against a row of lockers and sliding to the floor, crying silently into her hands. It was during that breakdown that Manny wondered why Emma had so much control over her. Her mother told her once, after Craig basically told her she was too young, that no one should have that much control over her emotions to make her feel like she wasn't good enough.

"Manny?" Manny looked up and quickly wiped her eyes as Sean looked down to her. Sean's gently gaze appeared in front of her as he squatted down to her on the floor, "you alright?" he asked.

Manny sniffled, "I'm alright, just something stupid."

"Alright," he said sitting down next her.

"I mean, ugh Emma is so two-faced," she started confessing, "she just knows when to act like a friend and when to be a totally urgh." Manny started becoming frustrated, "I thought her and I were cool again, after…" she looked over at Sean, who'd already known the piece of information she was about to indulge him in knowing, "you already know don't you?" she asked.

"if you're talking about what I think you're talking about, then yea."

Manny flushed red with both shame and embarrassment, "everyone must know, I mean one minute I'm totally pregnant and blowing chunks the next I'm not." Tears started to well up in her eyes, "I'm totally…"

"Manny?"

"yea?"

"don't finish that sentence," he said, "you aren't what you think you are." Sean smiled, hoping that without insinuating what Manny had been thinking about when it came to the her thoughts about herself, he could some how make her feel better.

"Thanks Sean, but I'm sure the school would think otherwise." She wiped her eyes gently.

"Manny, not many people have to make the decision you had to make, and Emma has no right to make you feel horrible about it."

Manny smiled, "thank you."

Sean smiled, "for what?" he asked.

"For still being…you." Manny looked over to Sean who was blushing slightly, "I mean under that oh-so tacky bandana you're still tough but squishy-on-the-inside Sean."

Sean laughed, "and even less covered up, you're still sweet and cute Manny," he said standing up and offering his hands to Manny to help pull her to her feet.

"Seriously Sean, don't change too much, I mean we all grow up and stuff, but don't change how you care about people," she said pecking him on the cheek, "you're a great friend."

Sean's cheeks began to flush as Manny smiled at him before turning to go back to classroom, and he walked back down the hall. As Manny walked back to the classroom she caught sight of Emma glaring at her outside the door, having been sent by Coach Armstrong to retrieve Manny.

Manny raised an eyebrow, "what?" she asked the tall blonde.

"stupid slut." Emma muttered before walking into the classroom before Manny. Manny looked so taken aback that she didn't even walk back into the classroom and instead slowly walked down the hall to Ms. Sauve's office.

Manny walked meekishly into the guidance counselor's office and knocked lightly on the open door frame. Sonya looked up from her desk work to see the brunette looking into the office, an upset look washed across her face. "Manny?" she asked slowly rising to her feet, "are you alright?" Manny burst into a river of tears. Sonya walked over to the sob ridden girl and eased her into the office and to the couch against the far wall, closing the door to her office behind her.

"what happened Manny?" she asked softly.

"I'm a horrible slut."

"No Manny, you're not," Sonya said trying to console the crying girl.

"yes I am, everyone thinks so, all I did was have sex with someone I cared about, accidentally got pregnant and had an abortion, so I'm a slut."

Sonya sighed, "that doesn't make you a slut Manny. You're a beautiful girl, and in high school that often tends to be a good and bad thing."

Manny sobbed, "why does everyone hate me."

"Not everyone hates you Manny," she said trying to remind Manny of the friends she had, "what about Toby and JT, what about Emma?"

Manny sobbed harder, " I hate Emma."

Sonya sighed, "why do you hate Emma?"

The tiny girl tried her hardest to control her sobs and breathed in deeply. "Ever…"she took a moment to take another breathe. "Ever since I started dressing more…adult," Manny said trying to settle on a word that fit the description of her change in clothing styles. "All Emma's done has put me down, granted I guess I deserved some of it when it came to my decisions about Craig. I know that was a mistake, but she abandoned me until I needed her, I'm like her pet project…and lately she's the one making mistakes, yet I'm the one being told off for it, it's like she needs to control something and I happen to be it for the moment."

"No one has the right to control someone else's life," Sonya said.

"Mama said something similar to that once," Manny said smiling.

Sonya smiled, "she sounds like a smart woman."

"strong and smart, that's my Mama" Manny said proudly. "She's always stuck by me, even through the abortion, I love her for it."

Sonya checked her watch, "do you want to finish this after lunch Manny? Or another time?"

Manny smiled, "I think I'm alright for now, thank you."

"Any time Manny, and if you ever feel like talking I'm always here."

(**-X-**)

Ellie stumbled into the group center at blushing heavily as she interrupted the introduction of a new member to the support group. Gently brushing her red hair out of her face she looked to find an open seat and found that Callie had saved her one, next to her. Ellie slipped into the seat and looked up to apologize when she saw Craig's embarrassed face.

"Ellie meet…"

"Craig" Ellie answered, interrupting Rhonda as she tried to introduce her to someone she already knew. "Hi," Ellie said softly.

"So I guess you know each other outside of this circle?" Rhonda asked as the room was dusted in an awkward silence.

"From school," Craig answered, "I guess we're, kinda friends."

Ellie opened her mouth, but quickly closed it after realizing Craig's past relationship issues and whom he'd dated and impregnated was not her story to tell. Ellie sighed, looking at Craig.

"Well this seems…rather awkward," Callie said breaking the intense moment in the room.

"So…why are you here Craig?" Cody asked.

Craig looked around the room, hoping someone would nudge him into talking, he'd never met any of these people, apart from Ellie, and even then he wasn't that comfortable with revealing his problems with these people. Craig watched Ellie carefully until she opened her mouth and gently spoke, "what happens in group stays in group."

"Great reminder, Ellie" Rhonda mentioned, as she noticed Craig's anxiety.

"well I'm Kylie, Craig," the small girl, sporting a blue bandana today said, "I'm in remission." She said, hoping that by sharing her problems he would open up.

Craig smiled, "well, I guess I'm here for a lot of reasons…" he said trying to find the words to explain his situation, "my mother died of cancer after leaving me with my father, I guess she never expected him to hit me like he did her..." He swallowed hard and fought against watering eyes as he thought of Julia Jeremiah. "He was a great surgeon, just not a great Dad…I live with my step-father Joey, I tried to kill myself once, I guess I've tried it more than once in one way or another…" He looked around the room and found that everyone was listening intently to his words, and waiting for him to continue. " I cheated on probably one of the greatest girls in the world," he said looking at Ellie, "Ashley, with a girl named Manny, who is equally as beautiful but had more of a spark in her life…I got Manny pregnant." The room was still silent, and Ellie paid close attention to the situation he was speaking of, a situation that started a slow rolling tear to roll down his cheek, "she had an abortion…I guess I don't blame her, I think about it now and realize that it was selfish of me to ask her to keep it when it wasn't something that effected my body, my mind…just my soul. I was gunna name her Julia, after my Mom…that was if she was a girl." Craig quickly wiped his eyes, hoping no one had noticed.

Craig sighed heavily, unsure of whether to continue or not. "That's a pretty name," Kylie said innocently.

Craig smiled, "thanks," he took a moment to breathe, "I found out last week that I'm bipolar."

"That's a lot to take in," Rhonda commented, and noticed that all of the patients in the room were holding their hands in the _I_ _love you_ hand sign, a practice they'd started the week before, to show the person speaking that they were cared about.

Craig looked around the room, his cheeks flushed red, "thank you," he said softly.

Rhonda sat up straight, "alright, sum up how you're feeling today in one color."

Kylie spoke up first, "sunshine yellow!" she said brightly.

"purple," Devona answered.

"green," Lilah said sadly.

"white, like a blank canvas," Lizzie answered.

" gray" Jasper answered.

"peach," Cody said causing a chuckle to erupt in the room.

"black," Callie answered simply.

"brown," muttered Ellie.

"pink," Chris answered, receiving odd looks from around the room.

"um…macaroni and cheese," Craig answered, also receiving odd looks to which is smiled, "hey, Crayola said it's a color."

Rhonda smiled, "now I want you to explain why you feel each way."

"because it's been a good day, like a day of no school in the summer."

"I feel stressed, bruised, and broken."

"I've wanted to throw up every meal today."

"I feel creative."

"pretty apathetic today."

"peachy keen, peachy keen."

"I smoked two packs today, my lungs are totally a smoky black by now."

"I feel all down to earth today."

"pink's a nice color, I feel all fleshy, healthy, and pink."

"I'm just hungry," Craig answered, "can you tell?" Everyone around the room smiled, in turn making Craig feel a little more comfortable in his own shoes. He looked around and caught sight of Ellie looking at the other's in the room, a look of contentment and relaxation on her face, Sean was right, Ellie did enjoy going to group.

Craig waited outside the medical center for Ellie. She was talking to Rhonda, "she's always late," Callie said lighting up a cigarette as she stalked out of the building. Craig looked at her, confusion written on his face, "your friend, Ellie? She's always late."

"Oh," Craig said nodding.

"She's cool though," Callie answered as she took a long drag on her cigarette before offering it to Craig, who lightly shook his head, and she shrugged bringing the cancerous stick back to her ruby red lips.

"I knew she went to group, just didn't know it was this…group," he answered. Callie nodded and sat down on the concrete steps to wait with Craig. "You're not going home?" he asked.

"Me and El ride the bus together," she explained as she finished her cigarette and flicked it away.

"Cal? You out here?" he heard Ellie's voice shout as she stumbled out of the building. "Rhonda wanted to yell at me about being late again, I'm really running out of…" Ellie stopped mid sentence as she saw Craig sitting with Callie outside, "what are you still doing here?" she asked him.

"Waiting for you?" he asked.

Ellie furrowed her eyebrows, "why?" she asked walking past him as Callie got to her feet and followed the redhead to the bus stop.

"because I wanted to talk to you?" he asked, granted he and Ellie hadn't been that great of friends, but this sort of stubbornness he expected from Ashley, not from someone like Ellie. She ignored him, "Ellie…" he said trying to grab her attention, "the only reason I'm here is because of Sean."

Ellie stopped and spun around, "what does Sean have to do with this?"

"I respect him, and his opinion, he is one of my friends."

"when was the last time you hung out with Sean?" Ellie asked leaning against the bus stop sign.

"hung out?"

"yea, you know enjoyed each other's company in a totally hetero way of course."

Callie laughed to herself as she saw how Craig got under Ellie's skin. "I dunno," he said softly, "it's been a while, but it doesn't make Sean any less of my friend, Sean's important to me Ellie."

Ellie raised and eyebrow, "oh?" she asked, "and how is Sean important to you."

"Ellie, Sean's important to this entire community, your boyfriend saved my life, he is our school's unsung hero, I don't know anyone his life hasn't touched."

"way to get all deep on me Craig, but it doesn't really matter, we all have our own reasons for being here," she said nodding towards the building, "and incase you're wondering about the frigidness towards you…it all has to do with this bull shit and acting like we're friends, because incase you hadn't noticed, the only time we talked was when you were date—sorry cheating on Ashley."

Craig frowned, "you know just because I cheated on Ashley didn't mean I didn't care about her, or you, you may have thought you were _just around_ and the _friend of the the girlfriend_ but if I didn't think we were friends, or didn't have any respect for you at all why the hell would I have stepped foot at your welcome home party?"

Ellie clamped her mouth shut to think for a moment, "Craig…"

"No Ellie, this is stupid, you pretend and live this life where you don't realize who actually cares about you, and wants to be your friend. Newsflash Ellie, this isn't grade nine anymore, you're not the little rebel without a cause with a guitar slung over her shoulder."

Ellie smiled, "feels good doesn't it?" Craig looked at her confused, "to get it all out on the table...look, you may have thought of us as friends but where were you when I was in Lake View? You didn't come visit me, you didn't write to me, did you know that Jimmy wrote to me? Jimmy Brooks wrote to me, we've barely talked since I moved here, yet he took the time to drop me a line and encourage me to come back, Ashley wrote me, Marco wrote me, Sean, Alex…even Jay came to visit with Sean and Alex, but you, who hangs out with Jimmy, Marco, and claims to be friends with Sean didn't even bother to write me. Stop dancing around this Craig and get to know me before you think I'm being rude to you."

Craig opened his mouth, but said nothing, mostly because Ellie had called him on it. All those classes they spent together and rarely said a word. All those times they'd eat lunch together because of Ashley, this friendship he'd created in his head was only there because of school and his ex girlfriend. "I'm sorry," he said.

"yea, now are you riding the bus with me and Callie or are you waiting for someone?" she asked smiling before the bus rolled to a smooth stop.

Craig smiled, and followed the girls onto the bus, and to their usual back seat as the bus began pulling away from the curb. "So Callie, what do you do for fun?" he asked casually, having not spoken since his and Ellie's little spat turned mutual understanding.

"I'm studying photo journalism," she answered biting at her paint chipped nails, "oh!" she turned to Ellie, "I got a mini-job for you, do you want to help me write an article for this alternative magazine I'm doing a photo piece for?"

Ellie looked at her warily, "what's it about?" Ellie asked.

"I'm just covering a show at the Attic, and the editor last night says he wants a companion piece on the band," Callie explained.

Ellie nodded, "alright, when's the show?"

"this weekend,…you can make it right?"

Ellie shrugged, "I don't see why not."

Craig had been trying to butt in since Callie had mentioned her major in photo journalism, "so you take pictures?" he asked.

Callie laughed, "yea, it pays about a quarter of the bills."

Craig seemed impressed, "I haven't done a good shoot in a while."

Callie raised an eyebrow, "you like photography?"

Craig smirked, "I dabble."

Ellie laughed, "dabble? He's a prodigy, he used to photograph Ashley when she'd play her keyboard at open mic night, he's all into the artsy black and white scene." Ellie smiled as Craig started to blush.

"interesting," Callie said as the bus slowed to a stop, and rose to her feet, "remember El, this weekend, give me a call." Callie grabbed Ellie's hand and inked down her phone number with a ball point pen.

"She doesn't like me," Craig mentioned less than subtly as the bus began to roll forward.

"She doesn't like people…" Ellie said smiling, "it took us way too many group sessions to be this civil."

Craig snorted, "uh huh, you two look like best buds."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "what do you want Craig? She's the only female friend I really have apart from Ashley and Ver-…" she couldn't even bear to finish the name of her former roommate at Lake View. She suddenly got quiet and looked down at her scuffed combat boots.

"and who?" Craig implored.

"no one," Ellie answered, "don't worry about it." Craig saw the sadden look on her face as she struggled to not think about someone. "So Marco said he's gunna take Orion to the end of the year dance since Marco's going out of town for a volley-tournament."

Craig frowned as she changed the subject, "that's cool…" he paused, "…who's Orion?"

Ellie glared, "my friend from Lake View, he was at my party."

"uh huh…"

"well if you'd been farther than an arm's length from Manny, you would have met him." Ellie said smartly, immediately resulting in him glaring at her. She looked down at her watch, "ugh, this bus needs to hurry up, I gotta fix dinner for Tracker and Sean."

Craig looked at her, "what do you mean?"

"I'm staying with Sean and Tracker these days."

"What about your mom?" he asked, completely oblivious to how bad her mother's drinking had become since her father's most recent tour of the middle east.

"What about her?" she asked, watching the scenery pass by the window.

"Well, I mean…"

"she won't care…I say it'll take her about another week to realize I haven't come home," she answered without removing her gaze from the window.

Craig frowned, "alright," he answered, "well this is my stop, maybe I'll come by and hang out with you and Sean or something."

Ellie shrugged, "alright," she answered without turning to look at him as he got off the bus.

(**-X-**)

"Mm, what smells so good in here?" Tracker asked as he walked in through the door, loosening his tie and tossing his jacket on the couch.

"Dinner," Ellie called from the kitchen. Tracker smiled as he kicked off his shoes and walked into the kitchen to find Ellie trying her best to mix up something that they could all eat, "chicken, broccoli, and cheesy rice casserole," she answered as she pulled the casserole dish from the oven.

"Sean eats chicken?" Tracker asked.

"yea, no beef remember, he was mortified by slaughter of the pretty moo cows," she said trying to imitate a young Sean. Tracker chuckled, and grabbed a fork to test the dish.

"delicious Red, maybe you shoulda moved in sooner," he said smirking as he sat down at the kitchen table while she tossed him a soda from the fridge. He watched as she bustled around the kitchen, finishing up the works on a salad. "So where is my favorite brother?" Tracker asked.

"dunno, I had a group meeting after school and I think he's finishing up the expo car," she said as she shoved oven mitts into the pocket of an apron bearing the words, _kiss the cook_ on it. Tracker nodded, and almost at the mention of his name, Sean burst into the house.

"I'm done," Sean said excitedly, "the car's done." He walked into the kitchen and at first sight of his girlfriend he grabbed her around the waist and spun her around before dipping her as if they were doing a fantastical ballroom dance and kissed her happily. When she was finally brought up right she smiled, and saw stars.

"what was that for?" she asked innocently.

" the apron," he answered smirking. Ellie punched him lightly in the arm.

"So?" Tracker asked, "how's she run?" he continued, referring to the car.

"like a fully restored '57 Mustang." Sean answered.

"heaven," the Cameron boys said simultaneously.

Ellie smiled," well good, now eat or I'll beat you both up," she said setting the salad on the table and untying the apron and tossing it on the counter. Ellie turned to Sean, "so you convinced Craig to go to group sessions?"

Sean coughed, nearly choking on the fork full of food he head in his mouth. "Uh, yea? Why?" he asked wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"oh, just that he's in my group!" Ellie said in frustration.

"you're freaking out because Craig's in group with you," Sean laughed softly, "really Ellie it's not that big of a deal"

"Oh?" she asked, "how would you like it if someone you know showed up at one of your Alateen meetings?"

Sean glared, "fair enough."

"So how did it go otherwise?" Tracker asked interrupting.

"fine, Craig enjoyed it, should be good for him," Ellie answered, "it woulda been fine except Craig has this sick idea that we're friends."

"aren't you?"

"just because you dated Emma did that mean you hung out with JT and Toby."

"well I did once…"

"I mean for a reason other than Emma…"

"no…"

"the only reason Craig and I ever even spoke was because of Ashley, and she's not in the picture anymore so what makes us friends?"

"I dunno," Sean shrugged, "did you ever maybe think about actually just being his friend?"

Ellie shrugged this time and stirred the food around on her plate, "I dunno."

"He's not a bad guy El, in fact you'd prolly get along with him real well," Sean suggested in between bites. "Look El, you can not like him for what he did to Ash, understandable because she's practically one of your best friends," he tried to reason, "but he's a pretty decent guy and he's never done me any wrong, give him a chance at least."

"I'll try, I mean…he was pretty cool on the bus today riding back."

Sean snuffed, "so if you already thought he was pretty cool why are you whining about all this?"

"because I can, because you didn't tell me he'd be in **my** group."

Sean glared, " I didn't know…" he rolled his eyes.

"of course you didn't"

"well I didn't, besides the moment I told him you enjoyed it he settled on going, he respects you El,"

"yea, sure."

"Ricky, Lucy, you mind? I'm trying to eat." Tracker watched bemusedly from his seat, tapping the prongs of his fork against his lips curled into a smirk.

"ha-ha-Tracker, very funny," Ellie glared at her friend.

* * *

**A/N: I'm incredibly sorry for such a long wait. I got caught up with a lot of things, mostly trying to get bills paid and looking for a job worthy of my degree (something other than Toys R' Us, HA) Anyways, I tried to write out as much as I could without overloading the chapter, I have the next one outlines, I'm just out of inspiration so to speak for chapter 4, I know what I want to do, I just need the kick in the ass is all. The next chapter should either be up tomorrow before I go to work, or it'll be up sometime next week, I promise (and I mean it). **

** Anyways, thanks to those of you reading this, you shouldn't have had to wait. I apologize again. It's just really hard to sit down and write amidst writer's block and working all the time. Really, keep reading, and writing and whatever it is ya'll do on this site.  
**

**MJ  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Reprise**

_As the pain sweeps through,_

_Makes no sense for you. _

_Every thrill is gone. _

_Wasn't too much fun at all, _

_But I'll be there for you-ou-ou _

_As the world falls down. _

David Bowie "As the World Falls Down"

Alex tapped her fingers against the cold faux wood armrests in the women's free clinic's waiting room. Patience just wasn't one of her strongest characteristics. She brushed her dark hair out of her eyes and frowned as she looked down at the ground. This was not how she had intended on spending her day off from work, she wanted to be out, she wanted to be with her friends, she wanted to be with…she frowned more heavily as she realized she didn't want to finish that thought. What made the situation more embarrassing was that she had no other doctors to turn to besides the ones at the women's free clinic down town. Her mother's income, or lack there of, meant that doctor visits would be very pricey, and even though a baby was on the way, there was no way she could afford proper health care for herself and the child on a measly part time job making popcorn for movie patrons.

Her eyes drifted across the waiting room table and at the pregnancy and parenting magazines. She resisted the urge to pick one up and flip through it, and then even more so as a blonde and pink blur flew into the office and up to the counter, "Paige Michalchuk, I have an appointment." Paige rapped her manicured fingernails on the counter top and looked around the room, feeling completely out of place. The receptionist passed her a clipboard with paper work on it, a pen, and Paige looked around to find an open seat, which was unfortunately next to, "Alex?" Paige asked relieved.

Alex looked up, partially embarrassed, but mostly annoyed, "Paige," the raven haired girl responded, her voice dripping with feigned enthusiasm.

"Oh thank god, I thought I'd have to sit next to one of the mullet twins," she answered softly looking across the room at a mother a daughter with matching hair cuts. Alex tried her hardest not to laugh at the comment. "So what are you hear for?" Paige asked crossing her legs and quickly filling out the paperwork on the clip board.

"Nothing really," Alex answered.

"Oh, me neither, just trying out a new birth control, that patch was giving me chest pains." Alex pressed her lips tightly together, trying her best to avoid conversation with Degrassi's Pink Princess. "Recommend anything?"

"not the pill" Alex mumbled incoherently.

"what was that?"

"not really, nothing's completely a hundred percent ya know?" Alex said, knowing full well she'd lost the battle to avoid the conversation.

"B-R-B" Paige said as she finished the last line of the paper work and returned it to the receptionist. She brightened as she picked up one of the pregnancy magazines and began flipping through the pages as she sat back down next to Alex. "ugh," Paige groaned, "I can only hope I'd look this fab when I'm fattened up like a whale," she tilted the magazine to show Alex, who refused to look. "Alex, you're not looking," Paige said disappointed.

"really don't feel like looking at baby magazines Michalchuk," Alex answered.

"fair enough," Paige answered as she continued to thumb through the magazine, "it's not like anyone our age would want to be pregnant." Alex nodded, "ugh, could you believe Manny Santos got herself pregnant?"

"so?"

"well I mean, it's not that big of a deal I guess," she answered as she noticed Alex's lack of interest, "she got an abortion you know."

"didn't know that." Alex said tapping her nails again, hoping her name would be called soon.

"yea, totally good for her, she did not need to be having a baby that young, she'd totally ruin her figure, and gosh, could you imagine her trying to raise one, I don't know how anyone could do that so young."

"uh huh."

"Alex Nunẽz?" one of the nurses asked the waiting room, holding a manila folder in her hand.

"that's me," she said happily as she rushed away from Paige, who looked almost hurt.

The young nurse led Alex to an open room and they quickly got through the basics: height, weight, urine test, the common questions, all the fun stuff.

"Doctor Winslow will be right with you," the nurse said before she left Alex in a room and left the brunette alone to wait for the doctor. Alex looked around the room, pale white walls blinding her as she kicked her bare feet back and forth, gently letting her heels hit the cool metal of the examining table.

A knock came to the door and a gently voice called through the heavy wood, "can I come in?" they asked.

"Yea," Alex called out, and an older woman walked into the room, and gently closed the door behind her.

"I'm Dr. Winslow, so Ms Nunẽz, I understand that you're pregnant? About a month and a half along?" she asked. Alex nodded, "and you understand all the options provided for you? Abortion, adoption, raising the child?" she asked as she pulled a rolling stool up to the examining table. Alex nodded again, "so what are your plans?"

"keepin' it," Alex said.

"good for you," the doctor said looking over her charts, "I wish you the best."

Alex smiled meekly at the doctor's genuine wish, "so, I guess I should be coming in for some prenatal what nots?"

" something like that," the woman said smiling, "it's good to know you're taking this seriously," she answered honestly. "we can start you on a regimen of prenatal vitamins and plan for a couple of appointments, and a diet plan to help you gain some weight, and all the right foods to help you help the baby."

Alex nodded, "alright," she answered simply.

"A few quick questions, do you smoke?"

"once in a while, but it looks like I'm quitting for good, now." Alex answered

"good choice, drink?"

"again, something I guess I'll be giving up."

Dr. Winslow nodded, "good, good, drugs?"

Alex shook her head, but paused, "I guess some…pot every once in a while, but another thing I'm giving up I suppose," she answered.

"good answer," she said, "do you have insurance?"

"Alright, we'll work something out for you, let's go schedule a few appointments for you and fill out some prescriptions for those vitamins." Alex hopped off the examining table and followed the doctor out the door, and back towards the receptionists' counter. Alright so I want to see you back in here in two to three weeks, and here," Dr. Winslow quickly scribbled on the prescription pad and handed Alex several small sheets, "are the prenatal vitamins, and the diet information."

"Thank you," Alex said.

"No problem, and we'll do an ultra-sound about two weeks after your next appointment."

"alright," Alex said before turning to the receptionist to make another appointment, as Dr. Winslow walked away.

"Prenatal vitamins?" a voice asked.

Alex turned around and glared at Paige, "you didn't hear that."

"you're pregnant aren't you?"

"I said, you didn't hear that," Alex repeated more sternly.

"yes I did, and I also heard you attempting to threaten me," Paige said crossing her arms, "really Alex, your threats are pretty empty now that you can't throw punches for your little one's health."

Alex glared, "whatever Paige, just,…leave me alone."

Alex took her paper work and walked out of the clinic, Paige quickly following in toe, "Alex, wait up." Paige rushed as Alex quickened her pace, "oh come on Alex, would you just hold up a second?"

Alex stopped and glared, "what do you want Paige?" Paige opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Alex continuing to speak, "to know who the father is? Do you need more facts for the rumors you're bound to spread?"

Paige flushed, "I'm not that much of a gossip."

"Yea sure, why don't you tell that to Manny, I'm sure she'd appreciate you spreading the information about her abortion to people who don't care."

Paige glared, "oh come on, it's practically public information."

"tell the world Paige, really, it's not like no one will notice in a few weeks when I start blowing up like a balloon."

Paige sighed, "I won't tell anyone…" she said.

"sure," Alex said crossing her arms.

"I won't, gosh, I know how to keep a secret," Paige answered, referring to her rape, but of course only a handful knew about that, and Alex wasn't one of them.

Alex laughed, "yea, I bet."

"I was raped," Paige said blankly, hoping that information would convince Alex that she'd help rather than hinder her situation, "in grade nine, at a party, but this guy named Dean." Alex stood her ground, but her gaze softened. " I can keep a secret."

"So you've proven."

"Look, obviously we're not friends," Paige said, urging Alex to walk with her, " I can't help that I'm a bitch."

Alex scoffed, "Paige no offense, but you're barely a bitch compared to me."

"No, no Alex, you've got it wrong, we're two different types of bitches, you are the typical grade A, bitch, and me? I'm a popular bitch." Paige answered, "see the difference?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "what ever you say Paige."

"So, do you feel like shopping?" Paige asked, "I could so totally see you in some sexy maternity clothes." Alex stopped moving and looked at Paige as if she were nuts, "oh come on, it'll be fun, it'll be like playing dress up."

"I don't **_do_** dress up."

"Well today you will," Paige said linking arms with Alex and leading her to a bus stop to head to the mall.

(**-X-**)

Ellie and Sean walked towards the steps of DCS linking pinky fingers and swinging them lightly as they waited for their friends to show up for class. "So," Ellie began, "what do you want for dinner tonight?" she asked, as she sat on the wall outside the school, with Sean standing in front of her, his back to her, so she could straddle her legs around him and rest her chin on his shoulder.

"Hm," he thought, "how about…"

"some T-Bone steaks, cause Jay's coming to dinner," Jay interrupted.

Ellie glared, "as if I'd cook for **you**," she said rolling her eyes.

"I've been craving some grilled cheese," Sean said turning around to face her.

"grilled cheese?" Ellie and Jay asked at the same time, both raising eyebrows.

"Yea, a little grilled cheese, some tomato soup," Sean started watering at the mouth, "I think I'll cook tonight," he said.

Ellie furrowed her eyebrows, "you cook?" she asked.

"hey," Sean said feigning hurt, "who could mess up grilled cheese?" he smirked.

Jay raised his hand, "um dude, grilled cheese is a little too complicated, but I'm in, set me a plate…er…bowl? Er…save me a seat or whatever man." He said before turning to shake hands with Towerz who'd snuck up behind them during the conversation.

The bell rang, "has anyone see Lexxi?" Ellie asked. Jay paled and just walked into the school. "What is with him?" Ellie asked, and was responded to with a shrug from both Sean and Towerz. Ellie turned to look down both directions of the sidewalk as she hopped off the wall, to look for , "Lexxi!" Ellie called out, "where've you been I've barely seen you since the other day," she said as she walked up to the dark hair girl, who today, looked extremely annoyed with the world.

"don't want to talk today El, I just want to throw up and punch some_thing_," she answered, the thing being Jay, and the vomiting being morning sickness.

Ellie frowned, "alright, well if you're sick you could always go to the nurse, I'm sure she'll send you home."

Alex shook her head, "I'll suck it up," she answered taking a few Tums to settle her stomach, knowing that she'd need to get in as many school hours as she could before the baby got to be too much for her to handle in school, and before the rumors got to be too much. As tough as she was, battles rumors were never her specialty, unless she could cure them with a swift right hook to someone's jaw, and that just wasn't an option with a baby on the way.

Ellie walked with her friend into the school and the pair split ways as they went to their lockers, where she found Ashley waiting for her, a grumpy frown written across her face. "What is it this time Kerwin?" Ellie asked as she spun the combination lock.

"Craig," Ashley answered running her fingers through her hair, "he showed up the other night at open-mic.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "okay?"

"Okay? OKAY? That's all you're going to say?" Ashley overreacted.

Ellie turned and looked at her friend sternly, "seriously Ashley, it's been a couple of months, you're happy, Craig's moved on, and you are still hung up on the situation."

Ashley crossed her arms, "when did you change sides?"

Ellie slammed her locker shut, "I didn't change sides, I'm still Sweden." Ashley just glared at her supposed best friend. Ellie sighed, "look Ashley, Craig's sorry, he's told you how many times, and if you haven't noticed staying hung up on him isn't helping anything."

"did he talk to you?"

Ellie pursed her lips together and began to roll her head from side to side, "kinda,…he's in my group therapy …group."

Ashley's eyes widened, "what did he say to you?"

"More like said to the group, and I'm not sharing Ash, it's confidential stuff."

"Thanks El, way to be a good friend."

Ellie rolled her eyes. She was used to Ashley's theatrics by now, it wasn't anything to become alarmed about.

Craig gently tapped her on the shoulder, "hey…" and looked down the hall to see if Ashley was out of range, "she still mad at me?"

Ellie shrugged, "when is she not?"

Craig smiled, "I tried to apologize, she's just…"

"Stubborn?" Ellie suggested, "that's Ashley."

Craig chuckled for a moment, "yea, so are you still going to that show at the Attic?"

Ellie adjusted the shoulder strap of her bag, "yea, why wouldn't I?" she asked, "I mean, it's more to add to my resume."

Craig smiled, "you think Callie would mind if I tagged along?" he asked, "with my camera?"

Ellie smiled, "why Mr.Manning, do you have a crush on Callie?" she joked.

Craig turned stone faced pale, "no no no, I just want to take some photo's with her, besides," he added, "I'm dating Manny now, at least I think so."

"That's good," Ellie said, "it won't make Ash happy, but then again she never is."

Craig nodded, "yea, so do you think maybe Callie could get me a press pass or something, so I can take pictures and such?"

"I'll call her during lunch, see what I can do," Ellie said smirking. She noticed that he seemed happy to get back into the swing of things with his camera. It had been a long while since she'd seen him snapping photographs in the halls of Degrassi, or just carrying around his camera at all. Ever since he took up an interest in music with Ashley, it became his focus, and his camera gathered dust.

"Cool," he said, as he got excited.

"so, off to class we go?" she asked.

(**-X-**)

Manny was sitting alone in the library, sitting at an empty table reading a book. Normally she'd be sitting in a study hall with Emma giggling and passing notes. But at the moment, just the thought of Emma upset her. Emma hadn't changed a lot over the years, she'd always been a little controlling, and definitely always knew how to manipulate situations to get what she want, whether it was good for her or not. Manny flipped through the pages, barely focusing on reading the words on the pages.

"Hey," Sean said as he sat down at the table next to her.

Manny looked up and smiled, "hey." She gently closed the book. "So to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Nothing," he answered simply.

She furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, thinking, "hey, can I ask you something?"

Sean was confused, "yea?"

"about Craig."

"what about him?" Sean asked.

"well I mean, you talked to him didn't you? And you, like, know what's up with him?"

"that's not for me to discuss with you, that's for him to tell you."

"But I mean, he's alright…right?" she asked, "I mean, I don't need to be worried anymore?"

Sean sighed, "he's gunna be alright," he said, "at least that's what I think."

Manny smiled meekly, "good, he's been…a little,"

"off?" Sean answered for her.

"yea," she agreed, "I mean, sometimes he's totally all here, other times he's like over the moon, and then sometimes he's under the bridge…"she said abusing every metaphor she's ever heard about the human psyche.

Sean nodded, "he's gunna be alright…even better with everyone watching him out for him like this."

"I think…I think we're together now," she said smiling, "I'm not sure, I don't know how to be sure with him."

Sean smiled, "I think no matter what, don't stop caring about him."

Manny drummed lightly on the book with her thumbs, "it's hard when you don't know whether he'll lash out or sing about how much he loves you," she explained. She laughed to herself, "you know last year I used to daydream about Craig in Kwan's class," she blushed. "We'd be decked out in evening wear, ballroom dancing."

Sean laughed, "sounds like something in your head," he said.

"Speaking of dancing, are you going to the end of the year dance?" she asked, "I heard it's going to be _red carpet_ themed."

Sean frowned, "Ellie's dragging me along, she wants to do something semi normal," he explained. It was never like Ellie to dress up, though she wore skirts. She was never about making herself up, like she ever needed to. But I guess no matter what kind of girl you are, you sometimes want and need to feel special, or like a princess.

"awww," Manny squealed, "Sean it's going to be fun, I promise."

Sean laughed, "oh?"

"Come on, you get to spend the night lookin' handsome as ever, I bet, and I'm sure Ellie will look gorgeous, and just with your friends…er…well with your classmates anyway," Manny giggled.

"I think Jay's going…but solo," he rubbed the back of his neck, "dances just aren't my thing, I'm not sure they're Ellie's either, but I guess she wants to feel special or something."

"I don't care what any girl says, whether she's a complete tomboy or whatever, they always daydream about dressing up," she explained, "And you know Ellie, she'll want to make a statement, I bet she'll wear her boots or something."

Sean smiled as he envision Ellie in a beautiful dress, black of course, and then her oversized combat boots. "Yea," he answered, a daydreamy look on his face.

Manny smiled and looked up at the clock, "I'm gunna get walking to class, wanna come?" she asked. Sean nodded and offered a hand to Manny to help her up out of the chair.

(**-X-**)

'_She looks miserable_,' Jay thought as he watched Alex sit as far away from him, yet still with her friends. He hated this situation with every inch of himself. He's abandoned the only girl he's ever had an emotional attachment to because he didn't know how to own up to the situation. He often wondered during the past week how Alex could have been so stupid, and then corrected himself, Alex wasn't stupid, she'd done what should could to keep from getting pregnant.

He just wasn't the fatherly type. Most of the time he didn't think it'd be right for him to bring a child into the world. His parents were barely around, and when they were, they never had much to say. Which could be a good or bad thing; good because he wanted them to keep their noses out of his business, but bad because he wanted them to notice him, and at times he even wished to be grounded because he knew parents often grounded their kids because they noticed the wrong choices they made.

Often he did anything he could to grab their attention, and all they did was let him go without even a slap on a wrist, like they had more important things to attend to. He had abusive parents, not in the sense that they beat him or told him he was worthless, they just ignored him. They never told him he was a mistake, he knew it. This kid of his, would be another Hogart mistake.

He often wondered that _if_ he ever had a kid, if he'd just blow off his kid just like his parents blew off him. It was a terrible thought, but it was an honest one. He didn't want to bring another unwanted kid into the world. Babies, kids, they just weren't his thing, never have been, never will be.

He frowned as he watched Alex eat her food slowly. She wasn't enjoying this, why would she? He always knew Alex would make a great mother, because she wanted to be everything her mother wasn't: attentive, protective, sober, and stable. Alex was living proof you didn't need a father in your life to be alright. That was one of the many reasons Jay backed away, because he'd just mess up the little boy or girl, Alex would make sure they were a-okay.

Alex looked up to catch Jay watching her and glared, he'd really done it this time. He felt her icy stare move from him to a space next to him, where he finally noticed that Amy had occupied while he was thinking. Jay turned towards the blonde, "what are you doing here?" he groaned angrily.

Amy rolled her eyes, "eating lunch?"

"Can you do it somewhere else, you're kinda making me nauseous."

"Aw, usually I make you feel a little excited," she said rolling her eyes, as she bit into her sandwich.

"no, you don't make me excited," he said, "what you can do with your nasty tongue make me excited," he reasoned.

Amy smirked, "what can I say, I'm multi-talented," she said between bites, "I can nauseate and arouse."

Sean groaned as he sat down at the table, "Amy, could you chew with your mouth shut?" he asked. Amy just put a sour look on her face and stuck out her tongue. "Thanks," he muttered, completely disgusted. He looked around for Ellie, "has anyone seen El?" he asked.

"Vampy?" Jay asked, "nope, not yet." He looked around the cafeteria aimlessly, and cocked his head to the lunch line. "She's over there," he said nodding in her direction.

Ellie looked over, the feeling that she was being talked about ringing in her ears. She smiled, paid for her lunch and began walking over to the table, "hey," she said, "my ears are burning, were you guys talking about me?"

"only to talk about how terribly pale you're looking today, did you not drink enough blood last night?" Jay asked, smirking.

"no, didn't get around to biting any necks last night, sorry to disappoint, Jay," Ellie responded as Jay smirked.

Ellie sat between Sean and Alex, who distanced herself from the group.

(**-X-**)

Craig was sitting outside the cafeteria, cleaning the lens of his camera with a small sheet of lens paper when Manny sat down next to him. "That camera's a sight for sore eyes," she said, referring to the fact that she hadn't seen Craig snapping shots for a long time.

He looked up and smiled, "yea, I'm going to a show tonight with Ellie and this girl from group, Callie."

Manny's face flushed with jealousy, "oh? What kind of show?"

"Some punk show or something, I just wanted to get to know Callie better, and spend some time with Ellie, I guess I've been pretending to be her friend, and I want to actually be one this time around."

Manny smiled weakly, "so you like Callie or something?"

Craig looked at Manny, and raised an eyebrow, "no, she's a photographer, I wanted to get to know her better is all," he said, "besides, why would I crush on a girl I just met when I have someone like you?" he asked.

She blushed, "so…does that mean…?"

"yes," Craig answered, understanding the question just by the tone of her voice.

Manny squeaked in delight, and hugged him tightly. She pulled away, "so I've been talking to Sean a lot lately, I really want to know what's going on with you," she said, changing the tone of the conversation.

Craig looked down at his camera, "this probably isn't the best time for this kind of conversation," he said without looking at her.

"oh," she said, wondering when a good time would be. "Craig?"

"yea?" he asked looking up.

"I was just wondering who you were taking to the end of the year dance on Friday."

"well I thought I was taking you," he answered, "but if you want me to take someone else…" he smirked, and Manny smiled while she smacked him lightly in the arm. He smiled at her and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "pick you up at six?" he asked. She nodded sweetly.

(**-X-**)

"Ugh, you owe me for this El," Callie groaned as she gave both Craig and Ellie press passes.

"Yoink," Ellie said smirking as she took her press pass and walked into the tiny hole-in-the-wall venue called the Attic. She found a spot in the corner on a small ratty couch. She settled into the chair and she noticed Callie and Craig walking into the Attic. They were pointing at each other's choice of equipment and even from a distance a way she knew that Craig was fawning over the two camera's Callie had around her neck.

Ellie smiled and curled her feet up underneath her and pulled out a notebook and pen from her bag and began to doodle, waiting for the small one band show to start.

She wasn't even sure of the name of the band, nor did she even have a clue as to who was playing when the house lights dimmed and the stage lit up. From her small couch in the corner she could see four young men on stage. They barely looked old enough to be out of high school.

They began to play right away, and it took Ellie a good while to finally catch the lyrics spilling from the bassist's mouth, it was good that every other line after his was sung by one of the two guitarists. She noticed he was slightly tall, but not much more than her, thin, and well poised as she strummed and leaned into the mic to belt lyrics. The bassist however was scrawny and frail looking compared to the bassist who was nearly twice his size. Ellie caught sight of the drummer in the back and found him to be fairly interesting, short and stocky with a messy head of dark hair.

She tried her best to catch the lyrics, and stumbled up on some she really liked, impressed by the subtle, simple chords, and heart felt lyrics especially hearing: "we're the band that no one knows, we're Foul Mouth and we're not good and we don't care." She smiled at that because that was the moment she knew these kids played music for the sake of playing music.

As the first song came to a close she watched as the shorter guitarist breathed heavily into his mic, "we're Foul Mouth," he said, "we're not good, and we don't care." He smirked, and brushed his sweat drenched hair off of his brow, "hello Canada," he said simply and got a small roar from the crowd. "This next song is about our hometown," he said, "but it can pretty much extend to anyone's hometown music scene." He reached for an acoustic guitar, and played alone, "I"ll never forget the first time that I saw Oktober Skyline and walked out of the Sober Club with a black eye." He smiled as he strummed, "and I think I'll always remember going to see Cold Like December and wishing that their last show could last forever…" He watched as people began to come closer to the stage and " running on elbow grease and pure adrenaline" he sang as a second guitar chimed in for a few stanzas.

Ellie caught sight of Callie and Craig clicking away with their cameras, and Callie randomly switching between her digital SLR camera and Nikon Rebel. Even in the darkened venue she could tell Craig's eyes were lit up with excitement.

Each song seemed to get better and more passionate ranging from the most blunt and brutally honest lyrics about life, peer pressure, and the music industry, and it made Ellie smile. It'd been a good long time since she'd heard good punk music, like the rough down to earth kind they were playing tonight. When the last chord from the band strung out through the speakers Ellie jumped to her feet and with her press pass ready to bare she made her way back stage to try and catch a quick interview with any of the band, but preferably the guitarist/vocalist.

(**-X-**)

Callie skimmed through her pictures on her digital SLR camera, easily judging the good from the bad from the decent on the tiny little screen. "Anything good?" Craig asked as he capped the lens cap back on his lens and eased himself up onto a bar stool.

Callie shrugged, "a couple of great shots, a handful of good ones, and a few decent ones." She turned off the camera and popped a lens cap back on the end of her lens and looked up at Craig, "so'd you like the band?" she asked.

"Eh, they're alright, not really into straight punk."

"Yea you look like a little emo bitch."

Craig looked hurt, "I take offense to that."

"why? You whine a lot, so does Elliot Smith, and Bright Eyes, and Dashboard…"

"for someone who degrades emo, you sure know your stuff."

Callie shrugged, "nothing no one else knows," she muttered. " I thought they were great."

Craig, "why? They sounded horrible, rough, and I couldn't understand a word out of the bassists mouth."

"I suppose true punk is an acquired taste," she said simply. "Did you catch the lyrics on any of their songs, or did you just not pay enough attention to get a good ear in."

"Nah, I heard just fine," Craig answered, "they're just not going anywhere playing like that."

Callie laughed, "wow, you really didn't pay attention to their first song did you?" she asked, "they're Foul Mouth, they're not good, and they don't care." Craig stared blankly, "you don't get it? Wow stick to photography Craig because you're musically retarded."

"hey, I'll have you know I'm a damn good musician," he argued.

"never said you weren't, but you just don't get where music comes from," she answered, " that band that was just up on stage, they played from the heart, every gut wrenching, incoherent verse and chorus came from the heart, and they aren't into the making music their profession, it's their hobby, it's part of their life, but they obviously don't plan on making it their life's work."

Craig shrugged, "still don't like them too much."

Callie rolled her eyes, "like I said, punk is an acquired taste."

(**-X-**)

Ellie tapped her pen against the notebook as she slipped backstage and found the band wrapping up equipment. "PatPat!" a girl cried out as she stomped over to the drummer, wrapping a cable as she moved. "call your dad," she tossed a cell phone his way. She spun on her heels, "and Phil, make sure you call your parents either now or when we hit our next stop" she said to the tall guitarist.

Ellie watched bemusedly, and decided that this was the person she should talk to and walked up to her. The girl wasn't much taller than herself, in fact she was sure she was shorter, with a round face and bright blue eyes with dark, messily long hair. "Excuse me?" Ellie asked tapping the girl on the shoulder.

"Hi, can I help you?" the girl asked, tugging down the hem of her tank top.

"Actually yea," Ellie said and showed off her press pass, "I'm doing an accompanying piece on the band, my friend Callie was out in the audience taking pictures."

"oh yea, you working for Underground Network?" she asked.

"I guess that's what the 'zine's called," Ellie said laughing to herself, "I'm not exactly sure, I got asked to write the other day."

"Ah, well I'm Harvey, their tour Mom," she said smiling, "or tour manager what ever you want to call me," without even turning around she noticed the bassist sitting on one of the stacks, "Nate, get your sorry ass up and load that into the van." The bassist groaned and got up, it was obvious that he was not fond of her.

"Well let's see, looking for an interview?" she asked, "Sheriff?" she asked looking around.

"yea?" the vocalist and guitarist Ellie had been looking to do the interview with perked up.

"This is…I'm sorry I didn't quite catch your name."

Ellie stuck out her hand, "Ellie," she said shaking the boy's hand.

"Dave, Sampson," he answered.

"She wants an interview."

With that statement from Harvey, the tour mom walked off to drag Nate out to the van with some of the equipment, leaving Ellie with Dave. "So," Ellie said, clicking the retractable pen. "how long have you guys been playing music together?"

"not long actually, well I mean we've known each other for a while, Nate, Phil, and I are in our high school's marching band, and Pat's in the same grade as Phil and I, Nate's a grade lower."

Ellie nodded, "who writes your songs?"

"Um, well I do a lot of writing, but the guys really chip in, Nate does too a lot, it's pretty much a band thing."

"So I noticed in a lot of your songs you brutally attack newer bands, basically saying that they're all the same, what do you think makes you different?"

He smiled, "well I think what makes us different is our sound and our bluntness," he said. "We're pretty much what you can call a punk band, we draw inspiration from a lot of the _old school_ punk rock bands, like the Sex Pistols and the Ramones, just to name a few you may have heard of, and really try to capture that same rough sound that the Velvet Undeground, and Anti-Flag and all our older favorite bands really had. We all listen to different types of music, and we try to share our love a music in a fun way."

"So the song that caught my attention the most was the one where you said you: _We're Foul Mouth, we're not good, and we don't care._ I really gathered from that, that you guys really seem to care more about playing than any money or fame you could get from playing the music."

Dave nodded, "yea, I mean, I love playing, I've always loved playing music, I never planned on playing to get famous, it's what I like to do, not something I plan on making money off of as a serious profession."

"Tell me about the song…" Ellie racked her brain for the song she was thinking of, "Adrenaline?" she asked, hoping she got the title of the song right.

"Ah, yes, you see where we're from, we didn't have many venues that held shows, we have Croc Rock which is mostly for bigger bands, our local venues were Kate's Kafe, the Globe, and the one right in town was called the Sober Club."

"the venue mentioned in the song?"

"Yea, you see in my town we have had several bands that made a big name for themselves around the area, some being Oktober Skyline and Cold Like December, both of which have since disbanded, and we're left with these newer bands, like ourselves that have to follow in the footsteps of these types of bands that were practically heroes, it was a song about how hard we work, hoping that we could even fill just a quarter of their shoes."

"do you think you guys will make it big?"

"um" Dave smiled and scratched his head, "I honestly don't know," he laughed, "and if we did, I don't know if I'd enjoy making music anymore."

"Thanks for the interview Dave," Ellie said as she looked over her messy shorthand. "You guys were really awesome tonight," she said. Dave turned to pack up his guitar when Ellie quickly asked him, "can I ask you something?...off the record."

Dave laughed, scratching his head nervously, "uh, yea sure."

"Why does she," and nodded in the direction of Harvey, "call you Sheriff?"

He laughed, "oh that…ha!...she nicknamed me sheriff because of this badge I wore on my hoodie during a band trip."

Ellie smiled, "interesting."

(**-X-**)

"So what made you drop photography?" Callie asked stirring her cocktail with a stirring straw as she and Craig sat at the bar.

"Didn't really drop it, the camera just started to grab a little dust."

"Let me ask you this Craig, which do you enjoy more, playing your guitar or photography?"

Craig thought for a moment as he took a sip of his bottled water, "I guess I like both?"

Callie smirked, "I guess you can do that…" she paused, taking a sip from the glass, "but which one gives you a high?"

Craig closed his eyes for a moment as he thought about which gave him more of a buzz, every time he ever strummed a guitar, and a chord emerged. He thought about every time he made the shutter open and close in a fraction of a second and how it took his breath away. And how he could play notes over and over, but how he could take a picture and capture a split second in time. How he could write music, and sing his heart out but how a photograph and an epitaph were the only thing left of his mother besides her genes shared between him and his half sister.

"photography," he sighed.

"took you that long?" she asked smiling, tapping her glass with a manicured black fingernail.

"what do you mean?" he asked.

"I knew it the moment you drooled over my camera," she said between sips, "besides a true musician can find a beautiful melody in grunge metal that resembles even Tchaikovsky's _Sleeping Beauty_." Craig opened his mouth, but she continued to speak. "A true musician and lover a music doesn't have to like all music but respects it, understands it…and you're eyes don't light up when you talk about music, they light up when you're taking pictures."

Craig smirked, "you know," he said holding his water bottle and point at her, "you're very observant."

"most photographers are, it's in the eyes," she said before she set the glass down on the bar and left a couple of dollars next to it.

"why is it I'm not seeing what you're seeing then?" he asked.

"lack of practice," she answered slipping off the barstool. "I need a cigarette," she said walking towards the exit. Craig followed her across the nearly empty venue, and out the door where he found her promptly lighting up a cigarette under the alcove of the Attic. She took a long drag and sighed as she leaned against the building.

"that's bad for you, you know," Craig expressed crossing his arms and leaning on the building next to her.

"so I've been told," she said, "so bipolar huh?" she asked, reflecting on their group session earlier that week.

Craig paled a little, "yea."

"lucky," she answered in between drags.

Craig narrowed his eyes, "how so?"

"well look at it this way," she began to explain, "unlike me and Ellie you actually have something to blame your problems on, you've got a chemical imbalance."

Craig snorted, "I guess."

"So how does it feel?" she asked, "to be here talking to me when you know you want to be somewhere else."

Craig shrugged, "how do you know I wanna be somewhere else?" peering over at her from under his mop of brown hair.

"do you remember earlier about how you called me observant?" she asked, Craig nodded stupidly, "which girl is it?"

Craig raised an eyebrow but then relaxed, "Manny."

"abortion girl?"

Craig immediately became offended, "hey,"

"oh sorry, you were attatched to the fetus weren't you?"

Craig glared, "you're definitely crossing the line here Callie."

"I'm always crossing the line, you should have been here during Ellie's first day in group."

Craig wasn't happy, "I..er…" he had nothing to say.

"Tongue-tied Manning?" she asked, dragging another puff from her cigarette, " honestly Craig, you gotta learn when to take a punch and when to swing back." She sighed, and flicked her cigarette onto the ground and put it out with her foot. "Look, I'm not completely insensitive, I was fourteen once, just like…what's her name? Manny?"

"yea, Manny."

"I did a lot of stupid things, I slept around, I drank, I acted out, I cut, I hated myself," she explained. "I had an abortion when I was fifteen, it's honestly one of those decisions that no one will understand unless they're in that position."

Craig wasn't phased, "it doesn't give you the right to mock the situation."

"I'm not mocking anyone, I'm just being direct and rude about it." Callie played with the charm of the letter 'T' on her necklace, "I bought this the day of the procedure. This is the child I wouldn't allow to be born. I had plenty of options laid out before me, I chose the one that was best for me and the baby. I wouldn't allow her to be brought into the world where her mother couldn't provide for her, her father didn't know her or want to know her, and where she could possibly end up in the foster care system being passed around until she was old enough to fend for herself."

"What's the T stand for?" he asked.

"Tessara," she said, "if it was going to be a boy it he would have been name Tyler."

"do you regret it?"

"no" she answered simply, which resulted in a confused look from Craig, "am I supposed to?"

"what about the father?"

"you mean the guy who only kept me around for sex?" Callie asked, "oh no, he didn't regret it either." Callie sighed before looking Craig straight in the eyes, "I'm not saying it's a good choice for everyone. I know now that I wouldn't do it if I were caught in a situation like that now, but I know I made the right decision then, for me. I had a hard enough time keeping my self alive, I didn't have the mental strength to do it for two."

"Do you ever think, _what if_?" he asked.

"Not really," she answered, "I leave the past in the past."

"Do you think Manny regrets it?"

"I don't know, I'm not Manny, maybe you should ask her," Callie said. "All I know is that she had an important decision to make. But it was hers to make, it was her body, you were not the one who had a group of cells that would eventually develop into a fetus growing inside you, you may have contributed it but you'll never know what it's like for her."

Craig nodded understandingly, "do you think El's still inside?" he asked.

"Probably," Callie shrugged, "why?" she asked.

"she and I came together," Craig explained, as he opened the door to the Attic and went to walk back inside to grab his friend.

"Alright," Callie said, "tell her I'll call her when I need the article." Callie raised her hand and gave a slight wave goodbye before walking down the street and Craig walked back into the venue before giving a slight nod.

"El?" Craig called out, and watched as the redhead popped out from backstage. He watched as she bounced up to him excitedly in her plaid skirt and fishnet stockings.

"wasn't that a great show?" she asked grinning from ear to ear.

"I guess," he said trying not to laugh as she appeared bubbly, "good interview I take it."

"those guys were **amazing**," Ellie dropped her notebook into her bag and bumped hips with Craig, who didn't seem amused by the show. "You didn't like it?" she pouted.

"they were alright," Craig shrugged, "not my cup of tea I suppose."

"did you get any good shots?" she asked.

"I hope, I won't know until I develop them."

Ellie smiled, "do you think I could convince Liberty to give me a column in the Grapevine every week, talking about musical artists or upcoming shows?"

Craig smiled, "usually you're documenting everything on your camera," he said.

"well I mean journalism is more than just live news and documentaries," she explained, "I'm just expanding my expertise," she said blushing. Craig laughed. "Let's go Mr. Manning, Sean's probably waiting up for me."

(**-X-**)

"I can't believe that hag messed up my hair," Paige complained as she stalked into her her room, Hazel following behind her carrying both hers and Paige's dresses in dress bags.

"Paige you look fine, what's wrong with it?" she asked, as she hung the dresses in the closet.

Paige turned around and pointed to the mess of curls scrappily twisted into an up-do. "Look at this," she ordered, "it's a mess, how hard is it to get a lose French twist?" she complained. She turned to her vanity mirror, "Seriously Hazel, my night is ruined," as she looked at Hazel's reflection in the mirror.

Hazel frowned, "seriously Paige, you look great."

"Thanks Hazel, but I'd appreciate it if you'd stop lying." Paige reached up to her hair and began trying to fix her hair. "I'm gunna try and fix my hair, you can change if you want," Paige offered.

Hazel pulled her dress from the closet and zipped open the dress bag it'd been hanging in and laid the dress on the table. She pulled her top up over her head and pulled the dress up to her neck as it hung from the hanger, "do you think Jimmy will like it?" she asked. As she tried to look in the mirror that was blocked by Paige's blonde mess of curls, Paige turned around to look at her dress.

"I still can't believe you chose that dress," Paige mentioned.

Hazel frowned, "well I happen to like it, I think Jimmy will too," she said gently tossing the dress on the bed before pulling off her pants and pulling on the dress over her head. She smoothed out golden fabric of the beautiful dress she had, and adjusted the sweetheart neckline along her cleavage and tried to get a look in the mirror. "I think I'm gunna leave my hair down and straight," she said aloud to herself.

Paige frowned in the mirror, "at least you went for the silk chiffon," she lined her eyes with a brown liner. "Could you grab my dress for me," she asked.

Hazel rolled her eyes, "you do realize you have legs," she mentioned as she finally got a chance to check her reflection as Paige moaned and groaned to her feet. "seriously Paige, are you like PMSing or something?" Hazel was not amused by negative landslide her friend was abusing everyone around her with.

Paige rolled her eyes, "fine, yes," and lowered her voice, "I'm on my period." She groaned was it bad enough that she was going to look like a bloated whale in her dress, and that her hair was a mess, and she was Miss PMS? Only one thing could make this night worse, and she hoped that Spinner wasn't stupid enough to make that one mistake. "God forbid I act like a complete bitch when my vagina is bleeding, I've got the worst cramps imaginable, and I'm bloated larger than a hump back, please forgive me if I'm not acting like a perfect angel."

"well at least I know why you're being a bitch," Hazel said and dug through her purse and tossed her friend a bottle of Midol. "This one should help with the bloating and your cramps,…seriously Paige, I'd like to have a good night with my friends tonight."

"Haze…you're so sweet," she said taking the recommended dose of pills, and changing out of her clothes and squeezing into her pink, satin, halter dress. She spun slightly and smiled, stopping to pose, "so?"

"beautiful as always Paige," Hazel answered smiling.

"So I can imagine the boys will be waiting downstairs," Paige said as she checked herself in the mirror and reached for her matching pink stiletto heels.

"I can just see Jimmy lookin' good in his dress pants and the golden dress shirt I picked out for him." Hazel mentioned as she slipped on her comfortable Indian inspired flats.

"only the dress shirt and slacks?" Paige asked, "I have Spinner decked out in a tux." She said as she and Hazel began to walk down the hall and down the stairs to meet their dates in the living room.

"Are you sure he knows that?" Hazel asked as she caught sight of Spinner in a simple slacks and dress shirt with a nice neck tie combination, with a sport jacket hung over his shoulder. She looked over at Paige who looked about ready to explode, and saw her lips moving, almost saying: 'stay calm' in silence, as if muttering a mantra.

Spinner looked up the stairs, "Honeybee, you look…wow."

Jimmy was awestruck as Hazel climbed down the stairs, and was fidgeting with the corsage in his hand that was a series of beautiful purple orchids. Hazel joined Jimmy who gently slide the corsage onto her wrist and watched as Paige was turning purple to keep from exploding.

"I thought you were wearing the tux we picked out," Paige said between clenched teeth.

"well I tried, but I didn't have enough money," he tried to explain, "besides who cares what I look like, you look amazing," he complimented and pulled out the corsage he'd picked out, that was a beautiful single pink orchid.

"I thought I asked you to get me a carnation corsage," Paige said trying not to freak out.

"I know but, I thought this one would look better," Spinner tried to explain as Paige visually began to let him know he'd done wrong. She had this disappointed yet angry look she consistently gave him when ever seemed to do anything wrong.

Paige sighed heavily, "whatever, we'll just look ridiculous, me having an orchid corsage and you, having a stupid carnation," she said, emphasizing the fact that he'd stupidly forgotten the carnations, and that her request for carnations had been stupid.

"I'm sorry," he said again, trying to slide the corsage onto her wrist, but found it to be a struggle as she hung her write limply, obviously not amused by the situation.

Hazel frowned as she watched her friend treat her boyfriend so horrible, she turned to Jimmy, who'd pulled on his sport jacket and allowed Hazel to pin on the purple orchid boutonniere, while Paige angrily pinned on the carnation one she'd bought for Spinner.

"Ow!" Spinner cried out as Paige nearly stabbed him in the chest with the pin.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

(**-X-**)

"So," Ellie said nervously twirling her hair, "do I look okay?" she asked Marco as she paced hers and Sean's room. She was obviously nervous, dances and dressing up were never her thing, but it didn't stop her from wanting to spend the night with some of her greatest friends. She spun around in her dress, and combat boots, that she just couldn't part with, even for the dance. Keeping the boots was…

"it's so you," Marco answered as he straightened his tie, and then turned to look at her.

"you look, so handsome," she said trying to fix his tie for him.

Marco smiled, "you're shaking," he mentioned as he finally noticed how nervous she really was.

"I'm fine," she answered, "I'm just, this sort of thing isn't me."

"But you're a beautiful girl Ellie, you deserve a night to show it off," Marco said smiling as a knock came to the door to the bed room.

"El?" Sean's voice leaked through the door, "Orion's here," he mentioned.

Ellie gave herself one more check in the mirror and walked out to join Sean in the living room with Marco right behind her.

Sean, who'd been chatting with Tracker and Orion, turned around stared as Ellie walked nervously into the room. "You look…so…" He couldn't even finish his sentence.

"You look great Red," Tracker finished for him. Ellie blushed and walked over to gently hug Orion who was decked out in a green, plaid kilt and white dress shirt. His mop of blonde hair was mildly tamed as his glasses rested crookedly on his face. Orion smiled, and even brighter as Marco walked into the room. The handsome was dressed handsomely in a beautiful, yet simple suit, and like anything else Marco wore, he worked even simplicity into something outrageous.

Ellie smiled as Sean, dressed in a clean and pressed dress shirt, and a pair of Tracker's slack's. He quickly grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close, whispering in her ear, "I have something for you." Ellie smiled into his hair as she felt his hands rush past her hair and neck and something settled, hanging from her neck. Sean pulled back and Ellie clasped the heavy charm that rested on her chest. It was a cherry red heart that was caged in wire, hanging from a chocker-length chain, and near the heart was tiny lock charm, and near the clasp dangled a small key charm. Ellie was speechless.

Sean smiled, "I know that a corsage is all traditional and what not, but I saw this in a small shop, couldn't pass it up."

Ellie threw her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the lips.

She broke away blushing, and Marco suggested that they head on over to the Kerwin-Isaac's house to meet up with Ashley and Mark before they head over to the dance.

(-**X-**)

Ashley rushed around her room, her dress swishing with every step, "what am I doing?" she asked herself as she checked her reflection in the mirror. She checked her hair and make up in the mirror. Her hair was curled into gently waves, and had red highlights proudly shining through as she fluffed it lightly as she looked in the mirror. She took a step back to check her dress in the mirror, a strapless bodice endured with beading and sequin appliqués. The dress over all was a beautiful golden-brown, with the black appliqués. It beautiful complimented her figure as t he skirt hugged her hips and hung in silk.

Kate Kerwin entered her daughter's room and smiled at her daughter fidgeting over how she looked, "you look great," Kate assured her. "Mark is down stairs, Ellie and everyone else should be here soon."

"You really think I look alright?" Ashley asked.

"better than alright," Mark said from the doorway, "you were taking way to long sweets, shouldn't make a guy wait like that." He leaned against the door frame in a black suit smiling dangerously. Kate smiled and left the two alone in the room, and Mark quickly strode in and spun her around gently, "lookin' good." Ashley smiled and gently pecked him on the cheek. And stepped back to let Mark slip a black rose corsage on her wrist, he'd opted to not go with a boutonniere.

"Are Ellie and Sean down stairs?" she asked.

Mark nodded, "and Marco? And Ellie's friend Ryan?"

"Orion," Ashley corrected, "well let's go," Ashley suggested.

"Few more minutes," Mark begged as he wrapped his arms around Ashley's waist, and gently nibbled her ear. Ashley moaned gently as he pulled her closer, and dipped his head to kiss her gently on the lips. She gently pushed him away smiling.

"if you keep that up," she said, "we'll never make it to the dance,"

"that's the plan" he said smiling.

"But there are people waiting for us," she pressed, and frowned as Mark sighed. She was ready, but only in the sense that she was ready for the dance. Mark and her had come close on several occasions, but physical intimacy was hard to come by. She didn't want or need a repeat of her relationship with Craig. Half of her wanted to keep waiting, the other to just go through with it so she wouldn't lose him like she'd done Craig. She shook the thoughts from her head and took Mark's hand and joined her friends waiting for her in the living room.

(**-X-**)

Alex sat alone in her apartment, her mother was out with boyfriend of the month, and here she was sitting alone on her couch, in a pair of worn pajama pants and a tank top. She decided to top off her evening with a quart of chocolate ice cream. She knew where everyone else would be, at the end of the year dance. Then a few weeks after that everyone would be flustered over finals before summer fever hit. The only thoughts she could even think about at the moment were thoughts of how to raise her child alone, amidst math and history courses.

She flipped through the channels oblivious to the fact that Jay was standing outside her door, pondering about whether or not to knock. He was dressed up in true Jay-fashion, a pair of loose slacks and a dress shirt, his sleeves rolled up and looking like a business man who'd just rolled out of bed. He fumbled with a flower corsage that he'd bought her, hoping he could convince her to go out with him to the dance, hopefully to cheer her up. After a long thought provoking pause and gave up and dropped the flower corsage on the ground, "fuck it," he muttered and left her apartment building and walked towards the school.

(**-X-**)

Manny waited nervously at the Manning residence sitting next to Angela in a simple black strapless dress. Angela played delicately with Manny's simply curled hair. "Will you make my hair look like this Manny?' she asked.

Manny smiled, "sure thing, but not tonight."

"But why?" Angela whined.

"Because Angie-pants, she's going out with me tonight," Craig said as he walked into the room. Craig walked over to his half sister and pecked her lightly on the forehead and turned to Manny and took her hands gently and raised her to her feet. He smiled at her and motioned for her to spin. "You look, beautiful," he said leaning down to peck her on the lips and slipped on the skate-charm bracelet she'd left behind back in December. She smiled as she felt the weight of the charm on her wrist.

"you ready?" she asked.

"never been more ready," he verified, and offered her an arm, leading her out of the house.

(**-X-**)

"I can't believe I couldn't get a date," Emma whined as she walked to the dance with JT and Toby on either side of her. Her short, green dress with a sweetheart neck and empire waist showed off her long beautiful legs, and JT and Toby couldn't help but stare.

"no you've got two dates," Toby reminded her, smiling as he found her as beautiful as the day he first laid eyes on her.

Emma rolled her eyes, "you two dimwits do not count as dates, you're my friends."

JT stumbled back, "that hurts Em," he said frowning.

"fine," she said holding out her arms for the boys to grab, "I've got two dates."

Amy rolled her eyes she followed several lengths behind the trio, sipping from her flask as she strode down the sidewalk in her red stiletto heels and cheetah print dress that rested just below her knee. She'd seen it in the store, and couldn't help it, she needed to wear that dress.

Her blonde hair was left down and had a sexy, bed head feel to it. She took another sip from her flask. There was no way she'd go to this dance sober. Sometimes she wondered why she was going and then she remembered that Sean would be there. She wouldn't give up a chance to see him, even if Ellie was around…

* * *

**A/N: SORRY** about the long wait. I really didn't intend for this chapter to take so long, but about a day after posting the last chapter I got incredibly sick (only with a cold, but cold's really do a number on me, and I feel worse with a cold than I do with the flu) and still had to work. And was going to have this posted yesterday but my job called and really needed me to come in on Saturday. I've just been trying to deal with a hectic schedule and trying to live pay check to pay check until I can work on getting some student loans done so I can go back to school because I'm a nerd and I miss it. I'm just not ready to be graduated from college yet. Anyways if anyone is interested in seeing the dresses and Ellie's necklace I'll have a link to a photobucket album available in my profile. **happy readings**.

MJ


	5. Chapter 5

**Reprise**

_Let's dance_

_Put on your red shoes and dance the blues_

_Let's dance_

_Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight_

David Bowie "Let's Dance"

Jay stood idly by the punch bowl, his eyes carefully watching the position of each chaperone before he turned to the punch, smirking while spiking the beverage. He figured if he was going to be there, he'd at least make it a little fun. He spotted a girl across the room, standing alone looking idly from side to side, her arms crossed across her chest, as she tapped her foot in her short green dress. He grabbed two cups of punch, and made his way across the dance floor to the girl who stood alone, and was surprised to find it was Emma Nelson. He offered her the punch.

"Do you mind?" she asked, "I'm trying to have a good evening and your presence is already putting a damper on it."

Jay smirked, "someone's having a bad day," he said offering her the punch again. She took the plastic cup and glared at him. "So what is it Green Peace? Got the Seanny blues?" he asked.

Emma glared at him again, "charming Jayson." She looked into the cup and figuring that he probably spiked the punch and wouldn't drink.

"That's me, Prince Charming."

Emma rolled her eyes, "excuse me," she said walking off, with no intention of returning. Jay just shrugged and drank the punch, watching in the direction Emma had been focused on during their minimal conversation. There he found Ellie with Sean, dancing slowly to the music, the redhead's arms gently draped around his friend's neck. Sean gently ran his fingers down her back and Jay couldn't help but laugh as Sean gently squeezed her rear and Ellie squealed before she laughed, slapping him playfully on the arm and pecking him lightly on the lips. Jay took a sip from his cup, "someone's getting laid," he muttered to himself.

"Hullo Jay," a female voice drawled.

Jay turned to find Amy slurring her words as she sauntered up to him, casually drunk on liquor from her flask and the atmosphere around her. Jay began walking over to the punch bowl again to refresh his cup with Amy stumbling in her stiletto heels behind him. "Please tell me you punched the spike," Amy drawled drunkenly.

"Yes Amy I punched the spike," he said rolling his eyes, "you're so drunk."

"And you're so hot when you're all dressed up," she said gently running her fingers up and down his silk tie. "Why are you here?" she asked stepping back and staring at him as he handed her a cup of the punch.

"Trying to pick up chicks, " he said drinking, "all of whom," surprising himself with proper grammar, "you're scaring away."

Amy's lips snarled up and she rolled her eyes, "like anyone would want you," she said before giggling and bringing a finger to her lips as if to say, _I have a secret_. Jay returned her response with a confused look, but casually continued to drink his spiked punch.

"Some do," he muttered, looking up and down her legs. He had to admit that the dress Amy had chosen fit her personality perfectly. The cheetah print was so tacky he couldn't help but chuckle, yet so alluring that he found her legs endless and sexy. Then again it could have been the punch speaking.

Amy smirked, "what do you say?" she asked nodding towards the locker room doors in the gymnasium. "Once more for old time's sake?" she asked, grinning at the thought of bumping and grinding against Jay.

Jay grinned as he swallowed the last of his punch and tossed the empty cup in a trash can as Amy dragged him into the unlocked girls' locker room. Even if he didn't pick up a girl tonight he'd at least sleep well knowing he'd gotten laid, regardless of who had their legs wrapped tightly around him. Jay moaned as Amy drunkenly dropped her cup, and he grabbed her rear in his hands tightly and lifted her up, pinning her against the closed locker room door as she bit and nibbled on his bare neck.

(**-X-**)

Sean toyed with Ellie's hair as they danced casually. He surprised himself by being so relaxed in the situation, almost positive that it was because he was with Ellie and that fact alone seemed to drown out the rest of the world. Since they walked into the tragic, paper crepe decorated gym all he could do was watch her walk. The sight of her was almost intoxicating for him. His eyes traveled down her neck and along the collar bone he knew so well, and settled on the necklace he'd bought her.

He looked up into her eyes, "so you really like the necklace then?" he asked.

Ellie smiled broadly, her ruby red lips ready to pounce on his, " of course," she answered, and drew her hand up to toy with the heart pendant dangling from the silver chain. She kissed him gently, and he smiled into her kiss, dipping her before easing her back up into his arms. She laughed as she pressed her forehead to his.

"I'm thirsty," he said, " want anything?"

"Nothing from the punch bowl, goodness knows what Jay was doing over there," she answered smirking, knowing the trouble maker all too well.

Sean thought for a moment, "good point," he answered knowing that even a spiked drink would set him back from how far he'd already come with his al-anon group meetings.

Ellie smiled, and walked over to the opened bleachers and sat down, and loosened her boots so her feet could breathe for a moment. Orion and Marco plopped down next to her. Marco loosened his necktie, and smiled at the redhead, "having fun mi amore?" he asked. Ellie smiled, "this still isn't my scene…" she said looking across the room as Sean brought over two cups of water. "I don't think its Sean's either," she said watching him.

Orion smiled, "well buck up milady, you look beautiful."

Ellie blushed, "thanks, maybe I'd feel better if they were playing better music," she muttered. Since their arrival to the dance they were bombarded with a constant barrage of teeny bopper pop music. Granted Ellie loved music, but too much of one thing isn't necessarily a good thing. Marco frowned, "what's wrong with Brit Brit?" he asked, casually referring to Britney Spears as if she were his best friend. Ellie rolled her eyes.

"She just wants something with substance," Orion explained.

"Britney has substance," Marco defended.

"More like sustenance," Ellie said while pointing to her chest. Orion laughed and gently pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "So has anyone seen Ashley?" she asked, having not seen her best female friend since they arrived.

"In the corner making out with Mark?" Sean said nodding his head in the direction of the lip smacking pair as he handed Ellie a plastic cup of water. Ellie looked over in the direction Sean had nodded and noticed the smile on Ashley's face and pecked Mark on the lips and smiled brightly. Their body language was undeniable; they were completely attracted to each other. It was one of those things that Ellie noticed when she watched others. Her eyes scanned across the room as Orion shifted from her side to make room for Sean to sit next to her. She saw Craig dancing with Manny, her arms around his neck and Craig leaning down, pressing his forehead to hers as she looked up into his eyes. School dances seem to bring out the best in people. And as she looked across the room to find Paige glaring and pouting as Spinner tried to offer her punch, and then she realized that sometimes even the worst moments in people are brought out as well.

Ellie sipped water lightly from her cup and leaned her head onto Sean's shoulder as he pulled her legs onto his lap.

"Care to dance?" Orion asked offering a hand to Marco, who promptly accepted and walked back out onto the dance floor, as some pop-dance song echoed throughout the gym.

(**-X-**)

Paige frowned and pouted as Spinner attempted to offer her a glass of punch. The sour look on her face was enough to turn his night from good to bad. "I'm sorry about the corsage," he mentioned, hoping his apology would somehow make her feel better.

"Whatever Spin," she muttered. Spinner was taken aback, she hadn't called him Honeybee. Since picking her up, the whole night just seemed to be an endless downward spiral into high school dance hell. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot before grabbing Hazel, who was dancing with Jimmy off to the little girls' room. Spinner sighed and finished his punch and walked back to the punch bowl and poured himself some more. There was something strange about the punch that he couldn't quite place his taste buds on, whatever it was it was making his evening less tense. He grabbed a handful of chips and quickly jumped as he felt another hand in the chip bowl.

"Sorry," a soft female voice said as she pulled her hand back. Spinner took a moment to try and recognize her, but found her face implacable in his memory. "Got the munchies," she said smiling.

"Heh, yea," Spinner answered, "same here." Spinner smiled nervously as he felt his face flush. This girl, with no name was decently pretty, nothing like Paige, but sweet looking. "I don't think I know you," he mentioned between bites of chips.

"No, my boyfriend goes here," she mentioned, "you probably don't know him."

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Well you seem to hang with the 'in crowd', he's not very _in_." Spinner nodded, as she guarded her cup of water.

"No punch?" he asked.

"No…I saw someone spiking the bowl earlier," she said looking down at her water.

"That would explain the taste," Spinner said laughing.

The girl laughed subtly and batted her eyes, "might want to limit yourself on the punch, big guy," she said flirtatiously punching his arm.

Spinner chuckled and smiled. But the moment was short lived as a young man he didn't recognized walked up and wrapped his arms protectively around the girl, whisking her away. "It was nice talk—" he tried to call out as he felt Paige tug on his ear.

"What was that?" she asked, jealously.

"Huh?" he asked stupidly.

"That…the flirting."

Spinner frowned as he tugged his ear way from Paige's grip, "I wasn't flirting with her," he defended. She cocked her head to the side and she glared, as if to say, _oh really_? Spinner rolled his eyes and walked away, grabbing another cup of punch, leaving Paige with her hands on her hips.

"Spin…where are you going?" she called after him, "Honeybee!" She groaned and looked around to find some students looking at her as if she were crazy. "What are you looking at?" she shouted and grabbed a bowl of chips and stomped off to the stands where she began to eat without concern.

"Paige?" Hazel asked walking up to her friend and sitting next to her on the bleachers. Paige looked up, her face stuffed like a chipmunk as she tried to swallow, "are you alright?"

Paige swallowed, "am I alright?" Paige took a moment to laugh, "Am I alright?" Hazel looked at her friend worriedly. "Oh, I'm just peachy," Paige answered smiling so big Hazel was sure her face would break.

"Whatever you say Paige, if you want to ruin your night by all means keep on rolling." Hazel stood up and walked back to Jimmy on the dance floor.

(**-X-**)

"So where's your boyfriend again tonight?" Orion asked as he casually danced with Marco.

Marco smiled, "he said he was going to a volleyball tournament." Marco explained, and then confused by Orion's almost disbelief by his excuse. Marco looked at his friend confused, "why?"

"I just…" Orion sighed. This was going against everything he knew, that you should never get in the middle of someone else's relationship. "Look, I really don't want to tell you this…" Orion knew deep down that this confession about what he'd seen the day they'd gone shopping together could very well ruin their friendship.

"Tell me what?" Marco said immediately regretting asking as he stopped dancing.

"I saw Dylan…with another guy," Orion explained gently.

Marco looked relieved, "yea he hangs out with other guys all the time, they're called his team mates."

"Does he often have rendezvous in café bathrooms with his teammates?" Orion asked bluntly. Marco looked hurt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out like that."

"Then how did you mean it to come out?" Marco asked as he crossed his arms.

"I didn't want to tell you," Orion said sighing, "but this more I think about it the more you deserve to know."

Marco closed his eyes, "I need some air," he said walking out of the gym.

Orion took that as I sign to not follow, and walked back over to the bleachers where Ellie and Sean were still sitting. Ellie looked at her friend worriedly, "what happened?" she asked.

"I just told Marco that…I caught Dylan cheating on him," Orion answered, receiving disbelieving looks from Ellie.

"When did you find this out?" she asked placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"When we were shopping for your dress,…Dylan was in the bathroom…with some guy, not washing his hands?" he tried to explain.

"Thanks for the mental picture dude," Sean said before excusing himself for a moment..

Ellie frowned, "I'm sorry he's taking it hard, but I don't think you did the wrong thing, Marco deserves to know, especially if Dylan's fooling around with someone else," Ellie answered, referring to the fact that she knew Dylan and Marco were more than just casually dating. Apparently she now realized that Marco was more invested in the relationship, than Dylan.

Orion smiled weakly, "thanks."

"You should go find him," Ellie said, hoping that perhaps Marco wouldn't be so hard on him. Ellie caught sight of Sean beckoning her out for another dance and excused herself leaving Orion wondering to himself about whether he should or shouldn't chase after Marco.

(**-X-**)

"Jimmy…" Spinner asked drunkenly, "Jimbo…Jimboreenie," Spinner slapped his open palm against Jimmy's back. "My brother from another mother…and father…man I love you."

Jimmy looked at his friend disbelievingly, "are you drunk?" he asked.

"Nah man," Spinner said before thinking for a moment, "I don't think so anyways," he answered again before laughing hysterically.

"Man, you're so trashed," Jimmy said half laughing at his friend but half frowning as his looked at Spinner almost disapprovingly.

"Jimbo, I think I'm gunna break up with Paige," Spinner said as he took a sip of his spiked punch.

"What?" Jimmy asked confused, "Why?" Jimmy was so confused. On the outside and inside it always seemed like Spinner and Paige were good for each other. Spin complimented Paige's superiority complex with humor and sweet nature. They balanced each other, or so he thought.

"She's like…a controlling something…" Spinner frowned, "she like…tells me what to wear and stuff, and get's all …_'ewww Spinner you did this wrong'_" he said mimicking his blonde girlfriend, "and all, '_honeybee, you're so stupid_…'"

Jimmy frowned, he never realized how controlling Paige seemed to be over his best friend. "I'm sorry man, I didn't know."

"Man, I can't take it anymore, I mean…I try my bestest," he said slurring his words, "but it's never good enough…"

Jimmy sighed, "I dunno what to tell you Spin."

"I can do better right?" Spinner asked drunkenly laying his head on Jimmy's shoulder. "I mean, there are other girls right?" he asked.

"There's always other girls Spin," Jimmy said nudging Spinner's head off of his shoulder, "but do you want another girl?"

"Right now?" Spinner asked, "yea man…I mean did you see that flower thingy I got Paige? It was freaking awesome," he said holding his punch cup up and pointing to Paige across the dance floor, "and she freaking hates it, I bet any other girl would have…loved the prettiful one I gotted her."

Jimmy laughed at his friend drunken speech. "Yea man," Jimmy said, "I hear ya." Jimmy knew all too well how much time and energy Spinner put into this night to make it perfect for Paige and how inconsiderate she seemed because everything he seemed to do had been a mistake.

"I'm not perfect," Spinner said pouting, "I'm not like Marco, Paige should just date Marco, they can go shopping together and do girly things…"

Jimmy laughed, "Marco's gay remember."

"So, he was gay when he dated Ellie," Spinner pointed out, "Paige and Marco would be perfect together, he'd never get her the wrong wrist flower thingys."

Jimmy laughed, "whatever you say Spin…"

"Damn right," Spinner said nodding and sloshing his drink around.

(**-X-**)

Manny stood beside Emma at the punch bowl, watching as couples danced, grinded, and groped each other into the night. It was fairly obvious that by now several of the school's student body were slightly intoxicated by the spiked punch. It was Manny that looked over at a glossy-eyed Emma who was caught staring at Ellie and Sean as she swayed to the music.

"Can you believe them?" Emma answered slightly drunk off the punch. "I mean, Sean is supposed to take me to my first big dance."

"Did you have your first big dance moment with him like forever ago?" Manny asked, as she sipped water.

"It doesn't count," Emma said quickly finishing her cup and pouring herself some more punch. "Look at them Manny, just look at them."

Manny looked across the dance floor at Sean and Ellie who were dancing closely together hugging each other close. "What exactly am I supposed to be seeing Em?"  
" could they be anymore crude?"

Manny raised and eyebrow, "you're nuts." Manny pointed out the couple to her friend, "they're dancing, practically hugging, there's nothing crude about a couple hugging on a dance floor."

"it is when it's those two."

"alrighty Miss Jealousy," Manny said rolling her eyes.  
"I'm not jealous," Emma stated flatly.

"Whatever you say Em," she answered, "I'm going back to dancing with Craig." Emma just glared at her friend in disbelief.

"You're leaving me?"

"I'm going to dance, with my boyfriend…"

"What am I supposed to do?" Emma whined.

"Sober up for one," Manny said, "and stay away from the punch, I saw Jay hanging around it earlier." Emma looked down into her cup, reminding herself of her conversation with him earlier in the evening. "Why don't you go dance with Toby or JT or something."

Emma frowned, "I think Liberty managed to coax JT into a dance about fifteen minutes ago, and he hasn't come back."

"Toby?"

"If Toby tries to grab my ass one more time I'm going to break off both his arms."

Manny laughed, "Well I hope he leaves with both arms tonight."

Emma glared, "I'm gunna go ask Sean do dance…"

Manny rolled her eyes, "if you think that's a good idea, power to ya Em," and walked off to dance with Craig, bumping into Ashley who was walking back towards Mark as he sat on the bleachers. "Sorry," Manny mumbled.

Ashley fought the urge to snap an attitude, "no problem," she muttered through gritted teeth. It wasn't that she hated Manny, just just disliked him as equally had Craig. It was something about the immoral way Manny had taken advantage of Craig, and then Craig's inability to control his hormones that drove her part in the triangle up the wall. She never put sole blame on Manny; it was a half and half situation.

"You look nice tonight," Manny said, hoping to soften Ashley's rough edges.

Ashley smiled, "thanks."

"I know we never really talked about what happened with Craig…but, I'm really sorry."

"So sorry that you're still with him?"

"Ashley…I never meant to hurt anyone," Manny pleaded, "I know I went about things the wrong way, I shouldn't have butted in like I did, but I really care about Craig, I think I might even lo—"

"Please don't finish that sentence, I think I might be sick."

Manny hung her head, "look I'm sorry. I know you'll probably never forgive me, but I hope that maybe we can call a truce or something."

Ashley looked Manny up and down, "why?"

"Because I care about Craig, and I know…" Manny sighed, "you'll always be a part of his life, I mean he still wants you two to be friends, and I just thought that maybe, we could at least be civil."

Ashley softened for a moment; Craig really wanted to be her friend? After all the hellish moments between them post break up? "It'll take a while if anything, but I guess I can at least be civil…" she mentioned, her thoughts turning towards Mark. "You look nice tonight," she muttered before excusing herself to join her boyfriend in the bleachers.

Manny smiled, "thanks." She was feeling mighty proud of herself, trying to take her relationship with Craig in strides, trying not to let the past overwhelm her.

Ashley sat on the bleachers next to Mark, handing him a cup of water. "Thanks Sweets," he said kissing her cheek gently. His lips burned against her skin. "What took you so long?" he asked.

"Manny…"

"The girl who…"

"Yea," Ashley interrupted.

"What did she want?" he asked between sips.

"Call a truce of sorts," Ashley said shrugging. "Pretty much to be civil about everything."

Mark smiled, "so I take it you took her up on the offer?" Ashley looked at him and nodded, slightly regretting her decision.

"It's still so…" Ashley shuddered, "it just makes my skin crawl."

Mark chuckled, "who cares, I can make you forget," he said leaning in close to her neck, gently nibbling. Ashley giggled.

"PDA?" she muttered trying to gently push him away.

"Can't help it," he said smirking as he licked her earlobe, "you just taste so good."

"Save the hormones for later, Mister."

(**-X-**)

"I'm sorry," Orion said sitting next to Marco on the cold concrete steps outside the school. Marco just continued to look down at his feet and rubbing the back of his neck. Orion sensed the tension, and eased some more space between him and the Italian.

"It's not your fault," Marco said without looking up.

"It is…" Orion said, "I shouldn't have told you."

"No, I'm glad you told me," Marco said, "I just don't want to believe it." Marco frowned, "ignorance really is bliss."

Orion smiled, "perhaps, but ignorance really isn't something you need to base a relationship on, no matter how much you care about someone."

"Do you think it was me?" Marco asked.

Orion shook his head, his blonde hair falling into his face, "I don't think it was you at all." Orion said shifting closer. "You're a great guy, if anything it's his fault for cheating."

Marco blushed, "you really mean that?"

"That you're a great guy?" Orion blushed, "Yea,…from the moment I met you I knew you were pretty special, anyone that's special to Ellie has to be pretty damn amazing."

Marco smiled, " thanks," he said softly.

Orion stood up, and offered his help to bring Marco to his feet, "want to go back inside and enjoy the rest of the dance?"

Marco took Orion's hands and rose to his feet quickly as Orion pulled him up. As he got to his feet he found himself gazing softly into his Orion's eyes behind his dark rimmed glasses and then at his lips. Quickly Marco grabbed the back of Orion's neck and drew him close, gently yet passionately kissing him on the lips.

They broke apart, "wow." Orion muttered blushing, and blinking quickly. "Someone's bouncing back a bit quick, don't you think?"

Marco blushed. "It felt right."

Orion smiled, and offered an arm to Marco as they walked back into the school.

(**-X-**)

Emma sauntered up to Sean and gently tapped him on the shoulder. It had to have been the alcohol she concluded, that gave her the strength to be so ambitious when it came to trying to get Sean back. Sean smiled, "Wow Em, you look nice tonight," he said looking her over.

Ellie looked over and smiled, "yea Emma green's definitely you're color," Ellie said sweetly, trying to make the best of the situation.

"Mind if I steal a dance?" she asked, bravely.

"Not at all," Ellie said letting Sean and Emma dance, and found herself swept up with Marco and Orion. Sean smiled as Emma placed her hands delicately on his shoulders and his hands rested on her waist.

"This feels familiar," he said smirking.

"It feels like that dance back in grade seven, when we had our first dance," Emma said, more sober than she'd been earlier that night.

Sean blushed, "but we're a little more grown up now," he said.

Emma nodded and tried to ease herself closer to Sean, but his arm lengths permitted it. It felt her pressure to get closer and tried his hardest to keep the space between them friendly, rather than intimate. "I miss you," Emma said simply.

"I'm glad to have you as a friend Em."

" I don't mean I miss you as a friend, Sean."

Sean frowned, "I know…" he said trying to look away but Emma turned his head to look at her. "You know Emma, despite what Ellie said, green really isn't your color."

Emma frowned, "I'm not jealous."

"So you say…"

"What do I have to be jealous about?" Emma asked as they continued to dance through the argument.

"The fact that I moved on with someone I _love_, with someone who I can go months without fighting, and when we do fight we talk it through, we don't just break up." Sean expressed, emphasizing on the **love**. "Em, being with Ellie has made me realize how wrong we were then for each other, you're a controlling person, and I don't like being submissive, Ellie lets me be…me."

"Why can't we have our moment now?" Emma asked.

"Because you haven't changed," Sean said simply, "you're still trying to make me into your picture perfect boyfriend, the one I can't be…because I love Ellie, not you."

Emma frowned, "screw you, Sean," Emma said angrily and pushed herself away from him angrily, stalking off, outside the school.

(**-X-**)

Judy Nash stumbled around her home in search of her drink of choice for the evening and frowned as she found her liquor cabinet empty in her need to refresh her drunken state. And becoming even more upset as she searched for her only daughter missing from her home. Unfortunately it had taken a good week and a half or so to notice her daughter was missing, and that majority of her favorite things were not in her room.

Judy groaned, "Eleanor?" she called out as she slumped against the wall, calling out throughout the house for the teenager. "Eleanor, this isn't funny, where are you?" she called out searching her daughter's room, only to find drawers opened and emptied and several other items missing. She stumbled to the bathroom to find her daughter's toiletries also missing. "Eleanor Nash, I swear to God if you're with that no good…"

It was almost as if a light bulb had gone off in her drunken mind that she made her way to the foyer of the Nash home and grabbed her keys and stumbled to her car. As she drove towards the Cameron home she drove past the school, noticing the flashing lights and the sign outside of the school about the school dance. Her eyes became focused on the sign, trying to read it as she swerved in back and forth on the road, finally slamming on the brakes as something made contact with the front grill of the car and rolled off the hood. "Oh my…"she shrieked as students and faculty hearing her screeching tires outside the school began filing out to the commotion.

Judy quickly got out of her car and tried to find out what she'd hit, only to find it hadn't been an it, but a she. A blonde girl lay motionless on the asphalt, bleeding, and all Judy Nash could do was stare through her shattered windshield.

"Holy shit…" Jay said covering his mouth in disbelief.

"Someone call an ambulance," another voice called.

Judy stumbled around drunkenly light a deer caught in the headlights. "Mom?" Judy stumbled around to find Ellie staring at her in disbelief and disgust. "Mom what did you do?"

"Eleanor, where have you been, I've been, **hic** looking **hic** all over for you."

Ellie frowned, and immediately felt sick as she saw who her mother had hit. "Mom, you hit someone," Ellie said inching closer to her drunken mother. "Are you drunk?" she asked as she smelled the alcohol on her mother's breath.

"Ellie, where are your clothes? They're not in your room." Judy muttered, completely oblivious to the fact that she'd hit a human being with her car, as bystanders tried their best to keep the young woman conscious or at the very least breathing.

"Mrs. Nash, you hit someone with your car," Sean said simply as he tried to make the woman realize the seriousness of the situation, "you were driving drunk."

Judy frowned, "what are you talking about Shane?"

"Mom," Ellie started crying, "I can't believe…" Ellie turned into Sean's chest and started crying hysterically about the thought of losing her mother to jail over what she'd done, "this is all my fault."

Jay sat on the steps of the school in a complete daze. He'd never seen anyone hurt so badly before. Granted he'd been in a few fights, but the other guy usually got up and walked away. She wasn't walking away. He rubbed the back of his neck and watched as Ellie went into hysterics as Sean tried to console her.

"This is all my fault," she continued to cry over and over as Marco and Orion tried to console her as well as she buried herself into Sean's chest.

It wasn't long before the police and ambulance sirens were heard arriving and the entire school population was outside watching as Judy Nash drunkenly stumbled back and forth as the police tried to assess the situation before putting her in cuffs.

The EMTs tried their best to keep the victim alive but the outcome was bleak as the rolled the gurney into the back of the ambulance. "Is she gunna be okay?" Jay asked.

"Are you her boyfriend?" on of the EMTs asked.

"No…" Jay responded guiltily, "I just…" he had not words to express himself at the moment. "Damn," he muttered as they drove off. He felt horribly guilty that the last moment Amy could possibly remember before she died was the thought of Jay and her expressing their sexuality in the girls' locker room.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry about the wait, but if you know me, I'm big about quantity and quality over speed. I'm actually quite happy with this chapter, and alot of this, especially the ending of the chapter. The last portion has been planned for a long time, it was just the right moment to match the accident with the drunken actions of Mama Nash and getting rid of Amy. And now for the aftermath of the accident...

Be warned that I work all the time now (at a toy store) and it is the holiday season. I'm working a good 40+ hours a week and I'm trying to write as much as possible between sleeping, paying bills, eating and TRYING to spend time with my friends. I thank you all graciously for reading when you do, and for sticking with the series as long as you have (and that's directed towards those of you have been reading since I first posted Numb almost...how many years ago? ha!)

This chapter has been dedicated to my fellow employees at Toys R Us 8725, and how hard they're all working (except for a select few who pissed me off today because they don't know where anything is and send all the customers to the service desk because apparently I can do EVERYTHING...ugh. Oh and to Elan who kicked my ass into actually posting this chapter this evening.

MJ


	6. Chapter 6

**Reprise**  
_When she flies like a ballerina babe  
Strung out so high, everybody have you seen her?  
The side no one knows, she screams on video  
She's San Fernando sex star  
Where are you?  
Now, Where are you?  
Now, Where are you?  
San Fernando sex star_  
**Butch Walker** "Diary of a San Fernando Sexx Star"

Ellie rested in the hospital waiting room. Looking around she felt sick as she realized how often she'd been in the presence of doctors, white washed walls, and disinfectant. She looked up at the clock on the wall to notice they'd been in the waiting room several hours without a word about Amy's condition. She watched patiently as Jay sat in a chair on the far side of waiting room, his finger tips rubbing his temples furiously in a feeble attempt to relieve him of his headache. Ellie looked back at Sean, who'd fallen asleep during the wait with his arms crossed and a stern look across his tired face. This was not how Ellie expected to be spending the night.

She dug through her purse and pulled out an elastic band and pulled her hair up and pulled Sean's suit jack on over her bare arms and walked over to Jay, her boot clunking loudly on the linoleum tile floors. He looked up, his eyes bloodshot from drinking and exhaustion. "What do you want Vamp?" Jay asked, "blood bank's down the hall.

Ellie glared, "did you call Alex?"

"Why should I?" Jay asked as he watched Ellie sit down next to him, "her and Amy aren't exactly best friends right now."

"Who cares," Ellie argued, "she still deserves to know."

Jay glared at Ellie, "watch it Nash, you're crossing the line, this has nothing to do with you."

"No, but it has everything to do with one of my friends," Ellie answered, "I just thought you'd pull whatever stick you have up your ass out and call Alex and let her know that her once best friend might not make it to be just another ex-best friend."

"Fine, call her, see if I care." Jay said leaning away from Ellie, and shooing her off. Ellie glared at him, crossing her arms, "why do I have to call?" he asked angrily.

"because you know Alex better than anyone, and you know she'd want to be here."

Jay groaned. He groaned, mostly because he knew Ellie was right. Alex would drop everything in an attempt to help a friend, and in Amy's case, an ex-friend. Ellie waited for a response other than the male grunt she was used to from Jay. She watched patiently as her words affected him enough for him to get up out of his seat and stumble over to the triage desk, and politely asked to use the phone.

Sean stirred slightly in the waiting room and opened his eyes to see Ellie sitting in the seat next to where Jay had been sitting. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the hospital, and standing up he stretched his arms up over his head as Ellie walked back over to his side. "Where's Marco and Orion?" he asked as she wrapped her arms around him and hugging him close.

"Back to Marco's about an hour ago, you were sleeping," she answered, stepping back to answer him and wrapping Sean's jacket tighter around her.

"any word?" he asked.

"they won't tell us anything, we're not family, and they can't get in contact with her mom."

Sean sighed, "of course they won't, didn't they try her grandmother?"

Ellie shrugged, "they tried when you suggested that two hours ago."

"still nothing?"

"I don't know Sean," Ellie answered as she rested her chin on his shoulder. Sean looked to the hospital entrance as he recognized a face he hadn't seen in ages.

"Jay? Sean? Where's Alex?" a sweet looking older woman asked a child attached to her hip, half awake.

Jay scratched the back of his neck while he walked over to the woman, "not here yet, she's on her way," he answered quickly glancing at Ellie, who smiled with approval and soon their attention was drawn back to the worried older woman.

"What happened?" she asked passing off the now fussy child to Jay as she pried an answer out of Sean.

"Mrs…" The woman looked at him sternly, "Mirna…Amy was hit by a car," Sean answered honestly.

Ellie eased towards Jay who was having trouble handling the small fussy boy as Sean eased the woman to sit. "Who's that?" Ellie whispered as she looked disapprovingly at Jay for holding the child at arms length away. She rolled her eyes and picked him up bouncing him gently.

"Amy's grandma," he said thankfully as Ellie took Josh, who happened to be Amy's younger brother from him. Ellie furrowed her eyebrows as if to question how they knew Mirna. "Amy's mom hasn't always been around, Mirna comes by a lot for a few days."

Ellie nodded understandingly and took a seat with Jay near Mirna and Sean.

"How could this happen?" Mirna asked as he eyes watered at the thought of her granddaughter not making it through the night.

"the driver was drunk," Sean said gently holding her hands, "the doctor's won't tell us anything because we're not family."

"Like hell you're not family, I haven't seen Amy with a pack of friends this long since,…" Mirna rotted her brain looking for an comparison but found none, "ever."

Sean blushed, "yea…" was all he managed to say.

"But where's Alex?" she asked looking up at Jay.

" She was at home tonight," Jay answered truthfully, "she should be here---"

"Jayson Hogart what the fuck happened," Alex swore waltzing into the hospital waiting room angrily with her hair in a ponytail and dressed in her pajama pants and a sweatshirt. "Speak of the devil," he muttered.

Alex stopped dead in her tracks, "Mirna?" Alex asked as she noticed the upset woman in the chair before her.

"Alexia," Mirna rose from her seat and started crying into the girl's sweatshirt as she hugged her tightly.

"What's going on?" Alex asked.

"Amy was hit by a drunk driver," Mirna answered with the news she was given. Alex hugged the older woman tightly and gently soothed her before pulling away.

"How is she?" Alex asked concernedly.

Jay shrugged, and looked to Ellie and Sean for answers. "They wouldn't tell us, we're not family, but now…" Sean said motioning towards Mirna who wiped her tears.

"Of course, I'll be right back," she said before turning to the stranger holding her grandson and looked at the now calm child and smiled, "Gamma will be right back," she said sweetly before walking off to find a doctor with answers.

Alex took a deep breath and looked to Ellie holding Josh and smiled brightly, "hey Joshie," Alex said as the little boy reached his tiny fingers out to Alex to pick him up out of Ellie's gentle hold. Alex picked up the child and raised him up high before pulling him back to her chest and hugging him before sitting down, still far away from Jay.

Jay watched her awkwardly as cooed over Josh, smiling gently in such a tense situation. It scared him to that that in less than nine months Alex would be giving birth to his kid. And watching Alex interact with Josh was proof alone that Alex knew she could do this on her own, and that she didn't need Jay.

"How'd she get hit?" Alex asked as she bounced Josh on her knee.

Jay tensed knowing only moments before Amy walked out of the school her and Jay were drunkenly bumping and grinding in the girls locker room. "She left the school, and crazy Mama Nash sped by and smacked her with the front end of her car," Jay answered bluntly.

Alex looked over at Ellie, who hung her head, "I shouldn't have left her," she answered, "if I'd been at home she wouldn't have come looking for me."

"if you had stayed at home, she could have hurt you or worse, you could be the one in that emergency room not Amy," Sean answered, gently rubbing her shoulders. Alex nodded agreeingly knowing that the only one at fault in this situation was the irresponsible adult that found it a good idea to drive drunk.

"She'll be fine…she's indestructible remember?" Alex said referring to the many times Amy has gotten in over her head and come out with a few bumps and scrapes, but she'd come out nonetheless. Ellie's cell phone rang and she walked off to answer it, Sean watching her cautiously as she got angry and frustrated with the caller before hanging up. She returned to her seat and curled her legs up under her and rested her head on Sean's shoulder, and gently played with Josh's tiny fingers as he said quietly in Alex's lap.

Alex, Jay, Sean, and Ellie looked up to see Mirna talking to a doctor who laid his hand gently on her shoulder in comfort. The foursome watched as Mirna broke down in a fit of tears, "no…" she cried. "No, not my Amy…not my Amy."

Alex jumped to her feet, immediately angry and upset, she looked to Ellie. Ellie stared at her friend remorsefully. "I swear to God, Ellie, if your drunken mother gets off with a slap on the wrist…I'll…" Alex couldn't even finish her thought as she rushed her attention over to Mirna with Josh to try and console the older woman.

Ellie sat there quietly as Sean wrapped an arm around her. The only thing keeping her from breaking down was the fact that everything had her so stunned she sat there in silence.

She'd never been great friends with Amy, in fact she and the girl couldn't stand each other and that much was true. But it didn't change the fact that Ellie cared about what happened to Amy. She made not have been friends with her, but she was friends with Sean, with Alex, and with Jay. It was nothing compared to losing Verity several months back at Lake View, but it effected her nonetheless. She turned to Sean, "can we go home?" she asked.

Sean had caught a tone in her voice that he didn't recognized. "You okay?" he asked.

Ellie half nodded and half shrugged, even she wasn't sure of her own feelings at the moment, "can we just go home?" she asked again.

"Yea," he said standing up and looking to Jay. They'd driven Jay's car over from the school, or rather Sean had driven seeing as Jay had been obviously drunk at the time of the accident. "Yo," he called out to Jay, who was watching Alex comfort Mirna. Jay turned his attention to Sean. "You plan on staying here with Alex, or do you think we should go?" he asked.

Jay shrugged, "lemme just tell her we're leaving." Jay walked over to Alex, Mirna, and Josh and paid his respects. "It's late, I gotta get Sean and Ellie home." He looked at Alex who looked angry and on the verge of tears. She wiped her eyes before tears could fall.

"Thanks," Alex said, "for calling me."

Jay dug his hands into his pockets, "no problem."

"I should probably head home too," Alex mentioned looking to Mirna for approval.

"Go ahead Lexxi," Mirna said kissing her gently on the cheek.

"If you need any help with preparations or anything, let me know," Alex said as she hugged the woman.

"That'd be wonderful," she said as she pulled away and lifted Josh up into her arms, "thank you all for being here," she said before walking down the hall to make arrangements for Amy's body.

Alex, Jay, Ellie, and Sean all walked to the parking lot. Jay tossed the keys to Sean, who was still sober and gently wrapped an arm around Alex, who for the first time in a while she didn't push him away.

(**-X-**)

"I want my last phone call," Judy Nash slurred as she gripped the bars of the holding cell angrily, and as a last attempt to keep her balance in her still, slightly drunken state. One of the guards walked up to the cell and stared down the disheveled woman, who's breath wreaked of leftovers and Jack Daniel's.

"I suggest you wait until your fully sober before you attempt anything, miss," he suggested as he crossed his arms in disgust.

"I think you should respect my rights," Judy drawled out, "what's your badge number?" she slurred as she swayed back and forth gently.

The guard glared, "I hope it's to call your lawyer," he drawled as he unlocked the holding cell and led the cuffed Mrs. Nash to a desk and a phone. Judy drunkenly glared at the gentleman and looked back to the phone and began dialing her daughter's cell phone number.

"Eleanor," she droned, "Eleanor answer your phone, this is your mother." Judy turned around as the phone continued to ring, and faced the guard, "do you mind, I'd like a little privacy."

The guard rolled his eyes, and walked a few feet away so that he was still in sight range but out of ear shot.

Judy turned back to the phone, "hullo?" a voice asked softly.

"Eleanor, come pick me up" Judy demanded.

"Mom?" Ellie's voice rang out. "What? No!"

"Eleanor, I'm your mother, I'm telling you to come pick me up," Judy demanded again.

Ellie sighed over the phone, "I can't come pick you up because you're being charged for drunk driving," Ellie began to get angrier the longer the phone call lasted, "if Amy doesn't make it, you'll be sitting in jail for vehicular homicide."

Judy lost her voice that moment, and the thought of spending several years in prison for the stupidest mistake she's ever made chilled her to the core. It sobered her up very quickly, "Eleanor," she said softly in the phone, "Ellie." She paused for a moment, "I'm sorry."

"Well you really did it this time; I'm not the one you have to apologize to this time." Judy Nash stared at the phone as she heard her daughter hang up on the other end.

"Ellie?" she said, hoping that the click was just a figment of her imagination. "Ellie, baby, talk to me," Judy slammed the phone down into its cradle and looked to the guard who'd returned to take her back to the holding cell. She remained silent the entire walk back to the holding cell and sat down on the bench and stared at the bars. Closing her eyes she found herself watching memories of better times, sober times. It was almost as if every time Greg was called away to fight the front lines or even just to protect innocent refugees she tripped and fell into a hole that grew deeper with every drink she took.

There was always that voice in the back of her head that tried to tell her when enough was enough, but lately she passed the test in avoiding it. Having to send Ellie away should have been a wake up call to sober up and take care of her daughter. To have to stop lying about sobriety at meetings would be a great feeling, but white lies never hurt anyone right? Judy Nash hung her head, this time, the little while lie did hurt someone.

The guard strolled up to the bars again, "just so you know, the girl you hit, didn't make it." That statement had left the woman shocked and torn apart from the inside out.

"You've really done it this time," she muttered to herself. She started shaking, partially out of fear, and partially craving a drink.

(**-X-**)

"Um, hi," Paige said softly as she walked up to the movie concession counter at the mall. Alex looked up, her eyes red and swollen just from trying not to cry. Paige tilted her blonde head to the side, "you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Alex spat. This was not her week, her month, even her year. Her morning sickness seemed like it was getting worse, exams were around the corner, and Amy was…well she was gone.

"You sure?" Paige asked, hoping that Alex would confide in her how she was feeling. Paige had never truly lost anyone as close to her like Alex just had, but some how this all didn't feel right. She felt like Alex needed to let it all out, if not for her, than for the baby.

"Look, I'm fine alright," Alex spat as she organized the candy counter, "just do me a favor and butt your pretty little head OUT of my business."

The blonde's jaw dropped, "excuse me," Paige muttered angrily. Alex turned to look at the girl, who's face had gone from concerned to angry, and it amused the hell out of her. "I really don't appreciate you talking to me like, I understand that you're hurting or whatever it is that you do, but seriously, don't take it out on me."

Alex walked up to Paige, who stood arms crossed at the counter, "what do you want from me Paige?" she asked. "Is this like some sick twisted game to you?"

"what are you talking about Alex?"

"this bullshit playing nice with me, I don't get and frankly, I don't like it."

"well frankly I don't get what the big deal is," Paige argued, her hands dropping to her hips, "God forbid someone wants to be your friend."

"why would you have do a stupid thing like that?" Alex asked.

Spinner watched from a table in the food court as his girlfriend and Alex fought like a bitter married couple. He was half expecting Alex to fly across the counter and deck Paige in the face. He smirked, thinking of how amazing a cat fight they'd produce. Clothes ripping, bitch slapping, cat fight goodness. He could almost drool at the thought of it. He smirked again and picked at his French fries and watched the show unfold before him.

"Seriously Alex, just accept my friendship, plenty would be glad to have it," Paige said snottily.

"Oh well then," Alex said rolling her eyes, "I gladly accept the fake bonds of friendship then." Alex flipped her ponytail, "look at me, I'm friends with Paige, we do each other's nails," Alex said mocking what could have been Hazel if Paige ever let her speak. "I love cheerleading and picking out pretty pink clothes, tee fucking hee" Alex ended on a sour note.

Paige began to turn blue in the face, and growled. "ugh, you're so…" Paige huffed and puffed and if there were a house in the way she would have blown it down before stalking her way through the crowded mall back to Spinner who lazily at his fries. "Can you believe her?" she drawled angrily.

"Humrah?" Spinner asked with a mouth full of fries.

"Don't talk with your mouth full Spin," she mentioned.

Spinner swallowed, "sorry, what was that?"

"I said, _can you believe her_."

"Why are you being nice to her anyways?" Spinner asked.

Paige opened her mouth, but had nothing to say. In fact, she wasn't even totally sure why she was extending the hand of friendship to Alex. "She just looks like she could use a friend," Paige mentioned softly.

Spinner looked at her oddly, "like you don't already have enough friends, you need to add queen of detention to your posse?"

Paige glared, "whatever Spin," she muttered and crossed her arms. "Go buy our tickets."

(**-X-**)

Tracker sat at the kitchen table fiercely sorting through bills. There were so many, that it was definitely an overwhelming situation. Power, water, rent, several credit card bills, insurance on the bike and his pick up; the list seemed to go on for days. As he shuffled papers and envelopes he accidentally cut his hand on a loose piece of paper. He looked down and watched as it slowly bled. He struggled not to get a high off the endorphins as they rushed to his hand. He struggled even more to not reach for a knife to make it worse. He breathed slowly, in and out, "don't even think about it," he told himself just as Sean walked through the front door. Tracker looked up quickly and wiped his bloody hand on his jeans. "How's everyone doin?" he asked.

Sean shrugged and buried his hands in his pockets, "everyone's a little screwed up."

Tracker nodded. He didn't like Jay or his crew, but lately, Sean seemed to be holding pretty good ground with his morals compared to his friends. Tracker even became able to tolerate Jay. "Ellie's at her co-op she'll be home for dinner," he reminded his brother. "Speaking of, what are we having?"

"Lasagna," Kemmie answered as she walked through the door. "Enough to feed an army and you lot for a good week." She looked at Sean as he frowned while she carried two casserole dishes of the meal. "Meat, _and_ Alfredo-veggie style," she said smiling. She set the dishes on the kitchen table and looked back at Sean, "a little bird told me you're not a fan of beef."

"Beef, sausage…pretty much anything from a cow…chickens," he shuddered, "they scare me a little, don't mind eating them."

Kemmie laughed and walked over to Tracker and began to gently rub his shoulders. "So how's that car thing going?" she asked as Tracker became less tense.

"It's good, we finished last week, taking it to show at the expo before finals," Sean answered proudly, walking to the fridge and pulling out a soda and pulling back the tab and after hearing the satisfying crisp sound of the can popping open he brought it to his lips.

"Well I'm proud of you," Tracker said as he pushed aside the bills, hiding the extremity of the situation from his little brother. Sean smiled as he walked to the couch and sat back, kicking his feet up on the coffee table and flicking on the television with the remote. Tracker watched his brother and smiled as Kemmie kneaded into his shoulders. Sean could very well be the first Cameron to graduate from high school. Tracker himself had never finished his final year, instead he pulled together all resources and got himself a job just to get Sean out of Wasaga Beach. He never got that cap and gown ceremony and he never tried to go back and get his G.E.D. He made due with his strong work ethic and street smarts to get by. But as times were changing, those weren't enough to keep the bill collectors away. He sighed heavily and reached up to gently rest a hand on top of Kemmie's, asking her silently to stop and sit with him a moment.

It was around dinner time when Ellie walked through the door, practically dragging her messenger bag behind her before collapsing on top of Sean, on the couch. He could tell the past few days had been hell for her as well. Between work at the station and dealing with the backlash of her mother's decisions causing Amy's tragic death, it was surprising that she hadn't snapped. Snapped mentally that is, her arms were ridden with red welts from snapping the various rubber bands around her wrists. '_At least she's not breaking the skin_' he thought to himself as he set the table and Kemmie pulled both reheated lasagna dishes from the oven, and setting them on the table.

(**-X-**)

Ellie pulled a tank top on over her head, and throwing her red hair back in a ponytail she crawled into bed with Sean, wrapping her arms around him and burying face close into his chest. Breathing in a deep breath she caught whiff of men's deodorant and the faint scent of Sean's cologne and she smiled. The scent of him alone was comforting after the day she'd had.

There were plenty of people that were not happy to find out that Ellie's mother had been the one to hit Amy. It wasn't even that people liked Amy, in fact Amy had very few friends, and even less admirers. Most of the female population sadly prided in the fact that their boyfriends wouldn't be tempted by Amy's experience and sexual promiscuity.

She'd been taking to the stares, the glares, the rumors with her rubber band and a grain of salt. She even started drowning herself in her work at the station.

Sean gently rubbed her back in his half awake state of mind and rolled his head over to gently kiss her forehead. Ellie snuggled into him and brought her lips to his and chastely kissed him. Sean immediately woke up and wrapped an arm around her tiny waist and pulled her close and bit her lower lip lightly as she ran her hands up and down his back. Sean rolled himself on top of her, straddling her and pinning her to the bed. She smiled up at him and purred as he leaned into nibble on her ear. Sean smiled into her skin as he gently kissed her skin. "You're a bad boy Mr. Cameron," she said smirking.

Sean stopped and looked at her as she smirked while running her fingers under the waist band of his boxer shorts. He looked down, "I'm bad?" he asked, smiling. Ellie laughed and ran her hands softly along his skin and around his back and pulled him closer. "Ellie," he said impatiently with clenched teeth, while trying to keep himself together under her touch.

Ellie gently ran her tongue along his lips and nibbled on his lips and he broke his mouth into a smile. He rolled onto his side and pulled Ellie closer to him and continued to kiss her roughly, and passionately while running his fingers through her hair. Ellie wrapped a leg around his waist and Sean grabbed it and rubbed his hands up and down her smooth pale legs. He moaned into her kisses, and pulled away, "you're the bad one," he mumbled before kissing her again. He felt Ellie's lips smiling and she nodded her head slightly.

She broke away smirking, "I know," she whispered proudly in a hoarse voice.

The smirk on her face drove him nuts and he rolled onto his back and pulled her on top. She pulled out the elastic and her red hair fell wildly around her face. She lowered her head and gently kissed his chest, her hair tickling Sean's skin, and driving him nuts as he ran his hands up and down Ellie's thighs as she straddled his lap. She looked up with her lips still gently pressed to his chest and eased her way up to his lips again and kissed him hard. Sean didn't hide the fact that he was excited and gently massaged her legs as he relinquished all control to Ellie as she took the lead.

(**-X-**)

Callie and Craig stood at the bus stop waiting for the bus. "So where'd Ellie jet off to early?" Callie asked as she lit up a cigarette. Craig watched as she brought the cigarette to her ruby red lips and inhaled. Smoking was a disgusting habit, but some people just pulled it off well, and he pulled out his camera.

"She went to see her mom," Craig answered pulling off the lens cap to his camera and quickly taking a shot of Callie as she leaned against the bus stop sign, with her cigarette lit between her fingers. He quickly snapped shots of her chunky black boots and up her fishnet stocking covered legs, careful not to get a provocative shot up her short mini skirt.

Callie looked down bemusedly at Craig as he pulled his eye away from the view finder, "enjoying yourself?" she asked taking a long drag of her cigarette.

Craig smirked, "can you blow out the smoke?" he asked as he got a low angle shot of Callie blowing smoke into at his camera as she bent down. "Oh real attractive Callie," he said sarcastically, as he coughed.

"Bus is here," she said simply as she flicked her cigarette to the ground and snubbed it out with the heel of her boot. The pair climbed on the bus and took a seat in the back. "Wanna come with me to develop some shots?" Callie asked as she shuffled through her oversized purse to look for her school ID card. Craig shrugged and checked the number of shots he had left and checked the other rolls of film his camera case.

"You think anyone will mind?" he asked.

"Dark room's been empty these days, no one will care," she said looking up.

Craig looked at her strangely, "are you propositioning me?"

Callie laughed, "and feel like a pedophile?" she asked, "I think not."

Craig frowned, "I'm not that much younger than you," he mumbled.

"Oh so you want me to hit on you, now?"

Craig smirked and snapped a quick shot of Callie sitting on the bus. "No, but just the thought of a college girl hitting on me is enough to keep me in a good mood the rest of the day. He was referring to the tough day in group. It seemed like it wasn't the best day for everyone to be talking. Craig discussed his need for Ashley to forgive him, and his constant adjustment to his pills. Ellie was an emotional wreck with her mother in jail awaiting trial, and Amy dead. Callie was struggling to remain sane during college, and Kylie found out that not all the cancer cells are leaving her body as quickly as the doctors had hoped and she'd have to start chemotherapy treatments again.

"So Ellie went to visit her mom?" Callie asked.

"Yea," Craig answered setting the camera into his lap, "she's not too happy about it, really doesn't want to." He looked down at his camera.

"Then why is she?"

"Her dad," Craig mentioned, "I think."

Callie shrugged, "Ellie avoids talking about her parents in group, or have you not noticed that?"

Craig looked up. He had noticed, he also suspected that she probably talked about her parents in private. He didn't blame her, with a mother like Judy Nash how could anyone. Judy Nash had single handedly given herself the "worst mother of the year" award. And Ellie was getting the backlash. People that didn't even like Amy were putting Ellie through hell at school, just because her mother was a drunken fool. He was pretty sure he'd heard rumors floating around about how Ellie's dad had left her and Judy a long time ago for another family, because he was never around. And Ellie never corrected the rumors. Never.

"Do you blame her?" Craig asked.

Callie shrugged her shoulders, "guess not." Callie looked up as the bus was slowly coming to a stop. "Come on," she said standing up, "I'll show you what a real dark room looks like."

Craig smiled questionably. The last time he'd had anything close to a darkroom was the dark basement when he lived with his father. It scared him to think of a darkroom after the last time he was beat while developing film. Callie led Craig across campus to the art building and into the photography lab.

The lab room was empty as she led him to a revolving dark room door and let him into the darkly lit room with a red bulb. She dropped her bag on the floor and dug through it for her rolls of film and walked into a dark closet and transferred her film to an developing can and walked out back into the dark room. Craig watched as she added chemicals and agitated the canister, "so," Craig muttered, breaking the silence.

Callie looked up as she processed the roll of film, "oh sorry, I usually work alone." Callie tossed Craig a canister and nodded to the closet, "have you ever processed your own film, or did you always just develop the pictures and not the negatives."

"I can handle it," Craig muttered. When he returned he found Callie hanging the roll of negatives in a dryer. She pulled out a CD and popped it into the stereo in the darkroom and began playing music as Craig processed his rolls of film.

(**-X-**)

Ellie walked into the visiting room at the prison, snapping her bracelet hard against her skin, hoping it would numb the thought of her mother in prison. She didn't like the woman right now, not one bit, but Judy Nash was still her mother, and someone she still loved, regardless of what she did, and how horribly it was.

She sat down on the cold metal seat and waited for her mother to arrive, and when she did, she nearly burst into tears at the sight of her mother. Judy was a ragged mess. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair looked unkempt and unflattering when matched with the drab, gray prison garb she was given to wear. Ellie's eyes fell to see her mother's wrists in cuffs. Ellie stood, and walked over to her, unsure of whether or not it was okay to hug her.

"Eleanor," Judy said softly, before bursting into tears.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you Mom, I'm sorry I left," Ellie said dry sobbing and reaching out to hug her mother.

"No Eleanor I'm sorry, I've made and broke too many promises," Judy said, completely sober for the past few days. "I've really messed up this time, and I'm paying the price."

Ellie and Judy took a seat at the metal table.

"I shouldn't have left you," Ellie said breaking a moment of silence, "if I hadn't left to stay with Sean and Tracker you wouldn't have come looking for me."

"You blaming yourself is like me blaming your father for leaving." Judy said, gently reaching up to tuck some of Ellie's wild red hair out of her face. "It's no secret that I can't handle these tours your father does over seas." Judy sighed, "I'm scared to death of him leaving one day and coming back in a coffin. I'm scared to death of getting that call or having a soldier arrive on our door stop…"

"All the more reason I shouldn't have left," Ellie said, interrupting. Ellie started sobbing at the thought of her father leaving on a bus and the next time she saw him would be at his funeral. "If that time came, you shouldn't be alone."

"And neither should you," she responded, wiping her eyes. "It's horrible what it takes for me to open my eyes and see how destructive I've been, to you and me."

Ellie was stunned, this was the most sober her mother's been, and the most she's ever cared about her well-being when her father wasn't in the room. "Mom, you realize you're going to go to jail for this, right?" Judy nodded, silently crying. Ellie gently grabbed her mother's hands, "Mom, promise me something." Judy looked up, "please, when this is all over, when you come home, please…quit, for good."

Judy looked at her daughter, unsure of what to say. "I…Ellie, don't ask me to make promises I can't keep," she said sadly.

"After all this," Ellie said looking around the cold walls of the prison, "you'd still drink, even though it's ruined your life, my life, and taken a life?"

Judy frowned, "I can't make a promise, if I'm not sure I can keep it Ellie."

Ellie stood quickly, "do me a favor, stay out of my life." Ellie was angry, "even when you're sober you can't do one thing for me, not one thing." Ellie rushed out of the visiting room, seething with anger.

The entire ride home on the bus she just breathed hard and deep, snapping her rubber band against her wrist. She almost felt like she would have been better off staying until the end of the group session.

Ellie got off at her stop and walked into the Cameron (and temporarily the Nash) residence. She kicked off her shoes angrily and nearly hit Tracker who caught her shoe as it flew at her face. "What are you doing home?" she asked.

"Lunch break," he muttered, "why are you kicking shoes around?"

"angry."

"mom?"

Ellie glared. "she's so" Ellie growled, "I don't get it, I don't get her."

Tracker sat down at the kitchen table to eat his sandwich and offered Ellie a seat, "what happened?"

Ellie sighed, "I went to visit her, while she's in jail because of this whole mess, and she had the nerve to tell me she can't promise she'll never drink after this."

Tracker frowned, "why not?"

"She said that I shouldn't expect her to make promises she can't keep."

Tracker picked up his sandwich. "Would you rather have her make the promise only to break it?"

"well maybe she should learn to keep her promises."

Tracker frowned, "stop focusing on your mother Red, let her make her own mistakes, and you can make yours." He took a bite of his sandwich, chewed and swallowed. "Look, don't let yourself get all worked up over your mother, you'll just end up upset and it'll turn into a mess, focus on you."

(**-X-**)

Alex sat alone in the library. This was the one place she knew no one would look for her. She sat in the darkest corner looking at an old ratty composition book. Amy and Alex had been friends for what felt like ages. They used to pass the very composition book she held in her hands back and forth between classes since they met in grade five. Pages had easily been added and folded between the pages when the paper had run out. Alex hung her head as she flipped through the notes on the pages and the doodles.

She smiled as she read the notes they'd passed back and forth when Alex had first started dating Jay, and again when they were joking about Paige's mullet. Alex laughed aloud as she noticed all the times they'd cracked on Paige. Making fun of Paige and upsetting her were some of the better moments, apart from parties and dates with Jay. She frowned as she thought about the request from Mirna to read a eulogy at Amy's funeral.

The few week weeks since she found out about Jay and Amy had been tough, Alex couldn't bare to look at the pair without getting angry. Trying to think of something nice to say was just making her even more angry. Neither Amy, nor Alex had ever been _nice_ people, they showed love for each other through insults and vulgar innuendos, not something you could very well say in front of people mourning a death.

She flipped through another page and stumbled across a strip of photographs from the photo booth in the mall. She smiled as Amy and her made faces at the camera, whilst hugging each other. Amy's death was slowly starting to get to her as Alex wiped her eyes to keep from crying.

Jay walked into the library to find Alex. "Hey Lexxi," he said softly. Alex looked up and glared. "You holdin' up alright?" he asked, offering her a hand to help her rise to her feet.

"I'm fine," Alex said putting on her theoretical mask.

"How's everything going with Mirna?" he asked, knowing that Alex was helping the older woman with preparations for Amy's funeral. They began to walk out of the library together, Jay's arm awkwardly trying to comfort Alex, but his hands finally found a resting place in the pockets of his jeans.

"fine," she answered stubbornly, refusing to open up to him.

"how's the baby?" he asked randomly, but ever since the hospital and seeing Alex play with Josh the wheels in his head were starting to turn. He'd actually thought about, perhaps seeing the kid once in a while.

Alex turned and glared at him, "the baby is fine." She quickened her pace, "and the baby wants you to leave us both the fuck alone," and walked off.

(**-X-**)

Craig walked into _the Clash_ and began picking through racks of CDs hoping to find something to inspire him a little bit. He'd come out of photography slump, but now his music was suffering and it was upsetting him quite a lot. He wasn't even sure what kind of mood he was in.

"I recommend some Nick Drake," a familiar voice said from behind Craig. Craig turned around to see Mark in jeans and a shirt for a band he didn't recognize. He quickly glanced and noticed his name tag.

"Oh, cool thanks man," Craig said looking around, and walking over to the funk music rack, Mark following him.

"Um, you mind if I ask you something," Mark asked rubbing the back of his neck. Craig turned around cautiously. "Well I mean you dated Ash for a while, right?" he asked.

"Yea, and we were pretty good friends before that," Craig mentioned, intentionally trying to put a sting on the words.

"Well did she ever seem like…like maybe she was depressed, or down for no reason?" Mark asked. "Cause I mean, she's been a little down lately, and I'm really not sure what do."

Craig shrugged, "she gets that way sometimes, overreacts sometimes."

Mark lowered his head, "look, I wouldn't ask if…"

"you didn't care, I get it, but this is Ash we're talking about." Craig said setting down a CD, " she's a complicated person."

"care to explain a little wisdom on how complicated?" Mark asked. He was already desperate enough to ask the ex boyfriend for help, all he wanted was for Ash to be alright most of the time, if not all of it.

"How much time do you have?" Craig asked.

"I'm off in twenty," he answered, "I'll have a few hours before I'm meant to be over at Ashley's for dinner."

Craig nodded. "I'll meet you in the food court in twenty." Craig walked out of the store feeling accomplished, so to speak. There was no doubt that Craig truly cared about Ashley, sure the cheating made it seem like she wasn't worth that much to him, but she had been a great friend, and meant a lot to him. Not being friends with her was killing him, and seeing her with someone who treated her better, was killing him. He wandered around the mall food court and grabbed himself a serving of fries and sat down at an empty table.

Mark walked over to Craig's table and pulled up a chair and spun it backwards, sitting on it facing the back of the chair. "So should I be worried?" Mark asked.

"Not too much," Craig said easing into the conversation as he ate his fries, "she just has her ups and downs." Craig had always noticed her ups and downs, they were never as extreme as his manic and depressive moments but they were enough to be noticed.

Mark smiled, "good, so pretty much just keep doing what I'm doing?"

"I don't know what is it you're doing?" Craig asked.

Mark shrugged, "we mostly just do the normal relationship thing and play music, study together, talk a lot."

"You guys have sex yet?" Craig asked smirking.

Mark narrowed his eyebrows, "nah, she's not quite ready for it." Mark was not comfortable about this part of the conversation.

"sometimes I think she's just sexually frustrated," Craig answered, knowing that the topic of Ash's sex life was not something Mark wanted to be discussing with the ex boyfriend.

"are you sure you're not just saying that because she wouldn't have sex with you?"

Craig's smirk disappeared, "she told me she loved me," Craig threw in his face.

Mark and Craig glared at each other for a good few moments before Mark started laughing. "This is stupid."

Craig raised an eyebrow in confusion, "what?"

"This" Mark said, "you and me, this stupid alpha male feuding."

Craig shrugged, "I just don't think you're good enough for Ash."

"just like I don't think you ever were," Mark said.

Craig laughed, "well you gotta understand where I'm coming from, man." Craig softened his laughter. "I loved her, she was literally everything to me. She had this amazing personality, this beautiful voice, this look on her face when she smiled."

"It's something I've noticed in her the day we met," Mark said.

Craig smiled, "good, it's good to know she's appreciated."

"then why'd you cheat on her?"

Craig sighed. "I don't know, it's all just a mess that'd fit in a country music song."

Mark laughed, "you don't seem like a country guy."

"I'm not," Craig said smiling, "I'm more of a funky punky emo kind of guy."

"is that possible to blend together?" Mark asked intrigued.

Craig shrugged, "I could try and blend it, but I think my problem would lie in the lyrics."

"Yea, you'd need something kind of pop-like with an emo feel."

"and a funky baseline" Craig added, "to pull it off."

Mark smiled, "I'd really like to see that happen."

"You ever had a band?" Craig asked.

Mark shrugged, "a few here and there, nothing really serious."

"cause I'm looking for a few people," he mentioned, "I was thinking about asking Ellie to bring a little bass to my sound but all I've got right now is me and Spinner on drums."

"Well I play guitar," Mark mentioned, "and you know Ash plays the keys and sings."

"Ha, it'd just be interesting to get us all together wouldn't it?"

"hahaha Ash and I joke around about calling ourselves the MASH experience."

Craig laughed, "nice, I love that show…I catch the reruns when I'm home sick."

Mark laughed, "ha it's like television therapy."

Craig stopped laughing and a serious look washed across his face, "MASH therapy."

Mark smirked, "now the only thing would be to find out if Ash is cool with this."

(**-X-**)

Kate watched as her daughter sat alone in the sitting room, randomly tapping a key on the piano. She'd sat there for several hours just playing that same note, tapping that same key. "Ashley, honey?" Kate asked as she walked into the sitting room and sitting on the piano bench next to her daughter. "You alright?"

Ashley stopped playing the key and looked over at her mother, "yea, I'm fine." Ashley raised her eyebrow questionably. "Why?"

"You just seem a little out of it," Kate mentioned, gently resting a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

Ashley shrugged, "I feel fine Mom, really."

Kate furrowed her eyebrows, something was definitely up with her daughter, whether Ashley noticed it or not. The random ups and downs used to drive her nuts, but she became used to it. They weren't out of control or extreme, they just seemed to happen and hurl Ashley into minor bouts of depression for periods of time. This time however it wasn't sparked by a minor issue like it usually was, she just was depressed. It seemed as though her usually borderline personality situations that seemed sparked by events in her life were coincidental. Perhaps the accident at the dance sparked it, but Kate had noticed her change earlier that evening.

Ashley sighed and rested both her hands on the keys and began playing a haunting melody on the piano. Kate watched her closely in worry before returning to the kitchen to find Jeff fixing dinner. Jeff looked up from throwing together a salad, "she okay?" he asked.

Kate sat on a stool at the island kitchen counter and rested her chin on her hands. " I don't know." Kate sighed heavily as she dropped her head into her heads and rubbed her temples. "For the first time I don't know what's wrong with my daughter, and it's driving me nuts," she said softly.

Jeff set down the knife and cucumber he was cutting and shook his hands and walked around to gently massage his live-in girlfriend's shoulders. "Everything will be fine," he promised. "We'll figure it out." Kate smiled and reached a hand back to squeeze one of his as it massaged her shoulders.

(**-X-**)

Emma sat on her bed, looking through her grade seven yearbook as Manny bounded down the steps into the basement bedroom. "Whatchya doin'?" Manny asked as she bounced onto the bed and leaning over Emma's shoulder. "Wow, grade seven, that's like, forever ago." Emma turned a page to a layout of random pictures and smiled as she saw her and Sean at a lunch table. Manny frowned as she sat back down on the bed, "what are you thinking about."

Emma looked back at Manny, "look how good we looked together," she mentioned.

Manny ripped the year book from Emma's hands and slammed it shut, "think about how good Ellie and Sean look."

Emma glared at Manny's reaction. "I don't know why you're so against it, you got the guy didn't you?"

"yea, but it doesn't make what I did right."

Emma frowned, "he deserves better."

"I think what he deserves is for you to respect his relationship."

"Why did you come over here?" Emma spat, "I mean you're being less of a best friend and more of a hypocrite." Manny frowned. "You can't flip flop about this sort of thing Manny, I mean come on, why can you go for a guy that's already taken, but I can't?"

Manny stood up, "you know what Em, fine, do what ever you want, see what I care!" Manny stomped up the stairs and Emma jumped a bit as Manny slammed the door to the basement shut.

Emma closed her eyes and thought of the dance, of the things that Sean had said to discourage her from making advances. She frowned thinking about all the times that she thought she'd helped him. To anyone else that analyzed their relationship they found emotional abuse, tugging from both sides like a sick game of tug of war. Emma attempted to mold Sean and neglected him when he wanted attention. Sean would throw her neglect and attempts to make him perfect in her face. It was all just a mess that Sean obviously didn't want to be in the middle of anymore. But something Emma desperately needed to make herself feel needed. It tore her heart open to know that Sean preferred someone else to her, that Sean found love in someone else, that he didn't need her anymore to feel good about himself.

Emma opened her eyes. Manny was gone. Sean wasn't in love with her anymore. Her parents had Jack to watch over. Emma was truly alone as she sat in her room. She didn't like the idea of being alone, she didn't like the idea of not being in control. She walked over to the mirror, and stared at her reflection, "what does he see in her?" Emma asked her reflection. Emma's gaze fell onto the chubbiness of her cheeks and she frowned, "why didn't I see it before?" she asked herself.

It was at that moment that Emma found something she could control, and when she could grab the reigns firmly in her hands she'd make herself perfect and she'd ride off with Sean into the sunset. The imagery in her head was so surreally disgusting, the pair riding off on a horse guided by Emma's sturdy hands, a sickeningly sweet romanticized ideal.

Emma frowned as she picked out everything she disliked about herself in the mirror. She decided that if she were to get Sean back, she'd need to gain control of her life again.

(**-X-**)

Alex sat on the floor at Amy's apartment. Her mother still hadn't come home, and Mirna had swooped in to take care of the final preparations for Amy's funeral. Alex walked through the apartment to Amy's room. She walked to the center and sat on the floor, everything looked the same as the last time she was there. The room's walls were a faded peach color, covered with magazine rip outs, posters, and notes. Amy was a packrat, she kept everything. Alex walked over to her closet and shuffled through her dresses until she found one appropriate for a final send off. In the back of the closet she found something that, amongst the short skirts and low cut tops sat this simple black dress, with a drop waist and beautiful copper beading. Alex pulled it out of the closet and laid it gently on the bed. Mirna knocked on the door carrying Josh, and looked at the dress on the bed.

"It was her mother's," Mirna mentioned, "she wore it to her senior prom, right before she conceived Amy."

Alex looked over at the dress, "guess it's fitting," Alex mentioned. Amy would be going out in the same dress her mother wore moments before conceiving Amy. Alex smiled, Amy would hate it. Alex and Mirna walked over to the jewelry box on the dresser and fumbled through necklaces and earrings. Alex pulled out a necklace that had half a circle, she hadn't seen it in ages. Alex frowned, she had the other half of the circle on a chain in her room. Sometime in the past few years both girls had stopped wearing the necklaces, Alex flipped over the half circle, and saw engraved words: _Amy best._ On Alex's necklace had the words: _Alex friends_. When you held the halves together it read _Alex Amy, best friends_.

Alex handed the necklace to Mirna, who gently took it from the dark haired girl. "I haven't seen this in ages," she mentioned. Alex smiled at the older woman. Mirna sat down on Amy's bad and picked up a stuffed animal, "I can't believe this is happening."

Alex stood leaning against the dresser. "I know Amy wasn't an angel, but no one deserves to go out like this," she said as tears fell down her face, "no one deserves to die without the chance to make things right."

Alex walked over to the grieving grandmother and squatted down in front of her, gently taking her hands, "we should think about Josh right now," Alex mentioned, "he needs all the love he can get without his big sister to look out for him." Mirna wiped her eyes.

"I knew I should have gotten these kids out of here the first time I found out about Shauna's drug habits."

"It's not your fault Mirna, this could have happened to anyone," Alex reasoned, "let's make sure Amy gets the send off she deserves and Josh grows up to know how much his sister loved him."

Mirna smiled and gently rested a hand on Alex's cheek. Mirna got to her feet and Alex stood up slowly. "I'm so proud of you," Mirna said hugging Alex close, "you never let anything get you down." Alex smiled weakly and brought a hand to her stomach. "Don't let anyone stand in the way of becoming the amazing person I know you'll be."

Mirna kissed her gently on the forehead and left the room to get Josh up from his nap and ready for dinner. Alex stood in the center of the room, and looked around. It finally hit her, that she'd never see her once best friend ever again. That this was more than just some silly fight, that this was forever.

* * *

**A/N: ** Okay wow, this chapter took me a while to get together, I've been working on it since I finished the last chapter, I'd outlined what I wanted to do since before I posted the last one and I'm really happy with this chapter. There's a lot going on, because there's a lot that's going to be happening before the final chapter, and there's a lot of loose ends I'll want to be able to tie up before then, so expect decently lengthy chapters (this one weighed in at around 9,000+). Keep up the amazing feed back, and remember if you want a response either sign in or leave an email address, and give me something to respond to, I really appreciate good and honest reviews. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Reprise**

_Looking back on my life,  
considering all the trials.  
Made mistakes but its all good.  
Faced the pain that I caused.  
Apolagetic result.  
What's done is done and its all good_

Burn Season "Monday"

Things were still a bit awkward between Manny and Emma after their fight, but per usual they were back to being best friends, because when it came down to it, they fought like a happily married couple. They were spending the Tuesday afternoon watching an movie on the television, just chatting away and occasionally finishing up homework.

Manny munched on a chip as her and Emma watched a movie. Manny frowned at the screen, "ugh, will they stop bickering and just make up already," she groaned while trying to pass the bowl of chips to Emma who looked down at the bowl of potato chips sneeringly potato chips were not something she needed to be eating right now. "Em?" Manny asked as she held the bowl, "you want any?" Emma shook her head. "Good all the more for me," Manny said smiling as she sat Indian style on the couch the bowl of chips in her lap as she munched on them joyfully.

Emma's stomach grumbled as she occasionally looked between the movie on the television screen and the bowl of chips in Manny's lap. She stood up slowly, and wavered for a moment as she felt the blood rush quickly to her head. She hadn't eaten much that day, in fact if Emma were to answer honestly she'd probably let the world know she'd eaten half a cup of granola and a carrot. "I'll be right back," Emma said and walked to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and chugged it down quickly, thinking if her stomach was full of something, anything…that she wouldn't be hungry.

Manny walked into the kitchen, "thirsty much?" she asked as she set the bowl of chips down on the kitchen table and walked to the fridge. "What's Spike making for dinner?" she asked looking at Tupperware containers full of leftovers. "I'm starved I haven't eaten since lunch."

Emma looked over at her friend and rolled her eyes, "I dunno, I'm not that hungry anyways."

Manny closed the fridge, "but you've barely eaten all day."

Emma shrugged, "just not hungry…How's Craig?" she quickly changed the subject.

Manny shrugged, "he keeps spending a lot of his free time with this Callie girl from group." She and Emma began to walk back to the living room and slumped down on the couch.

"You think he's cheating?" Emma asked as she caught a tone in Manny's voice that led her to question.

"What am I supposed to think Em, ever heard the saying: _if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you_?"

"Doesn't mean he will…it's just a saying."

Manny shrugged, "I guess."

"Well why don't you ask this Callie girl…" Emma suggested, "where does she go to school."

"U of T."

Emma's eyes widened, "wow, a college girl?"

"now you see what I'm dealing with," Manny said trying to focus on the movie and not on her seemingly disintegrating love life. Manny sighed and dug her hand into the box of cookies she'd swiped from the cabinet and shoved one into her mouth, Emma watching with disgust as Manny munched, crunched, chewed and swallowed. She was counting the calories in her head with each cookie that passed Manny's lips.

"Do you feel like going for a run tomorrow?" Emma asked, hoping that she'd be able to curb Manny's health habits as well. It didn't matter that Manny was on spirit squad and healthy girl, "I'm feeling a little soft around the middle."

Manny looked over at Emma and rolled her eyes, "You're nuts Em, you're like a twig,…but if anyone needs to run it's me," Manny said, "have you seen how much I've eaten since this whole Callie thing exploded?"

Emma shrugged, "haven't really noticed," she lied.

"Yea,…so tomorrow before school?"

Emma nodded. Manny looked back to the screen in time to catch the credits. She jumped to her feet, and set the box of cookies on the coffee table. "You're leaving?" Emma pouted.

"Yea, if you want me to wake up early enough to run with you before school, a girl's gotta get her beauty sleep." Manny smiled and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I'll be back over tomorrow morning."

Emma curled her knees up to her chest as she began flicking through channels on the television. It was a cliché moment: hundreds of channels and nothing to watch.

**-X-**

Sean did a final adjustment on the engine and slid the ratchet back into a loop on his tool belt and wiped his hands on a micro fiber cloth and tossed it on a folding table. Their car was ready for show inside at their own show booth, and everything was set when Mr. Ehl spun around on his wheels and looked at the boys sternly, "I want you both on your best behavior, remember this is still a school function," he reminded them.

Jay smirked. It was the first time in a while that Sean had seen a mischievous look on his friends face. Like everyone else in the school, he too was feeling the impact of Amy's death, though in true Jay like fashion he did his best to ignore it. Sean rolled his eyes and Jay and him listened to their mentor and teacher speak to them about proper behavior, "Remember boys, this is a great opportunity to speak to professionals and possibly secure job opportunities after school, or further your education." The last statement caught Sean's attention as Mr. Ehl looked at him hopefully. "I want you two back here in three hours for our inspection."

The pair nodded and began slowly walking around the convention center as Mr. Ehl walked over to answer questions about the car, while the boys had the opportunity to spread themselves thin with the experience of meeting professionals and peers in their field of expertise. "Dude, look at the detail on that model," Jay pointed out. Sean followed the direction of his finger only to find himself confused.

"Are you talking about the girl or the car Jay?" Sean asked.

"You're kidding right?" Jay asked nudging his friend. "It's a package deal," he smirked.

Sean rolled his eyes, "you've got to be kidding me, we're here surrounded by people who could give us the opportunity of a lifetime and your checking out the legs of some blonde?"

Jay glared, "hey, if you don't wanna check out girls that's your thing."

"I'm serious Jay, we could do something with our lives and your just interested in getting laid."

"At least I'm getting some," Jay smirked.

Sean smirked, "not as much as me," Sean said as he walked by a table and started looking at pamphlets for automotive schools. Jay smiled and nudged Sean with his shoulder.

"Do tell," Jay insisted.

"Let's just say El's a little stressed out, and has been since Amy's accident."

"Dude, didn't you know grief gets girls hot?"

Sean rolled his eyes, "is that all you think about."

Jay snorted, "man, I'm a teenage guy and I'm in my prime, excuse me for taking full advantage of my hormones."

Sean laughed, "regardless, I can't help but think about how sick this all really is, that me and Ellie are getting all hot and heavy after Amy is killed, by Ellie's mom of all people."

Jay shrugged and started checking out a civic similar to his with a better paint job, "I don't know what you want me to tell you, man."

Sean shrugged. It just didn't seem right, but it was better than Ellie cutting, and it was better than Sean drowning his sorrows at the bottom of a bottle. Sean picked up another pamphlet. "Man check this out, VC Tech," Sean grabbed a pamphlet for Jay.

Jay read over the pamphlet, "it's in the states man."

Sean shrugged, and reached for another one, "there's ATC in Ontario?" he mentioned. The thought of continuing his education gave him a itch he just wanted to scratch. His brother had never graduated, and neither had his parents, and the thought of graduating not only high school but to go onto to college and get a degree just started turning gears in his head.

"It's cool man," Jay mentioned handing back the ATC pamphlet, "you really gunna do it?"

Sean shrugged, "it's a thought, I mean why not?"

Jay shrugged, "I dunno." Jay looked around and caught sight of a booth explaining simple solutions for engine difficulties and walked over, beckoning for Sean to follow, "never been much of a scholar."

"I'm surprised you even know what one is."

"I'm not stupid Sean, I just don't like school." Jay said angry by the statement and the possibility that he was seen as an ignorant teen. Jay was a hybrid of street smarts and mechanical intelligence. He wasn't stupid, he just never felt the need to prove his intelligence to people, or for a piece of paper to state where he belonged in the school system.

"Well you coulda fooled me," Sean mumbled. Sean and Jay leaned over to get a look under the hood of a car on display. Sean furrowed his eyebrows.

"Question young man?" a gentleman in a suit asked.

"Actually yea, did you drive this car here or did you just tow it and roll it in here?" Sean asked as he leaned farther over the velvet roping to get a better look.

"We towed it why?" the man asked. Jay noticed the same thing Sean had and crossed his arms and watched as Sean pulled a ratchet, a set of pliers, and a screwdriver from his tool belt and beckoned for Jay to help him out.

"Because you have a bit of a problem, and I hope you didn't plan on starting this vehicle, because you'd be in for an embarrassing situation," Sean mentioned as he motioned for the gentleman to let him under the velvet rope.

Sean walked up to the hood of the car and began tinkering with the engine and the starter and called Jay over to do a final check on the intake valve that looked far from being secure.

Sean and Jay both took a few steps back. "All good," Sean said simply and wiped his greased up hands on his once clean jeans.

"What was wrong with it?" the gentlemen asked.

Sean laughed, "a couple of things your mechanics should have checked before they let you tow it here." He answered.

"What mechanics institute did you two graduate from?" the gentlemen asked.

Sean and Jay looked at each other and laughed, "we're still in high school," Jay answered, "we built a car from scratch for a competition."

"Oh you're part of the expo challenge?" the gentlemen asked.

"Yea, we're from DCS."

The man nodded, and pulled out a shiny card holder and handed a business card to Sean and Jay, "well when you're finished with school, and need a job…" he mentioned simply.

Jay and Sean looked at each other stunned, as Mr. Ehl rolled up to them, "boys, judges are over at the booth, they want to speak to you."

Sean and Jay shrugged at each other and walked over to their booth where their car sat parked behind velvet roping. Sean slipped over the rope while Jay took a magnificent leap over it and stood to see three judges giving the car a once over.

**-X-**

Tracker paced the kitchen, touching the tip of a knife to his nose and looking around. He was sure he was coming down with a fever and he didn't even know how he had the energy to pace the room. He'd missed a payment on a bill, and he was just waiting for the water to get shut off. He started to panic, he'd been trying to get a hold of the billing department of the water company since that morning, calling from work every moment he got, and spent most of the day on hold going through menu after menu speaking to a recording, only to find out that he wouldn't be able to speak to a real person until after the weekend, and during business hours. He just hoped they wouldn't cut off the water until he was able to get a chance to explain.

He could feel the stress bottling up inside and he looked at his knife and at his scars and groaned in frustration, mostly because out of everything he knew that could make him feel better laid in the edge of the blade. It scared him. It scared him to the point where the handle of the knife was shaking drastically in his hand. He tried drastically to try and slow his breathing, to try and calm his nerves. He dropped the knife to the floor and walked over to the sink and splashed his face with cool water, thankful that the water was still running.

Ellie walked through the door, and looked oddly at Tracker as she watched him frantically wet his face with cool water, relishing in the fact that the water was running. "You okay?' she asked, dropping her bag on the floor.

"I should ask you that" he mentioned drying his face on his shirt. Ellie flopped down on the couch, "how're you?"

"I'm fine, better than you it seems, you look sick, are you alright?" she asked as she noticed his pale complexion.

Tracker stumbled to the couch, and collapsed down next to Ellie. The stress was tearing him apart from the inside. His immune system was breaking down, and he was on the start of coming down with something. Ellie pressed her hand to his forehead.

"Doesn't feel like you have a fever or anything," she said as she pulled her hand back and looked at him worriedly.

He stood up and wavered from side to side before grabbing his head and falling back on the couch. He cursed under his breath as Ellie rushed closer to his side as he nearly fainted. "I have to go to work " he muttered weakly and tried to stand up again.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" she asked as she watched him wobble. This situation was frightening to say the least, the usually strong, older brother figure she loved and cared about was wavering back and forth, as if he were going to topple over. His pale complexion and bags under his eyes screamed for rest.

"Yea, I'm fine," he said leaning walking towards the door, leaning on furniture for stability. As he reached for the door knob he fell to his knees, weakly. Ellie rushed to his side, "or not," he mumbled as Ellie helped him to his feet and to his bed room where Ellie dropped him on the bed.

"Call off, would you?," Ellie asked as she fluffed a pillow for him, and walked to the kitchen, coming back with the cordless phone and glass of ice water. "And then I want you to go to bed." She handed him the phone and set the glass of water on his bedside table and stood with her hands on her hips.

"Ellie," he said trying to sit up. He had to let someone know about the water situation, but spilling the unstable financial situation he was dealing with to the girl who'd started living with him.

"Tracker" Ellie said staring daggers at him.

"Call Kemmie for me," he said frowning. He couldn't do it. This was his problem.

Ellie softened and dialed the number as Tracker spouted them, and gently listened to the dial tone.

"Kem…it's Ellie, Tracker's got a fever, he wanted me to call you," she said simply.

"Is he alright?" Kemmie asked over the phone.

"He's dizzy, he doesn't want to call of work, and keeps trying to leave," Ellie said truthfully.

"I'll be right over," the young woman said. Ellie heard her jingling keys and rushing to the door, "I'll see you when I get over there." Kemmie had hung up the phone.

**-X-**

Ellie sat in the guidance office gentle snapping a rubber band against her bare skin. Sonya Sauvé walked into the office concerned yet proud of Ellie for the way she was handling the stress and ridicule from the students for her mother's mistakes. "So, Ellie, how is everything?" she asked as she sat down at her desk.

Ellie shrugged, "as well as can be expected when nearly the whole school hates you because of your mom."

Sonya smiled politely at the redhead, "how's group therapy with Crescent?" she asked. Ellie shrugged, and snapped a rubber band against her skin again, causing Sonya to notice the welts against her skin. "Is everything alright?"

Ellie sighed, "Dad's back in the middle east, and my home is empty, chances are my mother's going to prison." Sonya noticed that Ellie seemed more annoyed than upset about the situation.

"What's going to happen with your house?" she asked.

Ellie shrugged, "I suppose I'll have to call the base and see if we can move everything into a storage unit or something," Ellie snapped the rubber band again, this time harder than usual as she thought about the stress she'd endure trying to take care of her family's belongings.

Sonya jumped a little as the sound of rubber snapped against Ellie's skin. "Aren't you staying at home?" she asked, "couldn't they provide you with assisted living expenses like they were doing for your mother?"

Ellie looked up from staring at her welts, "I haven't been living at home for almost a month, I've been staying with Sean."

"I see," Sonya said jotting down at note on her tablet.

"Maybe they could come stay with me over there?" Ellie asked shrugging.

"That would be up to Sean and his brother, wouldn't it?"

Ellie sighed, "it's probably too much trouble to even ask." Ellie thought for a moment about the three of them living together in her home. Not that the small apartment was a bad place, and not that it wasn't cozy, Ellie just missed her room, the smell of her father's cologne in the closets, and seeing his smiling face from behind a picture frame as she walked into the house.

"How's your friend Alex?" Sonya asked, toying with her pen in her hand.

"I don't know, she's hard to read these days, I'm actually worried about her."

"She was close with Amy wasn't she?"

Ellie nodded, "they used to be best friends up until about a month ago…" Ellie racked her mind to think of reasons why, but came up empty. "I actually found it a relief that Amy wasn't around as much because of her and Alex's fall out."

"Do you feel even more relieved now that she's permanently out of the picture?"

Ellie shook her head, "as much as I disliked Amy, and didn't want her around me or Sean, she was a part of our lives that just wouldn't seem right if it suddenly wasn't there." Ellie snapped the rubber band against her skin. And Sonya's eyes fell to see the welts on the students bare forearm.

"Ellie are you okay?" her eyes still focused on Ellie's red, swollen skin.

Ellie looked up, "not really," she answered honestly.

Sonya pressed her lips tightly together, before continuing, "how's group."

"better than can be expected." Ellie looked up, she opened her mouth to speak, but the words failed to come out.

"What is it Ellie?"

"I miss Lake View" she said softly, "I wasn't alone at there, I had people who were just as messed up as me."

"and here you feel alone?" Sonya asked.

"Sometimes…" Ellie sighed, "I…I don't know."

"perhaps you know, you just don't know how to say it," Sonya offered.

Ellie shrugged, "maybe…"

"is losing Amy the same as losing Verity?" Sonya asked, knowing very well she was crossing the line. She watched as Ellie's flared with anger.

"How can you compare Verity and Amy?" Ellie said standing up. She was infuriated with the idea that her former roommate and temporary best friend could be compared at all to the cold and calculating Amy.

"what do you mean?" the woman asked, intrigued by Ellie's anger. "To me, Amy and Verity seem very similar. You used to tell me that Verity's mother was emotionally abusive. Don't you think that Amy had it just as bad with her situation?"

Ellie slowly slunk back into her seat, "I guess…"

"So what makes this different?"

"Amy wasn't a good person."

"Maybe no one ever gave Amy the chance to be a good person?" Sonya suggested.

Ellie shrugged, "Verity was a my friend, I found her…"

"And you watched Amy die in the street."

"You're really crossing the line Ms. Sauve." Ellie said quite upset about the conversation that was beginning. Ellie snapped the rubber band against her skin.

"I'm sorry Ellie, but sometimes lines need to be crossed to move on."

Ellie frowned, "the only difference is I cared that Verity was gone, I don't care about Amy."

"do you not care because she was a constant thorn in your side?" she asked.

"I didn't care because…" Ellie stopped, she really didn't know why she wasn't upset about Amy's death. It could have had something to do with this unwritten rivalry between them, but even Ellie had sympathy for Amy as many did, but the comparison to her friend's death was uncannily familiar yet laced with undistinguishable marks.

**-X-**

Manny stalked into the on campus darkroom on a mission. She burst into the photography lab on the university campus and looked around, "I'm looking for Callie," she said looking around the room, slightly embarrassed by the fact that she now had a class of college students looking at her as if she were crazy.

"She's in the darkroom," a random girl mentioned.

Manny nodded politely, "thanks," and walked in the direction in which the girl pointed and found herself walking into a revolving type door and tripping into the dark room where she found a girl deeply engrossed in developing a specific cell on a negative. Manny stopped to look Callie up and down, from her fishnets to her messy black hair and ruby red lips, '_so this is my competition_?' Manny thought to herself.

"Are you going to stare at me all day or say something?" Callie said turning around and walking to the developing trays.

"Callie, right?" Manny asked.

"In the flesh," Callie answered as she agitated the photo paper in chemicals. Callie looked up, "Do I know you? You look familiar?"

"I think more familiar would be my boyfriend," Manny said sternly, placing her hands on her hips.

"Oh, so you're Manny," Callie said, suddenly disinterested, as she moved the photograph to another tray.

"That's it?" Manny asked, "You lure my boyfriend into darkrooms and do gods know what with him and all you can say is _so you're Manny_?" Manny was angry and disgusted, and became more so upset when Callie started laughing.

"You do realize this is stupid right?" Callie asked.

"How is this stupid?" Manny said crossing her arms.

Callie dropped the photograph image into the last tray and stopped to look at Manny, "Look _hon_, I'm in my twenties, what would I want with a little high school boy?" Callie asked. "Secondly, have you taken two measly seconds to look around the darkroom. Manny looked at the girl confused, but suddenly became away as Callie started taking pictures from the line of drying photographs and handed them to the girl.

"Are these of me?" Manny asked, shuffling through the pictures, "Craig took these?" she asked as she saw herself laughing and smiling, and pouting sweetly into the camera.

"No, the other boyfriend you have did." Callie walked back to the get some more photo paper and walked to the enlarger to work on another photograph.

"I thought," Manny began but was cut off.

"I know what you thought," Callie said.

"I'm sorry," Manny said as Callie turned around and Manny handed the pictures back to her.

"Look, Craig talks about you a lot," Callie said hanging the pictures back up. "In fact from what I understand you and I are a lot alike, it's probably why he and I get along so well."

Manny smiled nervously. "So you're not into him?"

"No, I've got my own angsty artist, I prefer to keep him low key," Callie answered as she walked to the final tray and pulled the picture she'd been working on up, to show her the image of a chubby dark haired guy in glasses covered in paint, _nothing but paint_. Manny blushed, and Callie laughed to herself. "And now you know why."

Manny took a moment to smile as her face returned to it's normal complexion. "So, I have nothing to worry about right?"

Callie stopped for a moment to look at the younger girl, Manny was dealing with some serious self esteem issues. "Maybe you need to have a talk with him," Callie mentioned.

"Do you know something?" Manny asked.

"I know only what I'm told in confidence, and it's not my place to be talking about other people's inner dwellings without their permission, again, _maybe you need to have a talk with him_," Callie emphasized.

Manny nodded understandingly. She didn't want to be the jealous girlfriend, but how could she not play that role with the history she had with Craig. She couldn't help but wonder if perhaps the old saying, 'if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you' rings true.

Callie watched as the girl stood deep in thought, "you look hungry, wanna grab something to eat?" she offered as she hung her last photograph to dry.

Manny shrugged her shoulders, "sure," she answered.

Callie and Manny walked off campus to the bus stop, where Callie lit up a cigarette and offered a second to Manny, who politely declined. "Good," Callie said, "don't start."

Manny smiled, "so you don't drive?" she asked.

"Why drive when I can pay a few cents to have someone do it for me?" Callie mentioned as the bus pulled up. She watched as Manny shrugged and followed her onto the bus. Manny sat with Callie, the usual spot on the back of the bus.

"So why does Craig think you and I are a lot alike?" Manny asked, rehashing a part of the conversation from before.

Callie shrugged, she didn't want to reveal that she knew about the abortion, it wasn't her place to bring it up. "Pretty much just that we're pretty true to ourselves, I don't know much about you other than what Craig as told me. But I do know me, and I've made plenty of mistakes and had to clean up a lot of messes."

Manny hung her head slightly, "I've done a lot of silly things."

Callie smiled, "so has the rest of the world, it's part of life."

"Have you ever done something you knew was wrong but it was the right thing to do?" Manny asked, referring, of course to her choice to abort her unborn baby. She knew that getting rid of the problem wouldn't truly make it go away, but she didn't feel like she was able to have a baby, to raise a child, to even carry it to term without falling apart.

Callie gently touched her charm, "believe me, I know."

Manny looked up knowingly, completely understanding that Callie and her were on the same page. "Sometimes I feel like I was alone with that kind of mistake."

"Believe me," Callie said, "you're not."

Manny smiled awkwardly as she felt a sort of kinship with Callie that she never felt with Emma. With Emma it was always as if she were kept on a leash, and that everything Manny did was wrong, regardless of mistakes that Emma seemed to make. With Callie, she didn't feel judged for her mistakes. "This feels good," Manny said.

"what does?" Callie asked intrigued.

"this…" Manny tried to rack her brains for ways to think of how to describe the situation. She sighed, "with my best friend Emma, I always feel like I'm doing something wrong."

"let me guess, she tried to convince you not to go through with it?"

"Yea, until she realized there was nothing she could do about it, it definitely wasn't the first time she's tried to but her views into other people's heads."

"She's one of those, eh?" Callie said bemusedly.

Manny nodded, "it actually feels good to talk to someone else every once in a while."

"what…is she like your only friend?" the bus began to come to a stop, and Callie rose to feet, and Manny followed.

"Sometimes it feels like she won't let me have another friend other than her," she said as they stepped off the bus.

"run little on, run far far away," Callie said with a cackle.

Manny rolled her eyes, "it's not that bad."

"I'm sure."

**-X-**

"So how'd it go?" Ellie asked as she sat next to Alex at the Dot as the two boys in their lives walked in and slipped into the booth they sat at. Jay and Sean looked at each other, smirked and turned back to the girls.

"We blew the judges away," Jay said and then laughed as he realized how horribly inappropriate his comment sounded.

Alex smiled, "best news I've heard in a while."

"I've got better," Sean spoke up, "Jay and I might have a part time job."

Ellie raised an eyebrow, "doing what?"

"Well, see Vampira," Jay began, "it all started when…"

Sean elbowed Jay in the stomach, "we just impressed the right people, we talked after the judging and they have a shop close to the school, so we could work after school five days a week."

Ellie smiled, "I'm proud of you." Ellie reached across the table and pecked Sean lightly on the lips. He blushed slightly as he could feel Jay smirking at him for the public displays of affection.

" What about me Lexxi? You proud of me?"

"Not by a long shot," she said rolling her eyes. Despite Jay's attempts the space between them was still measured in miles. She dove right back into the pile of fries she had on the plate in front of her, dipping her fries in mayonnaise and ketchup, and eating them with ease.

"I'll never figure out how people can eat fries with mayonnaise," Ellie said looking over at Alex with disgust.

"What can I say…it's an acquired taste," she retorted between bites.

"Slow down Lexxi, you're eating like a pregnant woman," Jay spat. And Alex just shot daggers in his direction and threw a fry at him. He grabbed the fry and ate it, "thanks Lex…"

Alex rolled her eyes. "You're an ass."

"Well we're gunna head home," Sean suggested as he felt Ellie's leg brush against his underneath the table, and gently run up and down his leg.

Alex frowned, she was left with Jay and her plate of fries as she watched Sean snatch Ellie's hand and drag her out of the diner with a giggle.

"So, speaking of eating like a pregnant woman…how's the baby?"

"Why do you keep asking?" she groaned, "you made it perfectly clear you don't even think it's yours."

"Oh come on Lexxi," he begged. "I'll buy you a shake," he bribed, hoping it'd buy him a few more minutes with her as he noticed her plate of fries dwindling.

"fine…" she mumbled, as she felt her stomach grumble. Jay reached out of the booth and snatched a waiter by the collar and ordered Alex a chocolate shake.

"Amy's funeral is tomorrow," Alex mentioned, "are you coming?"  
"yea…I'll just have to dust off my clean pants," he muttered. Alex knew that Jay didn't feel comfortable and situations like the one he would partake in the next day. It made him more uncomfortable knowing that the girl lying in the casket was someone he was both friendly with, and intimate with. Alex watched him, the look in his eyes made her realize that he was only going to support her and it made her shift uncomfortably in her seat.

**-X-**

Ellie looked around the small chapel as she, Sean, Jay, and Alex walked through the heavy wooden doors. Mirna had been there several hours already, Josh on her hip, carefully perfecting every detail. Amy didn't have a welcoming start in the world, but Mirna would not accept that she'd have a piss poor farewell. Ellie squeezed Sean's hand tightly as they took their seats in the front pew. Ellie looked around, everyone dressed in black. It was the one time she didn't feel like she stood out in her black plaid mini skirt and black tights. Sean was sitting next to her gently massaging her hand with his thumb as he too blended in with everyone else and the black clad cloud of mourners, that were still piling into the chapel.

Alex sat dressed in black, next to Jay. Dresses and skirts weren't her thing and she settled for black jeans and a simple nice black dress shirt. Jay looked over at Alex as she watched people file in. He noticed how much heavier she seemed to look as the days dragged on, and how her stomach seemed to swell little by little. He seemed to be the only one to notice. She looked around the small chapel, disgusted by how many people had actually shown their faces. Half these people didn't even like Amy, let alone know her. The thought of these people _paying their respects_ made her blood boil. She assumed it also made her nauseous, but then again, she could have blamed that on her still on going random bouts of morning sickness. She looked to see Mirna bouncing Josh on her knee and frowned as she saw Amy's mother, Shauna stumble in with her boy toy of the moment. Shauna pulled off her sunglasses to expose blood shot eyes. Mirna frowned at the site of her daughter, looking as though she'd just walked in off the street. It was clear that she was high as a kite as she wiped her nose.

Shauna reached out for her son but was pushed away at arms length as Mirna handed the child to Sean. Alex could see the older woman mouth the words, "get out." But Shauna pouted and remained in the pew. Alex's hands balled into fists as she jumped to Mirna's aid.

"Leave," Alex said simple.

"I'm here for Amy," Shauna groaned, rolling her eyes at the sudden disdain everyone seemed to have for her, "if you haven't noticed my only daughter is dead."

Alex rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms, "if you haven't noticed your neglect is part of the reason Amy isn't here."

Shauna rose to her feet, "don't you dare talk to me like that Alexia, I took care of you when your mother was too drunk to function."

"And I took care of Amy and I when you were too high to tell the difference between Hawaiian Punch and draino." Alex felt a harsh slap across her face. Shauna stumbled back after slapping Alex. "Fuck you, Shauna." Alex responded, as Jay jumped to her side, "fuck all of you!" She looked around the room, at all the mourners, "What right in hell do any of you have to be here?"

Everyone was stark silent as Alex ripped apart everyone in the chapel, with her words, and strained voice. She stalked up to the podium and looked out across the crowd. "None of you even knew her!" she shouted. She looked over at Shauna, "you abandoned her Shauna, you were her mother. Ellie she hit on your boyfriend, and Sean? You can't even pretend to like how she used you. Jay? She was your fuck buddy, and she was supposed to be my best friend. But what right do you have to be here, pretending to care about her, pretending to care that she's gone." Alex took a deep breath and looked at Mirna who bounced a very quiet Josh in her arms. "the only two people in this chapel that even deserve our sympathy are her grandmother and brother, who loved her unconditionally despite what she did."

"I loved my baby," Shauna cried out.

Alex threw dagger sharp glares in her direction, and laughed harshly, "in what sense Shauna? which was more important to you? Getting high, getting laid, or watching your daughter grow up?" Shauna remained silent. "That's what I thought," Alex spat. "Do you guys know that Amy liked motocross for more than the guys? Or because she was handy with more than just a wrench?" She looked out across the pews to catch a glimpse of several of Amy's motocross buddies, mostly guys, and they smirked. "It's why she took auto shop instead of sewing, because she knew how to change the top end of a bike in less than two minutes." She watched as the group of motocross guys in the back of the chapel smirked as the remembered Amy's spunk in the crew pits. "But I'm sure you all knew that, because you all knew Amy, isn't that right?"

"Let me make this perfectly clear, you don't know Amy…you don't know Amy until you're holding her hair back while she's throwing up in a toilet. You don't know Amy until she's sitting next to you in a holding cell because of a fight you both got into. You don't know Amy, so don't pretend like you do."

"Most of you don't know anything about her, and never will, and don't do the world favors by pretending to either, you'll only look stupid." Jay smirked as he watched Alex. "She was my friend, she was my family, and she was Josh's big sister." Alex watched as Josh smiled as he heard his name. "Amy will always be my favorite bitch."

Nearly everyone in the company of the memorial services was stunned. Everyone except the front pew: Mirna, Josh, Jay, Sean and Ellie all smiled. They smiled because Alex made sure that Amy would be remembered for what she was: "everyone's favorite bitch." Mirna was smiling through her tears as she walked up meet Alex as she walked down from the altar. Mirna gently grabbed Alex's hands and felt as the girl shook violently from nerves. She pulled them to her lips and kissed them comfortingly. "Truthful, and beautiful, just like you Alexia to not hold anything back."

Alex looked over at Shauna and flipped her the bird while she stalked out of the chapel. "Damn hormones," she said as her eyes began to water and tears came in waves, rolling down her cheeks. She closed her eyes, hoping it would stop them. This was not the time for her guard to be down, and for her hormones to be out of control. She slumped down on the concrete steps outside the church.

"Here," a voice said.

Alex opened her eyes to see a soft purple silk scarf. She blinked a few times as she took hold of the smooth fabric and used it to sooth her tears. "Thanks," she said looking down at the ground.

"you sure you're okay?" Paige asked, brushing some of her blond hair out of her eyes, "because it sure seems like a bold face lie if I ever heard one."

Alex frowned, "can you just for once learn to mind your own business Paige, just once." Alex sobbed and gave back the scarf, as Paige nodded, "thanks."

Paige sat down on the steps beside her, "how's everything?" she asked, as she gently tucked the scarf away into her black purse. Alex looked over, utterly annoyed by the blonde's presence.

"As well as can be expected," Alex rolled her eyes as she responded.

"How's the baby?" Paige asked. Alex looked over at the girl, ready to strangle her. "Oh please Alex, it's not like anyone's around to hear me." Paige waved her arms around to show the raven haired girl that there was no one around to listen in.

"the baby's fine," she answered, almost unwillingly.

"boy or a girl."

"I don't think I want to know right now," Alex answered and looked down at the concrete and began to watch ants scamper across the ground.

"why not?" Paige answered disappointed, "I'd be picking out clothes and baby names by now."

Alex looked over at Paige and rolled her eyes, "you're incredibly ridiculous, you know that?"

"Victoria for a girl, and Harley for a boy," Paige answered looking up at the sky.

Alex looked over at the blonde, "Harley?"

Paige looked over at Alex, "yes, Harley."

Alex struggled hard not to laugh.

"What's so funny, what's wrong with the name Harley?" Paige asked. Alex shrugged but continued to smile at the thought of a little blonde boy with the name Harley.

"I've always wanted to have a little boy, you know." Paige said watching cars pass. "Always wanted to go to all his sport games, watch him play football, I'd be a total soccer mom, ya know/" Alex laughed again, this time thinking of Paige in a mini-van. "So you've never thought about names for your future kids?" Paige asked.

"not really."

"not once?"

"Zac" Alex answered. "I always knew if I had a boy I'd name him Zac."

"Why Zac?" Paige asked.

"It was my father's name." Alex answered simply. "It was the only think I liked about him."

"When did he lea—"

"Everything thinks my father is some dead beat dad…my Mom threw him out." Alex answered, Paige listened as Alex continued to speak about her father. "I haven't seen him since she pushed him out the door. She used to drink a lot back then, and he tried to get her to stop." Alex sighed as she closed her eyes and remembered that night. "He didn't want to leave me, but it was either she get sober or he leaves."

"And he left?"

"he left…" Alex answered and shrugged her shoulders. "I think I was like six or seven then, and I used to dream about him coming back and whisking me off to live with him."

"You don't like your Mom?" Paige asked.

"I love my mom," Alex looked over at Paige, "I just didn't want to live with her…it's really scary when you're that young and have to clean up your mother's _messes_." Paige smiled comfortingly as Alex wiped her eyes again and took a deep breath. "So where's the lapdog?' she asked.

Paige wasn't sure whether to be offended or to laugh, she shrugged, "I don't know, probably still inside where I left him."

"Why'd you come?" Alex asked, "it's not like you and Amy even exchange words."

"I came for you…" Paige said simply, "I'm your friend right?"

Alex groaned, Paige was on that kick again. "why?"

"why what?'

"why are you doing this friend thing…" Alex responded, "you have plenty of friends, why are you dragging me into your fluffy pink world?"

"because you're like a guilty pleasure, Alex, your like a dash of cayenne pepper to my warm hot chocolate." Alex furrowed her eyebrows questionably. Paige looked surprised, "you've never tried cayenne pepper with hot chocolate?" she asked.

"doesn't seem like something that would mesh well with something sweet."

"don't knock it til you've tried it."

"Paige,…are you out here?" Spinner called as he walked through the chapel doors to see his girlfriend sitting on the steps with Alex. Spinner squatted down and planted a soft kiss on Paige's cheek.

"Hey honeybee," Paige answered as she raised a hand to gently graze his cheek.

"you ready to go?" he asked.

"I think…"she said and then looked at Alex.

"Hey, sorry about your friend," Spinner said as he watched Paige look in Alex's direction.

Alex rolled her eyes, sympathy was the last thing she wanted or needed, "thanks," she muttered politely.

"you hungry?" Paige asked, "because Spinner and I are heading to the Dot to grab something to eat." Spinner opened his mouth to protest but barely half a word slipped out of his mouth as Paige elbowed him in the stomach.

Alex shrugged.

"My treat," Paige offered in a sing-song voice.

Alex rose slightly, her stomach grumbling slightly as she accepted Paige's invitation.

**-X-**

Ellie sat patiently in the records room at the station, labeling video footage before jotting down notes for Caitlin on a possible segment. She sighed, Amy's funeral was in a few days and she just couldn't focus on any task. She dropped her head into her hand and rubbed her temples, sometimes she wondered why she felt like it was a good idea to throw herself into work. She heard a knock at the door to the records room and looked up, "I'm almost---DADDY!?" Ellie jumped to her feet and rushed the door frame where her father waited handsomely in uniform as if he'd just gotten off the plane and was dropped off at the station. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and nearly burst into tears as she breathed in his cologne.

"Elliebear," he whispered into her red hair and held her close. Ellie smiled into his uniform and pulled back and stared up at her father with glossy eyes.

"General Hayworth called me and gave me immediate leave,…what happened exactly?" he asked.

Ellie frowned slightly, "this really isn't the place to talk about this," she muttered and grabbed her things. And walked back over to the door and ushered him out into the hallway and pulled the door shut behind her, locking it with a set of keys she'd received from Caitlin.

"Don't you need to work?" he asked wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"I'm already pushing it with the overtime," she smiled and dropped off her keys with the receptionist before walking with her father out to government vehicle he'd been given and slid into the front seat.

"So what's going on, Hayworth said I should probably call our lawyer to set up arrangements."

"probably for the house," Ellie mentioned, and thought to herself for a moment, "they didn't tell you?"

Greg started the ignition on the car and pulled out of his parking spot and began to drive them to a local restaurant, "tell me what?."

"We should probably wait until you're not driving." Greg looked over at his daughter and sighed, "is it your mother?"

"you haven't been home yet have you?"

"El—"

"Dad pull over."

"Ellie."

"DAD pull over," she insisted. Greg pulled over the car and put it into park before shutting of the ignition. Ellie took a deep breath, "Dad…Mom's in jail." Ellie waited for an expression to wash across his father's face. His stare remained concerned yet stagnant. "She was driving drunk and hit a girl in my class…"

"I thought she was going to meetings, getting help…how, why?"

"she stopped going a while ago, and well I wasn't home, she came looking for me."

"where were you?"

"at the school dance, with Sean…but I actually hadn't been at home for weeks…I couldn't take it anymore Dad, she was always on me about everything, ever since I got home from Lake View…she called me a freak, said I was an embarrassment to the family, to **you**."

Greg sighed, and pulled his daughter into a hug, "I'd never be embarrassed by you, never Elliebear, never."

Ellie sniffled, "I moved in with Sean and Tracker."

"do you have your own room?" he asked worriedly.

"I have a couch…" she lied, knowing her father wouldn't want to know about her sharing a room with Sean, let alone a bed.

Greg frowned, "I'm going to ask for a more permanent leave Ellie, we're going to fix this."

"You can't fix this Dad, it's already so messed up." Ellie snapped the rubber band around her wrist, adding to the painful welts she'd built up over the past few days. "Mom, really messed up."

"At least come home, Elliebear."

Ellie shook her head and closed her eyes to keep from crying, "I can't, I'm happy there."

"but I'll be home."

"for how long Dad?" she cried, "how long until you get shipped off again, you signed up for this, you could have been anything else, a doctor, a teacher, a-a-a-anything, but you chose to join the military knowing full well that it would mean leaving the ones you love."

"Elliebear," he softened and soothed her hair, "I…I don't know what to say, I joined to protect my country, my family, you. I never thought things would end up like this, you've got to believe me."

Ellie sniffled, "I'm sorry, I just can't…"

"Bring them with you…" he said suddenly.

"what?" she asked confusedly.

"Sean, and Tracker…ask them to move into the house, so you're not alone, and so the house is taken care of if and when I have to leave again."

Ellie was stunned, "I don't know if I can do that…I mean…it's embarrassing."

"How so?" he asked gently wiping tears from his daughter's eyes.

"Tracker's going through some financial troubles…" she said simply. Greg nodded, understandingly know fully well how degrading of someone's pride it could be to given such a charity.

"I'll pay them…to keep watch over the house…over you."

"I don't think paying my boyfriend and his brother is a way to win over the situation Dad."

"Well do you think they'd be up for dinner?" he asked.

Ellie shrugged, "couldn't hurt to ask."

-X-

Orion brushed his floppy blonde hair out of his face and knocked gently on the door of the del Rossi home and smiled as Marco opened the door with a sullen face. Marco smiled weakly and let Orion in and the pair walked into the living room, where Marco was piecing together a slideshow for an assembly he was putting together for school. "Ellie's coming by later with a documentary piece she edited together at the station," Marco said simply as he slumped down at the kitchen table.

"You okay?" Orion asked, sitting down at the table, "you've been pretty quiet since the dance."

"It's just overwhelming, you know?" Marco said resting his head in his hands, "almost talking to the wooden kitchen table, "someone I used to pass in the halls everyday…someone I'd known through passing…someone my age is dead, it's just…"

"not fair?" Orion asked. Marco shrugged. "Did Ellie ever tell you about Verity?" Orion asked.

"A few times…she really don't like talking about it all too much."

"Ellie wasn't there very long but she and Verity were instantly joined at the hips, they weren't close, but they were close enough…Ellie was in the same room, and tried to wake her up that morning."

Marco covered his mouth, "she didn't tell me that," Marco sighed.

"She was devasted."

"this makes in two people she's lost,…three if you count her mother" Marco mentioned, "this is all in the past year alone."

Orion shrugged, "she's tougher than she looks," he mentioned, "though you can tell she still misses Verity."

"how?"

"just this thing she does from time to time, the way she sometimes tugs on her lips when she's starting to get upset…Ver used to do it too…" Orion mentioned.

Marco nodded casually as he heard Ellie let herself in, "Marco, I got the video," she called out, and stopped short as she saw Orion sitting at the kitchen table. She smiled wide and threw herself into his arms. "I didn't know you were gunna be here!" she shrieked happily.

"thought we could use an extra pair of hands," Marco mentioned, smiling as he saw Ellie's face lit up. He never realized how close Ellie and Orion had gotten while she was away, he just knew they had gotten very intimate in an emotional way. He never doubted her relationship with Sean, despite how much she cared about Orion and the chemistry that oozed between them.

"So is everything else set?" she asked, sitting down at the table and looking over the slides.

"We just need to throw these together into a power point presentation and get over to the school," Marco said while fumbling through the pictures and headlines and notes on the cluttered table and reached for his laptop and small scanner.

Ellie nodded, "are you guys hungry, I could run back out again and grab us something to eat," she mentioned.

-X-

"Hey Sweets," Mark said as she reached out and took Ashley by the hands and pulled her close, gently pecking her on the cheek. She blushed heavily and fell into his embrace.

"So why the surprise date?" she asked giggling, as they slipped into the closest booth at the Dot. She frowned as she slid across the cushioned seat and stared across the table to find herself face to face with Craig. She turned back to Mark, "why is he here?" she asked, a mix of anger and a mix of sorrow.

The more Craig ran into her life the more she seemed to waver between sanity and despair. The boy that'd betrayed her the most was constantly popping in and out of life and her heart couldn't take the pain any more, even though she had moved on.

"Ash hear me out," Craig begged.

Ashley looked back and forth between Mark and Craig and crossed her arms. "Go ahead," she said simply preparing to hopefully hear something worth while.

"I'm sorry…I don't know how many times you want me to tell you, but I really am. I royally fucked up, and I was incredibly stupid and hurt you and Manny, and it wasn't fair to either of you."

Ashley felt Mark wrap a comforting arm around her as she listened to Craig apologize.

"We were friends before that though, and I really miss the girl that had intelligent and thought provoking things to say, the girl that was interested in my music, and the girl that I always knew I could turn to when things got a little bumpy down the road."

Ashley sighed. "Why are you apologizing now?"

"Because I need you," Craig answered.

Ashley raised an eyebrow, "what do you mean?" she asked, "you need me?"

"We need you…" Mark mentioned, "because we think we've got something that could pretty much rock the hell out of this town."

Ashley looked between Mark and Craig questionably. "We want to start a band," Craig blurted out and Ashley smirked. Craig knew that smirk, and it was a good sign that things were just about to fall into place.

Ashley's face softened, "alright, I know your little minds must've already named your little pet project."

Craig and Mark looked at each other, "MASH Therapy," the said together, smiling proudly.

Ashley chuckled a bit. "I like it…so who else is in on this?"

Craig smiled and rested his palms on the table, "alright," he said getting excited, "we've got Spin on drums."

"what about Ellie?" Ashley suggested, "she plays too."

"for how long?" Craig asked, not really comfortable with the idea of Ellie drumming.

"she's just started up again, dragged her kit from the attic, but she's been staying at Sean's…so I don't really know."

Craig shrugged, "Spin's been playing for a while, but mostly in percussion lab at school, so he doesn't really have a kit."

"I'm sure Ellie would be willing to spare hers," Mark suggested. Ashley nodded.

"Okay," Craig continued, drumming his thumbs against the linoleum table top, "and I was thinking you on vocals, Ash, and me and Mark on guitar, and Marco on bass."

Ashley raised an eyebrow, "Marco plays bass?"

"Do you know any other bass players?" Craig asked.

"Terri, but last time I spoke with her, her and her dad were permanently moving to New York to further her plus modeling career," Ashley mentioned, and then her gears began turning, "Ellie…Ellie plays bass guitar."

"since when?" Craig asked.

"since she moved here?" Ashley reminded him, pointing out that on occasion she's switch the electric guitar she carried around school with a bass guitar. Craig nodded, since it made perfect sense that Ellie would love music, making it, listening to it, and all of the above considering she wanted to write and report on music.

"So…" Mark spoke up, "Me, Sweets, Craig, Ells, and Spin…?"

"Looks like it," Ash said.

"MASH Therapy…" Craig said, again proud of the name.

-X-

Jay raised his hand to knock on the door but took a step back. He really didn't know why he was standing outside of Alex's apartment. It felt like forever since he'd been there, just sitting on the couch sharing a beer with his favorite girl, watching a race or Steven Segal movie. He actually smiled as he thought about how often him and Alex had just _stayed in_. He dropped his hands into his pockets, reminiscing for a moment about everything he and Alex had been through. The bruises, the black eyes, the bloody lips that they played off the next day as a _trip down the stairs_. And if anyone ever questioned her about Jay was always right there to defend her.

The thought of his child, his blood, his future pickpocket of a son was stuck in an apartment with Alex as his only line of defense. He shuddered to think of having a girl. Too much work with girls, too much emotion, sometimes he wondered how he put up with all the pheromones when he was constantly surrounded by Amy, Alex, and Ellie all at once. At least with a boy he could teach him about cars, and get their hands dirty together. He leaned against the banister as he looked at the door , waiting to build up the balls to knock on the door and potentially apologize for his behavior.

A crash resounded from inside the apartment followed by shouts. Jay, on instinct, ran to the door and prayed that it was unlocked as he turned the knob and forced himself into the apartment. As he stumbled into the apartment he found Emily struggling to hold Chad back as he slapped Alex across the face. The drunken brute pushed Emily back into the kitchen table and stalked after Alex.

"When 'ya gunna learn to keep yar trap shut?" Chad drawled as Alex tried to back away from him. Jay looked at Alex , she had a cut across her face from where Chad's ring had grazed her cheek from the harsh slap and he jumped to her side and tugged her out of his path.

Alex looked back at Jay as he continued to keep himself between Chad and Alex. "What are you doing here?" she asked as blood dripped onto her white tank top.

"would you just shut up and let me handle this?" Jay said and nudged Alex over to Emily in the kitchen and put himself fully between Chad and the girls. "Chad man, hey, long time no see," he said holding up his arms as if he were welcoming an old friend. Chard raised his brow in confusion. "How about we watch the game?" Jay suggested, trying to calm the drunk down.

"Yar stupid bitch needs ta be taught a lesson," Chad drawled.

"Nah, you don't wanna hurt Lexxi, she's just being Lexxi."

Alex looked up from helping her mother to her feet, "tell him to get his sorry ass out of here, Jay."

Jay rolled his eyes and dropped his arms from leading Chad to the couch. That was his Alex, always opening her mouth at the worst times. Chad pushed past Jay, who was unable to stop him as he grabbed Alex by the arm and tossed her like a rag doll towards the open door.

"When ya gunna learn that youse living under my rules…youse gotta follow my roof," Chad drunkenly swung a punch at Alex who ducked out of the way making him even more angry. Jay rushed to the door and managed to catch sight of Alex backing away from Chad towards the stairs. Her eyes were pleading and begging for help as Chad took one more swing and punched Alex fiercely in the jaw and she stumbled backwards. She quickly wrapped her arms protectively around her stomach as she fell back and took a harsh tumble down the stairs.

Jay ran as quickly as his feet would let him and he rushed past Chad, pushing him out of the way and down the stairs three at a time until he got to the bottom. He quickly dropped to Alex's side, pulling her head into his lap and smoothing her hair. She looked up, "hey Jay," she said weakly. He smiled softly and quickly looked over her body, checking for any bad injuries as he pulled out his cell phone and called for an ambulance. "Do you think the baby's okay?"

Jay froze, he'd completely forgotten about the baby and looked down to see Alex's one obviously broken arm twisted and contorted over her stomach and a pool of blood spilling out from between Alex's legs. "I'm sure the baby's fine," Jay lied, and smoothed Alex's hair. "It's a Hogart…and Hogarts are stubborn asses." Alex smiled.

Jay was pulled back into reality when he heard an operator over the phone, "Yea, can you send an ambulance to Spring Street Apartments? my ex-girlfriend was took a tumble down the stairs…she's pregnant."

Jay looked up the stairs at as Chad slowly disappeared back into the apartment. He was mentally hitting himself as he remembered the most important thing about being with Alex was his ability to protect her from the fights. Always playing the middle man to keep Chad calm and keep Alex out of the line of fire. He failed, and this time, Alex wasn't the only one to pay for his mistakes.

* * *

**A/N**: I honestly think only one person knows how many times I rewrote this chapter, particularly because he's proofread it every time I've made the slightest change. I apologize for the wait, but for some odd reason, it's been harder and harder for me to write. It'll be a while before I push out another chapter, of this I know. Don't get the wrong impression by that short three parter I posted apart from this, that's been in the works for a few months now. Read, review if you want, and be constructive...

MJ


	8. Chapter 8

**Reprise**

_Is the best yet to come?  
Or did it pass by long ago?  
Are we holding on to a thread  
Of something already dead?_  
"Reception Fades" by Rise Against

Ellie sat nervously in the restaurant as she and her father waited patiently at the table for Tracker and Sean to arrive. After all who would be nuts enough to turn down a free meal? Even Tracker wasn't too proud for that, especially with the stress piling up on his plate. Ellie smoothed her black and gray plaid skirt and adjusted her black tights as her father watched her. They'd been to see Judy earlier that day, who was beyond miserable and looked drab and unkempt in her prison uniform, however it was Greg who took the situation to heart.

_"Judy…" Greg said holding his wife close for a moment before pulling away and giving her the once over. Her dark hair was pulled back and greasy and her complexion was a sallow yellow. She looked horrible, and even she wasn't even fit to argue with that idea. Ellie stood with her arms crossed and as far away from the picture as she could. She could barely stomach her mother during the last visit, this time around? It wasn't much different. _

_"I'm sorry…" Judy said as Greg sat with her at a table in the visiting center. She'd said it so many times. "Carl said I should just plead guilty, there's no point in fighting it." _

_Greg looked at her disappointedly, "why would you fight to prove your innocent when you're not?" _

_Judy shook her head, "so that I can come home, to take care of our daughter." _

_Greg glared, "it seems to me that our daughter has been taking care of you." _

_"And a piss poor job if you ask me, this is her fault."_

_Greg looked at his wife in disbelief. She immediately softened her attitude and pleaded with her eyes for him to help her. But he finally saw what Ellie had always seen, that despite how much Judy did care about her husband, about her daughter, her family, that there was this hurtful and needy person underneath it all. "How could you even lower yourself to blaming her?" _

_Judy sighed. "I didn't mean it like that…"_

_"Then how did you mean it?" _

_Ellie watched heartbreakingly as her father went to bat for her. And as much as she loved both her parents and as much as she loved being a family, there were just some things that can't be mended. Love was not a bandage to cover wounds (1). _

_" I__ meant that if she'd been home, where she belonged I never would have been out looking for her." _

_"and I'm sure if I hadn't been away trying to keep peace in the world then you wouldn't have been drunk…" Greg added. _

_Judy remained silent, bearing a look of disgust, "how dare you assume I drink because of you," she spat. "My drinking has nothing to do with you." Greg rose to his feet, no longer interested in hearing his wife's excuses. Too many tours to save the world had left his wife a jaded, drunken mess. "Where are you going?" she asked. _

_" I'm__ taking my daughter to dinner, with her boyfriend and his brother." _

_"I'm glad to know you can still entertain guests while your wife is in prison." Judy rolled her eyes and got to her feet as a guard came to her side and escorted her back to her cell. Greg couldn't bear to look at his wife as she was led away and quickly threw an arm around his daughter's shoulder as they left. _

Thinking about his wife left a sour taste in Greg's mouth. He couldn't bear to think of the woman Ellie had to put up with every time he went away. And his heart was begging him to stay this time, to never leave his daughter again. But it was also telling him he had made a promise to home and country to protect and to serve the world, keeping peace, even if it meant leaving the ones he loved. He raised the chilled glass of water to his lips and sipped as he watched Ellie nervously wait.

"Ellie-bear," he said after promptly swallowing. He watched as Ellie looked up, her eyes void of the usual black liner and replaced with something subtle. He could see her beautiful eyes, the ones that reminded him of his grandmother's. She smiled at him and it melted his heart to think he'd ever left her, even for a moment growing up. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Ellie asked narrowing her eyebrows.

"For leaving you with your mother…I never…I never realized how bad she got."

Ellie shook her head, "don't be sorry." Ellie watched as he toyed with his wedding ring, "do you still love her?" she asked.

"Yes," Greg answered simply. "she's just not the same woman I fell in love with though…" He immediately blamed himself thinking about the previous missions he'd agreed to, the multiple times he had to leave her and Ellie and how it'd only led to problems on the home front despite the harmony he was trying to create. Ellie gently took his hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

"Everything will work out," she said softly. She looked up as she saw Tracker and Sean walk into the restaurant dressed casually in clean slacks and collared shirts. Ellie smiled brightly as she waved them over and tugged Sean down into the seat next to her and pecked her gently on the cheek.

Tracker leaned across the table and shook Greg's hand, "Nice to see you again sir," he said as he sat down in the chair inching it closer to the table. "So…" Tracker began, "how long are you in town for?"

"Not sure, I was called home because of a family emergency, they want me to handle it and get back over seas as soon as possible, things are getting incredibly heavy with violence over there and we're becoming the last line of defense for some of the civilians over there."

Ellie frowned and Sean looked down to find her snapping her rubber band frantically against her skin. It was fairly obvious she didn't want him to leave again, not now, and not with things escalating over in Kabul.

"I really don't want to leave Ellie," Greg said looking over at his daughter. He turned his attention back to Tracker, "I'm under the impression that she's been staying with you both?" Greg asked interestedly.

"Yea, she's been a lovely houseguest, an amazing cook," Tracker said thinking about the dinner they'd had earlier that week.

Greg smiled, "always was able to whip up some good dinners." Greg took his time thinking about the wording of the request he was about to ask. He knew all too well how proud men could be, being one himself. Just the idea taking charity was enough to turn the stomach of an ultimately proud person. "Before I head back, I'm looking to find someone to watch over the house seeing as Ellie is no longer there."

Tracker immediately knew what was being set down on the plate before him, and for a second he almost set his pride aside to accept the offer before it even left Greg's lips. He listened intently as Greg explained about how utilities would be paid for directly from his pay for his service in the military he just needed someone to take care of the house.

"So?" Ellie asked hoping Tracker would say yes. Not just because she missed the comfort of home, but also because she could see the stress that Tracker was laying under. Tracker looked around the table uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, I'm going to have to decline your offer, sir."

Greg looked almost disappointed, but understood, seeing as Ellie has explained earlier the situation that lay within the Cameron household. "Well then," Greg said, beginning to change the subject, "lets take a look at the menu shall we?"

Tracker leaned over to Sean, "take it easy with the bill," he muttered.

"Nonsense," Greg said, overhearing, "my treat, after all you've been taking care of my little girl." Tracker frowned politely, his pride was in the midst of taking another blow.

Dinner seemed to go smoothly for the most part. Typical banter back and forth between Greg and Tracker, as Ellie and Sean flirted lightly with passing glances between bites. He watched as she fidgeted in her short plaid mini and her tight black tank top and a simple black cardigan over top. He was always impressed with how she could mix classy with trashy punk, and how she'd always look gorgeous.

Ellie could feel Sean's eyes watching her as he chewed on his ravioli and she blushed heavily. She kicked him gently under the table as she smirked at him. She'd been ironically frisky lately, and part of her wondered if it was because this time really had Sean all to herself and no more Amy begging for his attention.

As Dinner came to a close, Greg wondered impatiently if he daughter would come home to spend the evening with her father. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her close as they walked out into the parking lot. "So Elliebear, are you going to spend the night over at the house with me or are you going…_home_?" he asked.

Ellie shrugged, "All my stuff's at home, but if you want I could…"

"No no, that's fine, I'm sure you have exams to prepare and what not," he said disappointed. Ellie turned to face her father as Sean and Tracker climbed into Tracker's pick up truck. Greg gently tucked her loose hairs behind her ear and kissed her gently on the forehead.

"I'll come by tomorrow, after work," she said softly as she hugged her father tightly.

-X-

Jay couldn't count the times he's waited in this hospital on his hands and feet. His constant presence in the waiting room should have been enough to guarantee him his own seat during ever visit. He slumped down into _his_ chair and tapped his fingers against the faux wood arm. It'd been more than an hour, but he swore it hadn't been longer than two, and the constant worrying about _his_ Lexxi and Jay Jr. had him in goosebumps. He was actually scared. Not just for the situation that Alex was in, but because of the child she still thought she was carrying when they loaded her into the ambulance. He'd honestly, never been more scared in his life. He fiddled with his cell phone thinking about how deep down he already knew he'd lost someone he'd never have the pleasure of meeting.

Alex moaned as she struggled to sit up in the hospital bed. She'd been in worse scrapes before, a black eye here and there, and at the worst a bloody nose. She felt her abdomen cramp slightly and a pain shot from between her legs and she cringed. Her eye widened as she thought the worst.

"Alex?" Dr Philips asks as she flipped through the records in the folder. Alex looked up, and found the doctor in her room to be unfamiliar. Alex had gotten use to the usual ER crew on her various visits thanks to her lovely mother's boyfriend. "I'm Doctor Phillips," she said pulling up a chair beside Alex's bed. Alex watched the doctor carefully as he eyes skimmed the current chart. "How are you feeling?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "oh I don't know…about as well as can be expected after a right jab and a flight down the stairs."

Dr Phillips wasn't amused by her attitude and sighed, "I see your in here quite frequently…is the boy in the waiting room…"

Alex scoffed at the woman's assessment. "Jayson Hogart would never lay his hands on me without me breaking his arm first…"

"So he didn't give that black eye?"

"No…that belongs to my mother's loving drunk of a boyfriend," Alex said, her voice dripping with annoyance. Dr Phillips watched Alex cautiously. She was waiting for the young woman ask about the child she'd been carrying. "I'm already expecting the worst Doc, just give me the bad news…"

"you lost the baby Alex…I'm sorry"

" Yea…" Alex rolled her eyes and immediately felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. "Does…" Alex paused for a moment, "_he_ know?" she asked referring to Jay.

"if you mean the young man who I incorrectly accused for your injuries…no, _he_ doesn't."

Alex sighed, "can you tell him?"

Dr. Phillips nodded softly and excused herself to the waiting room. She found Jay sitting in waiting room toying with his cell phone. She walked up slowly and stood in front of Jay, clutching the clipboard to her chest. She sighed heavily for a moment and Jay looked up. "So Doc, how is she?"

"She's fine, a few bumps and bruises," she sighed again, "…but the baby."

Jay shrugged as if he didn't care. "Can I see her?" he asked ignoring the doctor.

Dr. Phillips crinkled her brow as Jay ignored any news of the baby and fought to see Alex. She nodded and led him to her room. Jay walked into the room and smirked. Alex looked up from her hospital bed as Jay found himself a seat sitting on the foot of the bed.

"Hey Lexxi, lookin' good." Alex rolled her eyes and glanced at Dr. Phillips who just shrugged silently. Jay reached for the remote and flicked on the television. Alex narrowed her eyes as Jay tried to avoid the topic of Alex's miscarriage as much as possible.

"Jay," Alex said softly and rested a hand on his shoulder. Jay turned back to look at Alex who was at a loss for words.

"Lemme guess, you wanna watch General Hospital or something," Jay changed the channel.

"No Jay."

"I can put on ESPN or something…"

"Jay, give me the remote." Jay couldn't even look at her as he handed her the remote. She sighed as she turned off the TV. "The baby's gone."

"I know," he said quietly.

"And I bet you're relieved," Alex said rolling her eyes.

"Relieved?" Jay got up off the foot of the bed, and snorted, "I was scared Alex." He tugged at the edges of his backwards cap. "I was fucking scared, I thought I'd lost you. I thought I'd lost our boy."

"how do you know it was a boy?" Alex asked.

"I just know." Jay groaned.

"Since when did you decide to care?" The question caught him off guard. In his heart he knew he always cared, but when it came down to it, he just wasn't ready to acknowledge it. It broke a part of him inside to know that the moment he was ready to _own up_ he lost everything.

"I don't know Lexxi…" Jay paced the room in frustration. "Everythings a fucking mess." Jay walked out of the room and paused for a moment as he waited for the elevator doors to open and he began the long walk back to Alex's place to pick up his car. He pulled his trademark baseball cap off his head and rubbed his temples before bringing his fingers to squeeze the bridge of his nose.

His heart burned as he realized he should turn around, but at the moment he didn't think he had the energy or the patience to deal with the situation and the only thing he wanted to do was to go home and drink away the pain.

-X-

Ellie knocked on the door to Alex's hospital room and eased herself through the doorframe and smiled as she caught sight of Alex flicking through the channels on the television set. "Hey," Ellie said as she toyed with the end of her plaited pigtails. "How're you doing?" Ellie asked as Alex perked up at the presence of her guest.

"I'm alright," Alex said.

The scene played out uncomfortably. It wasn't often that Alex and Ellie spent time one on one outside of school. It was usually easier for them to get along when they're both hanging out with Sean and Jay. It didn't change the fact that the girls were closer than an outsider would have thought. "Jay called me, said maybe you could use a friend."

Alex rolled her eyes, "Jay said that?" she scoffed.

Ellie smiled and plopped down in the seat at Alex's bedside. "He's worried about you," she mentioned casually. "More so than usual," Ellie added as she looked over Alex's bruised face.

Alex attempted to manage an understanding smile, but failed. "Ellie, I'm really not in the mood for this."

"For what?" Ellie asked.

Alex sighed, "this forgive Jay bullshit I know everyone's going to start feeding me."

"forgive him for what?"

Alex groaned and remembered that the only people in their little group of friends that knew the circumstances of the rift between Jay and Alex were Jay and Alex now that Amy was gone. "Jay cheated on me…with Amy," she muttered and softly muttered: "and left me knocked up."

"He did what?" Ellie gasped.

"It doesn't matter now Ellie, when he finally grew a pair of balls I get myself knocked down a flight of stairs."

"Alex?" Ellie asked reaching for her friend's hand. Alex tugged her hand away and groaned.

"Please Ellie, I really don't need this right now."

Ellie sighed and respected her friend's decision to ignore the circumstances and results of her hospital stay for the moment. She couldn't imagine the emotional pain she was going through having lost the child she'd been carrying for how knows long.

"Why didn't you tell me about the baby?" Ellie asked.

"I didn't tell anyone, apart from Jay…" Alex muttered, "and Paige."

Ellie rose an eyebrow, "you told Paige…as in…you told Paige?"

"It was an accident," Alex explained. "She overheard me and my doctor talking and put two and two together."

"Paige?"

Alex glared. "She's not that bad…" Ellie looked at her strangely as she defended the school's popularity princess, "…still annoying and perky as ever, but she's actually been pretty okay about it."

Ellie smiled, "As long as you're okay otherwise." Ellie looked over her bruises once more, "mom's boyfriend did a number on you this time…you're lucky you're still alive."

"Right now part of me wishes the baby had made it and I hadn't."

"don't think like that Alex…" Ellie said, "you'll have other chances to have a child." Ellie watched as her friend began to get emotional at the thought of her would be child. Alex struggled to fight back the emotional turmoil she was putting herself through thinking about the whole thing. "Ellie do you think you could do me a favor and leave me alone."

Ellie looked at her friend carefully, "yea, sure," Ellie said as she stood up and left Alex in the hospital bed, looking back just once to see Alex pinching the bridge of her nose between her eyes to keep from crying.

Alex began to breathe quickly as a weak attempt to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, and she slowly began to feel a pain in her chest with every breath she took. She closed her eyes and warm tears leaked from the crease of her eyes as she felt two different kinds of pain at the same time. And for the first time in her life she didn't have a back up plan, and she didn't have a way out, and she didn't have any idea what she was going to do next.

-X-

Jay sat on the couch a beer between his legs as he stared mesmerized by the television set. He'd been drinking most of the day, numbing himself from the inside out. In the past week or so, he'd lost a friend he took advantage of on more than one occasion, nearly lost his ex-girlfriend who was also his best friend, and suffered the loss of his first child, that he knew of. He brought the can of beer to his lips and groaned as he found the can empty. Tossing it aside he reached for another one from the twenty four pack he had sitting in a cooler next to the couch. He'd lost track of how many he had. Then again he wasn't sure if he'd been counting in the first place.

Ellie walked nervously up to Jay's front door. She'd never been with Jay alone, usually she was with Alex, Amy, or Sean, and granted there was the one time with Emma. She knocked gently on the door and cringed slightly as she heard a drunken slur from inside the house call to ask who was there. "Jay? It's me…" she thought for a moment, "Vampy." Most of the time she'd roll her eyes at the nickname, but after months of hearing it, from both Jay and Alex, it'd grown on her. Those two were the only pair she'd let call her by such a name. She could hear him stumbling from the couch to the front door and stepped back suddenly as Jay whipped open the door and stared at her with glassy eyes.

"Whahyouwant," he slurred drunken and miserably.

"Jay?" Ellie asked raising a questionable eyebrow, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine Vampy," he said trying regain some composure. "What are you doing here?"

Ellie furrowed her brow, "I came to see if you're alright," she said peeking past him and in into the living room where she caught sight of empty beer cans littered across the living room floor. "Can I come in?" she asked.

"Be my guest," Jay said rolling his eyes and letting her through the door.

Ellie crinkled her nose as she strode past Jay, getting a whiff of alcohol wafting off of him. She brushed a few cans off the couch and plopped down as Jay stumbled back to the couch and retrieved his current beer can. Ellie looked around, "where are your parents?"

Jay shrugged, "business trips…having affairs…who knows," he said taking a swing of his beer.

Ellie frowned. "Are you alright?" she asked. Jay looked at her and glared. "I mean…Alex told me…about the baby."

"What baby?" he said tossing aside the empty can and opening a new one.

Ellie sighed. "Alex is getting out tomorrow," she said changing the subject.

"yea I know."

"do you think she should go home?"

"I never do," he said darkly, as he focused on his current drink, "but she never listens to me, you know how she is when she makes up her mind." In the past she'd stayed the first day or so at his place after getting out of the hospital or after a nasty run in with Chad or one of Emily's equally abusive boyfriends, but sooner or later she went home…for her mother.

"What if she hasn't made up her mind?" Ellie asked.

"What do you want me to do Ellie?" Jay said angrily, crushing the can in his hand. "I hate having to see her covered in bruises, and I try to do anything and everything I can to keep her from getting hurt."

"Why don't you bring her home…_here_," Ellie suggested.

"I don't think that'd work…" Jay groaned taking another swig.

"regardless of the drama you two are going through, it doesn't change the fact that you and her are practically best friends."

Jay glared at Ellie from across the couch, "she knows she's more than welcome here."

"Why don't you let her know that instead of waiting until she gets hurt again."

Jay stayed quiet, "Lexxi can stay as long as she wants, she knows that."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "You know I don't like butting in…"

Jay stared at her, "then don't."

Ellie shrugged, "look all I'm saying is…or at least trying to say is I know we've never been much on the same page, but we're apart of the same book. I used to think you were a wanna be gangster punk but the one thing that I learned is never judge someone, you've turned out to be everything I thought you were…"

Jay looked over at her cracking his knuckles as he looked down at his hands. "You always seemed like the type of person that just saves his own ass," she continued, "but you've turned out to be someone who will look out for his closest friends, his family, as much as you would yourself. And I'm hoping you'll continue to look out for Alex just the same as you always would…drama or not."

Ellie stood up slowly and let herself out of the Hogart home. She took one last look at the door before she began her walk home.

-X-

Lately Paige's mind had been so focused on Alex that she'd failed to notice the downfall in progress with her relationship with Spinner.

Paige wiped sweat from her brow as sat slumped on the bleachers as she drank from her water bottle. "Don't you think you're pushing the girls a bit hard?" Hazel asked as she sat down beside Paige.

Paige had been working the girls until it seemed like they'd pass out from exhaustion. Even Manny, the most limber and acrobatic of the bunch seemed to be trailing up the rear and even Paige couldn't keep up with her own antics. Paige watched from across the gym as she spotted Spinner leaning with his back against the double door, holding what looked like a crisp fresh bottle of water for her. She frowned as she watched one of her spirit squad girls stand against the wall, flirting shameless with Spinner.

Paige watched as the petite brunette twirled her hair and gently touched her thigh just below the hem of her short cheer shorts. Spinner's eyes drifted south to the site of her and she caught him blushing from across the room. Paige felt her blood boil as she stalked over to the other side of the gym and wrenched the bottle of water from Spinner's hands, starling him for a moment before glaring at the young spirit squad member. "Go practice your toe touches Missy, they're pathetic," Paige spat before turning to face Spinner.

"What was that?" she asked.

Spinner's brow furrowed in confusion, "what are you talking about?"

Paige's face turned red, "you know **exactly** what I'm talking about Spinner."

Spinner looked up and shook his head, " no I don't, and I'm sick you throwing stuff in my face…you're always telling me I'm wrong, or that I've messed up." His voice seemed to get louder the more frustrated he got, "if I'm such a crappy boyfriend, why are you still going out with me?" he argued.

Paige looked at him, gripping the bottle of water tightly in her hand. She felt a bit of relief at the thought of breaking up with Spinner. She closed her eyes tightly. "Just go away Spin…" she said softly and turned around.

"Oh come on Paige," he said reaching out for her hand. She tugged herself out of his grasp and he felt her fingers slip from his hand and she walked across the gym to the bleachers where she sat in a melancholy state next to Hazel, just staring off blankly. He sighed and walked out of the gym.

Paige stared out across the small gym, and was drawn out of a reverie by Hazel gently nudging her. "Everything okay?" Hazel asked.

Paige just shrugged her shoulders and refused to let the situation that'd just happened occupy her mind as she pulled the squad back together to practice. This time she pointed out every mistake that Missy made during their routine.

Spinner walked down the empty school halls, thinking, but mostly wondering why he didn't feel more of a stab in the chest by what just happened. In the back of his mind he'd known that their relationship was too good to be true. In the last few weeks, and more so since the dance he'd realized that they were drifting a part, and Paige as controlling as much of his life as possible. He was just glad to know it didn't go as far as her deciding what kind of underwear he should be wearing.

He sighed heavily, because just several weeks ago she'd mentioned the benefits of him wearing boxer briefs over his Scooby Doo boxers. Spinner shook his head, laughing to himself about the situations that have been unfolding in the past few months, weeks, and days. Him and Paige were closer than ever to falling apart.

-X-

Alex stood nervously on Jay's doorstep. She wasn't sure why she was nervous she knew Jay would let her in, he always did. He'd given her a key at one point to just let herself in. And on nights when the fights between Emily and Chad were unbearably loud and verbally violent she'd let herself in and crawl into bed next to him. He never asked many questions, he only asked questions when he didn't know the answer. She took a deep breath and before she could knock she found the door opening in front of her.

"Lost your key?" Jay asked as he leaned against the open door frame, clutching a beer can in his hand.

Alex glared casually and pushed her way past him, trying to hide a smirk trying to from at the corner of her mouth. She was trying her best to forget everything, the past few months and just play the usual game of distorted happy families with Jay and dropped a bag by the arm of the sofa and kicked off her shoes. Jay closed the door and walked to the couch, watching as she curled up on one end and began watching the television set.

He knew better than to ask about how she was feeling, to ask if she was okay. But this wasn't just any normal fight with Chad. This was the first time it cost her more than a black eye or a bruise on the arm. He sighed and slumped down next to her, snatching the remote from her hands and began flicking through the channels.

She looked over and glared at him. "You know, the least you could do is give me the remote."

"Like hell I will, my house, my remote," Jay reasoned.

Alex crossed her arms, "oh come on Jay, you can at least let me find something to watch."

Jay looked over with a stare that basically said: _you think I'm crazy_. He groaned in defeat as he handed the remote over to the girl on the other side of the couch. Jay watched pathetically as the channels changed, and he had no control over the broadcasting images on his screen. He stared at the screen until the images melted into a blob and he shook his head and looked over at Alex who looked about ready to stumble into a breakdown.

-X-

Marco stood at the podium nervously. He'd never actually given a formal assembly before, this would be his first, and if all went well, maybe it wouldn't be his last, who knew? He tapped the microphone cautiously as the last of the students and faculty walked into the auditorium. He heard the taps echo through the speakers and swallowed hard as he watched those last few take their seats. He looked over to Orion who was waiting patiently with the video they'd put together, and smiled.

"Attention students…faculty," he said softly into the microphone. "The night of our end of school year dance we lost a member of the class of 2007 in a tragic episode of drunk driving." Marco signaled to Orion to start the slideshow about Amy. "It would be stretching the truth if I said that Amy was well loved among the students and staff, but it doesn't change the fact that despite what she's done to some or most of you, despite her attitude and disdain for some, that she was a student, a human being, a living breathing person like the rest of us."

He heard murmurs among the crowed as pictures of Amy's past and most recent present flashed across the projector screen, "Amy had a family and friends, and a dream to work on the motocross circuit, and her life was taken from her tragically by a drunk driver."

The projector screen went blank and the lights lit up Marco on stage, "Drunk driving is a preventable issue." Images of teenagers partying flashed across the screen and changed every few seconds. "Three out of every four students, have consumed alcohol by the end of high school, and about two fifths of students have consumed alcohol by grade eight."

Marco sighed heavily, "Most of those surveyed aren't even of legal age to drink. The numbers are astounding." He looked down at his lists of statistics as Orion flashed them up on the projector screen behind him, " Last year alone, forty percent of car crash fatalities were alcohol related, that's rough seventeen thousand deaths as a result of drinking and driving."

He paused for a moment and looked over at Orion, and nodded, "Bear with me as the following images are severely graphic but I hope they help you understand the ramifications of what can happen when you drink and drive." The lights dimmed and auditorium became dark as the video played.

Horrible images of car crash victims flashed across the screen and Marco cringed as he heard several hushed gasps among the audience members as the video Ellie pieced together played through in its entirety. The images nearly brought him to tears as he thought about not only the victims but the families of the victims. There were several interviews with surviving drunk drivers who'd spend a year or so in jail knowing that they killed someone; sometimes a stranger, and sometimes their best friend.

Ellie watched with some disdain. She'd pieced together the video but felt no compassion for the people that lost their lives carelessly. The innocent victims however she felt greatly for. They chose to drive responsibly and were punished for it, but it was more often than not the drivers that survived.

One interview session with a state-side high school left her with mixed feelings. The star quarterback and a girl's soccer star were killed in an accident where the driver survived. The twist that left her with mixed feelings? They were all young, they had all been drinking, and she felt they were all too drunk to drive. The interviews jumped from family members of the victims to school mates. Most if not all held the students in high regard and practically martyred them, despite the fact that they'd ALL been drinking. Ellie sighed, she didn't think those two teenagers deserved the positive attention they were given for breaking the law. But she didn't think it was fair that the driver walked away with a few bumps and bruises. It made her so frustrated, because she knew better. She hated to believe that people so young, and so much like her friends would be stupid enough to drive drunk.

The popularity and unrelenting publicity of the accident was overwhelming, and it was the most reported on drunk driving incident she could find records of for her project. As she watched the credits roll she felt a bit of pride as she took notice at the effect she had on the audience. She was definitely adding this to her demo reel and résumé.

When the house lights finally came on Marco looked out into the audience and found a few students crying slightly. He rose to his feet. "I'm not here to lecture you, to tell you to stop partying or drinking. I'm just here to make you aware of what troubles irresponsibility brings. There are several ways to prevent drunk driving. Don't let your friends drive drunk."

He sighed for a moment, "don't be the next _Amy_ don't be the next victim, or the next person driving drunk. It's just not worth it. It's not worth it for a lot of people, mainly your friends, and your families…set an example, and be an inspiration." A gentle applause from the back of the room erupted. He looked out and saw grave faces among the applauders and silently hoped that they heeded his warning. He hoped that he could save just one more person.

-X-

Emma bit into her celery stalk and chewed. Counting every single bite she took, every chew, and every swallow. And then promised herself that'd be all she'd eat that day. She took out a notebook made of recycled paper and quickly turned to the back and jotted down her only meal for the day. Manny slipped into the space across from Emma in the cafeteria and slid her a lunch tray, "you looked hungry," the small girl mentioned.

Emma crinkled her nose at the thought of eating the food on the tray, but immediately took up with a plastic spork and dug into "what is this?" she asked.

Manny shrugged, "it's Shelia's vegetarian dish, some bean thing…" Manny said before biting into her burger. Manny swallowed politely before opening her mouth again to speak, "aren't you gunna eat?" she asked.

Emma smiled and spooned up what she hoped was edible and brought it to her mouth, "how'd you do on Armstrong's test the other day?" she asked.

Manny shrugged, "good I think, not really a wiz with the numbers."

Emma shrugged as Manny had been distracted by her question for a moment. "I think I did alright, A minus, tops," Emma muttered lower the spork to the plate and mussing up what could only be described as a low quality bean salad. She looked up at Manny who was mid-bite into her burger, "school years almost over, I'm thinking about working at a summer camp…"

Manny swallowed, "summer camp? Like kids and crafts and campfire shenanigans summer camp?"

Emma nodded, "I need out of the house…away from babysitting" she said looking across the cafeteria and catching a glimpse of Sean feeding Ellie a French Fry. Manny followed Emma's gaze and sighed.

"Are you sure you don't need to get away from Sean?" Manny said, "I mean working at a summer camp is pretty much babysitting."

"at least they're potty trained," Emma said stirring the contents of her plate around. Manny watched carefully as Emma ignored the food on her plate. She wasn't blind to her friend ambitions, she'd noticed that Emma had cut back her food intake and was suddenly worried about her appearance.

"Not hungry?" Manny asked.

Emma shrugged, "not really,…big breakfast," she lied.

"Oh," Manny muttered and twirled her fries around in the puddle of ketchup on her plate. Manny frowned, she knew her friend was stretching the truth. Manny dropped her fry and groaned, "look Em, can you just do me a favor and eat, you're scaring me."

Emma rolled her eyes and shoveled several bites into her mouth, chewed swallowed hard and frowned. "Happy Manny?" she asked before pushing the tray towards her friend and standing up quickly she wavered for a moment as she caught her breath and made her way to the bathroom.

Manny watched helplessly as her friend left the cafeteria.

Emma found herself searching the stalls of the bathroom, and once she was sure the girls restroom was empty she found herself in the far stall crouched in front of the toilet with her fingers down her throat. She kept forcing her fingers to the back of her throat until she felt herself gag. And after a few attempts she finally was able to bring her forced lunch into the toilet bowl before her. She smiled proudly as she reached for the toilet paper and stood up wiping her mouth and flushing the toilet with her foot.

The bell rang signaling the end of the lunch as Emma rushed out of the girls restroom and ran directly into Sean. She found herself wobbling for a moment in a dizzy spell as Sean gently grabbed her and steadied her stance, "Em, you alright?" he asked.

As Emma felt the spinning room come to a stop she smiled, "yea, Sean, sorry I'm just in a rush."

Sean smiled back, "well be careful not to run into anyone else," he said as he looked her over worriedly. Emma blushed as she felt Sean's prying eyes. "You feeling alright Emma, you look like you've lost weight."

Emma tried her hardest not to smile at his acknowledgement of her sudden weight loss. _He noticed_ she thought to herself and rolled her eyes, "hardly Sean, and I'm fine." Sean frowned at Emma's sudden change in attitude.

"Alright," he muttered and began walking to his next class, which happened to be one he shared with Emma. He slumped down into his chair and kicked his feet up onto the desk and tugged his headphones down onto his ears and hummed lightly while he waited for class to start. Sean watched as Emma shuffled into the classroom with Manny at her side. She glared at him for a moment and turned her attention back to her raven haired friend as she slipped into her seat.

Manny threw herself over the top of her desk and groaned, grabbing her stomach, "Ugh, I'm still so hungry…" she rolled her head to look over at Emma.

"Please Manny, you ate like a cow at lunch," Emma said rolling her eyes.

"I'm a growing girl, and it was my only meal today, I don't think I'll make it until dinner." Manny suddenly felt her arms trying to cover her stomach and suddenly feeling a wave of self loathing wash over her.

"Yea growing sideways," Emma muttered out of Manny's hearing range. "Maybe you should trying snacking on something healthy instead of a burger," Emma rolled her eyes.

Manny frowned but smiled as JT and Toby walked into the classroom, she tugged on Toby's sleeve, "Hey Tobes do you have anything to eat on you, I'm still famished from lunch." Emma scoffed at Manny's lack of control in her attempt to lose weight as Toby pulled out a granola bar from his back pack and handed it to her nonchalantly. "Thank's Tobes," Manny said, kissing him lightly on the cheek as he slipped into his seat.

He pulled out another one, "You want one Em? You're looking a little pale…"

Emma held up her hand, "No thanks, I hate enough at lunch."

Manny scoffed, trying to keep the partially chewed granola bar from leaving her mouth as she covered it with her hand. She swallowed, "are you kidding you barely ate."

"I wasn't that hungry, chill with the third degree, Manny." Emma frowned and faced forward quickly pulling out her notebook and she began preparing for class.

Manny frowned, something just didn't feel quite right, she glanced over at Sean who was nodding his head to the music blaring from his headphones. She hoped if anyone could reach Emma if anything was wrong it would be Sean. As the teacher walked in and the class got into full swing Manny scribbled a note on a piece of scrap paper. She eased down in her seat and reached her foot to kick Sean's leg as he sat in the next aisle and a seat in front of her.

Sean turned back and scowled, and then immediately softened his glare as he found Manny frantically trying to pass him a note before the teacher or Emma took notice. Sean snatched it quickly and returned to his slumped posture in his seat as Manny sat upright again, attempting to take notes diligently. He unfolded the paper carefully and read over the scribbled ink.

**_I need to talk to you after class._**

**_Xo Manny._**

Sean raised an eyebrow and looked back at Manny and nodded as he caught her attention. His mind began swimming with ideas about what it would be about. '_Maybe_' he thought, '_I'm not the only one who thinks Emma's not looking so good._' He pocketed the note and looked over at Emma who was struggling to pay attention in class. He watched as her head looked like it weighed a ton as it slumped into her hand; a sad attempt to keep her head up, with eyes and ears on the lesson.

Emma took a deep breath and sat up straight. She'd never been one to fall asleep during class, '_it's probably just this boring lesson_,' she thought to herself, completely dismissing the idea that perhaps her sudden fatigue and spacing out during class was due to the fact that she'd barely eaten lunch…or breakfast for that matter. She craned her neck up and looked around the room, slowly catching sight of Sean carefully watching her. She glowed. He gave her a small smile and turned his attention back to the teacher.

Emma's lips curved up into a smile as she'd finally got one of the things she'd strived for all week, _Sean's attention_. Granted it'd never crossed her mind that the attention she was getting from Sean was not necessarily the attention she wanted. The attention he was giving was that of worry. She was hoping for more of the affectionate and adoring kind.

As the bell rang at the end of class Emma walked out of the class room and across the hall to her locker where she fluffed her soft blonde hair in her locker mirror and unloaded her books out of her book bag. She smiled as she saw Sean walking towards her. For a moment her heart skipped a beat as she realized for a moment that he was coming to talk to her, hopefully to compliment her on how good she looked. The smile quickly faded as Sean gave a weak smile in her direction and continued past her, and dragged away by Manny.

Manny linked arms with Sean as the walked down the hall. "I'm worried about Em," she said point blank. Sean looked over at her, the same worried look on her face. "She looks real bad Sean, like she's not eating…she thinks I'm not noticing but I do."

Sean sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "honestly I don't know how to help."

Manny stopped walking and turned to face him, "Sean you know you'll always have a great connection with Emma, whether your friends or a couple it doesn't matter, you can always get through to her."

Sean looked at Manny, taking her words to heart, "I'll try," he said softly. At that moment he wasn't sure how he would help, and even if he could get through to her, how would he pull her out of the hole she's dug for herself?

-X-

The power was out. Tracker stumbled through the kitchen searching for matches and candles and if he was lucky a flashlight. He groaned in frustration. He'd had the money ready to pay the electric bill but things came up, things always came up and the envelope was left stuck to the refrigerator instead of in the mail. Tracker slumped down at the kitchen table and rubbed his temples gently.

_"Stupid boy."_

Tracker massaged his temples roughly and his fingers dove into his hair and he tugged at his roots, feeling the pinch of pain as several hairs were plucked from his scalp.

"_can't__ do anything right_."

"_At least I have a job."_

Tracker's eyes flew open as he was sure someone had smacked him clear across the face. He pulled his fingers from his hair and drummed his thumbs against the table top. He looked around the kitchen anxiously as he was hitting his breaking point.

"_Leave," his father yelled, "get the hell out of my house!"_

_Tracker back__ himself into the corner. _

_"I said get the hell out of my house you lousy worthless shit!"_

Tracker slammed his fist into the table as he realized he was failing himself. He was failing his brother. He was failing Ellie each time he was itching to scratch. Tracker frowned as he struggled to work something out. As he slowly lost control over his life he felt the pressure his father had emotionally beat into him as a child. His emotions were scaring him to death.

He cracked his knuckles and brought his thumbs to his mouth and bite down hard in the hopes of drawing blood. The feeling of his teeth meeting the flesh of his thumbs released a bit of tension but didn't take it all away completely. He tapped his feet rapidly as his anxiety took over and he jumped quickly to his feet and reached for the silverware drawer and pulled out a steak knife.

Tracker held the handle of the knife so tightly his knuckles had begun to turn white as he struggled not to give into to his long buried temptations. And in one quick movement he slide the steak knife across his forearm and dropped it just as quickly as he'd cut. He stared at his arm as the cut took almost half a minute to bleed, and when it finally did it seemed like it never stop.

It was one of those clean cuts that's so perfectly executed that it doesn't seem so bad until it starts to bleed. He almost didn't feel it as it happened and almost thought it'd barely cut himself before the red river began to run down his arm. "Shit," he muttered to himself as he stumbled around the kitchen looking for something to stop the bleeding. He quickly tugged his t-shirt down and wrapped the bottom tightly around his bleeding forearm and applying pressure to his wound he walked himself to the bathroom.

Anxiety was beginning to the get t he best of him as he let loose on the shirt and tugged it up over his head and wrapped the fabric around his arm as he started the shower. Few things would calm him down as a child, and those few things were still the only things that eased his anxiety as an adult. One was inflicting pain on him self, and when masochism was out of the question it was often a hot shower to slow the heart and clear his mind.

He kicked off his shoes and peeled back the shirt that was now soaked through with blood and found the slice in his arm had finally stopped bleeding enough for him to clean up the cut. He walked to the medicine cabinet and struggled to ignore his reflection in the mirror. The thought of facing himself already made him sick to his stomach. He couldn't even open his eyes as he opened the medicine cabinet and reached for the hydrogen peroxide, and quickly just doused his arm with the cool liquid cringing as it mixed with the blood from his cut and bubbled to the surface.

Tears stung Tracker's eyes, but not from the sting, but from the pain of letting himself down. He twisted the cap back on the bottle and tossed it into the sink and slid off his pants and climbed into the shower. He let out a sigh of relief as the water hit his body. He closed his eyes tightly and wondered why he hadn't just relented to this instead of taking a knife to his arm.

It was hours later when he found himself in the living room tugging at long sleeves down to his wrists hoping that no one would find it strange that he was wearing a long sleeved shirt so close to the summer months. He kicked his legs up onto the coffee table and would have turned on the television had the power not been out. Tracker jumped slightly at the front door opened and Ellie and Sean bustled through the doorway in a fit of giggles. Sean looked up at gave his brother a nod as he walked towards the kitchen, "You order pizza or something?" Sean asked as Ellie flopped down on the couch next to Tracker.

"Uh…no, go ahead, I didn't plan on making anything," Tracker answered.

Sean picked up the cordless phone and began attempt dialing out for some delivery. Ellie curled her legs up underneath herself and her eyes casually fell to the sight of Tracker in a long sleeved shirt. She crinkled her eyebrows as curiosity got the best of her, and Tracker turned to find her staring at his wardrobe. And as they locked eyes Ellie became aware that the living situation was.

"Tracker…I'm not getting a dial tone, the phone's not charged," Sean called out from the kitchen.

"The power's out, I think the bill got lost in the mail," he muttered, telling himself it was a pathetic excuse and no one would buy it.

Sean shrugged, "let's go out then," he said walking to the couch and reaching his hands towards Ellie to help her up off the couch as she watched Tracker cautiously.

"Okay," she muttered, looking at Tracker, "you coming?"

Tracker sighed, "nah, I'm just gunna finish off what I can in the fridge before it spoils," he muttered. Sean looked at him questionably and shrugged it off, turning to Ellie.

"Can I borrow your cell, see if we can drag Jay and Alex out into the real world?" he asked. She dug into her oversized bag and pulled out the small black cell phone and tossed it to him lightly as he walked outside. She smiled softly and looked over at Tracker who glared.

"What?" he snapped.

She brought her hands to her hips and glared, "wow, way to get defensive, I didn't even say anything." He frowned as she sat down next to him. "Are things really that bad?" she asked and looked down at the long sleeve.

"Maybe a bit more worse than I've been letting on," he said wishing he hadn't.

"Are you changing your mind about moving into the house while my Dad's shipped back to Kabul?"

Tracker looked down, "it hadn't even crossed my mind."

"Well maybe you should reconsider," she said slowly standing up, "you'd be less stressed, and you'd practically be living for free. He sighed heavily and let his body sink into the couch.

"Look Ellie…things just aren't that easy. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt pain run to his arm.

"Actually right now, for you, they are," she pointed out, "all you have to do is say you'll do it."

"It's not about the ease of just doing it, it's a matter of pride," he argued, clenching his teeth as his arm ached, "it's a matter of taking charity."

"It's not charity Tracker, it's a job…one that will require you to make sure the bills are paid with the money my father receives from the service, and if it makes you feel better, you can help contribute to…just talk to my dad please…" she begged. It pained her to see him in pain, physical or emotional, it really didn't matter what kind. The stress wasn't only affecting him…but the rest of the household as well…

Tracker sighed, "I'm sorry," he muttered as he noticed the painstakingly worried look on her face. He gently raised a hand and ruffled her hair. "I'll talk to him," he said, if only to make her smile and stop worrying about the living arrangements.

Ellie smiled weakly, she knew he was just doing it to make her happy. Whatever reason it was it didn't really matter anymore. She wanted to help in anyway she can, and if that meant making sure Tracker didn't have to struggle to the point of illness to keep a roof over their heads then so be it.

Sean poked his head inside, "Hey El, Jay's ordering pizza, wanna walk over?" Ellie turned to her boyfriend and smiled as she bounced off the couch nodding her head. She looked back at Tracker and gave him a small hug good bye and slipped her father's cell phone number into his hand before leaving.

Tracker watched as his little brother and Ellie walked out the door and then as the screen door slammed shut he looked down into his hand at the tiny piece of paper. Ellie had been planning all along to make sure he changed his mind. Perhaps now with a bit more incentive, he'd follow through, for all of them.

-X-

Alex sat on the steps watching cars pass by. "Hey," Paige said as she walked up to Jay's front porch carrying an oversized gift bag. "Ellie said I'd find you here," she said as she sat down on the steps next to Alex who's range of vision hadn't changed. "You know a little make up would do wonder for covering up the bruising…" she mentioned. Alex just looked over at Paige emotionlessly for a moment and then back at passing cars. She wasn't up for talking with the Princess of Pep. Paige nudged Alex gently and pushed the gift bag in her direction. "I got you a get better present."

Alex looked over at Paige and then down at the gift bag that lay at her feet. She pushed it back over to Paige, "thanks but no thanks."

Paige frowned, "oh come on, I got it for you," she moped.

Alex rolled her eyes and humored the girl and reached past the tissue paper and pulled out a tiny baby-sized white wife beater. Alex looked at for a second before throwing it back in the gift bag. "I got it for mini-Alex," Paige mentioned as she felt the anger seething off of Alex.

"Take it back," the brunette growled.

Paige frowned, "why?"

"I don't want it."

"But…"

"Just take it back, Paige!" Alex shouted and stood up quickly and pushed her way into Jay's house and slammed the door shut.

Paige watched as the door slammed. She could almost feel the porch shake from the anger Alex had thrown into the slam and stood up, following Alex into Jay's house. She'd never just walk into someone's house uninvited before, especially to follow someone who didn't even live there in the first place, but something compelled her to follow Alex.

Paige slammed the door shut behind her as she found Alex popping the top on a can of beer and slumping down into the couch as she flipped through the channels. "Don't you think you shouldn't be drinking in your condition?"

Alex looked over at Paige, "go home Paige."

"no…" Paige said stalking over to Alex and ripping the can from her hands, "ever heard of fetal alcohol syndrome?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "not something I need to worry about," she muttered and reached for her can just as Paige pulled it inches out of her reach. Alex frowned, "Paige give me the beer."

"No," Paige responded holding her ground.

"Paige…"

"No, you're going to completely ruin this child's life…it could come out deformed."

"THERE IS NO BABY!." Alex shouted, "I fell down the stairs, there is no more baby, now give me the goddamn beer."

Paige stood stiff for a moment, unsure of what to do as Alex reached up and snatched her can from Paige's hands and slumped back against the couch pulling her knees to her chest and flipping though the channels.

When Paige got over the stunning news of Alex's miscarriage she slowly eased herself to the seat besides Alex on the couch, "Hon, that's heinous…are you alright?"

Alex looked over at Paige took a sip of her beer, "I'm fine," she said stiffly and turned back to the television set. Paige instantly shivered as she felt the sting of Alex's cold shoulder. She stood up quickly and tucked some of her loose blonde hair behind her ear and looked down at the gift bag.

"Um…there's some stuff in there for you too, I'm gunna go," Paige said as she realized her presence was lingering on unstable territory.

Alex just stared at the television set, refusing to look up as Paige walked out the door. Alex became disgusted with herself as she realized half of her was struggling to call out to Paige, to call her back. In a moment of weakness she pulled herself to her feet, and walked to the door in time to catch Paige walking down the last step of Jay's front porch.

"Um…" Alex muttered. Paige spun around, looking at her Alex with concern. "Do you want to watch TV?" she asked.

-X-

Ellie fidgeted on the couch as her father walked into the house. She'd been waiting for him to come home for a good half hour, and part of her wondered if he'd follow through with the offer he'd made the Cameron boys that evening at dinner. She looked up into his tired eyes and found herself asking "where've you been?"

Greg sighed. "I went to see your mother," he confessed. Ellie sighed. As much as she wished her mother would grow up and get help she hated the way it weighed down her father as her actions reflected upon him. Judy never was a typical army wife. She never went to the functions and she never tried. All she ever did was drink and stay out of the limelight, but now? She'd gotten herself in over her head and it was reflecting poorly on Greg's image with his fellow soldiers.

"Why?" Ellie asked.

Greg pinched the skin between his eyes above the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, "I was hoping I could help, but she's…"

"stubborn?" Ellie filled in the blank.

Greg slumped down onto the couch next to his daughter, wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. He gently placed a kiss on her forehead and smiled down at her, "unfortunately," he agreed with her.

Ellie smiled awkwardly. "I spoke with Tracker today, Dad."

Greg's focus settled on the conversation, "about staying here while I'm back overseas?"

Ellie nodded, watching as her father's lips pulled into a smile. She knew he wanted the best for her, and for her to be safe. As much as he knew Tracker and Sean would protect her, he felt more comfortable having her at home, if Tracker and Sean were part of the deal, then he'd do anything to make sure they were there for her. "And?" her father asked expectantly.

"He's in…" Ellie began and smiled as her father failed to hide his relief and excitement over the situation. "But Dad, you have to understand about all this is that Tracker is still very put off by this."

"What can I do to have him feel apart of this family?" Greg asked. He hoped that the wall blocking Tracker from agreeing completely was that he didn't feel comfortable staying in some strangers' home.

"It's not that Dad," Ellie struggled to explain, "it's more than that…he's just got a lot on his plate now…" Greg's face changed as he realized he knew this was about pride.

"He doesn't want to feel like he's taking a hand out…?"

Ellie nodded, "he wants to help…he wants to help pay the bills, he doesn't want to just stay in the house like he's free loading."

Greg understood. He understood completely. He sighed and scratched his head, "we can figure this out..." he sighed, " he wants to contribute?"

Ellie nodded again, "maybe let him pay rent or something?" she suggested. She shook her head, she was unsure of how to make this work, and she hoped her father would help her.

"I could agree to that," in the back of his mind he knew he couldn't take someone else's money when they were providing a service for him. He would find a way to pay the boys back. Greg hugged her close and pulled back, getting to his feet. "Come on, let's go grab something to eat and settle some things at the base," he suggested, pulling Ellie to her feet.

-X-

Ellie grunted as she set a box down on the floor, she looked up at Tracker as he walked through the door resting a crate of random belongings just inside the doorway. "Well that's the last one," he muttered as he dusted off his hands. They looked around the now box littered foyer of Ellie's home, it'd begun to feel a bit crowded.

"Ellie…why didn't you tell me this place was so big?" Sean said jogging down the stairs.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "it's not that big," she said, "you've only just seen my room and the downstairs…"

Sean smirked, "so which room is mine?"

Before Ellie could answer Tracker had but in, "if there's an open room, you're taking it Sean."

Sean groaned, "oh come on…"

Tracker rubbed the back of his neck, "the living arrangements have changed, there's plenty of room for you to have your own."

Ellie looked over at Sean sympathetically. "Well," Ellie spoke up, "he can stay with me, I mean, unless you want to take my parents room and he can have the guest room…"

Sean was beaming inside, '_that's my girl,_' he thought. He knew Tracker wouldn't feel comfortable staying in the master bedroom and would opt to take the guest room. Tracker sighed in defeat.

Sean grabbed his cardboard box and lugged it up to Ellie's room. Ellie followed behind him sighing lightly as she found herself in her old room. Sean watched as she walked around her room, gently touching her dresser and disturbing the light layer of dust. She sighed and laughed to herself. It wasn't a humor-based laughter, it was more of that awkward laugh you give off when you're faced with an discomfited situation. "Wow," she muttered, "it's been a while."

Sean smiled as he set his box down, and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, "so I'm thinking," he whispered into her ear, "we take a break from this unpacking." He gently kissed the skin exposed on her neck and she giggled and pulled away.

"Save it for later," she muttered.

Sean smirked and grabbed her around the waist again and pulled her toward them. She smiled as she felt herself being held close to him. "Promise?" he asked in a husky voice. Ellie smiled and nodded. "Alright," he muttered letting her go and starting to unpack.

* * *

**A/N**: First off, I want to apologize for the MASSIVELY long wait that many of you have had to endure waiting for this chapter. And I'm sorry for the wait. I've unfortunately been uninspired lately, and dealing with the most relentless case of writer's block I think I've ever had to deal with. And I'm sorry that you've had to endure the same burden by waiting to read this chapter. So thank you for sticking around. It may be another long wait for the next chapter...

My Dad has contracted me to type up his father's book so we can shop it around to a few publishers/movie people to finally get his story made into a movie. And it's up to me to type up this like...300+ pages of manuscript and make it presentable to the people interested in the story. So bare with me...cause it's already taken me a day or two to get to page 88 and I haven't even proofread what I've typed, it's just been a massive type what I can and fix it later thing...

Love ya'll for sticking around. MJ


	9. Chapter 9

**Reprise**

_Perfection, it's perfection  
But never quite enough, and never could disguise  
The drugs to make it stay the wanting in your eyes  
The money you've spent, but you're still an accident._  
The Terrible Secret // Emery

Jay sat at the bar. He wasn't sure how long he'd been there, or how much he drank. Frankly he didn't care in the least. In what felt like a matter of days, he'd lost a friend, a child, and the only woman he respected. Alcohol seemed to be the only thing to numb what was left to feel. He sighed heavily and tugged his backwards baseball cap off his head and mussed up his hair. He looked down at the shot glass he held in his hands and noticed that it was empty; he groaned and raised a hand to attract the attention of the bartender. "Rod," Jay groaned, "Gimme another shot," he said, trying to keep his best composure, knowing fully well that if he came off drunk that no one would serve him.

The clean-cut bartender affectionately referred to as Rod, looked Jay over quickly in an attempt to assess his drunkenness. He smiled empathetically and poured him another shot of whiskey. "Ya alright kid?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Jay groaned and downed the shot quickly, chasing it with beer from the pint glass in his other hand. Rod looked at him worriedly but was distracted by other customers.

Jay turned around and pint of beer in his hand leaned against the bar while sitting on the barstool and watched the strippers on stage. He casually watched the fluid dance movements of the woman in a thong caress her breasts and grab the silvery pole and swing herself around it, all the while showing off her flexibility.

As Jay eased into the seat of the barstool his body slunk into the cushion and he let his feet stretch out in front of him. Suddenly a beautiful blonde tripped over his feet and dropped the tray of empty glasses she was carrying. Jay watched as in what seemed like slow motion she tumbled to the ground, like an angel falling at his feet. He quickly helped her too her feet and gave her the once over as she brushed her hands on her black apron.

He smiled as he noticed her low cut and short cocktail dress. Zanzibar was really hiring well these days. He smirked as mumbled a quick thanks and struggled to get back to picking up the mess she'd just made by tripping over Jay's feet. "Did it hurt?" he asked smoothly.

She looked at him funny, "no…I'm fine."

"no, I meant the fall from heaven, cause God sure is missin' an angel."

The blonde couldn't help but laugh at his attempt to pick her up with such a pathetic line. "That's rich…"she said as she rolled her eyes and bent down to pick up the tray and bits of broken glass. Jay watched cocked his head in a sad attempt to get a good look at her rear as she cleaned up.

Feeling his eyes on her she quickly looked back and Jay was given a glare in return. Her dark eyes burned a hole right through him but Jay couldn't help but twist his lips into a smile. Picking up the tray, "excuse me if I'm not receptive to your pathetic line, but it's my first night and you're already costing me time and money," she said looking down at the tray of broken glass.

"Oh come on, accidents happen," Jay muttered. "so when are you going to be getting on stage?"

She almost dropped the tray again in disgust, "as if I'd be caught dead on that stage."

Jay smirked, "so when are you getting off?" The blonde kept her mouth shut and began to walk away. "Do I even get a name?"

She smirked, "Mel…" she said slyly turning back to face him. Her smirk turned into a smile and she wasn't even sure why she was even responding to him. It could have been the sad pitiable way he tried to act as if he were sober, or the way his backwards cap sat on his head. What ever it was that made her respond, she was sure that she'd regret it later, "the name's Mel."

Jay watched as she walked to the far end of the bar and emptied the broken glass in the trash. He was impressed that a girl, with an attitude so much like Alex's even bothered to respond to his questions. He smirked, paid his tab, and stumbled out of the dark strip club and out into the bright afternoon sunlight on the street.

The past week had been the same routine, waste away on the couch all day, drink at the bar all night, stumble home in the daylight and start the cycle all over again. As he stumbled home he was glad there were no police officers on patrol to pick him up on public drunkenness and lewd behavior. He lurched forward through the front door, not at all surprised to see his parents not there and threw himself on the couch, lazily reaching for the remote. Flicking on the television with the press of a button he turned away from the screen, not really paying attention to the channel that was on.

"_Watch as Rainbow carries her cub gently in her mouth to the rest of the litter_."

Jay groaned and changed the channel.

"_Marcie…come on down!!!!"_

Click.

"_Rodrigo…I'm having your nephews baby…"_

Click.

"_It's our first baby," _Jay's ears perked up for a moment, "_we're really excited…we had the shower the other day and..._" Jay turned to look at the screen and saw a very pregnant woman talking to the camera. The camera angle changed, "_I can't wait for him to come out…_" a young man said rubbing the very pregnant stomach of his female companion, the woman smiled, "_how do you know it's a girl_."

For some odd and frightening reason Jay found himself intrigued by the show. And he quickly changed the channel as the front door open and he was surprised by the sight of his mother.

"Jayson?" she asked, setting her briefcase on the floor, "what are you doing home, why aren't you at school?"

He coughed dramatically, "sick."

She rolled her eyes in the same fashion that Jay had been known for when disregarding someone and began to walk around the living room picking up, "this place is a mess," she said and then found a stack of Alex's clothes on the recliner. She held up one of Alex's undergarments, "Alexis's?" she asked. Jay didn't respond. She groaned, "you know I don't mind her staying here, and I'd prefer it if you two would clean up after yourselves, you know I hate coming home from a business trip to a messy house."

Jay tuned out his mother's rant and just flicked off the television set. He rose to his feet and ruffled his hair, "whatever, I'm going out."

"I'm hoping your going to school or at least to find a job."

"Okay Mom…"Jay called out as he walked to the bathroom to freshen up and for the first time in weeks he actually looked at his reflection in the mirror.

(-X-)

Spinner grunted as he tied his uniformed apron around his waist and started his shift at the Dot. He'd been pulling extra shifts since his and Paige's last spat, it wasn't like he was spending all the extra time with her. He wasn't even sure if they were still together or not, but he could safely assume that they were more over than they were together. He looked around the small diner and sighed in relief that it was looking to be a slow afternoon.

He juggled a few drink orders before finally settling behind the counter as another server started their shift. He loved being behind the counter, less walking, and it was easier than walking from table to table and back to the kitchen for hours on end. He felt more at ease fixing up cups of coffee and handling short orders.

Spinner looked up as the bells above the door jangled and in walked an unfamiliar girl her face nearly hidden behind dark sunglasses. Her hair was a mess of tight curls that bounced around her face as she smiled. He noticed her beautiful mocha complexion that seemed to glow as walked through the sunlight shining through the storefront window. While unfamiliar to Spinner she seemed to be quite familiar with the layout of the diner as she nearly floated to a booth in the back of the Dot.

She seemed to command attention from the room without really owning or knowing she was doing it, and it impressed him. Just the confidence she had as she walked across the linoleum floor of the Dot nearly knocked him off his feet.

The one thing he always admired about Paige was her ability to take control of anything just by walking into the room. But this girl…in a matter of a few steps made him forget about Paige's popularity powers.

He watched carefully as one of the servers walked over to her table to take an order. "Excuse me?" a voice asked, interrupting his gaze, "can I get a mocha-vanilla-latte with a double shot of espresso." Spinner's attention turned to the anxious man in a business suit who seemed to be talking to a cell phone earpiece. He rolled his eyes and began fixing the caffeinated beverage for the gentlemen when he noticed her ignoring her server and casually made her way over to the counter.

When he was with Paige other girls didn't really seem to matter. Granted the attention was nice, but Paige was always in the back of his mind. He never realized that he had choices outside of Paige. As much as he loved having the queen bee of DCS it wasn't worth all the headaches and bruised ego moments Paige had put him through. He looked down at the frothing machine and groaned, muttering a curse under his breath as the hot beverage spewed out and about.

Grumbling as he handed the suited man his overly feminine drink and began wiping his hands on his hand rag on his apron he turned around and nearly went stark silent as he saw the beautiful girl he'd been admiring.

"Hey, can a parched girl get some water?" she asked, smiling.

Spinner smiled, "no problem," he said spinning around and grabbing a complimentary glass for water and setting it in front of the girl. Watching as her delicate hands reached out and gently felt for the water. He carefully looked over her features more closely noticing for the first time a girl wearing less make-up than a clown. Spinner was actually stunned for a moment to notice a girl looking so naturally beautiful.

"Thanks," she muttered softly.

"So is it that bright in here?" Spin asked as he began to wipe down the counter top.

The mystery girl laughed for a moment, "I got into a nasty scuffle…you should see the other guy."

Spinner laughed. "So I haven't seen you around here before," and tucked the rag into his back pocket and began to refill some of the salt and pepper shakers.

"I haven't really_seen_ you either," she said smirking as she brought the water glass to her lips, "my name's Danielle."

"Spinner," he said casually, "Er, technically it's Gavin, but everyone calls me Spinner," he said and stuck his hand out to shake a greeting. There was a pause as she didn't immediately reach out to shake his hand; in fact, she didn't reach out at all. He just shrugged it off and nervously wiped his hands on his apron.

"Spinner?" she asked, "what are you like some sort of top or something?"

"Or something," he said smiling, "well Danielle is there anything else I can get you?"

"You guys make chili fries don't you?" she asked.

"Best in town…are they for you or are they take out for your boyfriend?" he asked thinking he was being sly.

"No boy comes between me and my chili fries"

"So we're dealing with a girl with an appetite," he asked smiling as he put in an order for some chili fries.

"So you gunna share that plate of fries with me?" she asked, rapping her nibbled finger nails on the counter top. Spinner found himself smirking as he realized she was flirting.

"Maybe," he said, "if you can't finish them all." He eyed her up for a moment, taking in her lean body, "I don't think you could finish a plate if you tried."

"Ha-ha," she laughed, "Are you challenging me?"

Spinner leaned against the counter and found himself whispering softly into her ear, "maybe," he said coyly, flirting back.

"Bring it on," she said smirking.

"Hey Carl," Spinner called into the kitchen, "make that chili-fry order a double.

A pudgy face popped out the window, "copy that," Carl called back.

"So…" Spin began, "loser pays?"

Danielle smirked, "sounds like a good plan."

Spinner smiled. Perhaps working in a dive like the Dot was working out better than the minimum wage he was promised. Right now he was about to be engaging in a chili-fry eating contest with a girl who looked like she couldn't finish a quarter-pound burger without feeling sick. The idea alone put butterflies in his stomach; he couldn't do this sort of thing with Paige. If she were to engage in any sort of eating contest it would most likely be a contest rabbit food contest.

"Order's up," came a call from the kitchen, and Spinner went to the window, grabbing the two heaping plates of chili fries.

"You ready for this?" he asked setting the two plates in front of them.

"When you are," she said throwing him a smile that stunned him for a moment. "On the count of three?" Spinner nodded, but she didn't seem to notice. "One, two…"

Spinner waited for 'three' when he caught her shoving a fry into her mouth, "free."

They each began piling fries into their mouths. Not even a minute passed before she slammed her hands down on the table and swallowed hard. Spinner was mid-swallow and about a six chili smothered fries away from being finished when she heard her squeak, "Done." Spinner was shocked. "So I guess these fries are coming out of your paycheck?" she asked.

Spinner pushed aside the plate, feeling embarrassed, "yup," he muttered. "But know this," he said pointing at her, her face remaining unchanged as he had his finger in front of her face. "I demand a rematch."

She smiled. "Okay, but I hope you train hard before then…" she said lightly reaching for his plate, "because I think I had at least six fries on you." She counted them lightly with her fingers as Spin reached for her empty one to take it to the kitchen before grabbing it from beneath her hand.

He dropped them lightly into the dirty dish pile near the kitchen. He returned with a wet rag and began to wipe down the counter top in front of them. "I let you win," he said, "just so you know."

She smiled, "sure you did, and I moonlight as a running-back for the Argonauts," rolling her eyes under her dark sunglasses.

"Oh yea?" he said tossing the rag into the hand sink in the corner. "So you watch football?"

"Ha, watch would be a understatement."

"Oh man," he muttered getting excited, "I've never met a girl who could eat chili-fries like a champ and follow sports, you're like a…a…dude."

Danielle started laughing, "A dude?"

"I mean not like a**dude** dude, but I mean like a girl."

"I **am** a girl."

"but I mean like a cool girl."

"so I take it that's a compliment?" she asked.

Spinner scratched his head, "I think so…" he laughed to himself, "I don't even know."

Danielle laughed and flashed him a smile. "You know," she said, "you have a really nice voice."

Spinner chuckled, "Thanks…I think."

"Yes, Spinner, it's a compliment, take it," she said, "take and cherish it, you little Tasmanian Devil…" She reached out for his head to ruffle his messy blonde hair, only to miss and ruffle the top of a napkin holder. She could only laugh at herself and play it off as if she'd meant to do it. And Spinner laughed awkwardly.

"Dani," a voice interrupted, Spin watched as an older darker skinned woman walked into the dot with a German Shepard Collie work dog and handed Danielle the handle. "Sorry Scottie's appointment ran long," she said, "she passed her check up with flying colors."

"Thanks Mom," Danielle said slipping off of the barstool at the counter and letting the dog lead her to the door. She turned back slowly and slightly red in the face as waved goodbye, "Bye Taz, I'll see you later?" she asked.

"Um…"he was slightly uncomfortable as he realized all the clues he'd missed since she made her way over to the counter a little while earlier. "Yea sure," he said rubbing the back of his neck in discomfort, "definitely." She smiled earnestly and waved goodbye one last time before letting Scottie lead her out the door.

(-X-)

Spin turned back to work when Alex and Paige walked in and slipped into booth together. Paige looked over at the counter and awkwardly locked eyes with Spin for a moment and sighed as their waiter showed up to take their drink order.

"I'll have a water," Alex said as she watched Paige turn her attention back to the table.

"I'll have a mocha frap with a shot of espresso," the blonde said easily and began to look over the menu. "Get what ever you want hon," she said eyeing up the menu, "my treat."

Alex sighed, and ran her hands through her hair, digging the pads of her fingers into her scalp and massaging it gently. She wasn't sure what she was doing here. And why she was with _Princess_ Paige. "Water is fine," she said with closed eyes.

Truth be told, she didn't want to be out, she wanted to be at home. Goodness knows how Paige convinced her to get out of the house when all she wanted to do was try and forget that she was ever pregnant and that she'd ever lost a her baby. She tried to forget that she ever thought if it was a boy or a girl.

Paige set down the menu and tapped her manicured nails on the Formica table top and watched as Alex massaged her scalp and dealt with the thoughts in her head. "You hungry?" she asked.

Alex shook her head, "not really," she said opening her eyes, "I'd rather be at home." Alex wished she could nurse the remainder of her hang-over in the comforts of Jay's living room, on the couch watching television…alone.

"You're looking a bit emaciated, hon, you should prolly eat something," Paige suggested, believing that her words were helping to ease the pain of a broken heart.

Alex looked up, knowing fully well that if she didn't give in that she'd be bothered with the reign of the _Princess_. The waiter came back with the water and Paige's mocha frap. The waiter pulled out his pad and pencil and prepared to take their orders. Alex took one more look at Paige, who, insisted with her eyes that she order food. Alex sighed, "I'll have a burger, medium rare, with fries and a chocolate shake."

Paige smiled and turned to the waiter, "Caesar salad, dressing on the side." She closed her menu, took Alex's and stacked them to the side as the waiter took the order back to the kitchen. Paige turned to Alex and smiled, "I'm thinking we go to the mall after this."

Alex raised an eyebrow and rolled her eyes. "Come on hon, retail therapy cures everything."

Alex sighed, "Yes retail therapy cures all," she muttered sarcastically. "If you can afford that kind of therapy Paige," she continued truthfully. Ever since grade school she wished her mother could afford to dress her in the latest fashion or to buy her something that was new instead of thrift store purchases or hand-me-downs from the older girls in the apartment buildings. These days her wardrobe consisted of denim and wife-beater tank tops in white and black. The tank tops were cheap and you could buy a few in one package, and denim jeans usually lasted a while. She sighed heavily.

Paige watched her new friend carefully, watching as she seemed to play things through in her head, "I'm sorry." Paige said regretting the idea of a shopping spree could cure everything.

Alex smiled weakly, "it's fine." She knew Paige's heart was in it, but the poor girl just wasn't thinking with her head as much as she was with her heart.

The waiter returned and rested both girls' drinks on the table, "you're order will be up shortly.

"Thanks," Alex muttered.

"So? Anything else in mind?" she asked.

Alex shrugged, "honestly?"

Paige shrugged her shoulders, "sure?" she asked confused.

"I'd rather be at home, in sweatpants, with some greasy food, a six pack, and a television in front of me." Alex honestly didn't want to be out, around people, and she really didn't expect Paige to understand.

Paige surprised her when she watched the blond raise her hand and call for their waiter. "Can we get our order to go?" she asked handing him her obnoxious pink personalized credit card.

Alex was bemused, "what are you doing?"

"Getting our order to go…" Paige muttered questionably, "You've already got your greasy food, and I'm sure you have a six pack waiting for you on Jay's…less cleanly couch."

Alex smiled. "Thanks," she said simply.

"Anytime," Paige said reaching out and awkwardly holding Alex's hands in hers.

(-X-)

Ellie was frantically trying to fix her hair as she watched her own movements in the bathroom mirror. Sometimes her trademark red locks got the best of her and she just wanted to take some scissors to them and chop off the length so that she wouldn't be bothered with the knots gathering at the nape of her neck. She struggled to get the brush through it when she was surprised with a pair of hands wrapping themselves around her waist, and a chin resting on her shoulder. She looked into the mirror at Sean's eyes and smiled. "Hey, I'm sorry, I'm running out," she pouted.

"You sure you need to go?" he asked gently pulling her hair away from her neck and kissing the exposed skin. Ellie closed her eyes and pressed her lips tightly together and hoped he would stop.

"I have to go to my one-on-one and then meet up with Callie about another 'zine article." Ellie brushed through the rest of her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail and turned to see a disappointed look on her boyfriend's face. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

Sean let go of her waist and smiled, "It's fine," he said brushing it off. "I was thinking about going to hang out with a few people anyways."

Ellie smiled as they walked to her bedroom they shared and she adjusted her dark ripped jeans and tugged on her clunky black boots and laced them up. Letting her feet drop to the floor she smiled and looked over at Sean who was fiddling with a pillow. "Hey," she said softly, "are you sure it's okay?"

Sean nodded, "yea its fine, one of my friends isn't doing too good." He looked down at the pillow, "she could probably use a good friend right now."

"And by good friend…you mean Emma, don't you?" Ellie asked as she reached for the pillow.

Sean just stared down at the pillow as Ellie tried to pull it away from him to get his attention. "Yea," he answered, "I think…I think she's got some issues she needs a little help with."

"And just like always, you're going to be a hero."

Sean just glared at her.

"I don't mean it the way you're taking it, Sean, so don't look at me like that," she said.

"Then how do you mean…because you sound a bit pissed."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "whatever," she muttered, "go do what you need to do." She got to her feet and grabbed her bag off the floor, "I'll be back later, and maybe when I get back you can decide what you think I can handle…since it's obvious you think I hate Emma so much that I don't think she deserves a good friend like you."

And with that last remark Ellie walked out of the room and left him sitting on the edge of her bed, knowing that he definitely didn't handle this the way he intended to so that it turned about fifty percent better than it did.

Standing up and walking to the window he watched her angrily stomp off to the bus stop. He really thought his plan worked out better in his head as he watched her look back up at the window, catching his gaze. He watched as she shook her head, she seemed to sigh in defeat and disappointment.

Perhaps she'd been right, that she didn't mean the "hero" comment to come out negatively. But it sure sounded negative in her monotone drawl. It had come out almost sarcastically. He caught her gaze again as she looked back one more time as the bus came to a stop, "I'm sorry," he said aloud, hoping she'd heard him. She seemed to smile weakly and mouth the words: "I know." And for that moment, Sean felt better.

Walking over to the phone, he picked it up out of its cradle and dialed a number he thought he'd long ago erased from his memory.

"Nelson-Simpson residents," a voice answered after a few moments of just listening to the internal ring of the phone.

"Em…it's Sean, did you wanna go out and grab a bite to eat?"

(-X-)

Ashley sat in her room gently rapping her fingers on the ivory white keys of her electric keyboard. She sighed heavily as nothing came to mind. It felt like it'd been forever since she'd written a song, a poem, anything creative. It was killing her inside. The simplest things that were falling to pieces in her life were making her utterly depressed and almost empty inside.

It had been days since she'd seen Mark, but it felt like weeks. She knew feeling this needy and attached to someone was unhealthy. She closed her eyes and a tear drop slipped from between her lashes and ran a mascara streak down her cheek. She wiped the stray tear from her cheek and tried to laugh at herself, "why are you crying?" she asked herself, as she glanced up and caught her reflection in the window.

The days in general seemed to be getting longer and she felt exhausted. The day before Kate Kerwin had commented on the bags under her eyes and the way she seemed to shuffle around in an almost bushed state. She wiped the wet mascara off her cheek with the cuff of her hoodie's sleeve and sighed again, biting her lip as she struggled to get herself up and away from the window; away from her keyboard; and try and do something, anything to make herself feel better. She just wasn't sure what that _anything _would be.

Ashley stumbled into the kitchen and fumbled through the pantry and found a box of brownie mix. She kept making her way through the cabinets pulling out anything that looked good, graham crackers, marshmallow fluff. Toby walked into the kitchen and look at his step-sister with confusion. He crinkled his eyebrows, "you okay?" he asked as she walked the refrigerator and grabbed some eggs. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled. "Yea why?" she asked.

Toby took a seat on the bar stool at the kitchen island and grabbed an apple, "well it's just, you only bake on two occasions…occasion A, for someone else or occasion B, if you're down. And I don't know of anyone needing…" he looked over the ingredients she had laid out, "s'more brownies?" he asked.

Ashley smiled. "Yup," she said, "but I'm not down."

"What ever you say Ash," he said before walking back up to his room with the apple.

Unfortunately for her, her family could read her like a book, she was down. And there was always something about baking that made her feel good. It made her feel even better when she shared her efforts with others. Making others happy always seemed to make her feel less alone, and less depressed.

She sighed as she mixed together eggs, oil and water in a mixing bowl. Sometimes she wondered if it was normal for someone to feel this way. Being depressed for no reason, depressed and upset beyond necessary for a pathetic reason, and barely happy for some periods of time; it was frustrating. The moments when she was happy, she felt anxious and worried about when she'd be down again and what could trigger that depression. She felt mildly bi-polar. Ashley turned to the oven to pre-heat it before she began mixing the dry ingredients with the wet. She stirred rapidly and furiously as she tried to break up the lumps in the mixing bowl.

Taking great care and skill she mixed together melted butter and crumbled graham crackers into the bottom of a pan followed by the chocolate brownie batter and topped it off with marshmallow fluff and another layer of graham crackers. She placed the pan in the oven and smiled triumphantly. She felt a slight high as she licked the spatula covered in chocolate batter and smiled. Baking was a cure for the minor slump she was in.

(-X-)

"So you just walked out?" Callie asked as she figured out a layout for her own zine, of which Ellie was helping her print, as well as write. Ellie nodded as she looked up from the art submissions.

"It was ridiculous, you know?" Ellie said as she rifled through the paper work, "he wanted to tell me, but the way he was trying to tell me was like I was going to react like a jealous girlfriend or something. And I've never really been that type."

Callie nodded understandingly. "Should we keep it a black and white zine? Or pay the extra dough for colored pages?"

"I say black and white, it's classic, and then we can hand color them with marker before we mail them out," Ellie answered, thinking of saving the extra few dollars and being creative at the same time.

Callie smiled, "I like…I like," as she used double sided scotch tape to create the layout before she sent them to be photocopied into the pages for the zine.

Ellie slammed pages she was rifling through down on the wooden table with a resounding slap and groaned loudly, "ugh…why couldn't he just tell me, instead of making me draw the truth out of him?

Callie shrugged, "please Ellie, don't ask me questions about high school relationships."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "whatever…" she paused and attempted to turn back to her work when the thoughts rolled in again, "it's just, I don't mind that he's everyone's hero, I don't…I just want him to be able to trust me and to know that I will support him in whatever it is that he's doing."

Callie rolled her eyes and smoothed the article on to the paper, "Ellie, will you stop focusing on your relationship, it's fine, this zine layout however…isn't."

Ellie sighed, "I'll take these with me to school tomorrow," she said dropping the papers into a file folder and shoving them into her bag. "I can use the Grapevine's copier."

"Wow, something productive and relevant comes out of your mouth."

Ellie smirked, "really Callie, your hard-ass attitude really isn't that impressive, I mastered it in grade nine."

"Oh?" Callie asked intrigued, "then explain where it is?"

Ellie frowned, and shook her head, "I'll see you at group, and most likely tomorrow with the print outs," she answered. Catty moments with Callie can be considered hazardous for your health in the long run and Ellie didn't really plan on sticking around to get frustrated with one of her few female friends.

(-X-)

Mark strummed lightly on the steel-antique guitar he'd received from Ashley and watched as she gently ran her fingers over the ivory white keys of her piano. It felt almost foreign to her and she didn't know what to do. It was one of the few times she didn't have an idea of where her fingers should go or what kind of chords to play.

Mark watched her carefully. It was almost a week sense he'd seen her last and here they were together, but she felt so distant from him, as if she were in a completely different country, or on another planet. He set down the guitar gently into the guitar stand and walked over to her as she watched her fingers struggled to decide where they were to be. He lightly rested his hands on her shoulders and she jumped.

"Hey," she said, hiding the surprise in her voice, "sorry, I just zoned out I guess."

Mark smiled lightly and sat down on the piano bench next to her.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

"I should be asking you that, right?" she asked him, "how're the check ups going?"

Mark smiled weakly. '_She shouldn't have to worry about me_,' he thought to himself. He didn't want her stressing out about his health. In fact in the passing weeks he was adjusting to his new heart and was beginning to feel more relaxed and less depressed. He kissed her cheek, "I'm fine," he said, "I'm just worried about you, you've been pretty out of it lately."

Ashley attempted to smile but it came out too forced and she knew she regretted even trying because it was just a tip off that something just wasn't right. She fought the urge to break into a mess of tears just to avoid this oncoming conversation. "I'm fine," she muttered, trying to turn away.

Mark caught on instantly, "no, no you're not fine," he said pulling her back, "what's wrong?" he continued, searching her eyes for an answer, or an inkling of something that may lead him in the right direction.

"I…er," Ashley attempted to try and bring all her fears and sunken feelings to the surface. "I don't know, I'm just," the tears were welling up in her doe brown eyes and she began to stumble over her words. "I just…I just…I think that…I'm just down and out." She took a deep breath and suppressed the tears and tried to control her upset shaking.

Mark gently rubbed her back and hugged her close, "hey, hey it's alright."

"No it's not alright," she argued, "I have no reason to feel like this, so miserable and just depressed."

"Sometimes you don't need a reason," he said sadly, "sometimes people just get that way." He wiped away the tears from her eyes that had fallen without her permission with the pads of his thumbs and cupped her face in his hands. Mark leaned forward and gently kissed her head. Upon that touch of affection Ashley reached forward and grabbed his face in her hands and pulled his lips to hers and kissed him roughly.

Ashley continued to kiss him and tenderly ran her hands down his arms and chest and stopped at the waist band of his jeans and reached for his belt. She frowned as Mark took her hands and stopped her from doing something she'd regret. She was upset and Mark knew that and he wouldn't let her act out in a way that she would hate herself for later. "Ash," he said looking up at her confused face.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked.

"No Sweets, not at all," he said as she started to get upset again, "but I think that we should maybe take you to see someone and maybe we can figure out what's up, okay?"

"Like a shrink?" she said, taken aback. She was disgusted at the thought of seeing a psychologist again. It had been a good while sense she'd seen her therapist after her mishap with ecstasy, granted it felt good to get all her emotions out on the table and to have someone tell her she wasn't crazy. But right now, she felt crazy, there was no reasoning behind her low feelings and she felt like if she went to see someone about this she'd finally have someone tell her that she was nuts.

"Sweets, it's alright," he said comfortingly, "don't you want to know if something is wrong and how we can fix it?"

Ashley dropped her head in a sigh of defeat. She didn't want this, she needed it.

(-X-)

"So we're really doing this?" Craig asked as he tuned his guitar on the couch in Joey's garage. Mark shrugged. Neither guy could really guarantee that this pet project would even work. "Where's Ash?" he asked wondering as he cringed at the twang of a string snapping and nearly missing his eye. Mark was strumming on his electric guitar trying to find a nice key to play in, settling on the ever popular key of D.

"She had an appointment," Mark answered.

Craig looked confused, "what kind of appointment?" Granted this probably wasn't his place or topic of discussion to find himself getting involved in. But he was worried about the girl he'd once shared hopes, dreams, and his lips with. "I mean it's not my place to ask, but I'm just curious."

"Just an appointment," Mark answered, "it's not my place to digress personal information like that, if you want to know you can ask her when she gets here." At that moment the garage door opened, and in walked Ashley with her keyboard, "speak of the devil."

"Talking about me?" she asked, feeling awkward. She hadn't been in the best frame of mind, even since Mark and her had had their conversation about her mental status. She was so unlike herself at the moment, dressed in a pair of wide-leg, baggy jeans, a tank-top, and a baggy hooded sweatshirt of Mark's. The change of appearance didn't go unnoticed as did her lack of make-up and her hair a mess.

"Hey Sweets," Mark said quickly getting to his feet and pecking her lightly on the cheek, "how'd it go?" he asked as she slumped onto the couch next to Craig. Ashley shrugged as she began to think about her appointment with her psychologist.

"As good as can be expected," she said wishing the conversation wasn't happening in front of Craig, who looked interested and genuinely worried. "Can we not talk about this right now?" she asked. Looking around the room as she began to set up her keyboard, "where's Spin?" she asked attempting to completely change the subject.

"Not coming today, it's just a creativity meeting," Craig said, "and Spin? He's not very creative."

"And Ellie?" she asked.

"She working on some 'zine with Callie, from group," Craig answered.

It immediately made Ashley feel out of the loops, not knowing where one of her best friends was, and why she wasn't at the '_creativity meeting_'." Ashley nodded and attempted a smile.

"So…" Mark said trying to break the awkwardness of the entire situation.

"Music," Ashley said. Craig strummed a chord on this guitar. "I wrote some lyrics the other day…"

Mark looked over at her, "are you going to share?"

Ashley looked uneasy as two sets of eyes began to burn into her and she just wanted to disappear. "They aren't that good, they just kind of came to me." Her fingers began to play the tune on her piano, "_when you first left me I was wanting more…but you were fucking that girl next door, what ja do that for? When you first left me I didn't know what to say, I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day."_

As she sang her lyrics she looked over at Craig nervously and watched him become almost itchy as he began to realize who she was singing about. "_I was so lost back then, but with a little help from my friends..I found a light in the tunnel at the end, now you're calling me up on the phone…so you can have a little whine and moan…and it's only because you're feeling alone." _

Ashley stopped playing and shrugged, "it's all I've got so far," she muttered.

"I like it," Mark said as he mentally began to think of how he wanted to accompany the song without drowning it in instrumental tracks.

Craig, despite how itchy he felt, "I like it, too."

Ashley smiled weakly. She hadn't been sure how'd he react to the song, but she was glad that he liked it. "I've got a few more…if you want to hear them?"

"Play on Ash, play on…" Craig said.

She nervously dropped her wrists and her fingers danced on the keys, "_head under water, and they tell me to breathe easy for a while…the breathing gets harder, even I know that."_ This time she was nervously looking at Mark as she sang, and Craig let go of a breathe knowing now this song was not about him. "_You made room for me but it's too soon to see, if I'm happy in your hands. I'm unusually hard to hold on to…blank stares at blank pages, no easy way to say this, you mean well, but you make this hard on me."_

Mark began to listen intently to the lyrics realizing that with each song she showcased for them she let out a little bit of everything that's ever made her want to itch a scratch she couldn't reach. It was as if she were singing from her journal. "_I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'cause you asked for it, cause you need one, you see. I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'cause you tell me its, make or breaking this…if you're on your way, I'm not gonna write you to stay. If all you have is leaving…_"

Mark's heart nearly needed another transplant as he listened to her sing and began to realize that perhaps things weren't as great as he thought they were between them. But then again maybe things just weren't good with Ashley. The more he listened the more he began to think that this song was not directed at him, but more of a message to him, of what he could be getting into…after all her past relationships. He watched her lips as she continued to sing.

"_Promise me you'll leave the light on, to help me see with daylight, my guide, gone. 'Cause I believe there's a way you can love me because I say…I won't write you a love song, 'cause you asked for it..'cause you need one you see…"_ She slowly brought the song to a close, "_babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that there's a reason to write you a long song today…Today." _

"I'm liking where this is going," Craig said, "Ash, I think this is the best stuff you've ever written he said as they sat around Joey's kitchen table looking at the piles of sheet music and unfinished poems she'd been hashing together since long before Craig and her had a falling out. "I like this one bit…_we only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times, you go back to her, and I go back to…black_"

Mark smiled at Ash and reached for her hand under the table. She held it softly and squeezed gently as they began to write music together as a band. Both boys loved the way that Ashley's voice created a funky-indie sound and was easy to accompany. It really was just making the whole band situation easier than any of them ever expected.

(-X-)

Sean was sitting in a booth in the back corner of the Dot when Emma walked in wearing a loose fitting top and jeans that practically hung on her _too thin_ figure. It scared him to see her looking so sickly and yet she found nothing wrong with the situation, and that scared him even more. He watched her smile as she walked to his booth and he was relieved that she could at least find a reason to smile.

"So what's up?" she asked sweetly slipping into the cushioned booth and gently folding her pale and scrawny arms in front of her on the table as Sean handed her a menu which she politely took, and promptly set aside.

"Nothing," Sean said, looking over the menu. "Sorry we haven't hung out much, there's been a lot going on." A lot was an understatement. He and Tracker had moved in with Ellie, he was trying to bring his grades up, and to top it all off he and Jay had been offered jobs working in a mechanics shop that offered to help finance their way through automotive school.

Emma smiled, "yea, I know how that can be."

"So, you hungry?" Sean asked as he settled on his meal in his head, folding the menu up.

Emma politely declined, "not really, big lunch."

"Come on Em, my treat, how about a veggie-burger for old time's sake," he said hoping that playing with her emotions would encourage her to eat.

"Split it with me?" she asked. There was no way she'd eat a whole burger, made of vegetables and especially if it weren't, by herself. There was just no way, especially after the way she'd pigged out the day before on a small bag of baked potato chips. She mentally counted the calories in her head.

Sean watched as she flirted her way to splitting a veggie-burger with him. "Alright," he said, at least she was eating more than he'd seen her eat all week. Spinner walked over, two waters and straw in his hands and set them on the table.

"Dude?" he asked looking back and forth between Emma and Sean, "where's the redhead?"

"Just having lunch with a friend today," Sean answered and watched as Spinner shrugged, "Veggie-burger, w/ lettuce, tomato, and mayo…extra fries."

"Alright…let me know if you guys need anything else," he said jotting the order down on the pad with a pen. Sean watched as Spin walked off to the kitchen with their order. He reached for a straw and his glass of water.

"Lunch with a friend?" Emma asked twirling her straw flirtatiously.

"Yea, lunch with a friend," Sean repeated. "So **friend**, how have you been?" he asked, emphasis on the friend.

Emma shrugged; "fine…" she reached for the salt and pepper shaker and began to play with them nervously. She had the worst gut feeling, and she wasn't sure if it was because it was empty and she hadn't eaten in two days.

Sean was struggling with the decision of outing her problems right there on the table either before or after the burger was partially digested in her stomach. He settled on the safest bet of waiting until after she'd eaten and he could keep her occupied enough to keep her from potentially throwing up his progress. "So I got a job," Sean said bobbing his head, as he bounced thoughts around in his mind. "After school."

"Wow, Sean, that's amazing," she said reaching out and taking his hands, and simply saying, "I'm so proud of you."

Sean pulled his hands away feeling the actions weren't appropriate, "Yea, the expo resulted in a pretty opportunity for Jay and I."

"You and Jay?" she asked questionably. She still wasn't too fond of the friendship between the two. Granted she'd put up with Jay more than she'd ever planned or intended to. The trip to Lake View, the welcome home party, and that was all she could really handle. She always resented the way Jay corrupted _her Sean_.

"Yeah, me and Jay," he said noticing the glint in Emma's eye and what exactly she implied for the moment. "You know, he's not that bad," he defended.

"Yup, not that bad," she said sarcastically, "just bad enough to rip off vending machines and expensive school equipment." She rolled her eyes and began to toy with the straw wrapper as she tied it up and ripped it apart.

Sean immediately felt guilty as he thought about how their strained relationship had clouded his mind so much that he ripped off one of the few teachers to ever really give him more chances than he probably deserved. Suddenly he wasn't so hungry anymore. "Look, whatever Jay did stupid things, but that doesn't make him a bad person Em, he's a good friend, regardless of what you think."

Emma rolled her eyes again as Spinner returned with the meal. "Thanks," she said in a forced tone and pushed aside the ripped up straw wrapper. She drummed her thumbs on the table top wondering whether or not to reach for a fry.

Sean looked over at Spinner, "Yo, Spin, can you do me a favor and grab me a knife?" Spinner nodded and returned with a steak knife and watched as Sean split the veggie-burger in two and nudged Emma's half towards her on the plate. Watching as she looked like she was in deep though about taking a bite. "Your half awaits?"

Emma smiled and reached for the burger and took a small bite, smiling for a second to make Sean happy as she reluctantly swallowed. "Mmmm," she moaned sarcastically, "delish."

Sean dropped his half of the burger and looked at her angrily. "What's your deal?"

Emma sighed, "what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the obvious sarcasm in your voice."

"I'm sorry Sean, I'm just not hungry," she argued.

"Not hungry or you just don't want to eat?" he retorted angrily, "you know, I know you, and I know when something's up."

"Nothing's up."

"Nothing except your food after every meal."

Emma raised her eyebrows, "how dare you insinuate that I have an eating disorder." She groaned and began prepare herself to leave, "I don't need this Sean, not from you."

"Well you need it from someone, because you don't look like whatever it is your doing is helping you any. You look sick Em." He said looking her up and down, noticing her skin was even more sallow and pale than usual, and her hair looked stringy and she just all around looked…for a lack of a better word, like shit.

"I do not…look…sick," she said breathing heavily and trying to catch her breath as she rushed out of the booth. She turned around before walking off, "stay away from me Sean."

Sean hung his head in defeat as Emma walked off. He had a feeling that it would be a little tough to make her see the light and where she was headed if she continued her behavior. She wasn't like Ellie in that retrospect. Ellie could accept her issues, whereas Emma seemed to ignore them or blame them on someone else. It almost made him a little mad at himself for the way he handled telling Ellie about wanting to help Emma. She had been right, Ellie and Emma weren't the best of friends, but it doesn't mean that Ellie wouldn't want him to help her out.

(-X-)

It was around dinner time when Ellie got home, but the house seemed to be empty as she dropped her house keys on the small end table in the foyer, and slipping her back onto the floor by the stairs. Walking around the house she realized she wasn't alone as she heard the soft buzz of the television set. She found Sean asleep on the couch curled up like a small kid taking an afternoon nap watching his favorite cartoon. She reached over to grab the remote from his closed hand and tugged it away softly. She gently lifted up his legs and slipped herself under them and changed the channel to find something other than car remodeling.

At the sound of the channel changing and his legs being repositioned Sean slowly began to wake up, rubbing his eyes and looking over at Ellie.

"Sorry" he said sleepily as he sat up.

"Apology accepted," she said trying to find something to watch on the television set.

He scratched the back of his head. He hated when she was like this, overly confident…and right. "She doesn't want my help."

"What kind of problem is she having that she needed your help in the first place?" she asked taking her eyes off the screen and turning to face him.

"The eating disorder kind," he answered rubbing the back of his neck, "Manny kinda tipped me off, but I wasn't sure until I started noticing her behavior and how…how sickly she's been looking."

Ellie perked up and her thoughts became to revert to her time at Lake View and the experiences she had with Verity, _may she rest in peace_. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to remember that Sean didn't know Verity that well and why she'd been at the Psychiatric hospital in the first place. "Do you think it would help if I talked to her?" she suggested.

Sean shook his head, "she's not too happy that I called her out, she's pretty much in denial…" he paused for a moment, "and pretty pissed at me."

Ellie reached out and touched his arm, she noticed how much it hurt him to have a friend in so much pain and he couldn't help. As long as she'd known him he was always finding ways to help people, and to try and do what he could to be there for his friends. "She'll be alright, Sean."

He closed his eyes for a moment, "I hope so."

Ellie was completely unsure of what to do for him, but she hated seeing him like this and it was beating her up inside about how she reacted earlier. She didn't mean to come off bitchy like she did when he tried to tell her. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did earlier," she apologized.

Sean smiled weakly.

"Pizza?" she asked.

Sean laughed, "sure."

"White pizza with spinach and broccoli?" she asked hopefully. He raised an eyebrow as if to say: _are you nuts_?

"As long as you order me a plain…" he said, "order a pepperoni for Tracker." Ellie smiled, and tossed him the phone. "Wait, why am I ordering?"

"Because I'm going to take a ,shower," she said pulling out her ponytail.

"Can I come too?" Sean asked a puppy dog look in his eyes.

Ellie laughed and walked upstairs as Sean began to dial the pizza shop and place an order, and having them wait at least a half hour before they started to fill it, giving Ellie plenty of time to take a shower.

* * *

**A/N: **I apologize yet again for the long wait on the update. I know it's been forever since I've updated, but I've been ridiculously busy trying to start paying off school loans, holding two jobs that aren't exactly what I went to school for, and then going back to school, because I'm a complete nerd. I didn't stop writing, I've been writing little by little as often as I can, and I'm still writing, and preparing the next chapter, I'll update as soon as I possibly can. I want to finish this story as much as you guys want me too. Also the the songs Ash sings during the MASH Therapy meeting are in order as followed:

Lily Allen "Smile"  
Sara Bareilles "Love Song"  
Amy Winehouse "Back to Black"


	10. Chapter 10

Reprise 10.

_All of my memories keep you near._

_In silent moments imagine you here._

_All of my memories keep you near._

_Your silent whispers, silent tears. _

Within Temptation – "Memories"

Ashley sat at the lunch table silently stabbing her sandwich with a plastic spork, as she rapped her thumb against the bright orange table top, lost in thought. Ellie had been watching her for a good five or ten minutes, she wasn't quite sure how long it had been, but it had been long enough to raise suspicion that things were not quite as she had expected they were going.

"So, do you plan on eating or committing murder?" Ellie asked as she took a sip from her bottle of water, choosing her next words carefully as Ashley looked up and threw a death glare at her best friend. "Sorry, it's just…is the sandwich that bad?"

Ashley struggled to suppress a laugh and failed as she set down the plastic spork, and smiled faintly at Ellie. "Just not hungry," she murmured.

Ellie smiled understandingly, "You haven't been very hungry lately,…how're your appointments going?"

Ashley shrugged, "alright I guess…it's nice to have someone to talk to and tell me I'm not crazy," she said quietly.

"I talk to you and tell you you're not crazy."

Ashley laughed, "so because you didn't come to the rehearsal creativity…whatever thing yesterday, they made me sing." Ashley was discussing her painful experience early that week when she had to sing songs she'd been working on with Craig and Mark…though it was the fact that Craig was finally hearing the pain he'd put her through that gave her an ulcer.

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

"It was…I hated it,…I wanted to throw up," Ashley groaned. "I just don't think I was ready to share some of those songs with Craig."

"You sang _those_ songs?" Ellie said, knowing exactly which songs Ashley was referring too. "Oh Ash…that's brutal."

"And he liked them."

Ellie brought a hand to her mouth, "I feel bad for leaving you to deal with that," she said. "So you never told me about doctor you're seeing."

Ashley shrugged and shook her head, "same guy I was seeing last year,…" she looked down at her mutilated sandwich, " I hate talking to a guy…it's like going to a male gynecologist, it's just uncomfortable."

Ellie laughed uncomfortably. "Have you asked your mom about maybe talking to a female psychologist?"

Ashley shrugged again, "I don't know…I'm not really sure how she'd feel about it. Part of me thinks she'll think it's a ploy to get out of seeing a shrink all together."

Ellie rolled her eyes and reached down to the floor and pulled her messenger bag into her lap and began to rummage through the mess and loose bits of ripped paper and pulled out a business card. "Here," she said softly, and slid the business card across the table top to Ashley, "she's cool, and she's a lot better than talking to some old dude."

Ashley looked over the small neat print type on the white three by five card, "Rhonda Crescent?" she asked.

"My crazy person doctor…" Ellie said slyly. "Like I said Ash…she's pretty cool, and a lot better than talking to some old dude. She's young and seems to pick up on the small things that no one else really notices, and gets you to open up and realize things you keep in the back of your head." Ellie sighed, "she might be able to help you figure out what's got you so worked up for no reason."

Ashley sighed, and tucked the business card into her bag and reached across the table and grabbed one of Ellie's French fries and smiled. "I'll give it a go," she said before eating the fry. Ellie smiled at her friend and then guarded her fries like they were a treasured item.

"I've been way too anxious lately," Ashley muttered continuing the conversation, "like I've never gotten nervous playing music, do you think it was just because of the songs?"

Ellie shrugged, "probably," she answered, "those were some pretty deep and meaningful songs, sometimes those can be the hardest to perform." Ashley nodded in agreement as she reached for another fry and Ellie slapped her hand away, "mine."

-X-

Ellie sat cross-legged on the couch in dark footless tights and a dark skirt. Toying with the pilling on her tights she sighed. She hated surprises and Sean was in the middle of attempting to pull the wool over her eyes and sweep her off her feet…AND SHE HATED IT. She pulled her black hoodie closer to her and tugged her hood up, her red-hair down and wild as they peaked out of the hood as she tried to tug the drawstrings so tight that her face was barely visible.

He'd asked her to wait on the couch while he got ready. She had no idea where they were going, or if they were going anywhere and it made her nauseas. A part of her figured it was best to humor the kid, despite the reservations she had about surprises. She fell over on the couch and just stared blankly ahead of her. "I hate surprises," she murmured. All she could think about was the horrible indications that led her to believe that he was surprising her with a total fun-filled afternoon at Canada's Wonderland.

As Ellie found comfort in the cushions of the couch, Sean was staring himself into the bathroom mirror, admiring his clean shaven face. He had a wonderful glint in his eye as he concluded that he had the best night planned for the first time in a while. He couldn't help it, he was in a great mood. He had an interview for a part time job, school was going well, and he felt lucky to have a girlfriend like Ellie. Things were going good, and he was on his A-game and felt like celebrating it with his girlfriend.

Speaking of girlfriend, Sean knew she hated surprises and smirked as he mussed up his golden-brown hair and smiled in the mirror with his last look before walking back to the bedroom. Yes, Ellie hated surprises, and so he was planning on her knowing that a surprise was coming her way, except that the surprise wasn't the one she would be expecting, but something else. He was beginning to give himself a headache as he thought about it all.

Reaching a hand into his pocket he smiled knowing that what he'd just managed to do with some extra money would make her smile and forget about hating him. He had her thinking that they were going to Canada's Wonderland. He couldn't help but laugh, because that's far from where they were going. He fingered the tickets in his jean pocket and smirked. She'd either kill him or kiss him tonight.

Ellie stood in the doorway to her bedroom watching Sean primp in the mirror above her dresser, "didn't know you were such a girl…" she stated coyly. Sean froze.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked, hoping he hadn't seen or heard him mumbling to himself about his surprise.

"Don't worry I don't know anything…besides you're no David Copperfield or anything, you're pretty helpless when it comes to throwing a surprise Sean."

Sean blushed, "so you caught me." He threw his hands up in defense and she watched his shoulders drop with defeat. He actually looked disappointed.

"So where are we going Casanova?" she asked walking into the room and wrapping her arms around his neck. Sean reached into his pocket and pulled out two tickets. He held them up in front of his face and watched her reaction as she read the names on the tickets, her face immediately lit up and she snatched the tickets from him excitedly. "We're going to see Rise Against?" she asked.

Sean nodded simply and smirked as she threw her arms around his neck again and jumped into his arms and kissed him on the lips. She pulled back and slapped him on the arm, "I hate surprises, jerk."

Sean just laughed.

-X-

"What's your deal?" Kendra asked walking into the living room to find Spinner sitting lazily on the couch and clicking through the channels. When she didn't get a response she sat down on the couch and waved her hand in front of his stoic face. "Hullo…earth to Spinner."

Spinner turned to face her, "what?" he asked.

"I just asked what your deal was…you're like more mopey than Shinji…and thankfully not as whiney," she explained.

He groaned in frustrations, "can't you make normal comparisons that normal people understand?"

"Hey I'm not the one that is moping around because Princess Paige broke up with them."

Spinner just stared at his sister. "I'll remember that the next time you actually have a boyfriend."

"Harsh Spin…"she said softly. "All I'm saying is get off your tail and get on with life, you can't just sit around and wish everything back into order."

"You just don't get it…I have to see her everyday…and she's always with Alex, it's like I don't even get to see her to talk about anything because she's always babying stupid Alex."

"And you think I didn't have to deal with seeing Toby everywhere after we broke up?" she mentioned, "you're not the only one that has ever broken up with someone, remember that the next time you're having a pity party…Mom and I are going to see Dad," she rubbed her neck uncomfortably. It'd been almost a year since they lost him, talking about it was still a major discomfort for the family. "Do you want to come?" she asked.

"Not right now…I'll swing later," he said softly without making eye contact.

"Alright..." she said hoping he'd change his mind. "Um…call if you wanna join us for dinner…" she said before walking out to leave him to his miserable thoughts.

He stared at the television but he couldn't even focus on the action on screen. All he could think about was all the lead ups to the break down. He'd failed to notice that the relationship in general was beginning to become a strain. He was rarely doing anything right in her opinion and he really didn't like the way he was being treated. Then why was he fighting to get things back to the way they were…if things were so bad, then why bother?

Paige had been his first _real_ girlfriend, and had luckily been the first girl he _really_ liked. It wasn't a mere crush like he'd had on Terri for a few moments in grade eight, to him this was a real deal. He'd seen her at her worst and while he's still not proud of his behavior after finding out he'd gotten ditched so she could go out with someone else it was surely warranted, he hadn't known about her rape. After everything he'd done for her, and for them he felt like they got a nasty cop out, they hadn't even had a chance to make it a proper break up, they just…fell apart and it all trickled down to constant fights, nagging, and bickering.

And then Alex, even in the midst of all these fights he couldn't help but wonder what Alex brought to the table that made him the person she wanted to spend less time with. Alex and Paige never even fell in with the same crowds, they live no where near each other, and they have about zero in common. What made Alex so special that she could have Paige's attention in a moment while he had to fight for every second?

He tossed the remote control against the cushions beside him as the realization finally came to him: _Paige had left him for Alex…_ "She left me for a girl," he said angrily, "she left me for a fucking girl."

Trying to shrug off the thought of ex-girlfriend getting it on with a girl he found himself trying to think of something worth thinking of. Something that would make him smile, and take his mind off of things. Danielle.

-X-

Spinner rubbed the back of his head as he stood in line in front of the pretzel stand in the middle of the mall. All he wanted was two damn soft pretzels and the line was nearly out the mall and around the corner and it was frustrating the hell out of him. The line inched forward and groaned as he moved a measly space forward in line. "Fuck," he groaned, dropping his head back and as he brought his head forward he pinched the bridge of his nose and found a dog staring up at him.

"Hey Scottie, did we make it to the pretzel stand yet?" Danielle asked as she held on tightly to the handle.

"Oh he found it alright," Spin said, "Too bad the line is about a mile long."

"Taz?" Danielle asked, a smile playing at her lips.

"It's Spinner," he said shaking his head, almost glad she couldn't see. He really wasn't really comfortable at the moment, what with the line being ridiculously and unnecessarily long, and being called the wrong name.

"Oh _Taz_ it is you," she said smirking. She knew very well by the slight frustrated down in his voice hat he wasn't fond of the new nickname.

"Well Danielle the end of the line is that way," Spinner said pointing in the proper direction only to mentally smack himself for pointing…for giving her directions that she obviously couldn't see. He sighed heavily and of course she caught the sound of his heavy withheld breath leaving from between his lips.

"Thanks…but I don't need the directions Spinner, Scottie does," she said.

Spinner immediately felt bad, and the line inched forward. "Go find a bench I'll get you a pretzel," he said giving in to his guilty feelings.

"Two pretzels and a large cherry Icee," she said smiling as she bent down, "find me a seat Scottie," she said into the dog's ear.

Spinner shook his head as he moved forward in the line, and after a few moments he finally reached the counter, "four pretzels, and a large cherry Icee"

"Three fifty for the Icee, six bucks for the pretzels…total will be…" the Pretzel guy was trying to say when Spinner tossed a ten dollar bill on the counter and took the pretzels and Icee.

"Keep the change," he said walking towards the lonely girl and dog in the middle of the mall sitting on a bench beside a potted tree. "Here," he said sticking the pretzels out in front of her and she reached out blindly and gently grabbed his wrist before feeling her way to his hands and took the pretzels from him.

"Where's the Icee?" she asked.

"Boy you don't miss a thing for a …" Spinner shut his mouth as he held out the Icee for her to take and she reached out for it.

"I don't miss a thing for a what?' she asked.

Spinner regretted the words he'd meant to day, "blind girl."

"OH MY GOD! I'm blind?!" she asked loudly and with an obnoxious tone to her voice.

Spinner could help but laugh as he caught her smile and sip on her red frozen drink. She stopped sipping and turned in the direction in which she heard him sit down, "does it really bother you?"

Spinner raised an eyebrow and took a large bite out of one of his pretzels, "does what bother me?"

"the blind thing," she said ripping off a piece of her pretzel and tossing it into her open mouth.

Spinner froze, "er…uh…mm…" he began to stumble over his words.

"Well I guess that answers my question."

"It doesn't bother me," he finally said, "it's just…different, that's all."

Danielle snorted, "different?" she said smirking, " that's a new one."

Spinner smiled, a smile which faded as out of the corner of his eye he caught a blonde mall queen walking towards him, shifting her hips from side to side as she adjusted the shoulder strap of her purse. "Hey Spin," she said as she walked up to the bench and smiled at him, and then looked to the girl sitting next to him.

"Paige," he said politely.

Paige eyed Danielle up and down as she sat on the bench pouting as she noticed the mismatched socks peeking out of her Converse sneakers, and the dark sunglasses perched on her nose. "Don't you think sunglasses would be more appropriate outside?" she asked.

Danielle stopped sipping her Icee and looked in the direction of Paige and then turned to Spinner, "is she talking to me?"

"Yes, hon, I'm talking to you…" Paige said visibly annoyed. "By the way, _hon_, your socks are mismatched….did you get dressed in the dark or something."

Danielle rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses, "you could say that."

Spinner sensing the building tension attempted to cut it by intervening like a knife. He positioned himself between the girls and led Paige away be the crook of her arm, her heels clacking noisily on the tiled floor of the mall. "Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Do what?" Paige asked, the jealously getting the best of her.

"That…that thing you do when other girls are butting in on your territory."

Paige rolled her eyes. "I was just politely pointing out that sunglasses in doors are about as faux pas as wearing them at night and that her socks didn't match."

"You know what…" Spinner said getting frustrated, "I'm wondering if I should even tell you how and why that is crossing the line."

"Excuse me?" Paige asked, "how was anything I said crossing the line."

"She's blind Paige…that's why her socks are mismatched and she's wearing sunglasses indoors,…or maybe you failed to notice her work-dog sitting next to her."

Paige opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly closed it as she realized her behavior was rude and inappropriate. She sighed and brought her hand to her mouth, "I'm sorry," she said, her voice muffled by her hand. "I really didn't know."

He shook his head and walked away groaning as he returned to Danielle, sitting on the bench. He peered across the mall and watched as Paige blushed heavily and returned to her shopping, trying to forget the situation that had just occurred.

"So…can't I pet him?"

"Who?"

Spinner rolled his eyes, "the dog?" Danielle smiled. And he in turn smiled. He loved the way she smiled, and she probably had no idea what her smile looked like, "you know you have a nice smile."

Danielle rolled her eyes and batted at him, "so I've been told," she said slyly.

Spinner smirked. "Do you wanna go grab a bite to eat?" he asked.

Mouth full of pretzel, "mmmow?" she asked before swallowing.

Spinner laughed, "no…tomorrow? Friday?" he asked.

She laughed, "Friday sounds good."

"So…pizza? And maybe a movie?" he asked. Her lips curled into a mischievous smile and it was obviously she was trying not to laugh. " Did I really ask to take you to a movie?" Spinner asked, embarrassed that he would suggest taking a blind girl to an event that required you to sit and look at a large screen full of moving images.

"Yes," she said letting out the laugh.

"So…no movie," he said. "Pizza?" Danielle nodded. "Pizza and…" he was stumped. "What kind of dates do you usually go on."

"Not many," she replied, "so don't worry about screwing up, I'm sure you'll figure something out."

-X-

Retail Therapy. Paige's best friend, one that never failed to at least ease the stress on her heart at the moment as she fumbled through sales racks in Macy's, hoping to find something that would be a future fashion _do_ and not a _don't_. As she walked the sale racks of the department store she felt guilt in the pit of her stomach about the comments she'd made to Spinner's new friend. She'd let jealousy get the best of her and it really showed a poor side to her.

She didn't mean to be jealous, she figured it just came with the territory, it's kind of hard to quit being possessive of something that's been yours for a good year or so. Frustrated by the mostly black, matronly articles she gave up and began stalking down her favorite pair of heels in the shoe department to see if they were on sale yet.

While her family was on the better off side of the economic spectrum, it didn't mean that she was willing to drop close to, if not over a hundred dollars on a pair of Michael Kors pumps. Not matter how cute they looked on her fresh pedicure toes. Paige always loved the fact that she could look in fashion by working with the sales racks.

She felt almost sad that she helped Alex to pick out a couple of wonderful sized department store bags full of maternity wear and some cute booties to well…boot for her upcoming delivery. But that upcoming delivery was no longer in the works and Paige was planning to bring Alex out on another shopping trip, more like an exchange trip to return all the previously purchased maternity and infant booties purchased. She hoped that the sales associates would be lenient with the _no return on sale items _policy in many of the stores considering Alex's now current condition. If not Paige would just turn on her pro-shopper charm and get her money back and then turn around and spend it on the now child-less new friend of hers.

She couldn't imagine losing a child. Shaking her head as she browsed the sales in the shoe department, she found her thoughts wondering from cute open-toe pumps to her feelings towards Alex. She couldn't remember ever spending money on Hazel in the same way that she had Alex. And she certainly couldn't rationalize their friendship anymore. They were nothing alike, and certainly had nothing in common. Or did they? She wasn't quite sure anymore, seeing as the whole high school social scale had been tipped the second she sympathized for Alex's position.

Paige sometimes thought it was the strength she found in Alex, the strength to keep on trucking despite the black cats that seem to drop in her path. She didn't know much about Alex, but the stuff she was learning the more time they spent together the more she admired the girl. Paige laughed to herself. A total girl crush. The only problem was sometimes she wasn't quite sure if it was just a girl crush or a crush…that she happened to have on a girl.

"Oh my GOSH," Paige squealed as she found a beautiful pair of black ankle boots on sail. They had a simple thin heel that just screamed _glamAlex_ to her and she felt the need to buy them for her friend. She swore up and down that she'd never seen Alex in anything other than sneakers or thrift store found Doc Marten's and declared that she would teach her friend to strut her stuff in heels.

She searched for Alex's size and snatched them up before anyone else got any ideas about buying those totally hot ankle boots. As she perused the rest of the merchandise in the store she began to wonder what Alex was making of the gifts. And she skirted even letting herself think about her friend and her thoughts on the extravagant gifts she was showering her with.

What scared her most was when she came to the conclusion that she now knew what Spinner was thinking and feeling every time he showered her with well written notes or when he'd just surprise her with a gift, _even if it was from one of the cheap cent machines at the grocery store_. She laughed to herself, "I feel like I'm trying to _woo_ her." She marched to a register counter with her boots triumphantly; she knew Alex would at least appreciate the thought even if she didn't like the boots. "Lucky we're the same size," Paige said smiling, "if she doesn't like 'em I'll keep 'em," she reasoned. She slid her father's credit card across the counter, "Charge it."

-X-

Alex rolled off the couch and walked herself to the bathroom in Jay's home. She ached inside and out and as she gently splashed her face with water she looked into the mirror and couldn't even see her reflection. The girl staring back couldn't possibly be her. Her eyes were swollen and the skin sallow. She looked like she hadn't gotten out of bed in days and the spark that used to linger in the corner of her eye was gone. She didn't even recognize herself anymore.

She grabbed the sides of the porcelain sink until her knuckles turned white she stared down the drain wondering if she could just melt into a puddle and slip down the drain and never come back. She snorted sneeringly at the idea and opened up the medicine cabinet. She fumbled through the different medications Jay's parents had stashed away. She was almost sure none of them would help her. She'd barely slept in days, even though she wanted to just sleep and wake up and wish the whole thing had never happened, she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes and sleep without dreaming of tumbling head of heels down the stairs of her apartment building and the hospital visit that followed.

Since losing the baby she tried to tell herself that it was for the best, that she couldn't have handled raising a baby no matter how many times she tried to reassure herself that she could. _Losing the baby is like a blessing in disguise_ she tried to tell herself. She sighed and found a bottle of pills prescribed to Jay's mother: _Ambien_. She'd seen countless commercials advertising the effects of the sleep aid and found herself wondering if the break she craved rested in the form of the pill.

Alex opened the bottle and shook a few of the pills into the palm of her hand and closed it tightly before recapping the bottle. She slumped back to the living room and into the kitchen and popped on of the pills into her mouth before dropping her head below the faucet of the sink and let the cool water flow into her mouth rather than dirtying another glass.

Instead of stumbling back to the couch she found herself slowly walking down the hall to Jay's room and crawled into bed next to his past out form. Despite her utter hatred for the former father of her child she'd always found a certain comfort in being with him. Making sure not to wake him she squeezed her way under his arm and draped an arm over his chest curling up next to him. Her nose was buried in his t-shirt as she breathed in his scent and sighed a relief of comfort. She slowly fell asleep and Jay opened his eyes and looked down at a sleeping Alex curled up under his arm and smirked. He gently played with her hair for a moment before letting himself fall back asleep.

-X-

Sean wandered around following behind Dennis McCall as he showed Jay and him around the shop. Mr. Ehl had encouraged the boys; especially after the way they blew away some of the attendees at the expo, to think about looking for some part time jobs at a local shop. He'd recommended the boys to Dennis, and hoped it'd keep the pair out of trouble, and possibly give them more of an incentive to graduate.

Jay elbowed Sean, "man, did you see the equipment this guy's got, top of the line, he totally doesn't skimp on his customers."

"Why thank you Jayson," Dennis said turning back as he heard Jay talk about his shop, "but it wasn't always this good, I had to work many years and build many good relationships with my customers to be able to afford, and to have the ability to give my customers the top dollar they are paying for."

Jay looked around as they stepped into his office. Business licenses hang on the walls along with a high school diploma and a certificate of completion from an automotive school. " So Ehl tells me you boys are the best he's got," Dennis said motioning for them to take a seat in the chairs in front of his desk as he relaxed into the leather chair behind it. "Let me tell you, he doesn't brag about anyone the way he talked you two up, and I'd take that as a compliment."

"So what kind of work are we gunna be doing?" Sean asked.

"Well right now, I need a few hands that know how to give a customer the works when it comes to changing oil."

"Changing oil?" Jay said with a scoff.

"Yes, Jayson, changing oil…it's a simple way of maintaining a car and we offer the best job possible in competition with some of these ten minute lube job places popping up everywhere." Dennis explained. Jay had to keep from laughing at the lube job comment but continued to listen, "It's a great beginning, it's how I started out at my first job, changing oil, once you master changing oil we continue moving you on up. You gotta know the basics."

"Well thank you Mr. McCall, it's been really awesome," Sean said reaching across the desk and shaking Dennis' hand. "I can't wait…"

Dennis smiled, "Neither can I…can I expect you boys back with all your paper work in order and ready to work next Wednesday?"

"Definitely…with bells on," Jay said slightly sarcastically, hoping Dennis wouldn't pick up on the attitude.

"Good…I'll see you boys next week," he said showing them out.

Jay and Sean walked to Jay's car and climbed inside the obnoxious orange Civic. "Man…" Jay muttered, "Can you believe him? Changing oil?"

Sean rolled his eyes, "Dude, chill, a jobs a job, and this is one of the best shops in town, it's a pretty place to start taking off."

Jay shook his head as he started the car and began what felt like a long ride home. He just wasn't ready to take up responsibility yet, not like Sean. Maybe this job thing will work out, maybe it won't, but right now he just wanted a drink.

-X-

Emma stood in the bathroom looking herself over, she didn't even want to experience the site of the numbers on the scale as she kicked it gently across the tiled floor. She didn't want to know. This past week was getting the best of her and it was only a matter of time before she knew she'd find herself on a binging spree with no hope of saving all the hard work she'd done thus far.

She pinched the skin around her middle and frowned. While there was no more fat beneath that skin, the fact that she had lose enough skin to pinch sent her heart dropping into her stomach. And she wanted to throw it up. Sighing she climbed into the shower and turned on the water, feeling a blast of cold water hit every inch of her skin. She started to shiver but refused to change the temperature of the water. She'd read somewhere that your body burns calories when it has to warm it's self up. She reached for her shampoo and began to massage it into her scalp and rinsing it clean. It became a little harder to reach for the conditioner when she found herself shivering so hard she couldn't hold on to the bottle. But with a few slow, deep breathes she found the composure to stop shivering long enough to squirt out some of the bottle's creamy contents and gently run it through the ends of her long blonde hair and rinsed it out quickly. She soaped up amongst her violent shivering and finally rinsed her body cleaned and turned off the water and waited for a moment to reach for a towel. She teeth chattered as she stepped out of the shower, wrapping her towel around herself. She stared in the mirror for a moment and then left the bathroom to get ready for school.

Emma found herself smiling as her tightest jeans slipped up and onto her hips with such ease and just gently hung off her hips bones. Slipping a tank top and then a light hoodie she walked back to the bathroom as she ran a comb through her thin hair. She brushed her teeth, knowing that nothing tasted good when your mouth was minty and clean. Giving herself a smile in the mirror she walked into the kitchen.

Spike smiled at her daughter as she looked up from feeding Jack. "Em, there's a stack of French Toast calling your name on the stove."

Immediately Emma felt bile creeping up into her throat at the thought of eating, and she ingeniously grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the table, "running late," she said simply, and took a generous bite from the apple's flesh.

Spike watched her daughter and felt her mother-sense tingling, something wasn't right. "Okay, don't forget your lunch…" she began to say as Emma walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"money in my purse," she stated, not wanting to take food she certainly wasn't going to eat.

Spike furrowed her eyebrows in suspicion. She didn't like this feeling at all she felt herself think as she watched her suddenly so skinny daughter rush from the kitchen and the house on her way to school. She bounced Jack gently on her knee, "I hope she's alright," she said to the bright-eyed little boy.

-X-

Emma opened her locker and quickly caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were starting to look a little sunken but it wasn't even a thought that crossed her mind as she smiled. She squatted down in front of her locker and dug out her purse looking for the diet pills she'd snuck into school by putting them in a mint tin. Taking a quick look down both ends of the hall she quickly popped two pills into her mouth and chased them with a swig from her oversized bottle of water. She felt her stomach cramp, "I really shouldn't have eaten that apple…" she groaned.

"All you ate was an apple?" Manny asked as she snuck up behind Emma. Emma jumped to her feet and found herself grabbing on to her locker to keep her balance as her head began to spin.

"Yea and a humongous stack of French Toast slathered with butter," she lied casually.

Manny smiled, believing the lie that fell from Emma's lips, "I love your Mom's French Toast."

'_Yea…I can tell._' Emma thought as she began to pick apart Manny's body in her head. '_Thank goodness one of us has self control_.' Emma smiled softly, "Yea…me too." I'm gunna stop by Simpson's class on my way to Kwan's I'll catch up with you in a second," she said as she bent down and listened to Manny walked down the hall. She felt herself slump against the metal locker door and sat on the cold linoleum tile of the hall and tried to catch her breath enough to stand up. As she breathed harder to catch her breath she felt her vision darken and she lost consciousness for a moment as her head fell back to the floor.

From down the empty hallway Ellie found herself watching the blonde girl carefully as she slumped down at her locker before fainting and her face laying on the cold linoleum floor. She lost her own breath for a moment when she thought she saw Verity standing near Emma staring straight through Ellie herself.

When she finally caught her breath again she rushed herself down the hallway. She knelt down beside the unconscious girl and gently nudged her, "Emma…Emma wake up."

She shook her a little roughly and watched as the Emma's eyes slowly began to flutter open and look up at Ellie with confusion. She looked around the empty hall and sat up slowly, "what's going on?" she asked as her hand rose to support her throbbing head.

"You full on fainted."

Emma shook off the statement and tried to get to her feet while ignoring the spinning hallway and the weakness in her knees, "I'm fine."

Ellie looked past Emma to see Verity shaking her head, "no you're not."

Emma rolled her eyes, "I'm fine, and if you wouldn't mind I don't need _your_ help."

"I just don't think you want anyone's help it doesn't matter who's." Ellie remarked snottily in reference to the fact that she knew Sean had tried to help her and knew the look of frustration and anger that she saw when he came home after their meeting at the Dot.

Emma groaned, "what is it with everyone?" she asked.

"You mean the whole _caring about you_ thing?" she asked. "Oh I don't know maybe they're just worried."

"and I bet you're one of them."

Ellie took a step back, "not particularly," she answered honestly. Emma, hadn't been one of her favorite people since Sean came home upset about her refusing help. The boy who often went above and beyond for the people in his life, chose to help the person who treated him with less importance than her petitions.

"honest to a tee," Emma muttered, "excuse me," she said trying to get past Ellie who kept stepping in her path.

"You may not notice what you've been doing to your friends and family, but I do."

Emma stared knives into Ellie, "what gives you the right to assume you know anything about me."

"Just an observation I learned from someone I knew pretty well," Ellie answered referring to Verity.

"it doesn't mean you have the right to butt in."

"I have the moral right to butt in." Ellie argued, "I don't care why you're starving yourself, or why you find it necessary to throw up whatever it is that you it, whatever reason it is…is STUPID."

"Don't lecture me," Emma said, "because you're not better than me," she rolled her eyes and cocked back her head, "how about I cut myself instead? Or what…how about I just stop taking all the attention away from the mental ward patient?" Emma leaned against the locker as her blood pressure rose and she found it harder to keep herself on her feet.

"You think I'm trying to help you because I'm jealous?" Ellie laughed, "it couldn't be further from the truth." Ellie closed her eyes for a moment and opened them to find herself staring at Verity. "I'm doing this for Verity…and for Sean, and for whoever else you're selfishly forgetting about while you've got yourself making friends with a toilet bowl."

Emma felt her head pounding, "what are you talking about," she groaned getting tired of hearing Ellie's whining voice.

"I'm talking about my friend, Verity who hated the way she looked so much that she couldn't be thin enough, to the point where it made her so unhappy and so depressed and distant that she couldn't handle life anymore and killed herself." Ellie said in a tone that begged for Emma to listen, "and I'm talking about Sean who hates to see you wasting away and tried to help, and you basically shit on his friendship. I'm talking about Manny who asked Sean for help, because even she doesn't know how to make you see that you're being incredibly stupid. Grow up, Emma Nelson…just grow the fuck up." Ellie said finishing her tirade in a whispered, annoyed tone and walked down the hall to her next class, late.

As Ellie neared the class room she felt Verity's presence again and took off. For a second she wasn't sure where she was headed and found herself backstage in an empty auditorium. She sat down behind the curtain and pulled out her cell phone and began scrolling through her phonebook. Settling on a familiar name but a not so familiar number she hit the call button and brought the receiver of her phone to her ear and listened to the dial tone.

"Hello?" a gruff voice asked.

"Jerzy? It's Ellie…"

"Ellie? What's wrong?"

"I keep seeing her…" she said almost on the brink of tears, "I keep seeing Verity."

**-X-**

Emma watched as Ellie walked down the hall and she found herself half annoyed and half aware of what Ellie said. '_Perhaps,_' she thought, '_I shouldn't have freaked out on Sean_.'

She shook her head in disagreement. Sean was butting in where he didn't belong, or at least that's how she was seeing it. At least Manny had the common sense to stop bringing up her opinion on things. Her opinion really didn't matter, because not matter what anyone else thought about how she looked, the only thing that mattered was how she, Emma, felt she looked.

She bent down in front of her purse and pulled out some more of her over the counter diet pills and popped them quickly into her mouth before chasing them with a heavy swig of water. Having forgotten the dose she'd taken earlier she was surprised by the rate of her heart beating faster in her chest. She wasn't used to the amount of caffeine coursing through her veins, making her heart race.

Trying to shake it off she walked to her class and slipped into her seat behind Manny trying to keep her body from shaking. She was shaking, not only from the chill in the room, or what she felt was a chill, but also from the effects of taking more than the recommended dose of her diet pills used to increase her metabolism. She struggled to keep her breathing steady as her lungs raced to keep up with the speed of her heart. She knew if she ate something, anything it would give the energy her body was building up, something to burn off. She almost found herself crying in the middle of the classroom at the thought of eating.

Manny turned around in her seat as the teacher turned their back, looking Emma straight in the eyes she asked, "Are you alright?" she asked sincerely, hoping her friend was alright, despite the fact that she'd been reading through her lies all morning. From across the room she had caught sight of Sean juggling between paying attention and carefully watching Emma.

Sean sat in his history class trying his best to pay attention. But there was so much on his mind and no real way of slowly getting it all out to avoid the avalanche that would probably follow. He glanced over at Emma again. It hadn't been the first time during that class that worrying about her had distracted him from learning about World History. He caught Manny's gaze and she tossed him a look that said, "_I'll meet you later_," and he was probably expecting a note in due time.

Emma looked…for the lack of a better word, terrible. She looked almost worst than their visit at the Dot. He was admittedly scared right now as he watched her struggle to control the shake in her legs, possibly from a chill. But the room wasn't even that cold, it could have been just because she had no extra padding to keep her warm. He looked down at his notes.

Just as things were looking good and steady with Ellie, he gets himself involved with playing hero for Emma. He looked over at his ex and was disturbed by her sallow skin and the look on her face that screamed, "_I need to throw up_," and that scared him because he honestly wondered if she had anything in her stomach to even throw up.

And just as he suspecting it wasn't long before he was slipped a note. Opening the delicately folded piece of paper he carefully read the words_**library after lunch **__** Manny**_.

He looked across the room at his tiny brunette friend and nodded. He hated passing notes.

-X-

Sean sat in the library, and found it ironic that he was legitimately using the services to study and not just a quiet place to skip and take a quick cat-nap during a boring class. Tapping his pencil lightly against the heavy pages of his science text book as he tried to focus on the reading material he'd been assigned. He found himself wishing and praying for a distraction, hopefully one that wouldn't damper his ironic good grades.

"Hey stranger," Manny said slipping into the chair across from him. Sean looked up, and smiled as best he could amidst the stress of studying. "Emma said you talked to her…she didn't look too happy."

Sean groaned, "it didn't go too well."

"I don't think any kind of intrusion about her eating habits will go well," Manny said sighing.

"She really didn't handle my observations too well, she got really defensive."

"She's a complete one-eighty when she's with me,…keeps insisting that she's eating, but I know she's not, anyone that's eating like she's says she is wouldn't look like a ghost."

Sean shrugged, "I really don't know what to tell you Manny," he said looking back at his text book, "you've known Emma longer than me, she's stubborn and headstrong."

Manny sighed as she realized that this situation was over both their heads. "I need to tell Spike."

Sean struggled with his reply, while he felt it was best to tell Emma's mom, he felt that the issue in itself was above her as well. "If you think it's for the best," he said avoiding her eyes.

"You don't think we should tell Spike?" Manny asked, confused.

"I think, we need to get her help, and that this is over ALL our heads Manny," he admitted, "I don't know if just telling her parents will help, I think we all need to be there, she needs us all."

Manny smiled, "Sean Cameron, I think that is the smartest thing I've ever heard you say," she leaned across the table and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed lightly, "hopefully we won't be too late getting to her."

Sean smiled weakly at her and sighed, "do you…mind?" he asked pointing to his science text book, "unless you're a science whiz and willing to help me finish my homework."

Manny smiled, "don't you pay attention in class…I'm the dork answering all the questions," she said smirking and walking around the table to sit next to him.

-X-

Jay walked into his living from his bedroom and startled by the sight of Alex sitting on his couch, a bottle of eighty proof vodka encased by her hand as she stared, glazed eyes and all at the television set. He scratched the back of his head, even though she'd been staying with him for the past two weeks this was the first time he'd seen her since she showed up after her hospital stay.

Dropping down on the couch next to her he was surprised as she failed to turn to face him as his weight shifted the cushions of the couch. She looked over during a commercial and took a swig straight from the bottle. "Hey," she said gruffly, her throat burning from the alcohol.

Jay sighed, "Look 'Lex…when are we going to talk about…_you know_."

Alex looked over and glared at Jay. Her eyes glazed over with a drunken haze. "Talk about what?"

"_you know…_Jay Junior," Jay said verbally trying to nudge her on.

Alex laughed, "Jay Junior?" she scoffed, "you named the dead bastard…Jay Junior?" She took another sip from the bottle and Jay looked at her disappointedly. He never expected this from her; maybe from himself but never from her. Out of the entire gang she was the most level headed, her sudden lack of caring about her former situation was starting to scare him.

"Lexxi…" Jay said sternly and wrestled the bottle from her hand. He cringed as she started to slap and punch him. He felt her finger nails scratch across his face and he dropped the bottle and grabbed her wrists and pulled her into his chest and wrapped her arms around her tightly, holding her as she fought to hit him and settled into sobs against his musty t-shirt. He sat stiffly holding her, unsure of how to console her before gently rubbing his hands up and down her back. He pulled away as he heard her muffled voice speaking into his chest.

"Part of me feels like I should be relieved," she said between sobs. Jay just looked at her swollen red eyes and tried to remember when he'd seen her look so distraught to the point of tears. He couldn't recollect any such memory and it scared him. Even the nights where he'd find her knocking at his window after jumping in to take the place of her mother and become the punching bag…she never cried. He'd never seen her cry ever and this was a first and he hoped that this time would be the last. "I was going to make things work," she sniffled, "I was going to be the mother my mom wished she was."

Jay tilted her hung head up with his finger and looked her point blank in the eyes, "you'll get that chance…just not today." Alex looked at him, a little frightened, knowing fully well Jay was often not knowing for saying such fruitful and sweet things, without knowing what else to do she started laughing. "Hey at least something good came out of this mess…look at your tits," Jay said smirking, "they look like melons."

Alex laughed even harder, "and I bet you want to touch them just to see if their real?"

Jay's face lit up, "can I?"

Alex continued to laugh, until the tears flowing down her cheeks were no longer tears of sorrow but tears of joy. For the first time since losing the baby she'd laughed, and smiled. But she wasn't sure how long this moment would last and she vowed to try and give it a decent life span. She wiped her eyes, "sometimes it feels like a blessing ya know?" Jay's face softened and seemed almost empathic as he realized she was slowly opening up. "I don't really have to worry about showing, or dirty diapers, spit up…nothing." She sighed heavily, "but at the same time…it just doesn't seem fair."

Jay shrugged, "life isn't fair Lexxi, you should know that bad now." Alex rolled her eyes at his comment, "we've both been dealt some pretty shitty cards 'Lex…shitty parents who don't give two shits about their kids no matter what the income." He continued his rant, "shitty cards, shitty parents, shitty decisions…"

Alex looked him straight in the eyes, "shitty…" she smirked.

"Lexxi…my entire life has been made up of shitty decisions…I'm sorry." He said softly, "for everything I've ever done to hurt you…because you know I really never meant to hurt you." Alex watched him carefully, "You've honestly been the best thing to happen to me and I've never intentionally do anything to make you not want me anymore."

Alex, caught up in the heat of the moment leapt across the couch and landed with her lips on top of his. And then in a moment of sobriety as she straddled a stunned yet happy Jay she pulled away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. She looked Jay over, a look of surprise and disappointment written on his face as Alex pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't…I thought…" she was at her breaking point. In a moment of weakness she thought out the only thing that made sense and the only thing that could make things normal, and that was patching things up with Jay. But "there's nothing there anymore," she said, coming to the realization for the both of them. "I love you…you know that." Jay nodded, "you're my best friend."

"I know…" he said opening his arms and she crawled towards him and curled up in his arms. He gently pet her head softly played with her hair.

As he gently caressed his hair he found it only appropriate, "I think I'm in love."

Alex looked up at him, "it better not be me, because I'm pretty sure we just went over the fact that we're not getting back together."

Jay laughed and his hot breath tickled her skin, "not with you 'Lex.." Alex watched as his eyes glazed over. He was thinking of someone else. And it wasn't very often that someone could give Jay his donut face.

"Lemme guess…is she a blond?"

Jay looked at her and smirked, "Lucky guess?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "perhaps…or maybe it's just fact that I'm the ONLY brunette you've ever dated."

"We'll you're right…"

"Where'd you meet her?"

"Zanzibar."

"She's a stripper?" Alex blurted out.

Jay laughed, "actually no," he said thinking about the response he'd gotten from Mel when he asked when she'd be getting on stage, "cocktail waitress, damn spunky one at that."

Alex raised her brow questionably, "not a stripper?"

"You seem disappointed."

"Well a little…I figured a stripper was right up your alley."

"Well I do love me some strippers," he said laughing. "So judging by the tone of voice I'm thinking…you approve?"

"Since when do you need my approval on who to date," Alex muttered, "I mean you could barely keep it in your pants when we were dating."

Jay pulled her into a headlock, "but you're my Lexxi, your approval means everything."

Alex smirked, "so is she hot?" she asked as she just laid across his reclined body, swiftly moving stray hair out of her face.

"Not as hot as you Lexxi…but she'll have to do," he muttered. He looked down at his watch, "so what do you say Lexxi…we order a pizza and take in a movie on cable?"

Alex smiled, "sure thing," she said loving that finally her and Jay could sit on things in a friendly manner without the mess of being in a relationship again. "You remember my toppings?"

"Sausage, peppers, and black olives," Jay said as he eased himself off the couch to find number for his favorite pizza joint and grabbed the cordless phone from its cradle and dialed from the number magnetized to the fridge.

"I'm gunna take a quick cat-nap while we wait for the pizza," she called out as she rose from the couch and walked to the bathroom and grabbed a few of Jay's mother's Ambien and swallowed a good number while chasing it with the vodka in her hand. She slumped into Jay's room and curled up in his sheets that smelled like his Old Spice deodorant and his cheap shampoo. She smiled into pillowcase as she felt the pills begin to take effect.

**-X-**

Manny and Craig sat curled up on the couch at the Jeremiah residence watching what any guy would refer to as _one of those sappy lifetime flicks_ on the television set. And while Manny began to find herself engrossed in the story unfolding, it felt all too familiar to Craig.

It was when Manny felt Craig stiffen at the male lead's actions that she turned to notice that he looked uncomfortable. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yea," he nodded, "it's just hitting a little close to home." Manny gave him her signature puzzled look. Craig sighed, "I haven't had the chance to tell you," he said fidgeting on the couch and eventually turning to look at her as the innocent look washed across her face that mimicked Angela's sweet face and he melted. He racked his fingers down his face, "I'm bipolar," he said as his fingers passed over his lips, jumbling his words.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means that all those times I've got a little…nuts are because the chemicals in my brain are all unbalanced. I'm wired wrong sometimes."

"Are you gunna be alright as she realized then leading man in the TV movie they were watching had the same condition.

Craig reached into his pocket and pulled out a prescription pill bottle and shook it, "medicated."

"Well at least you know why you've been so up and down lately and that you're not crazy."

Craig felt frustrated, "I am crazy."

"You're not crazy Craig, you just told me you're not, you're mis-wired, remember?"

He smirked, "Well thanks for thinking I'm not crazy," he said pulling her into his chest and kissing the top of her head and when she looked up at him smiling he leaned down and planted another on her lips. He could feel her squirm in his arms and she pulled herself back and smacked him playfully in the arm.

"What if Joey had walked in during that," she said seriously, "I don't think I could handle the embarrassment of a parental unit seeing that."

Craig laughed and grabbed his camera off the side table and snapped a picture of her mortified face as she thought about Joey walking in on them in a light petting session. Manny continued to put her hands up in defense against the lens of the camera and laughed playfully as he continued to snap pictures.

And then he stopped for a moment and she lowered her defenses. "Come here," he said, setting down the camera on the coffee table and grabbing her hand, dragging her upstairs, "I want to show you something," he said softly as they stood in front of his room. Opening the door Manny got a glimpse of his room, and place she'd never been before. It was a complete dump, but she smiled, her older brothers had been the same when they lived at home, now she was by herself. And her and her parents had downsized to an apartment as the boys had moved out on their own.

She sat down on his bed that was covered with dirty laundry and she continued to look around as Craig dug through his messenger bag of a back pack. Pictures of his mother, Julia and him were scattered across his dresser in frames and then a recent one of him and Angela framed next to him.

"So…I wanted to wait until they were _all_ done, but I'm being really impatient and really wanted to show you," he said holding her a black binder.

Opening the black binder she found sheets of negatives and past them some of the pictures that Callie had showed her, but then there were others, when she didn't even know Craig had a camera. Total candid moments that she didn't think she looked like anything special had her glowing and smiling as she just relaxed with Craig.

"I know I haven't been around lot lately and after the whole you, me, and Ash mess I can imagine what you were thinking, but I've been just trying to deal with everything all at once and for the first time in a while I picked up a camera and it feels right, "you're like my muse, Manny," he said as she seem stunned by the way she looked in the pictures.

"They're really gorgeous Craig, I keep believe how beautiful you made me look, was it a special lens or something?" she said.

Craig chuckled a bit and rubbed the back of his neck, "no special lens, that's all you," he said blushing. "And those aren't going to stay in there…that's just to keep them all together while I finish them all up…a friend from group got me access to the photo lab at her college."

"Callie?" she asked.

"Yea, Callie," he answered, "I knew I told you about her before." And suddenly a light bulb went off in his head, "I want you to meet her, you'll totally love her."

Manny got quiet, she'd already met her, when checking up on Craig and being the jealous girlfriend, "yea…can't wait," she answered nervously.

-X-

Ellie hadn't been much of herself sense she could see and feel Verity with the on slot of _Operation Feed Emma_. She don't even know how she even got involved with having any sort of feeling for her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. She continued to put on her best smile while experiencing a feeling of guilt from Verity's death.

She wasn't even sure who she could talk to. Sure Orion had been at Lake View and knew Verity long before she did, but to trouble him with her problems just as he and Marco seemed to be hitting it off well felt almost selfish. No…Orion couldn't help. She sat on the bench at the bus stop. Jerzy had finished off his last month at Oak Valley and emailed all of _the gang_ to let them know how they could reach him. He only lived a dozen bus stops away.

Ellie had called him. She needed him. He'd been there when Ellie found her, and he seemed to be the only person that knew what she was feeling. A bus pulled up in front of her, and she watched the people shuffle off and people shuffle on and she saw an all too familiar face, with hair that had grown slightly longer than his trademark buzz cut. Ellie smiled and jumped into his arms. He squeezed her tightly, "Hey Kid," he said ruffling her neatly parted hair before pulling away and adjusting the knapsack on his shoulder.

* * *

**A/N**: Again, it's been a while, but with an update with me, you usually get enough reading to make up for the wait, 10,000+ words this time. And I think it's one of my best chapters yet. And I apologize to Ellie fans that Emma has over shadowed her in this chapter, and I apologize for the heavy Emma chapter in general, but it's all there for a reason, as I hope many of you realized while you were reading. By the way I'm working on casting some of the OCs in the story, if you'd like ideas as to who they are: check out the links in my profile (the images for this series of fics has fanart and such).

Thanks for reading.

MJ


	11. Chapter 11

Reprise 11

_These pills aren't working anymore_

_My guts are spilling out onto the floor_

_Of a nightmare you wouldn't believe_

_Of a nightmare you could not conceive of_

_You're floating above my head_

_There are words carved in my chest and they said;_

"_Could somebody show me the kind of affection_

_that you only see in the movies, you know what I mean."_

**The Spill Canvas / "Your Evil Soul"**

Ellie sat curled up in a booth at the Dot, her hands cupping an oversized mug of black coffee. She looked up from her swirling, steamy mug of coffee to find Jerzy watching her carefully, as if anticipating something from her. "I keep seeing her," she mumbled, "just everywhere."

Jerzy nervously scratched the back of his head; he wasn't sure how to comfort her. The only time he actually knew what to do was to grab hold of her and hug her tight. The thought of doing so brought him back to the moment that he walked in on a broken Ellie fighting to bring Verity back to life. The image danced in his head, the sight of her guilt ridden face washed with denial and confusion.

Verity's suicide had come so quickly and so suddenly that no one was really prepared to handle the aftermath easily. Not that had the situation been foreseen would it be any different.

"I feel like it's my fault…like I didn't do enough," she said sipping from the coffee mug. "I feel like I could have done more to help her, and maybe she wouldn't have felt so…"

"don't make yourself feel guilty," Jerzy said, cutting her off, "what Verity did to herself was nothing you can be blamed for…you did plenty to encourage her to keep living life, but she chose to give up."

Ellie set the mug down, "that doesn't help me change how I feel," she muttered, "Verity was my friend, my roommate, and she would encourage me to keep on trucking, but I couldn't do anything to convince her to do the same."

"Exactly, El, she just gave up!" Jerzy said a little strained. "Anything and everything you did for her up until that morning when you found her was because of her, not you, stop beating yourself up over this."

"So everything I did was in vain?" she asked gruffly. Ellie watched as Jerzy pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He was trying to help, the only way he knew how, and she was getting nasty with him about it.

"No…it just makes Verity selfish."

Jerzy looked down to see her hands shaking with grief. Perhaps selfish was a poor choice of words but in the back of his mind he knew it was perfect. Ellie had put a lot into making the poor girl happy only to fail in the end, and it wasn't fair that Ellie was beating herself up over something she had no control over.

Ellie looked up with a pair of sad eyes that seemed to stab him in the heart over the situation. " I don't want to think of Verity as selfish."

"Then don't, but don't blame yourself over something you had no control over." He sighed as he looked down at his own cup of coffee that was starting to get cold. Jerzy pushed it away lightly and grabbed her hands, "You aren't to blame, no one is to blame for a decision that Verity made all on her own."

Ellie politely smiled at his kind words and pulled her hands away to take a sip from her coffee. Leaving a few dollars and some change for the coffee Ellie motioned for Jerzy that it was time to leave.

As they walked out of the Dot Jerzy dug his hands deep into his jeans and watched her carefully as she zippered up her zip-up hoodie. "So why do you think you're seeing Verity now?" he asked, "It's been months."

Ellie shrugged, "Sean…you know…the boyfriend…he has this friend, his ex, actually." She took a deep breath as she struggled to find the words to explain the situation. "She hasn't been eating, or so her friends and Sean think, it's fairly obvious she's nothing but skin and bones…"

"You're rambling," Jerzy muttered, as he watched her brush the loose strands from her face.

She blushed. "She upset Sean when he confronted her about the whole mess so I confronted her."

"About?"

"I basically told her she was being selfish and that she should think about what she's doing to the people who care about her, instead of thinking about herself."

"Well where does Verity come in on all this?" he asked as she pressed the button at the stop light to give them the green-go-ahead.

"she…Emma…collapsed in the hall way…and Verity was just standing there, staring straight at me…straight through me." She sighed, "it only made me more upset to think about how she hurt all of us by giving up and killing herself." Ellie closed her eyes for a moment as the light turned green and they crossed the street. "I lost it…and took it all out her, all the built up frustration about what Verity did came out on her…and even though I got it all out, I could still feel her there."

"El…"

"I need to save _her_."

"Ellie, Verity is gone, you can't save her, and saving Emma won't bring her back."

Ellie clenched her teeth and hypothetically bit her tongue. He was right.

"I know…but I don't want to have Sean…her step-father, and even Manny to go through this." Ellie bit her tongue to force back the tears, "I don't want to fail again."

"You didn't fail the first time, Verity failed herself."

"No…I failed her," she said turning to look at him, the tears involuntarily falling. He slung his arm protectively around her and pulled her closer to him as they walked back to her house.

"You didn't fail anyone Ellie, you did your best."

Ellie took a deep breath and tried to suppress all that she was feeling and swallowed it into the pit of her stomach. She only hoped that it would stay there. "So what do you want for dinner?" she asked and turned to him with an awkward smile.

"Oh man, can we make something, it's been too long since I've had a home cooked meal," Jerzy said, mentally drooling over the thought of food.

"So the decision is?" Ellie asked prompting him for a meal idea.

"How about…we do one of those…Campbell's soup recipes or something," he suggested as the began to walk up to her front door as Ellie shuffled through her bag looking for her keys.

"Sounds good, lemme see what we've got in the pantry," she said, pulling out her jangling key ring of keys and unlocking the front door.

Ellie dropped her bag off on the landing of the stairs and dropped her keys on the table in the foyer. She looked back to see Jerzy politely slipping off his shoes and closing the door behind him. "So how are you…besides hungry?" she asked.

Jerzy shrugged his broad shoulders, "decent…I haven't really had the shakes since my first few weeks at Lake View and over all I think I've handled the transition back to normalcy pretty well," he said lightly touching on his addiction to Heroin. Ellie had always assumed that his anger problems were always a result of his addiction; she couldn't ever think that he would raise his voice or hand to hurt her…let alone anyone.

He rubbed his hands together anxiously as she kicked off her shoes and walked into the kitchen. Jerzy watched as she opened the door to the pantry and began rifling through the cans on the shelf, "Here we go," she said pulling out a few cans of cream of mushroom.

"I'm sensing a casserole," he said smirking, as he thought about his grandmother's home cooking, and smiled.

"There's chicken in the freezer," Ellie said as she started to gather up some fixings for dinner. This may just be one of the first nights in a while that the house as a whole may sit down for a meal. She pulled out a pot and added rice and water and set it down on the stove.

Jerzy set the plastic bag of chicken down on the counter top and began to open up and close cabinet doors in search for a plate to rest the chicken on while it could defrost in the microwave.

"You know…" Ellie began as she opened the cans with a manual can opener, "I don't think I would trade my time at Lake View with you guys for anything."

"Is that so?" Jerzy mentioned. "And why is that?"

"I think I needed it…there was so much drama and tension at home it was like a breath of fresh air. I mean the circumstances for which we were all there was terrible, but I think the end result for most of us was that we made a pretty good impact on each other."

"I think everything finally clicked when you got there," Jerzy confessed. "I was really worried about you after you left, especially so soon after Verity…well you know." He hinted at the suicide only slightly to keep from going in too deep. The conversation had been abused earlier and to talk about it too much was a bad idea for the both of them.

"I could say the same about you, at least I got out,…being in there would have been like a constant reminder for me," Ellie confessed as she heard the beeping of the microwave, signaling the chicken was a little less frozen.

"How was everything when you got back here?" he asked out of curiosity.

"Could have been better, came back only to laugh at the ridiculous rumors that surfaced about me., I think it was a lot easier once I got back into the swing of things." She frowned. Things had been fine until…

"Where's your infamous mother been?" he asked.

"Prison…drunk driving and vehicular homicide," she answered with such ease that it scared her.

"Damn…" he muttered, "and you're Dad?"

"Had temporary leave and is back in the middle east, all by myself again."

"Wouldn't say that Red," Tracker said walking into the kitchen, to see her whipping up something for dinner. "We're her make-shift family," he answered before quickly grabbing a bagged lunch from the fridge, "I'm out, picking up some over time at work, I'll see you guys later," he said before rushing out.

"Who was that?" Jerzy asked.

"Tracker, Sean's older brother." Ellie carefully laid the chicken in a casserole dish and added the cream of mushroom soup and fumbled through the fridge in search of some sort of vegetable. "My dad convinced them to move in so I wasn't all alone in the house, or staying crammed with Sean and Tracker at their place."

"Sounds like it's been an interesting return home, huh?" Jerzy asked.

Ellie shrugged, "it could have been worse I suppose."

-X-

Sean watched from the kitchen as Ellie and Jerzy chatted away on the couch. He smiled. He smiled because since he came home upset about Emma and especially a few days later he noticed that she seemed very much so out of it. And that scared him. He really wasn't prepared to handle what ever it was and he realized that the night he awoke to hear her talking in her sleep about Verity. He was very happy to have someone who knew her and about Verity to ease her through whatever it was that was upsetting her.

What Sean didn't know that he was and had been upset by the same situation that resurrected Ellie's buried feelings that resulted from Verity's suicide. Sean also wasn't aware of the fact that Ellie had taken it upon herself to let Emma know exactly how she felt about the way she had treated Sean. All that he knew now was that Ellie was a little less on edge and a little more herself.

Ellie turned and caught Sean in deep thought, "how's Emma?" she asked.

"I wouldn't know, she's still not talking to me," he confessed.

"Sometimes you have to let them be made at you, even when you're just trying to help," Jerzy said, offering up his two cents.

Sean nodded, "it's just strange to think that she's lost her way so much," he added taking another sip from his can of soda.

Jerzy shrugged, "people often do things that surprise you, and it's not always good surprises."

"You were there that day, weren't you?" Sean asked, " I'm sorry," he apologized. He hadn't meant to bring up such a sore subject, "I didn't mean—"

"No it's fine…I was there, Ellie and Verity were running late for breakfast, something that never happened. I found Ellie trying to wake her up…" Sean watched Ellie look to her curled up toes, rather than let herself join in on the conversation. "It came as a shock to all of us, especially after the lengths we went to the week before to cheer her up."

Sean nodded understandingly. "I spoke to her…" Ellie confessed.

"To who?' he asked.

"Emma…" Ellie explained, "she fainted in the hall at school and I went off on her, told her she was being selfish and stupid, and that it was obvious that she didn't care about how you, Manny, or her friends and family felt."

Sean looked at her in surprise, "Why?"

Jerzy watched the two talk, he wasn't sure if he should intervene or not, but he knew he would if the conversation got out of control. "I didn't like the way she upset you…" Ellie admitted. "I know you like to help people, but sometimes it's harder to hear it from your friends." Sean didn't say anything, he just listened as she clarified what she had bottled up for a few days. "I felt like I had to intervene, she reminded me so much of Verity, to the point where I had been seeing her everywhere Emma was. I didn't want Emma to turn out that way."

"You didn't have to…" Sean said, "but I'm glad you did."

"It usually takes someone outside the circle to help you understand," Jerzy mentioned.

"So that's why she called you," Sean said looking to Jerzy, "because she was seeing Verity."

Jerzy nodded, "doesn't change the fact that I needed to get away from home, it was just something we all needed," he mentioned. "Emma needed to hear some blunt truth, Ellie needed to know she doesn't have to save Emma because she couldn't save Verity, and I needed to get away from the life that led me to Lake View."

"but you'll have to go back eventually," Sean mentioned.

"When Ellie called me…I was in the middle of deciding whether or not to shoot up. I had the needle in my hand and I could have done it. I need to get away from there…" Jerzy said, finally admitting to the girl that had looked up to him that he was falling apart. "Ellie gave me a push to head out of there, I know I'm not going home when I leave, I'm heading towards Calgary to be closer to an outpatient center, maybe start over."

Ellie smiled, and Sean nodded understandingly. Sean knew what it was like to need to start over, he had left Wasaga Beach with Tracker to start over.

"Good for you man," Sean said.

"So when are you leaving?" Ellie asked.

"I'm thinking at the end of the week…" he said, "if that's alright with you."

"It's fine…I want to throw you a party!" Ellie said getting excited.

Jerzy chuckled, "its fine, you don't need to do that."

"I don't care, I'm doing it anyways," Ellie said forcefully, smiling. She was proud of him. Ellie smiled as she thought about how Jerzy was taking some initiative to help himself. Ellie stretched her arms over her head and yawned deeply. "Wow, guess I'm more tired than I thought I was," before yawning again, even more dramatically. "I'm gunna grab a shower and head to bed, I'll see you guys in the morning."

Sean watched as Ellie walked herself slowly up the stairs. He turned back to Jerzy who gave him an incredulous look. "Man, she wants you to follow her," Jerzy said kicking Sean with his foot.

Sean looked at him with confusion, "what?"

Jerzy laughed, and re-enacted Ellie's exaggerated yawn and the way she said she was going to take a shower. "Are you that slow?" Jerzy asked.

Sean thought about the scene in his head and his eyes widened before jumping up from his seat and bounding up the stairs, leaving Jerzy alone with the television set and the remote control all to himself.

Sean walked up to the bathroom and heard the lulling sound of rushing water as he quietly opened the door and crept inside. He watched Ellie's silhouette though the shower curtain and smiled as he tugged his shirt up over his head and tugged off his sweats and climbed into the shower behind her and gently kissed wrapped his arms around her as the hot water beaded off his skin. "Took you long enough," she said wringing the excess water from her hair.

"Sorry I missed the memo," he said kissing the back of her exposed neck. He could feel her smirking at his attempt to cover his ass for not paying attention.

"All is forgiven," she said turning around and playfully kissing him before reaching behind him for the shampoo, and lathering up her hair. As her fingers massaged her scalp she felt Sean's warm calloused hands run up her back and to her shoulders where his finger tips kneaded into her skin. Shivers ran up her spine.

–X-

Jay waltzed into his bedroom in a towel, fresh from the shower, to find Alex curled up underneath his covers. He smiled as he walked to his dresser and pulled out a clean t-shirt and pulled it on and tugged on a pair of boxers under his towel. As he ruffled through the dirty clothes strewn across the bedroom, looking for a pair of somewhat clean jeans, he looked up at Alex to find her barely breathing. A look of concern wiped across his face and he rushed over to the bed and nudged her, receiving no response he began to violently shake her. "Lex…Lexxi wake up babe," he said, a tone of worry lodged in his throat as he tried to rouse her.

He heard her moan but she refused to open her eyes or to wake up and Jay felt his heart sink as he climbed onto the bed and pulled her head into his lap. It was a few weeks ago at her apartment building all over again and it put an unwanted lump in his throat. "Lexxi, wake up baby, come on, I need you to wake up," he said gently smacking her face.

"Oh my god…" he said swallowing the lump in his throat, "come on Alex you stupid bitch don't you dare think about doing this to me, wake up." He was losing his mind slowly as he shook her until he noticed color flowing back into his cheeks, "wake the fuck up Alex…please."

She released a whispered moan from between her lips and on that note Jay scooped Alex up into his arms and rushed her down the hall to the bathroom and lowered her to the cold bathroom floor and pulled her again into his lap. She felt limp in his arms and it scared him. "Alex…" he slapped her face lightly, "come on Alex, wake up…what did you take."

She moaned and squeezed her eyes shut, "my stomach hurts."

"Yea, of course your stomach hurts…you took something, I know you did," he said through gritted teeth. He'd seen her popping pills all week, and he just let it slide. He never wanted to be the party pooper, deep inside, he wished he'd had, just this once.

Alex opened her eyes, but she could barely keep them open, "some sleeping pills…" she whispered looking up at the cabinet, "sleep," she moaned turning her head into his chest.

"No Alex…no sleep!" he shouted, again smacking her face and her eyes bolted open. "Come on, babe, you gotta empty your stomach."

He watched as she made an weak angry face and showed dislike for the idea, "no," she moaned softly, "I just wanna go back to sleep."

"Alex, I'm not taking you to the hospital again," he argued. The doctors would definitely view the situation was a suicide attempt and he, nor she, would want her to be locked up in the hospital on suicide watch. "Fuck," he cursed as he noticed she'd passed out again. He tilted her head back and swallowed hard. He had to make her throw up. He looked up at the medicine cabinet. His mom used to keep ipecac when he was younger to make him throw up the god awful things he stuck in his mouth. The last time he remembered his mother using it was when he was three years old and he drank a good bit of liquid potpourri. He gently laid Alex down on the floor and jumped to meet the medicine cabinet.

Jay tossed bottles and creams out of the cabinet hoping to find what he was looking for only to be disappointed. It left him with two choices, to call the hospital and have Alex hate him and him hate himself for putting her in the mental ward of the hospital on suicide watch, or choice B, make her throw up. He squatted down and shook her lightly, "Lexxi, come on, wake up," he said loudly. He sighed and cradled the back of her head and the base of her neck in his hand and drew open her mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut as he regretted what he had to do. "Sorry Lexxi," he said and gently put his middle and index finger into her mouth and down her throat to try and irritate her gag-reflex enough to make her throw up.

His heart raced as he wriggled his fingers around in her throat until she finally gagged for a moment. He moved his fingers back to the spot that had made her gag and continued to set off her gag-reflex until she actually threw up, and he brought her head to the toilet and watched as her vomiting brought her awake and she clutched the toilet bowl with both hands while he rubbed her back.

When her stomach was finally empty she turned to face him, wiping the corner of her mouth, "don't you ever, EVER, scare me like that again," he said angrily. She felt terrible, in more ways than one, and even more so because she had no idea how close she'd come to dying that afternoon. She hated herself for putting him through the hell of possibly losing his only true friend, again. Jay pulled her close and kissed her forehead, please don't do that to me every again."

Alex pulled away and smirked, "you'd so miss me."

"damn right I would…you're my only friend."

Alex laughed hoarsely. It was the only thing she could do to keep herself from crying. Because she knew if she started crying it would upset Jay, and him getting upset was never something she wanted to see.

He rubbed the back of his neck, "we've got exams this week, we should prolly go to school at some point, you know…to make sure we don't fail out."

Alex laughed, "Jayson Hogart caring about his GPA," she said between chuckles, "never thought I'd see the day."

"Hey I just want my diploma, and I can't do that if I'm failing out."

Alex smirked, "you're not dumb enough to fail out…you just don't go to class."

-X-

Manny and Sean nervously walked past the window filled Media Immersions lab, finding it nearly empty except for everyone's favorite teacher sitting alone staring at another new laptop. The sight of which made Sean feel a twinge of guilt over, but the past is in the past, and he felt it was better off there than to dig up sore decisions and stirring up bitter feelings. He sighed as he looked over at a nervous Manny who was toying with her dark pony tail. He cocked his head to motion her to go in first and almost laughed as her eyes bugged out. Both weren't really happy for the circumstances for which they needed a spare moment with _Mr. Simpson_.

Sean knocked on the open door to the classroom and waited to hear something from their teacher before the pair walked into the empty classroom. "Mr. S?" Sean called out and watched as the bald teacher popped his head up from the computer and smiled. He motioned for Manny and Sean to walk in.

"Manny…Sean…to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked closing his laptop.

Manny and Sean looked at each other nervously, "we're kind of worried," Manny spoke up.

"About exams?" Snake asked raising a confused brow, "because I promise mine isn't anything to be worried about."

Sean looked down at his worn boots, "actually it's about Emma."

"Emma?" Snaked asked in confusion, not sure what to expect with the upcoming conversation.

"We've just been noticing she's been…" Manny began.

"…off" Sean finished for her.

Snake raised his eyebrows in interest, "I'm not following."

"Well…I mean, you haven't noticed how much weight she's lost?" Manny brought up, being rather blunt about the situation. She didn't know how else to bring it up.

"Well I mean I noticed but I didn't really think it was a big deal she said she just hasn't been feeling well," he answered thinking about how she'd come up with excuses for not eating, like a stomach bug or when she insisted on flushing out her system with tea to get rid of the cold that she had.

"not feeling well is an under statement Mr. S." Sean said unable to look the older man in the eye. "She blew up at me when her and I went out to grab a bite to eat…granted I guess I wasn't that nice about it, I kinda snapped at her."

Snake rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "You two really are pretty worried about her aren't you?" he asked and watched as the pair nodded.

"Look Mr. S…Manny and I just want to help her, ya know? And we're kind stumped on how to do that, she's just been sneaking around and lying to us and it's kinda hard to help her when she's not really willing to let us."

"She's really scaring me Snake…" Manny said using his affectionate nickname from junior high, "I don't think I could live with myself if anything happened to her and I did nothing to help."

"Alright guys…we'll figure this out." Snake began to pack up his laptop.

"Ellie has this…psychologist that she sees over at the Middlebourough Center…Ellie likes her and I know Craig's seeing her for group, Ellie recommends her highly." Sean mentioned as he and Manny left the room reluctantly.

"I'll ask around…" Snake said as he slung his laptop bag over his shoulder, "thank you two for the heads up."

Snake watched as Sean and Manny walked out of the room and he slowly rested the bag back down on his desk and slunk back into his chair. He pulled his hands up to his face and wiped his hands across the worried look he was representing and eased into the cushion of his seat. "How did we I miss this?" he asked himself aloud. He glanced down the hall and caught glimpse of Sonya Sauve walking out of her office, he jumped to his feet and rushed towards his colleague. "Sonya…Sonya can I talk to you for a second," he asked adjusting his laptop bag.

Sonya looked at him carefully as she read the worry written across his face, "sure...in my office?" she asked as she reopened her door, letting them both into her office.

"So what's going on?" she asked.

"Emma…" he said simply, "Manny and Sean have informed me that they believe she has some sort of eating disorder." He slumped into the chair, letting his worry and concern get the best of him.

"And you think she does?" she asked taking a few notes.

"Yes," he answered.

"Well, maybe you need to intervene, let your feelings be known," she looked down at her notes, "does Christine know about these observations?"

Snake shrugged, "I'm not sure, we've never spoken about it, so I guess it's safe to say she probably doesn't."

"You may want to talk to her about it," Soyna mentioned, "so that you're both on the same page when it comes to handling approaching Emma when the time comes."

"How long do you think will be too long to wait?" he asked.

"Well, the sooner the better," she mentioned, "but you don't want to jump to conclusions, it could complicate your relationship with Emma."

"So what do I do?" he asked cautiously. He knew that he and Emma would always be close, but the fact that he wasn't her _real_ father was always a deal breaker. He could only imagine how things will go if he confronts her about the eating disorder. And he particularly wasn't liking the parts of his thoughts about her telling him that she doesn't need to listen to him…_because_ he's not her _real_ father. He lowered his head.

"Talk to Christine about it. And I would definitely ask Sean and Manny to join you both when you confront her about it, she'll need to know that regardless of what happens, that you all love and care about her."

Snake nodded, "thank you Sonya."

"It's my job Archie."

-X-

Paige slowly eased up the stairs of the Hogart home as she prepped herself to visit Alex. Everything she'd been doing lately was against her better judgment. She couldn't believe the string of events that led to where she was standing right now. She cringed. She couldn't believe Alex was choosing to stay with Jay. Jay Hogart. The thought of his name made Paige shudder. She never understood Jay, never. She never understood why, despite the money and power of influence of his parents, he chose to rebel against them. He had a good life, and she couldn't figure out for the life of her why he through it all away, or what Alex saw in him, friend or otherwise.

She knocked on the door and rolled her eyes as Jay answered the door. "Hello there Princess," Jay said sneering.

"Hello there juvenile delinquent," she said with a smile before pushing past him into his own open to see Alex looking a subtle shade of green and worn out on the couch.

"Bye ladies, I'm going out," Jay said grabbing his set of keys and pulling the door shut behind him.

"Good riddance," Paige muttered to herself.

"Hey, watch the attempted insults about my friends," Alex said reaching for the can of ginger-ale that Jay had brought her before Paige came to the door.

"Sorry," Paige muttered. She been doing that a lot lately, the not thinking before opening her mouth was really getting to be a bad habit.

"He's taking good care of me," Alex answered as Paige showed a lack of respect for best friend.

"I can see that, judging by the lovely shade of green your face is sporting," Paige said rudely.

"It was my fault," Alex piped up, "I've been a wreck for the last few days."

"You may want to consider going out into the sun, otherwise people are going to dub you part of Ellie Nash's vampire coven."

Alex glared. "Leave Ellie alone," she muttered protectively. Alex never understood what Paige's deal with Ellie was. Ellie told her it had something to do with not giving up a seat, whatever it was, it was getting old. And it wouldn't matter kind of support Paige had been lately, Alex had people that had been around longer and didn't support her out of sympathy or pity.

"Sorry," Paige muttered.

"It's alright," Alex answered, "can you hand me the waste basket, I think I'm going to hurl," she asked holding out a hand for the waste basket that rested beside Paige. Alex emptied her stomach into the waste basket and grabbed a napkin from the coffee table and wiped her mouth.

"You okay?" Paige asked.

"Not really, but I'm dealing with it."

Paige anxiously toyed with the bangles on her wrist, "so how's everything otherwise?"

"Fine…I guess," Alex answered, "I've bed bound too long to know what's even worth talking about...unless you've been keeping up with General Hospital or something like that."

Paige laughed, "General Hospital? I never took you for a soap fan."

"I'm not a soap fan…I'm a General Hospital fan…" Alex stopped and thought about what she said for a moment, "okay…you caught me and figured out my deepest darkest secret." She laughed and couldn't believe she admitted to liking a soap opera. "Hey I can't help it they've got some bad-ass moments." She checked the clock and flicked on the television, "speaking of…"

"You can't be serious…I will not watch this with you," Paige said while laughing at the situation.

"Jay watches it with me all the time," Alex mentioned as Jason Morgan walked across the screen and grabbed Paige's attention.  
"Oh My…who is that lovely piece of eye candy?" Paige asked as she watched the screen intently.

"Jason Morgan…and he's mine, so back off Barbie," Alex said smirking. "You can have Lucky…"

"Oh I wasn't talking about the cyborg, hon, I was talking about Mr. Dark and Brooding."

"Eew, out!" Alex pointed to the door, "get out!"

"What?" Paige asked, "what's wrong with him?"

"That's Ric Lansing, Jason's mortal enemy, we don't like him in this house."

"Alright so who's this Lucky character I can have then?" Paige asked smirking.

"Lucky is Luke and Laura's kid--"

"Luke and Laura? Like THE Luke and Laura?" Paige interrupted. "I've only heard rumors but they're real?"

Alex started laughing, "what are you talking about?"

"Luke raped Laura and then later on they got married," Paige explained.

"Well that would be them…"

"I can't imagine marrying my rapist, it just makes no sense," Paige mused. "I mean, how could anyone even think about doing that."

"Well it wasn't something he was proud of …" Alex argued for him.

"Still…the thought of being with a man or even loving someone who forced himself on me…I could never feel anything but hatred for Dean."

Alex lowered her head, she'd almost forgotten that Paige had been raped. "Well I think you need to know more about their story…they are nothing like you and…_him_." She said softly attempting her best at being comforting.

-X-

"Are you sure?" Spike asked as she sat Jack down in his high-chair.

"I'm not, but do you really think this is something Manny and Sean would lie about?" Snake asked as he sat down at the kitchen table, dropping his head into his open hands. "I mean," he said looking up, "you should have seen their faces, they were scared for her."

Spike slumped down into a chair, "I just…Emma?" Snake nodded. "I just, it really doesn't seem like her."

"I talked to Sonya Sauve at school today, she seems to think that judging by Emma's behavior as of lately it seems like it's as much of a cry for attention as well as a need for control." He looked at his hands nervously, trying to avoid contact about the sore subject, "I mean she's been less involved with her usually causes, and more so since Jack was born and she broke up with Sean." He racked his mind for more examples. "And my diagnosis…how helpless could a family feel in a situation like we were going through, and are still going through with the medical bills."

"Kids change Snake…they grow up and things that sometimes were important just aren't anymore."

"But what if it's because of us?" he asked. "What if it's the constant pressure of needing her here to look after Jack, or sticking her in the basement. Think about it Spike, she's taken the back seat to Jack. And her and Sean were joined at the hip once upon a time and now he's seeing someone else…"

"I guess it's been a long time since we've been in high school…" she began, "…at least for some of us." She said remembering her husband was a high school teacher. "Don't you remember how stupid things like a little freedom and no responsibility…having a boyfriend or girlfriend was important to us?" Spike looked over at her son, Jack, frightened at the thought of him growing into a teenager and having to experience it all over again. "Why would she possibly think she would need to lose weight? She's always been thin as a rail…"

Snake sighed, "how do you think we should handle this?"

"I think we should look into things, keep an eye on her for a little bit and see if she's in too deep."

"So we wait?" he asked.

"We observe, Archie," she said using his given name and gently reaching out and taking his hands, "we'll figure this all out.

Dinner was awkward.

With just the heads up from Manny and Sean, Snake began to notice a subtle change in Emma's eating habits. And he wasn't the only one, Spike had noticed too. Emma, in their opinion, had gone from a girl with a healthy appetite, to someone who pushed her food around on her plate and tried to have lengthy conversations.

Spike's heart fell into her stomach when her own daughter turned down a helping of dessert. It was then and the sight of Emma making her way to the bathroom directly after dinner to _brush her teeth_, that she found herself giving into the sobs she was suppressing.

"How did we miss this?" she asked as she washed the dishes and carefully kept an eye on Jack as he playfully shoved bits of a cupcake into his mouth and had icing all over his chubby cheeks.

Snake shrugged, "I don't know," he confessed. He really didn't. He couldn't even be sure how long Emma had kept this up, but he was sure as hell positive that she was good at hiding what she didn't want her parents to know.

"What do we do?" she asked nervously, and still half in disbelief of her daughter's actions.

"We intervene," he said slumping down at the kitchen table and thinking about the conversations he had with Sean, Manny, and Sonya. "I'll talk to Sonya tomorrow about how to go about this all. I don't want to make this worse."

"That's probably the best way to go about it," Spike picked up Jack and walked off to get him a bath and ready for bed, thoughts of her daughter wasting away entertaining her mind.

-X-

Emma panted heavily as she crept up the stairs to her home. Wiping away the sweat from her brow she walked through the door and pushed on, straight to the kitchen to grab a glass of ice water. She had pushed out a good five mile run and felt great. The endorphins rushed through her body as she opened the freezer and popped out o few cubes from the ice-cube tray into a glass.

She slowed her breathing felt her body relax as she drank the glass of water while walking into the living room. She nearly had a heart attack as she walked into the room to find her parents, Manny, and Sean all sitting around. It looked like that had been waiting for her. She raised her brow in interest. "what's going on?" she asked while trying to laugh off the anxiety she was beginning to feel.

"Emma come sit…" Spike requested patting to the empty space on the couch.

"Why?" she asked, "Look, I've got exams to study for, can't this wait?" she asked nervously scratching her arm as she began to breathe more quickly.

"No Em…it can't," Manny said walking over to her, "just sit…please?" she begged and gently led Emma to the couch.

"So what's so important that it can't wait?" Emma asked as her heart raced. Deep down she knew. She could see the looks on everyone's faces and she hated it. It made her nervous and scared and all she wanted to do was throw up.

"you…we're worried," Snake spoke up.

"about me?" Emma asked.

"You're scaring us Emma," Sean said looking at her carefully, hoping he wouldn't set her off again.

Emma laughed, "what are you guys talking about, there's nothing to be worried about, I'm fine." Emma shivered. They were looking at her again. "Can you guys stop looking at me like, that it's freaking me out."

"Well you're freaking us out Em-- haven't you noticed how much weight you've lost…you don't eat anymore," Manny said gently comforting her with a friendly hand resting on her shoulder.

"It's just a few pounds, geez-- it's nothing to get so worked up over," Emma argued as her heart beat so fast she could feel it in her throat.

"A few pounds?" Sean asked, "that's all you think that is?"

Emma grew red with anger, "oh like you have the right to judge me you used to do the same thing every week to make sure you made weight for wrestling."

"the same thing? Emma, I only ever had to lose a few kilos at most…you? You've lost a lot more than that."

Emma rolled her eyes, "still you don't need to worry about anything."

"Em-- I can't let this continue," Spike finally spoke up. "What you're doing is not healthy, and if it's attention you want, you've got it."

"I don't want attention, I want you all to leave me alone."

"Well that's something you won't be getting," Snake said, taking a tone of authority.

Emma groaned like a child who hadn't gotten her way, "You can't be serious."

"But we are…and unless you want us to check you into a hospital, you'll be eating your meals with us, and we'll move Jack into our room…you're back in your room." Spike was setting the ground rules, "You've lost your privacy privileges until you can prove to us you can make healthy eating decisions."

Emma began to hyperventilate, "THIS ISN'T FAIR!" she shouted.

"No…but it's what you need," Manny said softly as she reached out for her friend, only to be pushed away. Manny fell backwards into Sean who caught her and chased after Emma.

Emma shivered as she stood on her front porch. It wasn't chilly in fact it was quite the opposite, what with the summer weather rushing in as the school year came to a close. She shivered anyway. I could have been the weight loss taking away all her natural fat that kept her body warm, or it could have been the chill of knowing someone was watching.

"I'm not talking to you Sean," Emma said, without needing to turn around.

"I didn't ask you to," he answered crossing his arms as he leaned against the door pane of the front door, watching her carefully as she paced anxiously on the wooden porch.

Emma spun on her heals, "what do you want," she asked. "Come to lecture me some more about how I need to eat, or do you want to verbally assault me like your rude girlfriend?"  
"Ellie didn't assault you, Emma, she was upset."

Emma slammed her locker shut, "why are you defending her?" she asked angrily, "you shouldn't be defending her, you should be defending me, she was mean."

"She wasn't mean, she was honest, and why wouldn't I defend my girlfriend? Especially when what she did and said was a result of how you treated me at the Dot."

"And what **did** you tell her about the Dot?" she asked.

"The truth…that you were down right nasty to me for caring."

"It doesn't give her the right…"

"…no, it does, because she cares, and believe it or not there are a ton of people who care about you, and Ellie may not show it, but in her own way she cares about what happens to you."

"Ellie doesn't care about me."

"in a way she does," he said walking across the hall to her. "Her roommate at Lake View killed herself…and if she hadn't done it herself she would have starved herself to death. Seeing you going through the same thing as Verity, was like pulling open old wounds."

Emma looked at her feet, "but I'm not her roommate, and I'm not starving myself to death."

"Sure looks like it."

"You don't understand."

"Try me…" Sean answered, "Because I'm trying to figure out why one of my smartest, most beautiful friends would do something like this to herself."

"Beautiful?"

"and smart, and what you're doing is stupid," he said, "it's not like you."

"Sean…you have no idea what it's like," she began, "everything at home is so out of control. And then you left me, and there was nothing and no one left. I just wanted you to come back to me, …just wanted to be in control of me of something, anything." Tears were leaking from her eyes like slow flowing rivers. She didn't want to cry, it just started to happen. "All I could see in her when you were with her was everything I wasn't. Petite and skinny and perfect. I'll never be anything like her.

"Emma, just because we aren't together anymore, doesn't mean I'm not out of your life forever. I'm your friend, and you're mine, we'll always be friends, I promise." Sean reached his rough calloused hand out to cup her tear stained face and pulled her, sobbing, into his chest. After a moment of letting her cry into his t-shirt he pulled her out at arms length and wiped the tears from her eyes with the pads of his thumbs, "and we broke up because it was time, not because you weren't perfect or you weren't skinny enough. We were growing apart and needed different things in a relationship…Don't' ever think for a second that I would ever leave you because of how you looked. You're beautiful Em…and if you need someone to tell you that everyday just to remind you, Manny and I will do it, even Toby"

Emma looked up into his eyes and smiled weakly and laughed.

-X-

Ellie rapped her nails against the linoleum counter top as she worried about the outcome of this send off for Jerzy. She never was a _party_ girl, she was a more of an _enjoy the company of the people your with_ kind of party girl. There was no denying she was going to enjoy tonight, because she was with some of the best people in her life. Sean had agreed to help her get Orion and Marco to go out with her and Jerzy to give him a goodbye.

She smiled at the thought of Orion being there, Jerzy had no idea about the special surprise guest. In fact he hadn't even met Marco yet, so it would all be interesting. All she knew was that she was proud of him and where he wanted to take his life, and that was more than enough of a reason for an awesome goodbye. Sean walked into the kitchen, "we're all set," he said smiling and grabbing her hands to lead her out of the house and meet up with everyone else outside.

"Jerzy," she called up the stairs, "let's go," she said as she was dragged out the front door by her boyfriend and playfully tossed into Marco and caught by Orion.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Jerzy said tugging on his light weight hooded sweatshirt, as he closed the door behind him, "I really don't see why you're taking me out…you really don't need to do…" he trailed off as he finally saw a familiar face standing amongst Ellie, Sean, and Marco. "Fuck me!" he said in surprised, "what the fuck are you doing here 'Rion?" he asked pulling the blonde boy into a 'man hug' and holding him at arms length, "you look good, I see the outside has been treating you well."

Orion chuckled, "as well as can be expected," he answered.

"Jerzy, this is Marco…a good friend of mine," Ellie began.

Jerzy smiled and noticed how close and comfortable Marco and Orion were standing beside each other, "ooh man, someone's getting lucky," he said crudely and shook Marco's hand and pulled him into a hug, "be good to him, or I'll come after you," he whispered into Marco's ear.

Marco pulled away, half laughing, half frightened as he thought about the threat. I guess it could be expected from someone who had been so close to Orion. He knew he could expect the same threat from Ellie, even if it wasn't spoken aloud.

"So what's the plan Stan?" he asked looking at Ellie.

Ellie smiled, "oh I promise you'll like it." She looked at Sean and smiled. She couldn't help but laugh inside at the final plan they though up the night before. Taking into mind Jerzy's masculine personality, not to mention his crude yet fun nature, the only thing they thought was appropriate enough was…

"Medieval Times!" Jerzy shouted as they pulled up to the building. "Man, I haven't been here since my twelfth birthday party, and I got kicked out…" Jerzy hoped this would be the first time that he would sit through one of the dinner shows. He knew that being and staying sober was definitely something that merited a dinner of medieval proportions from his friends, new and old.

Ellie positioned her blue cardboard crown on her head as Sean passed the rest out amongst the crowd. "Yay Blue," Ellie said laughing as they walked into the arena and slipped into their seats.

"Are they brining silverware?" Marco asked as Orion laughed.

"I don't think so, and I don't think it would wise to ask," Orion answered for him still laughing, though softer know as the arena became crowded with diners.

"Are you serious?" he asked, praying that he wouldn't need to use his fingers to eat.

Ellie laughed too, and over the cheers of the crowd she explained to him that since they didn't use silverware in the middle ages that neither would the dining guests. Watching his head fall in despair made her laugh even harder.

"Wooot!" Jerzy shouted as the knights rode out into the circle like gladiators, "gooo Blue!" He turned to Ellie as he caught her and Sean catching a quick kiss, "El…this is the best, thanks," he said distracting her from Sean's lips which Sean felt pull into a smile as hers pulled away from his.

"You're welcome Jerzy," she said before inching her lips back to Sean's.

Jerzy turned his attention back to the center ring and watched as the knights jousted for the royalty sitting up just above the ring. Things in that moment felt nearly flawless, and he was leaving tonight on a bus to head out to make sure his life will end up the way he always wanted. He was starting over, and this night if any was one hell of a way to kick it off.

-X-

Tracker walked into the kitchen as Ellie slumped over books and notes at the kitchen table, "how's it going half-pint?" he asked opening the fridge as he looked for the carton of milk he'd bought the other day.

"Half-pint?" she asked looking up, "who am I? Laura Ingalls Wilder?"

Tracker laughed, "are you even old enough to have watched that show?" he asked closing the refrigerator door.

"You do know it was a book first, right?" she asked watching him carefully for a response.

" Yes…a bunch of books actually." He grabbed a class of water, "where'd my milk go?" he asked.

"Sean used the rest of it for chocolate milk this morning."

Tracker nodded, "of course," he sat down at the table. "So you've been a little out of it," he mentioned as he sat down, taking a drink from the glass.

"Exams," she answered simply.

"Seems like a little more than exams," he mentioned. "Who was the friend you had here this week?" he asked.

"Oh you noticed?" she said pushing away her books, "you've barely been home."

"Been staying with the misses for a little bit," he said as his cheeks became flushed.

"Jerzy…friend from Lake View."

"Another friend from Lake View, eh?" he asked.

"Yea…he was there when…" Ellie stopped talking. Usually she didn't mind opening up to Tracker, but it just wasn't the time. "…A lot of shit went down and he gave me a shoulder to lean on, and I kinda needed that shoulder again with some other stuff."

"Emma Nelson?" he asked.

"How do…" she began, her voice noticeably angry.

"Sean told me things haven't been all too wonderful for her lately, and he ranted about how nasty she was to him when he tried to help her…and knowing you, you probably let her have it." Tracker said. He'd known all about Emma, but what he didn't know was why Ellie was having such an adverse reaction to everything. He watched as her shoulders seemed to have weight bearing down on them.

"Emma reminds me of someone I once knew."

"the roommate?" Tracker asked as he was trying to piece everything together on his own.

"yea…Verity," Ellie said, "she and Emma were a lot alike…only I liked Verity, Emma…not so much."

Tracker laughed. He had liked Emma once upon a time, but the longer Ellie was with Sean the more he thought the little puppy-love couple breaking up was a good thing. He still liked Emma, but there was something about her that made him a little itchy. "I've got the feeling it's more than just her being your boyfriend's ex."

"She upset him, a lot." Ellie expressed. "You have no idea how unfair that is to him. He was trying to help, and she just doesn't fucking care."

He sighed, "It happens Red."

"Yea well…I don't know."

"No one ever does."

Ellie groaned, "it's like right now…Sean is where I was when Verity was being all self destructive. I don't want him to wake up one day and suddenly be mourning Emma because she was being selfish, it's not fair." Ellie was on a role, and it was starting to feel good to get everything off her chest. Not that she wasn't doing that at her therapy sessions, but this was different. She wasn't sure how it was, but it felt like it. "Sean doesn't deserve to feel that kind of pain."

"no he doesn't." Tracker knew that losing someone like Emma in the mortal sense would be a tragedy and he would slowly become a shell of his former self. After all the disappointment and struggle the young man had had up until this point in his life, he deserved a little happiness.

"So you seem better," Ellie mentioned.

"Feeling better," Tracker clarified, "a lot actually."

"Good," she said looking down at her school work, "told you this was a good idea."

Tracker smiled. "Good yes, but it's a little tough to get used to." He frowned as he thought about the past few years. He'd been jumping from job to job since he was sixteen years old, he gave up school just to get away from it all: the stress, the violence, the anger, the addictive personalities of his parents. "It's a big change from what I'm used to," he said looking down at his hands cupping the glass of water. "Sean and I…we've never had much, and this is more than what we're used to." He continued referring to their new residence.

Ellie smiled, "good things come to those who wait."

Tracker laughed, "I suppose they do." He sighed, "I really want to make sure your father and his bosses aren't giving us a full ride. I'm not one to take hand-outs and I don't want to start."

Ellie nodded, "just look at it this way, what my Dad is covering should be considered my '_living expenses_' and that's to help with my share of the utilities and groceries." She completely understood him. He was proud, and almost too proud to allow himself a little help the first time, so long as he believed that he wasn't being handed everything on a silver platter he was alright. He needed to work for a living, not just have someone give him charity.

Tracker looked at her cautiously. He knew what she was trying to do, and all he could really do was humor her. Things were working out and things were easier and he certainly wasn't taking charity. He had to think of this as a house sitting job without getting paid.

-X-

Spinner juggled clothes in front of him as he checked himself out in the mirror. He tossed them aside into the pile that was growing in front of his closet of other reject outfits. He wasn't even sure why he was trying to figure out what to wear when frankly, the person who he was taking out couldn't see what he was wearing. He could probably wear sweatpants for all she cared, she really wouldn't know unless she was fondling the fabric of his clothes. He raised his arm up and got a nice whiff from his arm pit. He shrugged. "I guess it's not too bad?" he asked himself, and raised his arm again and gathered another whiff just as Kendra happened to be walking past his door.

"It's called deodorant," Kendra said pinching her nose and leaning in through the doorway, "you should try it sometime."

"Ha Ha," Spinner snapped back and kicked his door shut in her face.

This was going to be tougher than he thought. After all, she may not be able to see him but she could definitely smell him. He grabbed his cell phone and hit his speed dial. Bringing the phone to rest between his ear and his shoulder he listened to the dial tone before getting a familiar voice, "Hey Spinner…" the voice said.

"Hey, I need a favor," Spinner said as he continued to hold shirts up in front of him, "I've got a date."

"and you want me to double?" the voice asked.

"I need help," Spinner confessed.

"What kind of help?" the voice asked.

"_Queer Eye for the Straight_ _Guy_ kinda help Marco! Just get over here," he said impatiently.

"Okay okay, I'll be over in a bit, just don't have an aneurysm, kay?" Marco answered before the line went dead. Spinner took his cell phone and tossed it on his bed. Looking at himself in the mirror as he slumped down onto his bed.

"I'm doomed."

Laying back on his bed he stared at his ceiling, losing himself in the hum of his computer. It wasn't long before he heard Kendra scream up the stairs, "Marco's here," which was accompanied by a soft knock on the door.

"Hey," Marco said letting himself in before plugging his nose, "geez Spin when was the last time you took a shower."

"Yesterday," Spin answered.

"Most people try to get at least one a day," he responded unplugging his nose. "So what's the emergency?"

"A date."

"You're emergency is **a date**?" Marco asked stunned. "I don't see why you need my help."

"She's blind, what do you wear on a date with a blind girl?" he asked sitting up and watching as Marco walked over to his desk and pushed aside the pile of clothes sitting on his computer chair and pulling up a seat for himself.

"Probably something that won't embarrass her," Marco answered with a slight laugh until he noticed that Spinner wasn't laughing, "sorry, not funny." He took a breath, "okay," he started, "you might want to start with a shower."

"But I took one yesterday."

"But you stink."

"I sweat when I'm nervous."

"I can tell…shower…now," Marco demanded tossing a towel from the floor in his face, "In the mean time I'll try and find something clean and presentable for you to wear, and make sure you get your pits."

"Ha Ha," Spinner laughed sarcastically as he kicked off his shoes and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

As Marco heard the shower turn on he began to look around the room. Spinner was doomed. He stood up and began doing a dangerous sniff test on most of the clothes and tossed anything that could be considered a bio-hazard in the unused hamper in the room. "I did not sign up for cleaning duty," he muttered to himself before venturing towards the closet. Probably the cleanest part of the room was Spinner's closet, seeing as he probably never used it. Marco skimmed through the hanging clothes finding that Spinner himself may not be the king of fashion but who ever filled this closet may have been.

"Mom bought them for Spinner," Kendra said leaning on the door frame. "He never wears them, _not his thing_." She said.

Marco laughed, "no doubt there," he said pulling out a really nice, clean, simple button down shirt in a dark almost charcoal grey.

"He got a date or something?" she asked as Marco pulled together an outfit for his friend.

"Yup," Marco answered as he found a pair of jeans that were a bit more fitting than the baggy variety that he was used to seeing his friend wear.

Kendra snorted, "Who would be stupid enough to go out with him…besides the Princess," she said.

"Some blind girl?" Marco said shrugging as he walked over to the dresser and ruffled through the doors for a decent looking t-shirt.

"Figures," she muttered laughing, "don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but a girl would have to be blind or stupid to agree to go out with him."

Marco smiled as Kendra left the door way and he grabbed his outfit and walked down the hall to the bathroom and opened the door only to find Spinner towel-less and preening in front of the mirror. "Oh…My…G—"

"MARCO!" Spinner shouted grabbing his towel and quickly wrapping it around him, "what the hell man!"

"I'm sorry", he said covering his eyes and handing the pile of neatly folded clothes to his half naked friend.

"Dude…not cool."

Marco couldn't help but laugh as he peeked between his fingers to make sure Spinner was covered up. "Look I'm sorry Spin."

"There's a door…you should try knocking on it sometime," he said embarrassed, his face blushing a deep shade of red.

"Well look, just throw those on, and we'll see where to go from there." Marco watched as Spinner just stood there, not moving. "Well?" he asked motioning for his friend to get dressed.

"Well? Dude I'm still naked," Spinner argued.

"So get dressed."

"So leave the bathroom?" he asked mimicking his friend's sentence, shooing his friend out the door while holding on tightly with his free hand to the towel covering him up.

When Spinner finally returned to his room, he found it strangely clean. "Man, what did you do to my room?"

"Straightened it?" Marco answered. "What? You couldn't expect me to sit here and not do anything while you got dressed." Marco looked his friend over, "speaking of…spin…"

"What?"

"I mean spin around Spinner."

"Oh,…right," Spinner answered and spun around to show off the outfit Marco had pulled together for him; a pair of fitted jeans, a clean tee shirt and a crisp button down. "Well?"

"I'm a miracle worker," Marco declared.

"I'll say," perked up Kendra from the door way, Spinner turned to glare at his nosy little sister, who took the hint, "leaving," she muttered.

"You sure this'll be alright?" he asked nervously.

"Well if she's blind, I really don't think it'll matter, at least you smell clean, and to everyone else you look it."

Spinner shrugged, "what do you do with a blind girl on a date?" he asked.

"Wouldn't know, I don't take girls out…" Marco answered.

Spinner rolled his eyes, "well if you were taking out a blind dude, what would you do with him."

Marco shrugged, "I don't know something that doesn't require vision?"

"So like…something like…" Spinner could feel the gears in his brain attempting to turn and work out an answer, "I'm stumped."

"Aren't you always?"

"Why don't you take her to the park, I'm sure there's a band playing there or something, and worse comes to worse you can play on the swings or something dopey and cliché."

Spinner nodded as he grabbed his cologne off his dresser and prepared to spray himself, as Marco pulled it out of his hands, "dude, what gives?"

"You better not…" Marco answered, keeping the cologne away from him, " you already smell fresh and clean, you don't want to over do it and make her scent impaired, you probably were the one who caused her blindness with your fashion sense."

Spinner glared.

"Okay, prolly not the best response I know," Marco said raising his hands in defeat, "I don't know how you do it, I mean Paige? How on earth did you ever manage Paige? Let alone this new girl."

"Is it so hard to believe that the ladies find me attractive?" Spinner asked. "I mean I'll never understand how you missed out on this," he said showing off his physique.

Marco's complexion turned a subtle shade of green at the thought of him and Spinner as anything other than friends. "Me neither Spin, maybe I've just got bad taste in men."

"Exactly," he said as he slipped on a pair of his cleanest sneakers.

Marco tried his hardest not to gag or laugh at his friend's thoughts. To be honest he'd never look at Spinner that way. His type of guy could dress himself and not look like he fell out of badly stocked closet. And some one who was a little more on the romantic side than caveman-esque. "Well just treat this lady with a little class, alright? I'm sure, like most girls, she won't find your talent of burping the alphabet very attractive."

Spinner glared, "it's not that easy to do ya know."

Marco shook his head. "I'm not denying that it takes skill to produce such…creative bodily noises, I'm just saying that not all girls are turned on by a gassy representation of the alphabet."

"And how would you know what girls want?"

"Hullo, have you seen who I hang out with on a regular basis?" Marco responded with a smile, "I'm Degrassi's resident token gay guy. All the ladies love me."

Spinner laughed. "Well you don't know this girl," he said, trying to figure out the best way to describe their first meeting and the amount of common ground they shared.

"And what makes her so different from other girls?" Marco asked out of curiosity, as Spinner primped in the mirror, toying with the collar of the button-down shirt.

"She's just…different." He answered, "I mean she's nothing like Paige or Hazel, definitely not a princess. She's hot and she can out eat me when it comes to chili-fries. She's spunky and it's like…she follows the beat of a different drummer."

Marco smiled, "so I take it she may be more than a rebound girl?" Marco had been stunned to learn of the Paige and Spinner's break up, but everyone knew it was a long time coming. So much so that Danielle couldn't be considered a rebound with the former relationship failing and falling long before she was in the picture.

Spinner shrugged, "I don't know…all I know is she seems cool and I wanna go out with her maybe more than once."

"So when do I get to meet her?" Marco asked.

"You can come with me to meet up with her if you want…why? Do I need your approval or something?"

"Oh I'm sure she'll meet my approval I just want to see what kind of girl is crazy enough to agree to a date with you."

-X-

Ellie looked over her piles of text books and slammed her forehead on the top of the stack and groaned softly as other students piles into her study hall. It was almost the end of the year and study halls were either filled with anxious students waiting for the year to be over or students studying hard to make sure they passed. She was neither. She was pretty set and comfortable in how she felt she'd do on her final exams, she knew she wasn't going to be drowning when it came to exam time. And she was okay with that. "Hey Nash…" Jimmy said pulling up an empty chair to her desk. "Not studying?" he asked.

Ellie shook her head, "I'm pretty much all set."

"Good I don't know how much more studying I can take," he said pulling out a notebook and began doodling. "It's been a hectic week, all I've done is having a staring contest with my textbooks every night."

Ellie smiled politely, "you know this is the most we've probably spoken since that Saturday detention and maybe the few emails exchanged while I was at Lake View."

Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't understand why we never got off on the friends foot of things…"

"I think it was because of your strained issues with Ashley."

Jimmy's cheeks flushed, "do you remember when I asked you out?" he said laughing nervously.

Ellie laughed, "yes, and I also remember catching a glimpse of you nearly wringing Spinner's neck when I gave him the number for a call girl service."

Jimmy started laughing, "so that wasn't really your number?"

Ellie narrowed her eyes, "you actually thought I'd give Spinner my number?"

Jimmy laughed, " I guess I was mistaken."

Ellie looked down at his notebook and caught sight of the doodles he'd inked into the lined pages. "Hey," she said putting aside the stack of books and sliding his notebook towards her, "these are pretty good."

Jimmy flushed again, "eh…they're just doodles," he said, "had a lot of bored time on my hand with no more basketball season and classes have all been reviews."

"How come I never seen you in my art elective?" she asked.

"Because I never requested art for an elective, I opted for the study hall I could spend sitting in Simpson's room." He pulled the notebook back and began shading the panels of the comic he'd been sketching.

"You should consider it," she said glancing at the book, she narrowed her eyes, "Is that Spinner?" she said trying to get a better look at the panel.

Jimmy laughed, "Maybe."

"Maybe it's Spinner or maybe I'll be seeing you in the art wing this fall?"

"Both?" Jimmy said questioning himself.

Ellie smiled, "look at it this way Jimmy, picking up an art class would look good on transcripts, you'd be a well rounded student." She looked over at him trying to grab his attention, "you'll show out as an athlete, a good student, and an artist."

Jimmy looked down, smiling, "I guess that's the excuse I can use if my father ever decides to actually look at my schedule."

"Not home much?" Ellie asked. Jimmy shook his head, "honestly I can probably relate, Dad got shipped out again not too long ago." She looked down at her feet, "though I can't say I was expecting him to stay long."

"That sucks," he answered honestly.

"Yea, but I appreciate the time I spend with him when he's home, and I understand what he's sacrificing."

Jimmy smiled weakly, "I can't even get my dad to have a conversation when he's home."

"What about your mom?"

Jimmy shrugged, "she tries…I'll give her that." He looked over at her, "what about yours?"

Ellie snatched up his notebook, "so what else you got in here?" she asked changing the depressing subject. She began flipping through the pages catching glimpses of their friends and then finding a panel from their Saturday detention in which Hazel describes her encounter with Raditch and the Swiss ball. She started laughing, "This is hilarious," she said turning the notebook to show him the page she was looking at. She flipped through a few more pages and found some gorgeous cartoon versions of Hazel and a few of Ashley. You could tell by the detail in the two caricatures of the girls that they clearly made an impression on his life. "We should have an exam ending party," she muttered.

"Get the whole gang together…you know, Sean, Spin, you, me, Hazel, Paige, Marco, Ash, and Craig for like a nice get together or something."

Jimmy smiled, "it sounds like it'd be the perfect thing after the hectic week that's about to hit us in the face."

Ellie smiled, "definitely…how about we do something out at the park grill up some burgers and stuff…"

"Like that trip to the beach at the end of summer that year?" he mentioned making Ellie roll her eyes at the miserable day at the beach playing the part of Marco's beard. She hated that term…fake girlfriend perhaps?

Ellie smiled, "yea…how about we make that trip up to the beach again? Might be the best way to lead us all into summer."

"Now you're thinking Nash…" he said smiling.

"And you're totally helping me Brooks…" she said mocking him with the use of his last name. He smiled.

Returning her smile she look down, "so how come I'm not in this comic of yours?" she asked.

Jimmy laughed, "Because it's just the rough draft…"

"You should talk to Liberty about put some panels in the GrapeVine next year."

Jimmy furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the sketches, "you really think they're that good?" he asked.

Ellie raised her hand and brought her thumb and index finger very close together, "teensy bit." Jimmy laughed, "I mean it's no _Charlie Brown_ but its okay…" she said seriously and then smirked, catching his eye before laughing. " Go for it," she muttered, "do a bunch of good panels for the new semester and show them to her, at least you can say you tried."

"I'll see what I can do between basketball camps this summer," he said realizing his summer was already very limited.

* * *

**A/N**: For those of you still reading, thank you very much. Though if you're still waiting you know it takes me a while to put out a good chapter, and it's usually worth it cause I usually pull tens of thousands of words out of my ass somehow and magically make them work...I don't know how I do it anymore. I've had the worst writers block lately and I usually try and find time to sit down and write for a few hours once a week, but it doesn't really help.

Fear not, I shan't abandon this, as it is one of my children. It's just that...Degrassi doesn't really inspire me much anymore. Which is sad. But I just am not inspired by much anymore, I've become more of a lurker and reader. I kinda want to get back into some fandoms I've abandoned over the years...we'll see how it goes.

Again, thank you readers...those of you who are still reading. And Hi to all of you new readers (I can tell by the random story alert requests and fav adds as of lately, so thanks to ya'll too)

Please let me know what you guys think...am I losing my touch? Cause I think I am... sad face

MJ


	12. Chapter 12

_I found away_

_Over the fear and through the flames, I'm diving in_

_Don't follow me, stay right here I'll be back for you some day_

_I found away, it'd be best if you just stayed_

_It's not safe, don't follow me_

_I found away, I found away_

-Alkaline Trio "I found a way"

Ellie brought her head to the kitchen table as she struggled through her review sheets. Final Exams started in eight hours and she was no where near being prepared for them. "Come to bed," Sean said straining to not sound as tired as he felt. He squinted his eyes to see through the bright lights of the kitchen to see his girlfriend. Ellie looked up and smirked at his obvious bed head. "It's cold," he whined.

Ellie smirked, "few more minutes," she muttered as she looked over her notes. Sean shuffled his feet as he walked over and stood behind her and began to knead his finger tips into her shoulders. Ellie moaned and closed her eyes and tried her hardest to not give into Sean's massaging fingertips, "I've just got to look over my Lit. notes," she said falling towards him, instead of towards her notebook. "Mmm," she moaned, "fine," she gave in, "but I'm still waking up early."

"That's what you think," Sean grumbled as he shuffled her out of the kitchen and up to her bedroom. Ellie smirked.

"I'm sorry," she muttered as she crawled into her bed and Sean fit himself beside her under the covers.

"For what?" he asked in confusion.

" For being out of touch lately," she said quietly, "There's just lots going on."  
"It's the same on my plate El…Summer's almost here, and I'm sure we'll have more time to make plans."

Ellie smiled and nestled closer to him, "I like sleep plans," she said as she closed her eyes and breathed in the soft musky scent of his t-shirt.

Sean laughed softly. Sean wrapped his arm around her and held her close as they slowly fell asleep. It was only a few hours later that they were awoken by the screams and shouts of Ellie's alarm clock. Sean groaned and rolled into the pillow and pulled Ellie closer as she slapped at her alarm clock. "Turn it off," he murmured into the pillow.

Ellie struggled against him, "I'm trying, you won't let me," she laughed as he moaned and groaned like a bratty child. She peeled his hands away from her and reached over to her night stand and hit the snooze button. She rolled back under the covers and giggled as Sean grabbed onto her again, "we've got fifteen minutes before the alarm goes off again."

Sean peaked open an eye and looked at her, "What are you saying?" he grumbled.

"I'm saying you've got fifteen minutes to do what ever you're thinking about doing before the alarm goes off and we actually **have** to get up," she explained coyly.

"Mmm," he moaned, and rolled himself on top of her, "I like the way you think." He learned down and kissed her softly on the lips.

-X-

Sean wiped the sweat from his brow as he rolled out from under the car he'd been working on and looked over at Jay who seemed to be fully enjoying himself and his extensive workload, Sean however, not so much. Sure the pay was adequate enough to keep anyone satisfied, but he wasn't home as much as he wanted to be, and he still had exams to finish up at school. He couldn't imagine how much more his workload would increase by when he had more free time to spend.

It wasn't that the work was hard. Jay and himself had moved on from the oil changes and the tire rotations to more in-depth work. At the moment he found himself doing an inspection for the vehicle. Not the most demanding job in the shop, but definitely time consuming and something he could throw all his weight into, even if he wasn't technically working on the car, just making sure it was safe enough to be on the rode. He looked over at Jay who seemed to be having the time of his life flirting with a female customer and trying to talk her into some _body work_.

"I think I nice shade of blue would really bring out the color of your eyes," Jay said with a smirk as he finally found himself looking at them.

"Jay, I didn't come here for you to flirt your way into me getting a paint job on my car," murmured the blonde.

"Oh come on Mel…I'll do the labor for free," He begged coyly, whilst trying not to look like he was begging at all.

Mel rolled her eyes, "I'll think about it, in the mean time can you please figure out what that tinkering noise is when I'm driving, I'd hate to die before our date."

Jay smirked, "so you're taking me up on that offer?" he asked.

Mel flicked her hair back over her shoulder, "not if I die…" she said smiling, "unless of course you're into that sort of thing."

"Hell, I'll take what I can get," Jay said leaning against her tiny beat up Mazda.

Mel laughed, "I can see that…" she dropped the keys to her car into his open hand, "do you need me to pay you upfront if you're going to bring my car by the club tonight?"

"I can't really do anything to it, until I know what's wrong with it babe," Jay answered. And it was the truth, until he knew what was wrong with her car, he couldn't give her an _accurate_ estimate, which seemed to sound like an oxymoron if Sean had ever heard one. He saw the blonde grind her teeth, and Jay expertly rest a hand on her shoulder, "look, how about I pick you up from the club tonight, and take you out, and drop you off?"

Mel sighed, and shrugged the issue off her shoulder, "sounds fine."

-X-

Jay walked in through his front door, carrying a paper bag of Chinese take out. "Alright," he said looking into the bag and not at his guest. "I got some Lo Mein, some pork fried rice, some sweet and sour chicken, and those stupid egg rolls you like…did I ---" Jay finally looked up and saw Paige and Alex sitting on the couch watching the end of One Life to Live, waiting for General Hospital to come on.

Paige looked over at Jay, "you forgot my Generals Tsos and steamed veggies"

"Actually I didn't…cause you didn't order anything."

Alex rolled her eyes, "just be nice please," she begged and patted the empty space on the couch next to her, "now come sit and watch Sonny and Jason do mob stuff."

Jay laughed and walked over, setting down the large paper bag on the coffee table and plopping down on the empty seat, "so what's on the menu with Port Charles today?" he asked.

"Lets see…" Alex began.

"Sam is pregnant," Paige interrupted.

"Sam is pregnant?" Jay asked, "NO!" and buried his face in his hands.

Alex turned to Paige, "Sam is Jay's girl."

"Who's her babydaddy?"

"We don't know yet."

"It's either Jax or Sonny."

"Oh man, please let it be Jax, I keep getting this weird vibe about Sam being pregnant with Sonny's baby."

"I know, it just feels so…"

"wrong?"

"I think it should be Jason's"

"Why Jason's?"

"He's wanted a mini-bot since Carly told him that Michael was AJ's, it's just not fair to let him being fatherless."

"Jay…stop being a soap whore."

Jay rolled his eyes and passed around the small pints of white rice and some chop sticks, "I'm just saying, he's entitled, that's all," he popped a piece of sweet and sour chicken into his mouth, "besides, can you imagine how much more intense things would be if he had a kid?"

"Carly would flip shit."

"wait…who's Carly?" Paige asked, as she stole one of Alex's egg rolls.

"married to Sonny."

"Wait…"Paige paused, "confused…then what does that make Sam?"

"Mobster Mistress" Alex and Jay both said at the same time.

Paige laughed awkwardly. She'd never experienced a moment like that with any of her friends, let alone an ex-boyfriend. And now she felt like she was intruding on Jay's territory. She frowned.

"Why the upside down smile princess?" Jay asked between bites of his sweet and sour chicken. And there was something in the way that he asked it that made her uncomfortable. Alex elbowed Jay.

"Oh…it just looks like Ric isn't in this episode," she lied between her teeth. "You know what, I'm gunna head home, I've got a study date with Hazel for exams tomorrow."

"Oh," Alex muttered, "well I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yea," Paige said grabbing her purse, "thanks for the Chinese," and walked out the door.

Just as soon as Paige shut the door Alex turned to Jay and smacked him upside the head, "what the hell was that for?" he asked while trying to not choke on his dinner.

"Why'd you have to go and do that?"

"Do what?" he asked innocently, knowing fully well the bonding session between him and Alex would make Paige uncomfortable.

"You know what," Alex argued and turned off the television set.

"HEY! What are you doing! Sam was about to get the paternity results."

Alex glared. And Jay knew when Alex glared there would be hell to pay. "You know I put up with your stupid Montreal Crew, the least you could do is not pull your shit with one of my few friends."

"Oh so you and the princess are friends now?" he asked, snatching the remote from her, and turning the television back on, "since when?"

"Since the day I found I was definitely pregnant and you became the deadbeat dad."

"Harsh Lexxi, very harsh."

"Well so is the way that you treat her when she's here."

Jay sighed as he watched Kelly Monaco prance around on the screen. "Look Lex, I don't mind you having a friend, I just mind that it's…well that it's _her_."

"And what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing it's just…not too long ago she was the girl you were making fun of."

"People change." Alex was getting aggravated by his behavior. "Could you seriously just listen to me for two seconds?"  
"I'm listening," Jay muttered, "but I just don't get it, Princess Paige slumming it? For what? You? People like the Princess do not slum it for people like us. And frankly I don't like her hanging around."

"You don't even know her!" Alex argued.

"What I don't get is why you seem to enjoy spending your time with her when you have me?"

Alex groaned, "so this is all about you?"

"No…it's about us, instead of us trying to deal with everything, you're just playing happy family with Princess," he said angrily pointing to the door. "It's not fair!" he whined, "Because just when I can finally get the chance to be show you what I'm really made of, you let her take my spot." His eyes were glistening and he wiped them quickly before she could catch sight of his emotions getting the upper hand.

"Paige didn't take your spot," Alex said simply.

"Didn't…"Jay laughed, "didn't take my spot?"

"She didn't, you've been my best friend since we were nine years old, and no one will change that, not even you with your pathetic attempts at self destruction."

Jay rolled his eyes, "it doesn't even matter anymore."

Alex lessened the glare she was shooting at him and sighed, "whatever Jay…"

"Oh shit! Sonny's the father!"

Alex rolled her eyes and grabbed one of Jay's zip up hoodies from the pile of scattered clothes and walked out the door while sputtering a simple "going out."

Jay turned back to the television and groaned as the commercial break started. He as not pleased with the timing of it all, his best friend just walked out on him and in all honesty he didn't feel the need to sit in front of the television any longer. If Alex was going out, he paused in his thoughts, he was going out. And he had only one place he was interested in spending the rest of his day…Zanzibar.

-X-

"Mellllody," Jay crooned as he slumped over the bar at Zanzibar.

Mel stalked up to him carrying a tray of drinks, "Go home Jay," she said, "and give me your keys while you're at it."

"Are you going to drive me home and put me to bed with them?" he asked jingling the keys in front of her.

She set down the tray of drinks, "No, I'm just not going to let you drive home drunk."

"Aw, you don't want me to die…" he slurred.

"No," she said snatching the keys away from him, "I don't want anyone else to."

He spun around and leaned back against the bar, "Mellll," he slurred, "when are you going to go out with me?"

"When hell freezes over," she answered as she wiped up the bar top and put his keys in the _key bowl_ under the bar.

"So next week then?"

Mel rolled her eyes and smiled. His consistent attempts were adorable, she had to admit that. And he was clearly better than half, if not more than two thirds of the men that visit the strip club. "What ever you say Jay," she said and patted his head before grabbing him a glass of water. "Sober up…please." He'd been there nearly twice a week since the day he pulled his first line on her. The persistence was something new to her, and it didn't hurt that he was kind of cute. Not many guys would continue to try and get a date with her after the third shut down. Jay Hogart was on his fifteenth shut down. Apparently he didn't take no for an answer.

-X-

"Can I lick the bowl?" Toby asked walking into the kitchen. Ashley looked up, and then around the kitchen. She's blanked out for a moment, and in the middle of baking. There was flour all over the counter top and table and runny messes of batter from this and that.

"Yea sure," she drawled.

Toby grabbed the emptied brownie batter mixing bowl and sat down at the island counter across from his step sister, while running his finger along the inside of the bowl and licking the batter from his finger. "What's wrong?"

Ashley shook her head and focused her attention on cleaning up her mess. She began piling and stacking all the mixing bowls and carrying them to the sink.

"These are your best brownies ever," Toby muttered, "something's wrong."

Ashley dropped the bowls in the sink and spun around, "NOTHING IS WRONG."

"Point taken," he said, trying to take a hint, but the familial part of him would not drop the subject. "Whatever…if you don't want to talk about it fine, but I know you and I know something's up…cause…" he looked around the kitchen and took a big sniff the overwhelming aromas coming from the oven, "because you made muffins, brownies, and I think that's cake in it's infancy."

Ashley laughed at his remark, "look Tobes…I love that you're taking an interest in my well being, but nothing is wrong." Liar. She was a complete and utter liar. But what was she supposed to tell her step brother? _I'm depressed and have no idea why…but baking sometimes makes me feel better because it makes other people happy._

"Seriously, Ash…what did you put in this stuff," he said licking the bowl. Ashley smiled. He laughed, and pointed at her with his chocolate-covered finger, "made you smile!"

Ashley rolled her eyes, "thanks Toby…" she said and leaned over the counter and kissed him on the forehead.

Toby blushed red, "what was that for?"

"For making me smile…" Ashley walked out of the kitchen and upstairs before calling back down the stairs, "can you take the muffins out in ten and the brownies out in fifteen and pop the cake in?"

Toby groaned. "Fine…just make more!" he called back up.

Ashley laughed to herself. Suddenly things felt a little warm and she hated it. She hated it because it made absolutely no sense to her to go from happy to sad and sad to happy randomly and without warning. There may not be any warnings, but there surely were things triggering her, now if only she could figure them out, and perhaps she could avoid them.

She slumped down into the chair at her computer and found herself surfing around on the internet. Research. It had always been something she felt she was good at, researching and learning and trying to figure something she didn't understand out. In the middle of a google search another window popped up.

**badChicken**: Yo!

Ashley laughed.

**pictureperfect**: hey Jimmy

**badChicken**: what are u up to 2day?

**pictureperfect**: in the middle of baking…brownies, muffins, the whole lot.

**badChicken**: sounds delish.

**pictureperfect**: Toby thinks so

**badChicken**: well if he didn't, then there's gunna be a prob.

**pictureperfect**: y is that?

**badChicken**: cuz ur baking rox Ash

**pictureperfect**: well ur welcome to come over for some sweets

**badChicken**: sounds like a plan

Ashley smiled. It had been a while since her and Jimmy had hung out. It had nothing to do with each being attached at the hip to someone else, it had everything to do with their first break up ending out of her control, and the second out of Jimmy's. They just weren't as compatible as they'd thought. Then again, high school relationships weren't always meant to last. Key word being always, and there were some relationships that were made the exception.

Jimmy and Ashley hadn't been that exception.

**pictureperfect**: how's things with Hazel + U?

**badChicken**: O U kno

**badChicken**: easystreet

**badChicken**: U+Mark?

**pictureperfect**: better, now that he's out of the hospital.

Ashley tapped her fingers lightly on the keys, hearing the click and clack of the taps without the typing. She wasn't sure how this hanging out was going to turn out.

**pictureperfect**: so when did u plan on coming over?

**badChicken**: iunno, did u wanna do double duty and study? Haze has plans w/Paige

Ashley curled into a smile. She did need to study. Perhaps this would make things less awkward.

**pictureperfect**: sound good.

**pictureperfect**: gunna go clean up the kitchen and grab a quick shower, come over whenever.

**badChicken**: alright. Cya!

Ashley smiled and pushed her rolling chair away from her computer and she scooted across her room before hopping down the stairs and quickly cleaning up the mess she made in the chicken, and to keep Toby from eating all the goodies. She quickly popped in the cake that Toby hadn't managed to get to, while he was finishing off the bowl.

Looking around the now clean kitchen, finding it satisfactory, she headed back upstairs to jump in the shower for a few minutes before Jimmy came over.

A good shower could make any bad day just slip away unnoticed. A good shower can erase any negative thoughts and just wash a no good very bad afternoon down the drain. Jimmy was in the living room with Toby playing a video game when she finally came joined them downstairs, her wet hair pulled back messily with bobby pins, in a sorry attempt to tame her curls on her terms.

"Ash!" Jimmy said setting aside the controller.

"Oh come on…five more minutes," Toby whined, "I'm winning."

Ashley laughed, "go ahead finish the game, I'm gunna take out the cake." Ashley walked into the kitchen and the aroma of chocolate cake filled her nose as she snatched up her oven mitts and pulled open the oven door. She smiled as she reached in and pulled out the piping hot cake pan and rested it on the counter top as she gently kicked closed the oven and turned it off as she tossed off the oven mitts on top of the stove.

"Smells good in here," Jimmy said walking into the kitchen and dropping his book bag down on the kitchen table.

Ashley smiled, "I would hope so," and walked to the back door and grabbed her canvas messenger bag and brought it over to the table, "so who won?" she asked.

"Toby…he's getting better."

"I wouldn't know," she answered pulling out her science text book.

Jimmy smirked, "they need to come out with a video game for you…something musical."

"They're working on it," Toby interrupted walking to the fridge.

"Good to know," Ashley answered as she shuffled through her bag for her notebook.

"So? Science then?"

"Looks like it, having some trouble with chemistry."

"You? Having trouble with chemistry?" Jimmy asked, "I always thought you had wonderful chemistry."

Ashley blushed, "turn down your flirt dial Jimmy, we're studying here."

Jimmy laughed, "alright…" he flipped open his text book and smiled at Ashley, "shall we get started?"

-X-

Ashley's lips were fused to Mark's as they got hot and heavy in the front seat of Mark's beat up Volkswagon. She moaned into his lips and the moan she let out made Mark even more excited as he released the driver's seat and it slid back as far as it could go. He pulled Ashley into his lap and she straddled him while trying to find a comfortable position. She groaned as her knees kept bumping into the middle console and the door, "this isn't working," she groaned.

"Wanna go up to my place?" Mark said breathily, referring to his off campus housing he split with a room mate, he nodded in the direction of the apartment from their parked car on the street.

Ashley bit her lip for a moment and thought about it, "Yes," she said simply as she nodded her head.

Mark opened the door and Ashley slipped off his lap before reaching back across to grab her purse and they both walked up the three floors to his apartment. Mark began to frantically kiss her again while fumbling for his keys.

"Open," Mark groaned as he jiggled the key into the lock. The lock clicked and he pushed the door open, grabbing Ashley's hand gently and pulling her inside.

"Where's Kyle?" Ashley asked noticing the lights off and the apartment virtually empty.

"Out…" Mark shrugged as he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her closer, his hand slipping down to the back of her jeans as he squeezed a cheek while kissing her with a furious need.

Ashley smiled into his lips and grabbed onto his belt buckle as he backed towards his room. She ran her hands up the underside of his shirt and pulled it up over his head as he pushed open his door and she kicked it shut behind them. Mark tossed his shirt aside and grabbed Ashley close as they fell onto his bed, their lips fused together tightly, as if no one were going to break them apart.

Ashley sat straddled on top of him as his hands roamed up her shirt and gently fondled her breasts, she moaned and pulled away from the kiss and Mark smiled up at her before moving for the button of her jeans. And t hen the smile slowly faded. And Mark noticed.

"You all right?" he asked removing his fingers from her button and zipper and resting them carefully on her hips.

Ashley nodded, "just not…" she took a breath, "sure I'm ready."

Mark sighed, "it's fine," he said, and motioned for her to come closer and kissed her chastely on the lips.

She pulled away and smiled at him before lowering herself again and kissing him gently. And it was that simple kiss and that simple declaration of his willingness to wait that drove her over the edge. Jimmy and Craig had both professed their willingness to wait until she was ready and Jimmy she truly believed, but Craig, Craig never seemed truthful in his pledge to wait until she was ready, even more so after she found out he'd gotten his rocks off with someone else.

But Mark? His words seemed to sing to her heart like no other. Out of either of her past boyfriends, his words seemed most true, and most honest. And she kissed him deeply and tug gently on his bottom lip with her teeth. And right now seemed like the perfect opportunity to put everything out on the table.

As Ashley pulled away giving back Mark his bottom lip, he looked at her credulously, "really?" he asked, knowing fully well that her tugging on his bottom lip in such a way was a message to him that she'd changed her mind. Ashley nodded. And Mark's face went from that of contentment to that of someone about ready to sample their favorite dessert and sat up and Ashley fell into his lap as he ran his hands up the underside of her shirt, gently kneading his fingers into her soft skin and fumbling for her bra strap.

His lips moved to her neck and sucked gently as her head fell back and a moan escaped the confines of her lips and she ran her fingers nimbly up the back up his neck and into his hair. She pushed him back and tugged her shirt up over her head and tossed it aside along with her now unhooked bra. Ashley leaned forward and kissed Mark softly, and together they eased down into the bed.

A few hours had passed when Ashley woke up in Mark's bed, tangled in his cotton sheets with her hair a drastic mess. She sat up slowly pulling up the sheets to cover her naked body and looked next to her to see Mark sleeping soundly beside her before rousing awake with her slight movements. She bit her lip as the whole scene was becoming rather poignant. She had finally succumbed to her sexual desires and given herself to someone. Her eyes watered emotionally but no tears fell as the smile on her face dammed them up and created a sparkle. Mark opened his eyes and smiled sleepily, "hey Sweets," he said softly and gently grazed her leg under the sheets and she lowered herself to kiss him softly on the lips. "What time is it?" he asked.

Ashley looked to the alarm clock, "past my curfew," she said suddenly becoming frantic as she reached to the floor and tugged on her shirt and underwear before sifting through her purse for her cell phone. "Three missed calls," she said groaning, "I'm screwed."

She dialed her mother's number and quickly got dressed as she listened to the dial tone. "Where have you been!" Kate voice echoed through the quiet room, signaling Mark to jump out of bed and get dressed.

"I'm sorry, we just lost track of time watching a movie and I fell asleep."

"That's no excuse, you're two hours late, when I say eleven thirty I don't mean one thirty, Ashley, when you get home you're grounded."

Ashley looked over at Mark who looked back at her sympathetically as she begged her Mom to reconsider. "I'll talk to you when I get home," she answered finally as she slipped on her shoes.

She turned off her phone and tossed it into her purse. "This was a bad idea," she admitted.

Mark frowned and hugged her tightly, "it was not a bad idea, just bad timing."

Ashley leaned into his frame as he rubbed her back soothingly.

The ride back to the Kerwin/ Isaacs house was quiet, and when the pulled up into the driveway Kate was standing there ready to unleash her Mom-itude. Before Ashley could say a word Mark walked up to her mother, "Mrs. Kerwin I'd like to apologize. After we got done at the library we went back to my place and took in a movie. I recommend that you never watch the _Never Ending Story_ as it clearly is never-ending. Waiting for the movie to end both of us could no longer fight fatigue and fell asleep on my couch. We really only just woke up not to long ago and I'm truly sorry for any distress this might've cause you and Mr. Isaacs…"

"Mark…enough," Kate said and looked to her daughter, "go to bed, we'll talk about this in the morning." She turned back to her daughter's boyfriend and smiled warmly, "strike one Mark…Ashley's grounded for three weeks. You're welcome to come over but she's not allowed to leave the house."

Mark smiled, "thank you Mrs. Kerwin."

"Go home Mark…" and on that last note Kate followed her daughter inside.

-X-

Marco and Spinner walked to the Dot together, after Spinner found it easier to meet up with Danielle and then go from there. The entire five minute walk was filled with Spinners thoughts on the new girl in his life. They were sitting on the bench outside when Danielle walked up with Scotty carefully leading the way from his special harness. "You have company," Danielle said simply.

"How'd you…"

"his cologne, it doesn't even remotely smell like something you would wear," he said simply.

"I'm Marco…Spinner's friend," Marco said about ready to reach out to shake a hand she wasn't quite prepared for. Instead he leaned forward and rested his hands gently on her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. "You're much prettier than Spinner said you were."

Danielle laughed, "Taz talks about me?"

"Taz?" Marco said looking at Spinner who just shrugged it off. Marco shook his head, and looked to his watch, "I'm off…Mama's making fresh ravioli's tonight," he muttered, "it was nice meeting you Danielle, you kids behave," he said before shoving his hands into the pockets of his designer jeans and walking home, casually looking over his shoulder and watching Spinner's body language that was giving off signs of nervousness. He smirked, perhaps it was a good thing Danielle was blind, it gave Spinner an advantage. "So…" Spinner said nervously, "what do you want to do?"

Danielle shrugged, "did you have anything in mind?"

"Not really," he mumbled, "not really good at planning stuff."

Danielle smiled in his direction, "I'm sure you can think of something."

Spinner looked across the street, "wanna go to the park?"

Danielle looked at Spinner, "where's there a park?"

"Across the street," he said reaching for her hand and finding it ready to grasp his.

"I haven't been to the park since I was six," Danielle confessed.

"Really?" Spinner asked, "you've been missing out," he told her as he led her to the swings and eased onto the rubber seat and bent down to take off Scottie's harness. "Is he gunna be alright like that?" he asked as she set the harness off to the side.

"He'll be alright, he just wants to be a dog sometimes," she answered and grasped the chains of the swing and pushed off with her feet, pumping her legs back and forth and propelling herself into the air.

Spinner watched her carefully as she smiled as the air breezed passed her, she was so content with just the simplicity of swinging back and forth on the swing that it was just as refreshing for him. "So…is there anything else you like to do at the park?" he asked.

"Well I used to play tag."

"Tag?"

"Before I lost my eyesight."

"How'd…" Spinner changed his mind, "I'm sorry, forget I asked."

Danielle's smile faded, "it's fine," she said softly, "retinoblastoma."

"Rhinoblastedtomato?"

Danielle laughed, "retinoblastoma, it's an eye cancer…"

Spinner shuddered at the word _cancer_. "well you're alive," he said bluntly.

"yes, and very lucky to be," Danielle answered, not happy with the tone in his voice.

"My dad died of cancer…"

"I'm sorry," she said reaching her hand out in the direction of his voice.

"don't be," he answered hooking her fingers with his and swinging in sync with her. "I mean it sucks, but shit happens," he answered.

Danielle could tell by the sound of his voice that the conversation needed to be directed in another direction. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

Spinner smiled, "starving."

"Have anywhere in mind?" she asked as she drug her feet in an attempt to stop the swing.

"Um…"Spinner thought for a moment as he hopped off his swing midflight and assisted Danielle in stopping hers. "there's a nice pizza place a couple of blocks down…Luigi's"

"their pizza is good."

"food is good," she said with a smile.

Spinner's eyes got bright and smiled wider than he could possibly imagine himself smiling. He'd met a cute girl…with an appetite and love for food. He was almost positive in that moment that he'd met his soul mate.

-X-

Spinner walked into his home with a smile on his face, and it probably would have continued to stay that way if he hadn't walked past Kendra's room and heard a sob. Spinner backed up quietly and found himself standing outside his sister's room patiently listening for what he'd thought he'd heard the first time by.

He pushed open the door and found Kendra laying on her bed, face down. "What do you want?" she sobbed into her duvet cover.

Spinner walked in, "why are you crying?"

Kendra sat up quickly, enraged by Spinner inability to comprehend the situation. "Are you really that dense?" she asked.

Spinner looked at Kendra, her eyes puffy and red from crying, and then he looked at the framed picture of her and their father, it was probably the last picture of him before his diagnosis, before the chemo, before the viewing.

He walked over to her bed and sat down silently and picked up the picture, resting it in his lap. "I miss him too you know."

"It really shows," Kendra said wiping her eyes.

"Just because I don't sit in my room and cry over him doesn't mean I don't miss him," he snapped.

Kendra paled and her face went from one of sorry to one of anger as she glared at her brother, "out," she said and pointed to the door.

"No…you can't just tell me to leave, I'm older than you!" he argued.

"but it's my room," she argued.

"It doesn't matter, I'm older and what I say goes."

"Spinner…please leave."

"No…"

Spinner looked around the room. It had been a while since he'd spent any time with his sister at all, let alone in her room. Her walls were bright and cheerful shades of blues, and her posters littered nearly all of them. Kendra's clean and meticulous room was the complete opposite of Spinner's sty, just as they were complete opposites of siblings in looks and personality.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Apology not accepted," she muttered.

"It's just it really pissed me off to hear you say that I don't care that he's gone, that I don't miss him at all, just because I don't act like you or Mom."

"And I never said you had to…" Kendra said, "but you don't come with us when we go to visit him, you don't want to talk about him, you didn't even cry at the funeral."

"Maybe because I didn't want to cry."

Kendra stared at her brother, it had never occurred to her that perhaps he was playing the strong tree keeping her and their mother grounded through all of it. Suddenly she felt overly emotional, and wondered if she could blame it on teenage hormones, "I'm sorry," she said. "I just assumed…"

"Just assumed that I'm breezing through life without a care in the world?" he asked, "that I don't wish Dad was there in the stands during soccer matches or to see me graduate."

Kendra cracked a smile, "you? Graduate?"

Spinner found his lip curling up into a smile, "that's my little sister," he said ruffling her dark head of hair. "Look…if you want, I'll go with you tomorrow."

Kendra smiled wider, "thanks…" she said as she pushed away his still ruffling hand from her head, "are we still on for Fullmetal Alchemist night?" she asked him quietly.

Spinner laughed, "if you still want to translate all the Japanese for me."

Kendra relented, "we can watch the dubbed version," she said with such a tone that it sounded like the thought of watching anime dubbed left a nasty taste in her mouth.

Spinner laughed and pulled her into a headlock, "it wouldn't kill you to do it just once."

She smiled and pushed him away as he jumped to his feet and headed to his room. Kendra climbed off her bed and walked to the door frame and peered down the hall into his room. Having a brother was something she nearly didn't have the privilege of having, she was lucky to have been adopted by the Masons, and though she couldn't stand Spinner sometimes, like any normal sibling would, she couldn't help but love him. Family was something you could always count on.

-X-

"Soo?" Marco drawled out as he and Spinner sat down on the steps outside the school. Spinner looked at him with confusion. "The date," Marco clarified, "with that girl…"

Spinner's eyes widened, "oh it went good."

"Well Spin, it went well…please tell me you at least studied for Kwan's exam?"

"I looked at the study guide?" Spinner answered with an innocent shrug of his shoulder and his trademark goofy smile.

Marco gently patted his friend on the back at the bell rang and they walked to their homeroom, "I'm sure you'll pass somehow." Marco adjusted his bag as it rested on his shoulder, "so what did you do with the lovely Danielle?"

"Oh..Dani and I went to the park and then grabbed a bite to it at Luigi's" he answered simply.

"That's it?"

"What else is there to tell?"

"no dirt?"

Spinner furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "was there supposed to be?"

"Not necessarily, but I mean you two did nothing but go to the park and eat?" Marco inquired. For some odd reason he had expected to hear more details about the date. Part of him was hoping there was enough of a physical attraction between the two to make the pair something a little less temporary.

"Well I mean we talked and stuff," he answered, "but other than that it was a pretty normal first date."

"Oh," Marco responded, the tone of disappointment in his voice.

"You disappointed?"

"Just a little"

"Dude…I'm a gentleman," Spinner responded.

"That you are pookie-bear," Paige said coming up from behind, and pinching his cheek before passing by on the way to her locker. Marco watched as she sashayed her hips from side to side to garner Spinner's attention.

"Yea, we talked about lots of stuff," Spinner continued, unfazed by Paige's interaction with him. "She wasn't always blind, apparently she suffered from rhinoblastedtomatoes…it's an eye cancer," he said proudly, having the knowledge of what it was, but not necessarily how to pronounce it.

Marco stifled a laugh at his pronunciation, "any other fun facts about the mystery lady?"  
"She likes chili-cheese fries, listening to rugby matches, her favorite color is yellow…or was yellow, I guess it's still yellow, and her favorite band is some group called _Funeral for a Friend_."

"Ooh Elton John," Marco muttered.

"No man, _Funeral for a Friend_."

"I heard you Spinner…but Funeral for a Friend is an Elton John song. It transitions into the song _Love Lies Bleeding_?"

Spinner shrugged, "sorry man…but hey!" he pointed out, "didn't he do some stuff for the Lion King?" Spinner pondered for a moment, "I love that movie."

Marco rolled his eyes, "yes he did the soundtrack for the Lion King."

"score…two points for the Taz-man."

"the what now?"  
"Taz…that's what…"

"Danielle calls you," Marco answered for himself, "why exactly?"

Spinner shrugged as the walked into Kwan's class, "no idea, but I kinda like it."

Marco just laughed as he slid into his seat.

The smile on Spinner's face seemed to disappear as Ms. Kwan handled the stack of exams on her desk, and then moving on smoothly to the stack of answer sheets. He groaned and slammed his head against the table, he definitely should have studied. The bell rang and she handed out the tests, the test and answer booklet seemed to be heavier than his book bag as he was sure it sounded like a weight hitting the table top. He was mortified. Spinner turned to Marco who gave him a reassuring smile before turning to Ms. Kwan, whose glare reminded him that he needed to get at least a B on this final to pass for the year.

Sighing he looked down at the test and opened his answer booklet. He took a deep breath and carefully worked through his test, hoping he knew as much as he thought he knew. But he barely made it through the first page as the anxiety of testing in the capacity filled room got to him. He just wanted to relax and he couldn't do it in a room full of testers. He raised his hand and Ms. Kwan walked up to his table, "Ms. Kwan…would it be alright if I took the test in the hall? Or another room?"

She eyed him carefully. Over the years of having Spinner as a student she learned that he often did better when making up a test, when the room was empty and he was the only one in it. "Take your test down to Mr. Simpson's room, it should be empty this period, I'll write you a pass."

Spinner smiled. He just might pass this year after all.

-X-

"Okay," Manny said walking into the Nelson-Simpson home. "I've got _10 Things I Hate About You_, _Drive Me Crazy_, and _Legally Blonde_," she said shuffling through the videos she'd brought over, "did you make the popcorn?"

Emma narrowed her eyes, "popcorn?"

"Girls night in…movies, popcorn…gossip?" Manny said plopping down on the couch next to Emma who sat curled up under a blanket.

Emma stared blankly at her friend, "I'm not really in the mood for --- " and the door bell rang, interrupting her, "who's at the door?"

"Just Liberty... with the Pizza…" Manny answered, making her _please don't hit me I'm only trying to help _face.

Emma sighed, "fine whatever…"

"It's veggie pizza?" Manny said questioning her self, wondering if it would help the situation at all. It had been at least a week since the intervention, and Manny had given up her entire social life and dedicated the time and energy to Emma, to their friendship. Emma smiled softly at Manny…she was trying. Manny smiled back and rushed to the door.

"Sorry I'm late," Liberty said passing off the two large pizzas as she rushed past her unbuttoning her suit jacket, "debate club ran a little long."

"It's alright," Manny said as she carried the pizza to the kitchen as Liberty trailed behind, casually catching a glimpse of Emma curled up, all melancholy with the remote attached to her hand.

"How is she doing?" Liberty asked.

Manny shrugged, "better than she was," she said trying to keep her voice low.

Liberty sighed and nodded to Emma's basement bedroom, "just gunna change real quick," Liberty muttered.

"Hurry up," Manny said pulling out some paper plates from the cabinet and portioning out some pizza.

"I want a smaller piece," Emma said standing in the kitchen wrapped up in the throw from the couch. Manny frowned. "Please…"

Manny sighed, "fine, but you better eat lots of smaller pieces," she said cutting the slice in half.

"Emma," Liberty said coming up from the basement, "you ready for some girls night fun?"

Emma tried her hardest to not to roll her eyes. It wasn't very often that Liberty and fun could be intertwined. But she had to admit, perhaps the girls night out may be just the thing she needed. "So what movie are we watching first?" Emma asked.

"I vote for _Legally Blonde_," Liberty answered as she curled up on the couch next to Emma.

"You would…wouldn't you," Emma sneered playfully.

"What?" Liberty question, "what's wrong with liking a movie with a strong female lead?"

"Absolutely nothing," Manny interrupted, popping in the movie.

"Thank you," Liberty said and reached for a slice of pizza from the box Manny set on the coffee table. She casually looked over at Emma was nibbled at her half-slice. The opening credits rolled and Manny squealed in excitement as she jumped onto the last seat on the couch with her slice of pizza.

"I love girls night in," Manny confessed and looked to Emma, who was completely focused on her half-slice of pizza. "Em…" Manny said trying to grab her best friend's attention. Emma turned to the brunette, "just let go tonight," she pleaded.

Emma smiled weakly. She would try. If not for herself, then for Manny; because her best friend had sacrificed more than just a Friday night for her sake, she'd been there every night that past week and had bailed on Craig on at least three different occasions since the intervention. Despite Manny's current demeanor of smiles and laughs her devotion to her was creating a rift in Manny and Craig's relationship. If this had been a year earlier, when Craig stumbled into town with his camera draped around his neck Emma couldn't have been happier. But this was different. Because Emma no longer had a puppy love crush on Craig, and the pair had already been through more than anyone would have wished on their worst enemy to want them to break apart.

Three movies, a box of pizza, three bowls of popcorn, and various liters of soda later the three girls laid curled up under the covers on the couch of the Simpson-Nelson house. "Truth or Dare, Manny," Liberty smirked.

"Truth…" she muttered, knowing fully well, a sugared up Liberty playing _truth or dare _could lead to some colorful dares. Truth was the safest choice.

"How **big** is Craig…_really_?"

Manny blushed, "big enough?"

"come on Manny…you picked truth," Emma urged.

Manny sighed, "well I mean I don't really have anything to compare it to except JT's stack of dimes…" she answered referencing a moment in time where she and Liberty had been hot-tubbing with Toby and the aforementioned. "I guess it's gotta be like a roll and a half of quarters?" she said shrugging her shoulders, unsure of her answer.

The girls giggled.

"Alright…" Manny said quieting them, "Emma…truth or dare."

"Dare," she answered without a second thought.

"_I _ _dare you _to call Toby and tell him you want to go out on a date."

"Ew? Toby, no way."

"You picked **dare** Emma."

"But Toby?"

"Fine…um," Manny struggled to think of someone.

"Jay Hogart," Liberty piped up. Manny's jaw just dropped to the floor.

"No. Way. In. Hell."

"Well it's either Toby or Jay," Manny argued.

Emma frowned, "give me my phone."

Manny squealed and giggled as she passed the Emma's cell phone to her. She watched as Emma scanned through her contacts, and dialed. The phone rang…and the two other girls on the couch waited with anticipation to find out who she was calling.

"Hello…Jay?"

Liberty almost let out a scream of disbelief as a stunned silent Manny clamped her hand over her friend's mouth.

"it's Emma…" Emma frowned, "Yes GreenPeace…I was just wondering if you wanted to go out sometime."

Manny and Liberty watched in silence as the heard Emma's side of the conversation.

"I don't know if I'd be down for seal clubbing," Emma answered rolling her eyes, not stunned at all by Jay's demeanor, "Sunday? Oh I'm squeezed in between two other dates? How wonderful Jayson," her eyes continued to roll. "Seven…got it." She hung up.

"Are you serious?" Manny asked.

"Yea, Emma… I wasn't expecting you to pick Jay…it was just a joke," Liberty added.

Emma smirked, "it's just Jay Hogart…how bad could it be?"

-X-

Sean slumped down into a chair in the break room at the garage. The week was getting harder. He never thought the job he always wanted would be so tough. Jay had powered through three clients in five hours, while Sean was struggling with his first. Jay was definitely in his element, Sean however…was floundering. And it was obvious. Looking up at the snack machine he got up and dug his hands into his pockets looking for spare change. He smirked to himself. It hadn't been to long ago that he had joined up with the _Candy Bandits_. Dropping the change into the coin slot he watched the numbers add up as he tried to decide on a snack.

"Go for 4-D," Jay muttered as he walked into the break room and pulled up a chair.

"Twix?" Sean asked.

"One for me, one for you," Jay said, "I'm starving."

Sean rolled his eyes and punched in 4 and then D and watched as the Twix bar fell to the bottom of the snack machine. Snatching up the candy he walked over to the table, ripping open the packaging and tossing the other piece of candy at his friend. "So how's Mel's car coming along?" Sean asked. "That is her name right? Mel?"

Jay nodded, "it's alright, I'm still having trouble trying to figure out what's up with her check engine light. I can honestly say there's about a dozen things that came up as possibilities but I think it's her transmission."

"Ouch."

"Oh I know…and she ain't gunna be happy to hear how much it's gunna cost her." Jay took a large bite out of the candy bar and through his mouth full of food managed to mutter out, "what about you and vampy? Any plans for this weekend?"

Sean shrugged, "I have to finish up the Peterson's car and then the Frankenwelder's SUV before I can even think about plans with Ellie."

Suddenly Jay's phone rang, "Yullo…" he muttered into it. "Green Peace?" he asked. Sean's ears perked up as he muttered "Emma?"

Jay nodded, and held up a finger, "a date? Well lets see, I'm doing some seal clubbing later on this weekend if you'd like to come…oh no seal clubbing? Eh how does Sunday sound?" Sean looked confused while Jay looked as though he couldn't hold in a laugh. "See then Green Peace."

"What the hell was that about?" Sean asked.

"Well I thought I heard giggling in the background so I'm pretty sure it was a dare," Jay said as he closed his phone, "You don't mind do you?"

"Nah," Sean said casually while trying to fathom if Jay were telling the truth about it probably being a dare or if Emma really wanted to date him. "She's all yours…just be nice."

Jay laughed his typical devilish laugh and pocketed his phone. "I'll catch you later, I gotta finish up and get home, I may have the parental units returning home this evening and I'd hate to find it a sty and have to deal with Mother's rants about the state of the house."

Sean nodded understandingly. He too had to finish up a few things for the night before he could return home. In the back of his mind all he wanted to do was curl up on the couch with Ellie and watch some horrible movie she picked out. But he had to focus on the work at hand.

-X-

Jay put his key into the lock of his front door and walked into the house, "Hey Lex---" he started to call out but stopped midway as he caught sight of Alex and Paige in close proximity on the couch. He could have sworn for a moment they were about to kiss but he shook his head as though he'd been blinded by the sight of something horrible. They turned to see him standing in the doorway, "Um…" he muttered. "My parents are coming home tomorrow, we gotta get this place cleaned up."

"Oh…" Alex said, her heart racing from the anxiety of Jay walking in at precisely the right moment. She was sure for a second that she and Paige were about to cross the platonic line and slip somewhere off into _possibly attracted land_. She glanced at Paige who looked horrified and busted at the same time. "Um, I guess I gotta clean up."

"Yea, I uh…" Paige paused trying to find an excuse to leave, "I gotta go…dinner."

"Yea…dinner…gotta eat and all." Alex watched as Paige grabbed her purse and hurried out the door.

As the door slammed shut Alex jumped off the couch and quickly began to tidy up. "What the hell was that?" Jay asked.

"What?" Alex asked, trying to sound as clueless as possible.

"Did you like kiss her or something?"

"What are you talking about Jay?"

"Man…you two looked like you got caught with your hands in the cookie jar."

Alex rolled her eyes as he just stood by the door, "I thought we had to get this place cleaned up."

"Yea we do…but I wanna know what's up with the lesbian hanky panky going on on my couch."

"Lesbian…hanky panky?" Alex asked trying to suppress a laugh. "There was nothing of the sort…she had an stray eye lash and I was just taking care of it for her."

"Looked like you were taking care of something else if you ask me."

"Will you quit acting like a douche bag and help me clean up _your_ house."

Jay rolled his eyes. He knew what he'd seen, and he knew what would have happened if he had walked in just a few seconds later. And that bothered the hell out of him, because he'd always prided himself on the fact that he could get any pair of legs he wanted, and the one that had put up with him the longest was playing for the other team. It was a major blow to the balls.

He tossed his keys on the kitchen table and started to throw the sink full of dirty dishes into the dishwasher while trying to wash the image of Paige and Alex looking way too cozy on his favorite piece of furniture in the house. He groaned, he needed to twist this and decided the only way to fix the image in his head was turn it into a fantasy and seat himself on the couch between the two and turn the twosome into a threesome.

-X-

Tracker slowly filed through the mail as he walked from the mail box just outside the door. Since moving in with Ellie the sight of bills no longer gave him the stress headache he was so used to getting. But there was one envelope that he knew would give Ellie her very own stress headache as he looked at the return address and the sender. _Judy Nash_. "El…mail," Tracker said as he shoved that specific envelope to the bottom of her pile.

Ellie smiled and reached for the pile as she walked towards the couch where she planned on spending the last night before the last day of school before summer. "Credit applications, college brochure…_Mom_…"

Ellie nervously tore open the envelope and looked over the delicate scrawl of her mother's handwriting. Tracker watched her carefully, worried about the purpose of the letter and what it could possibly do to Ellie.

"Well…?" He asked as she folded up the letter and walked to the kitchen where she tossed it in the trash.

"She was just writing to let me know when her court date was and that she wants me to be there."

"Will you?"

"No…" she answered, the sound of assurance in her voice.

"Not even taking a second to think about it?" Tracker asked.

Ellie shrugged her shoulders, "don't need to…" she turned to walk up to her room.

"Ellie…"

"…she wants me to help her out, wants me to testify," she answered angrily as she spun on her heels to face him.

"you don't even want to go to see the outcome?"

"I don't want to go period, she only cares about herself and I'm not about to help her save her hide."

"Fine…I get it…conversation is over," Tracker said backing off.

"I'm sorry," Ellie apologized for her defensiveness.

"It's fine Ellie." Tracker drummed his fingers on the table for a moment, "I wanted to turn my parents in once."

Ellie looked at him funny, "they had been drinking all day," he explained, "and Sean was maybe six years old and did something to set them off, I still to this day don't know what he did, and I'll probably never know considering he doesn't remember it happening."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I came home from school and Sean was unconscious lying in the corner…they'd roughed him up a bit more than someone should rough up a six year old boy."

"Why didn't you turn them in?"

"I was scared…there was no proof of which one of them had done it, and I wasn't prepared to grow up through the foster care system, let alone to be separated from Sean."

Ellie hung her head, "it doesn't seem fair."

"Life isn't fair," he answered, "but if you want to do what you think is right, go right on and do it. You don't deserve to have the guilty feeling of letting her get away with her decision to drink, drive, and have no guilt for what she did what so ever."

Ellie smiled weakly, "thanks…"

Tracker ruffled her hair lightly before returning to the table as Ellie pulled the letter from the trash and shuffled her feet up to her room before she flopped down on her bed, the letter grasped lightly in her hand.

Unfolding the piece of paper she reread over the letter:

_Eleanor,_

_I know you're not pleased with me, nor is your father. As I'm sure he's told you, we're in the beginnings of a divorce. I just want you to know that I'll still love you, even though you haven't been to visit since you came with your father. When this is all over, I'm sure I can clear everything up, and we can be a happy family again. _

_I am just writing to you to let you know that I need your help. My lawyer says I should present a character witness to help me with my defense. Someone who can give the judge a clear view of the kind of person I am. I know I can trust you to do what is right. _

_I'll see you in court. I love you._

_Mom._

Ellie tried her hardest not to laugh. "I know I can trust you to do what is right?" she said to herself. "Is she kidding herself?" Ellie and her mother had been on the road to nowhere since the day she moved out. It had been her last straw when she moved in with Tracker and Sean, it had been the last time she still held any respect for her. This letter only proved how distorted Judy Nash's view of the world was. Never in a million years would Ellie have expected this from anyone else.

But this hadn't been anyone else, it was her mother; the woman who, as long as her father was around, was a model mother and housewife. Ellie thought about her childhood and couldn't remember a single moment when her mother didn't fall apart the second her father was shipped out over seas. Things had always been easier when he was a Commanding Officer on post, mostly dealing with new recruits, he would be home for dinner and able to go to parent's night at school. Back when one could consider them a traditional family.

Ellie wouldn't budge on this though. In situations such as this, Ellie would turn to her father for advice. She looked back at the photo of him and her on her bedside table and new exactly what her father would want her to do. Be true to herself and to help her mother. And the only way to help Judy Nash now was to introduce her to the harshness that is…reality.

'_What's that expression_?' Ellie thought to herself as she crumpled up the letter, '_the truth will set you free?_' She shook her head with a disappointed smile, "Well the truth will most certainly set you free Mom…just not in the way that you're hoping."

And with that Ellie's decision was made.

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, I know it's been FOREVER. I apologize but when you get busy/uninspired you really can't write as much no matter how much you want to. But anyways Happy Holidays to all you readers still sticking through it. For those that celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas here's your present. (Not sure about when Festivus or Kwanzaa are celebrated or if you get presents but either way...you get a gift of my unedited version of this chapter). As for the song choice for the chapter. It's for Jay...and as I finish up the next chapter you'll understand why...lets just say he's learning to let go and move on...

And if any of you haven't seen or heard while floating around on YouTube Firetears made me a wonderful trailer that features some of the lovely OCs in the story you can find a link for it in my profile (I was sure I put one there as soon as it went up, but it didn't stick so I'm doing it again.)

Thanks for reading everyone and have a wonderful holiday and a happy new year to all.

MJ


	13. Chapter 13

_There's nothing simple when it comes to you and I,_

_There's always something in this everchanging life,_

_And there probably always will._

_Now that time is getting harder to come by,_

_The same arguments are always on our mind._

_We've killed this slowly fading light._

Rise Against / Everchanging

"Nash, Eleanor?" the guard called out as Ellie waited patiently for her chance to speak to her mother. She stood slowly at the call of her name and walked up to the guard who motioned to see her purse. This was the second time it had been checked, and it would probably be the second time she was about to be patted down. Ellie breathed a sigh of relief as the patting down ended when she checked in. She was led to a small room where she found her mother waiting sitting in her prison uniform and looking a disheveled mess.

"Eleanor…" Judy breathed softly as she rose to hug her daughter, who politely declined.

"No…" Ellie said gently holding up a hand to stop her, "I just came to tell you my response in person."

"So you'll come to the hearing?" Judy asked expectantly.

"No," Ellie said easily, "I won't be there to testify or otherwise."

"But I'm your mother."

"No…" Ellie said, "you're supposed to be my mother. But nothing you've done as of late has led me to believe that to be true."

"Eleanor gave birth to you, raised you…" Judy was clearly becoming angry as color rose to her face in disdain to her daughter, whom she was starting to believe to be ungrateful.

"But do you love me?"

"Of course I love you."

"For who I am? All of me, right on down to the not so pretty?"

"Eleanor I don't understand what you're getting at."

"Clearly because you've been sober for quite a while that you've forgotten arguing with me at the top of the stairs and tugging on me until you let me go down, broke my arm, dropped me off in a mental hospital and didn't visit, called me a freak and didn't even bother to look for me for weeks after I left."

Judy's jaw dropped. "You ungrateful little bitch…you really think anyone would want you after your attention seeking pity party? You've got no one but me."

Ellie pressed her lips together and nodded, "I guess I've got my answer then." She stood up to leave and her mother quickly beat her in the race to stand. Judy snatched up Ellie's hand. Ellie looked down at her wrist that her mother's hand was wrapped around tightly. "Let go," she demanded.

"You're nothing but a slut Ellie, that's the only reason why that stupid boy is still with you, your father doesn't even want to stick around for either of us, you've got no one _**but**_ me."

Ellie looked at her mother, a serious look plastered on her pasty face. And she started to laugh. Judy released her daughter's arm. "I've got an entire world of friends that are more like family than you'll ever be, thanks for proving to me **why** I won't be in the courtroom, though I'll be sad to miss the deliberation." Ellie walked out of small cell-like room and smiled as she left her mother standing alone.

Tracker was waiting outside the station leaning against his bike his customized helmet resting on the seat and his spare under his arm. He held out the spare helmet for Ellie as she walked up to him, a confident smile on her face, "thought you could use the ride home," he muttered. He knew that she had been planning on visiting her mom today and had taken the bus to get down town to the station. Ellie smiled brighter, and with the adrenaline, caused by standing up to her mother for what was hopefully the last time she would need to, was coursing through her veins there was no turning down a ride from a good friend on the back of a very fast bike.

…

Ashley smiled brightly as she walked up to Mark as he worked. She set a CD down on the table and looked up at him as he rang her up, "one more final and I'm all yours." The smile on her face faded as she noticed his lips hadn't curled up at her statement.

"I've been meaning to tell you…I'm taking summer classes to make up for the ones I missed while recovering from surgery."

Ashley shrugged, "it's alright," she said softly as she fumbled through her wallet for a few dollars and slid them across the counter, "we'll you're free nights and weekends right?"

"What am I a cell phone plan?" he said with a smirk.

Ashley giggled, "well are we still down for tonight?"

Mark bagged up her CD and kissed her on the cheek, "of course Sweets," he muttered into her cheek. She smiled and pulled away. "Tonight," he called after her as she walked out of the music shop, "my place?"

Ashley nodded, "of course."

She felt every ounce of self esteem she still held high drop to the pit of her stomach. Granted school should always be a high priority, the fact that she was being passed over wasn't the best feeling in the world. She hung her head and headed over to the comic book shop in the mall, where she found Toby lingering in the Anime section, filing through stacks of manga.

"Hey," she muttered, trying to steal her step brother's attention away from colorful books covered in Japanese characters.

"Hm?" Toby managed, "what do you think…?" and held up two distinctly different books.  
"Does it matter?" she asked.

"Kendra's birthday is coming up, I thought I'd get her something," he said setting them back on the shelf and looking through the special books on the art of some of Kendra's favorite shows.

"I thought you and Kendra broke up?" Ashley looked around the store, and felt completely out of place surrounded by super heroes and animated characters.

"We did…" Toby shrugged, "but it's still her birthday, and last time I checked I thought we were friends." He looked up at her, "you think it's a bad idea, don't you?"

"I don't know what to tell you Tobes," she said toying with the plastic bag she held, holding her CD.

"So something not too heartfelt then?" he asked. Ashley smiled at him. Toby was quite possibly the sweetest boy she'd ever met, and hated that he'd had his heart broken by Spinner's little sister. Majority of her wanted to jump into big sister mode and confront the girl, but she never got around to it. "I'll just buy her some Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards or something, it'll give her a nice laugh." Toby snatched up a pack of cards and walked up to the counter.

"Sounds like a good choice."

Ashley followed behind him as he politely paid the cashier and swung his plastic bag back and forth, a confident smile on his face as he pocketed the receipt. He turned to his step sister. "You know, I like this…"

Ashley sent him a confused smile, "like what?"

"This…hanging out," Toby answered. Never in a million years would he expect his older step sister to give him the time of day, let alone accompany him on an excursion to the mall.

Ashley smiled, "we both needed to go to the mall, it was just easier for Mom to drop us off."

"But you didn't have to come find me…you could have just waited for Kate at the entrance, like you usually do."

Ashley shrugged, "things change," she muttered as they walked around the crowed mall.

"I guess so," Toby said looking at her for a moment and then forward, "you've come a long way since bribing me and JT to win an election," he said with a smirk.

Ashley rolled her eyes, "a momentary lapse of judgment on my part," she answered confidently. She'd been an only child most of her life, it was only in recent years that she had a brother thrown into the family circus. It was a tough adjustment, but the bigger the family, the more love there was to go around.

"Hey!" he shouted as they passed a smoothie bar, "wanna buy your favorite step brother a smoothie?"

Ashley laughed, "you're my only brother…" she checked her wallet, "sure," she answered passing him a few spare dollars. "But you owe me!" she shouted as he shuffled his way through the throngs of people to grab a snack.

…

Ashley drummed her nails atop the white keys of her electric piano waiting for something to come out of her head. She was back and forth between ups and downs. Her muse came and went with band practices full of angst and frustration, but she was failing in attempts to find her voice when she was alone. She wanted to write, but the right words never came. She wanted to sing out from the rooftops but her voice was lost. Ashley pressed her fingers down into the keys and listened as the most unflattering sounding chord matched her frustration with it all.

She rolled her eyes and pushed herself away from the piano. It wasn't even worth it to try and force out something, it was more agonizing than anything to be so forceful with herself. It had been weeks since she'd seen Mark and his attention for her seemed to match her muse's attention for her as well. Curling up on her bed she pulled a blanket over her head and screamed into her pillow. Her boyfriend had no time for her and she couldn't even find the words to express it through her favorite medium. Everything felt like it was out of control, at least with the end of finals comes the end of school. At least for a few months.

Ashley allowed herself to smile as she remembered the end of the year party her circle of friends were planning. An afternoon at the beach with Paige, Hazel, Marco, Jimmy, Spinner, Ellie and…she paused. And Craig. The smile wiped itself from her face. Even if a few band practices with Craig were going well, it didn't mean she was ready to really deal with him.

Maybe things could be easier if they'd fallen apart amicably. But he had cheated on her. It was like he ripped her heart straight out of her chest, stomped on it, spit on it, burnt it to a crisp and handed it back to her expecting her to be okay with its condition.

She was lucky things with Jimmy were still decent. Their first major crumble had crumbled fast and furiously, the second time, Jimmy may have been caught off guard, but they were still able to be friendly. Ashley wasn't sure she could handle it if she had to spend the afternoon with two ex-boyfriends. One who's heart she broke, the other who broke hers.

She threw herself down on her piano and rested her head against the cold keys. She hated the position she was in. She had loved. She had loved and lost. And now she was loving and felt like she wasn't being loved. She just wished Mark would just call every know and then. Just to know that he'd been thinking of her.

No such calls came.

But she understood. He'd missed too many days of classes and fallen behind. He needed to catch up. There was no reason why she should be feeling so selfish, so needy. She wasn't either of those things.

Ashley heard a faint buzzing and saw her cell phone vibrating on her night stand. Walking over she glanced at the screen hesitantly. Her caller ID read…

"Mark!" Ashley said excitedly into the phone.

"Hey Sweets," he answered, the tone in his voice tired and weak.

"Everything okay?" she asked sitting down on her bed and leaning back against the pillow.

"Eh, not really, I know I planned on coming over tonight, but I'm exhausted, can we reschedule?"

Ashley frowned, "yea it's fine, rest up…"

Mark smiled into the phone, "love you Sweets, I'll call you tomorrow," he said.

"love you too…"

She set down the phone and stared up at her ceiling. Was it so wrong that she wanted a few peaceful moments with her boyfriend? She sure as hell didn't think so. Five minutes would be fine. Really.

Her cell phone danced on her night stand again. Without even a glance at the screen, "Hello?"

"Um…I didn't think you were going to answer."

Ashley frowned, "what do you want Craig?"

"Are you alright?"

Ashley wiped a falling tear from her cheek. "I'm fine."

"Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to come over early tomorrow before practice, and work on some music."

"why do you need me to come over early?"

"because we work better alone?"

She sighed.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine…and fine."

"fine?"

"I'll be there early."

She hung up.

Ashley hadn't even bothered with a courteous goodbye. She just wasn't in the mood.

…

"Anymore--- anymore anymore---" Craig crooned as he played his guitar, "check the exposure something's wrong with this picture (1)…" He tapped his thumb against the wood grain of his acoustic guitar and looked up to see Ashley standing in the doorway of his garage and quickly stopped playing. She began to set up her keyboard.

"Sounds good…that one of yours?" she asked as she powered up, and checked her sound.

Craig shook his head and his mop of hair swished back and forth, "nah…just some band I like." He set aside his guitar and picked up his camera and snapped a picture of Ashley, her hair curled and unruly around her face. She quickly held up a hand in front of her face.

"You know I don't like having my picture taken when I look like this," she muttered and he set the camera down. She had come to band practice in loose fitted sweatpants and a fitted tank top and zip up hoodie. She looked completely comfortable, and despite the dressed down impression she was giving off, Craig was sure she still looked good. She _always_ looked good.

"Sorry," he apologized and picked up his guitar and began to strum random chords.

"Mark's not coming tonight…he's got to study," she said as she tickled the keys of her keyboard.

"Ellie's gunna be late…she's got a solo sesh with Crescent," he muttered.

"Please tell me it's not the two of us..."

"Spin's on at the Dot until seven…so yea, it's just the two of us until El and Spin show up."

Ashley slumped down at her keyboard, "are you kidding me?" She wasn't in the mood.

"I kid you not…" Craig said and continued to fiddle with his guitar. He heard her groan as she toyed with the keys. "Am I that bad to be around?" he responded as another groan escaped her lips.

"Yea, you are." She looked up at him, "I agreed to come early, to work on music, not to be stranded here with you for a few hours…"

Craig strummed a nasty sounding chord, and nearly tossed his guitar aside. "Are we seriously going to act like this?"

Ashley rolled her eyes, "do you know what this is like for me?" She slammed her fingers down into the keys letting out a horrible tone, "I'm in a band…with my ex…who cheated on me for months, all because I wouldn't have sex with him because I wasn't ready. Somehow I feel like the bad guy and like it's all my fault, but it's not, it's your fault, and I can't stand being in the same room with you…without having some sort of third party to step in when necessary." She paused and looked around, "like right now for instance."

Craig groaned. "It's _always_ my fault isn't it?"

Ashley fought the urge to pack up her keyboard, "you know what…I hate you, and clearly I didn't mean anything to you or you wouldn't have cheated on me with a fourteen year old girl. It's obvious that you don't want me here, and you don't want me in this band."

"Ash…" he watched as she ignored him and played a tune on her keyboard. "Ash…I'm sorry."

Ashley looked up, "because I so need to hear your apologies now?"

"whatever…" he pulled his guitar onto his knee again and strummed along with her tune.

Ashley focused her attention into the tune that was coming to her in that moment and hummed along trying to find the words to match with the tune. But Craig seemed to beat her to the punch.

"Is it broken?" he crooned softly, diverting her attention, "can we work it out? Let's light up the town."

Ashley watched him cautiously. Craig had never been the one for writing music so hearing him pulling these lyrics, seemingly out of his ass was a surprise.

"So here we are now…In a place where the sun blended with the ocean thin. So thin, we stand across from each other."

She found herself caught off guard as she too was finding the lyrics to the song inside herself, "Together we'll wonder if we will last these days…If I asked you to stay would you tell me? You would be mine?"

"And time…is all I ask for. Time I just need one more day. And time you've been crying too long. Time and your tears wrote this song…stay…(2)"

Craig looked up as his fingers trailed off the strings and looked at Ashley expectantly, wondering what she was thinking about the song they just seemed to write out of thin are. He swallowed hard waiting for her to react while his blood raced through his body, laced with adrenaline.

"Can we take it from the beginning, and my play it a half step slower?" she asked confidently, trying to pretend that they didn't just write a song together.

He hung his head and smiled inside. He knew what she was doing, he was always able to read her very well.

It was nearly an hour later when they finally moved on to another tune that was flying from Ashley's mind and onto the keyboard. But the next song nearly knocked her off the wall she was sitting on, high up away from letting Craig get to her.

"And your slowly shaking finger tips show that your scared like me, so lets pretend were alone and I know you may be scared…and I know we're unprepared…But I don't care." He sang with disregard for Ashley's watch over him, her eyes and ears carefully reading the words slipping from his lips, "Tell me, tell me…what makes you think that you are invincible…I can see it in your eyes that your so sure. Please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable…impossible.(3)"

Ashley opened her mouth to respond to the song he just sang when Spinner walked in, drumsticks in hand and seemingly, ready to rock.

…

Ellie, Craig, and Callie sat on the bench at the bus stop just outside the Middleborough Center. They all missed the first bus and were waiting for the next, as group had ran a bit longer than anyone had expected, and Dr. Crescent had seemed pleased with everyone's progress. "I'm kinda glad you guys showed up for practice late last night…" Craig muttered, looking over at Ellie who was trying to untangle her ear buds.

Ellie looked at him in surprise, "well Ashley wasn't," she muttered, "I had to hear about it during the walk home." Ellie rolled her eyes, "don't you ever make me spend band practice with Craig alone ever again," she said in an attempt to mimic Ashley's voice, "_being in the same room as him is like being in a concentration camp gas chamber…believe me I know __**I researched it**_."

Craig burst out laughing at Ellie's mockery.

"Okay," Ellie muttered, "so maybe I made up that last bit…but seriously Craig, what do you expect from her, you cheated on her and got another girl pregnant, do you know what t hat's got to do to a girl's self esteem."

Callie took a drag from her cigarette, "yea Craig that's pretty brutal."

Craig threw his hands up in the air, "oh, so now you're all ganging up on me?"

"We're not ganging up on you pretty boy, we're just pointing out that you're trying to treat this as you not calling her or standing her up. You knocked up that little cutie pie…" Callie muttered tossing the butt of her cigarette into the cigarette canister next to the trash can. "Just give it time."

"It's been months…" Craig whined.

"Clearly you've never had your heart and self esteem stomped on Craig," Ellie muttered as she internally squealed with glee as she finally untangled her ear buds. "Look, just stop trying to be her friend, she'll reconcile when she's ready, not the other way around."

Craig sighed, "it could take years to warm my way through her icy stares."

"And you want me to care why?" Ellie asked.

"Because you're my friend?" Craig asked.

Ellie smiled warmly, "and I was her friend first," she slipped an ear bud into her ear and passed the other to Craig to give a listen. "Just chill out and give her time, it's the one guaranteed thing that's on your side."

"Time heals all wounds" Callie offered up.

Ellie pressed play, "Just give it up, she'll lower the draw bridge soon enough."

Craig nodded and continued to bop his head to the beat pulsing through the ear bud into his ear. "I like this," he said pointing to the ear bud in his ear.

"I think we should do a cover of this song."

Craig frowned, "come on El, you know how I feel about covering bands."

"Well stop playing Marvelous 3 songs and you won't set off signals that it's okay."

Craig smirked. It always amused him how easily Ellie would call him on his crap. He liked it. She never let him get away with anything.

"I can't make it to practice on Saturday," he muttered. Ellie turned to him.

"Why?"

"I promised Manny a date…she's been busy with Emma," he muttered, and watched as Ellie's usually stoned in features softened. "And I think she's uncomfortable with the amount of time I'm spending with _the band_."

"And by band, you mean Ash…"

Craig sucked on his bottom lip nervously, "yup."

Ellie rolled her eyes, "I don't know why she's so worried, she's the one you left Ash for."

Callie watched the two, "haven't you ever heard the saying '_if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you_?'"

Craig's face flushed a deep crimson shade. He wasn't sure if it was from the embarrassment of the fact that he was upset by the cheater remark, or if he was angry about the insinuation that he would do it again.

Callie lit up another cigarette and pocketed her lighter, "little cutie pie stalked me down a while ago because of all your talk about me, and you using up some quality darkroom time with me."

Ellie looked over at Craig with an almost '_I told you so_,' kind of face, guaranteeing that she agreed with the theory that Manny was clearly upset by Craig spending any time with any girl because of what had happened between them.

"I told her not to worry though, at least about me," Callie took a long drag and shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know what I can tell you."

Craig buried his face in his hands, "why can't girls just trust me?" he groaned into them.

"Maybe because you cheated with, and on, two of them," Ellie muttered and patted his back lightly.

Craig groaned, tossed his head back and screamed.

Ellie and Callie both paused to look at him.

"You think I'm crazy now don't you?" he asked them.

Callie laughed, "Craig, we're all crazy."

…

"Do you really want my opinion?" Ellie asked as she and Craig stepped off the bus.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Okay, fine, here's the way I see it. You still have feelings for Ash—" he opened his mouth to interrupt but she shushed him, "but you you're comfortable and happy with Manny." Ellie looked over at him, "am I right?"

Craig rolled his eyes, "is it so wrong to like two girls?"

"No…" Ellie answered, "it's wrong to be be in a relationship with two girls."

"But I'm not."

"But you were."

Ellie rolled her eyes, he just wasn't seeing the whole picture the way she seemed to be. He wanted an ouside look in and she was giving it too him. Craig was just completely unhappy with the results. And she was sure he would be unhappy with any observation she gave him.

"Just don't lead Ashley on…" she said, "Mark loaded up on summer classes to make up for all the classes he missed recovering from his transplant."

"What does that have to do with me leading Ashley on?"

"It means she's clearly going to start feeling like her boyfriend has abandoned her for higher education and is looking for comfort elsewhere."

"I'm not going to fuck up Ashley's relationship."

"I'm not saying you will…"

"You think she will."

Ellie shrugged, "when I met Ashley, it was the summer after she'd trashed her relationship with Jimmy. Paige had convinced her she was boring and didn't know how to have fun and managed to score some E and ended up messing around with Sean before spilling every negative thing possible about Jimmy…"

"She never told me that…"

"And why would she?" Ellie asked, "all it would do was make things awkward."

Craig shrugged, "so you think she's going to do something self destructive."

"Do you think she won't?"

"I don't know" he answered honestly.

"Admit it Craig, you really didn't know Ashley as well as you thought you did." Ellie reached into her pockets and pulled out her house keys, " I've got a shit load of homework, I'll see you at practice."

He jumped back as the door shut in his face. Usually Ellie was so easy going with him. Craig guessed it had to do with Ashley. He didn't want to hurt Ashley as much as Ellie didn't want him to. They were on the same page.

…

"So…she doesn't have a choice now?" Judy asked, sitting across from her lawyer, Ross Lieberman. She smiled brightly, this was perfect.

Ross shook his head and took off his reading glasses as he set down the folder detailing the case. "The problem is, she won't be pleased with this, and she'll probably do everything possible to make you look like Joan Crawford."

Judy smiled devilishly, and snorted, "with everything I've had to endure from her behavior it won't be a problem making me look like mother of the year." She took the folder and opened it, "her medical records should be in here, as well as her records from her stay in a mental hospital."

"According to her statement to the doctors, you pushed her down the stairs the night she broke her arm."

Judy rolled her eyes, "pushed her?" Judy sighed, "that delusional girl, I was leading her down the stairs to do a simple chore, and she tugged herself out of my arms and hurled herself down the stairs."

Ross sighed and slipped his glasses back on, "so what can we use against her to get the testimony we want."

"The girl is mentally unstable and has been known to cut herself for attention. The simple fact that I had to deal with that emotionally is distressing enough," Judy toyed with the cuff of her prison uniform.

"What about the issue of your numerous failed attempts at AA and your blood alcohol level the night of the accident, we can't overlook that."

"The girl I hit had also been drinking that evening and clearly walked into traffic."

"What were you doing out there anyway?" Ross asked, "why weren't you at home, knowing you had had too much to drink."

"My daughter had run away, I was simply looking for her."

"According to sources, your daughter hadn't been living at home for nearly two weeks, and that she was well taken care of and…" he checked his notes from friends of the family, "happy."

"That girl is never happy."

Ross sighed. This was going to be a tough case. This woman was clearly guilty and was fighting the system tooth and nail for her undeserved freedom. He wanted to laugh when she had the audacity to call her daughter delusional and attention seeking. From the few moments he'd spent with Judy Nash he'd come to the conclusion that if anyone in that small family were attention seeking and delusional it was Judy Nash herself.

This case was unfortunate. He really didn't to defend a clearly guilty woman. If he really wanted to do something good it was be a matter of putting in a plea of _guilty by reason of complete and utter insanity_. "I'll see what I can do with this case," he said simply, "as for right now, visiting hours are ending, have a nice day ." He shook her ice cold hand and left the tiny visiting room.

"I hate defending guilty people," he groaned as he walked down the hall, rubbing his temples.

...

School was out, and General Hospital was beckoning for Jay's attention. He was slumped into the couch, his legs propped up on the cluttered coffee table. As he snatched up the remote he looked around the house. Definitely much better than it had been, he could only hope it pleased his parents. He didn't need another headache.

Alex was out, so he was all alone. It was just Port Charles and him. Jay and Port Charles…

"_Jace what are you doing here?"_

_Jay looked around, the docks was eerie at midnight. "What are you talking about Carly? I'm always down here." And that was true. Jay was always lurking around down by the docks, especially when Sonny was expecting a shipment. _

_He looked over the blonde who seemed to be leering at him, "Sonny told me he gave you the night off, so you could work things out with Sam---"_

"_Things with Sam are caput," Jay muttered. _

_Carly's hands rose to her hips. "What do you mean?" _

"_I mean Sam has left me…for a girl."_

_Carly rolled her eyes, "it'll never last Jace…you know that and I know that, you and Alex are meant to be together." _

_Jay shrugged and traced the outline of his gun carefully through the thin layer of his t-shirt. He almost hated carrying it. _

_Footsteps. _

"_Carly get down." _

"_What?" _

_Jay turned in the direction of the footsteps and fired off a shot. _

"_What the hell? Mrs C!?" Max called out. _

_Carly slapped Jay upside the head, "what the hell were you thinking Jason?" _

"_Who the hell walks around like that down here?" Jay shouted. _

_Max was frantically checking for a bullet wound and sighed when he found none. "Mrs. C, I came down to take over for Jason, just like you asked." _

_Carly turned to Jay and glared. _

_Jay smirked. _

"_Go talk to Sam…"_

Jay bolted awake. "What the—"

Credits for General Hospital were rolling across the screen. He'd missed half the episode dreaming about being a mob boss's right hand man. He groaned and reached for the remote and began flicking through the channels when Alex and Paige fell into the house, giggling and snickering up a storm.  
"Really?" he asked.

Alex and Paige froze.

"Really, is the little giggle fest necessary?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "is your attitude necessary?"

"You bailed on me," he argued, throwing the remote across the room, barely missing Paige's head. "I waited for you…I fell asleep waiting for you, and you missed General Hospital."

Alex looked to Paige, who looked frightened beyond belief. Not only that she didn't know that the hour in front of the TV every day after school meant that much to Jay. She turned to Paige, "I'll talk to you later."

Jay pushed his way to the door, "forget it, you can talk now…"

Alex jumped a little as the door slammed shut.

"Is he okay?" Paige asked.

"I…" she paused, "I don't know."

Paige licked her glossy lips and followed Alex as they sat down on the couch. "So how long do you think you'll be staying with Jay?"

Alex shrugged as she stared at the fuzzy screen, " until my mom's asshole boyfriend moves out."

"Oh…" Paige felt unsure of how to respond. She'd never had a situation like that, she'd always been lucky to have two parents who loved each other just as much as they loved each of their kids. "You could stay with me if you want," she offered without thinking.

Alex looked at her cautiously.

"I mean, just as a last resort, of course."

"of course," Alex repeated. It scared her how much she wished she didn't add that condition onto the end of that invitation. Alex had never really had girl friends. She had Amy of course, but Amy was gone, for good. And Ellie was more like a naïve little sister, than a great girlfriend. _Girlfriend_. Alex didn't know why but that word sounded rather appealing at that moment.

…

"Rod!" Spinner called down the bar, "I need another shot man." Rod finished with a customer and walked down to Jay, wiping his hands on a rag before tossing it aside. "Another shot," Jay said picking up and setting down his shot glass on the bar top. Rod looked him up and down.

"You've had enough," Rod answered.

"Man…my girlfriend left me for a girl."

"Make that two," a voice said walking up behind Jay, and slapping a friendly hand against his back. Jay turned around.

"Spinner…man," Jay turned back to Rod, "make each of those a double."

Rod rolled his eyes.

"So when did you figure it out?" Jay asked as Rod poured him a drink.

Spinner shrugged and sat on the next bar stool, "I dunno, it just seemed pretty obvious that they were way to close, they may not notice it, but…" Spinner raised his shot glass, "I noticed, and you noticed."

"Here here," Jay threw back a shot.

"But it doesn't matter anymore, I met another girl," Spinner brought up, as he set down the empty shot glass on the bar. "Leaves Paige in the dust as far as I'm concerned."

Jay scoffed, "you ain't the only one."

"I know I saw you with little Emma Nelson…except she ain't so little anymore," Spinner answered with a smirk.

"Nah, the little one person environmental rights parade isn't in my sights." Jay beckoned for another shot from Rod. "Actually it's that little number right over there," and pointed across the room to Mel who was serving drinks to a table.

Spinner nodded, "nice nice."

"isn't she?" Jay picked up his refilled shot glass and brought it to his lips and knocked it back with ease, "finally got her to go on a date with me."

Mel felt her ears burning and turned to find Jay raising his empty shot glass to her. She blushed and waltzed over. "How's my car Jay?"

"will be purring like a kitten when I'm finished with her."

Mel smirked and turned to Spinner, "Mel," she said sticking out her hand. "Friend of Jay?"

Spinner nodded, "Spinner," he answered. "So he's fixing your car?"

"So he says."

Jay smirked and gave her a flirtatious wink. Spinner laughed. "I think he likes you," Spinner admitted. Mel rolled her eyes.

"I know he does…and maybe if he _fixes my car_, I'll take him up on one of those date offers he keeps trying to get me to say yes to."

Jay threw his arm around Mel, and Mel looked around carefully knowing if one of the bouncers got the wrong impression Jay would be out on his ass in a second. It wasn't very often they'd jump for a waitress, but Mel was like a little sister to most of them. " "Baby, just wait…I'll make you purr like your engine…"

Mel wanted to laugh and ducked out from under Jay's arm. "We'll see Jay," she said taking a drink order over to Rod to fill. She turned back to Spinner and flashed him a concerned smile, "you might want to get him home before he upsets one of the girls," and nodded to the stage. "I may able to put up with his antics, but I don't think Bubba and Bruiser will." She glanced over at the twin, heavy built bouncers watching Jay like a hawk.

"Gotchya," he said and made it his mission to keep Jay out of trouble.

…

Last final of the day and Ellie was pleased as ever to be walking out of the school and away from books for the rest of the day. Tomorrow was the last day, then no more school, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks. After that, it would be beach party central. Ellie waited on the steps of the school. Sean's last final ended about ten minutes ago, and she couldn't fathom what could be keeping him. She swung her feet back and forth, the heel of her boots slamming into the concrete as she began to ruffle through her bag for her CD player.

"Miss Eleanor Nash?" a voice asked. Ellie looked up to see a gentleman in a suit. She narrowed her eyebrows in suspicion.

"Yes?" she said questioning herself. But really she seemed to be questioning the nature to which she seemed to be stalked by a professional outside her school.

"You've been served…" he said and pulled out a thick envelope and handed it to her. Ellie looked up at him incredulously. It wasn't his fault though; he seemed to be doing his job, a crappy one at that. "Have a nice day," he muttered and walked off.

Ellie looked at the envelope and frowned, why on earth would someone serve her with court papers. Ellie took a moment to think about it. No, she wouldn't do that. Ellie groaned. This was her mother they were talking about. The selfish bitch would do anything to better her quality of life, no matter how pathetic each attempt would be. Ellie tore open the envelope and looked over the papers. Judy Nash had done it. She continued to read over the legal papers as Sean walked out of the front doors and down the steps.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

Ellie looked up and handed them the papers, "my mother is subpoenaing me to testify at her hearing."

"She's what?" Sean asked surprised.

Ellie stood up slowly and Sean handed her back the papers, which she promptly tucked away in her bag. "She wanted me to come to her hearing, and I told her no. Now she wants me to be some sort of character witness."

"Stupid idea on her part if you ask me," Sean answered as they began to walk home.

"Damn straight it's stupid, clearly she wants to lose the case."

"Just be careful going into this…you never know how dirty her lawyer is."

Ellie looked over at him nervously. Sean was right. For all she knew her mother's lawyer could be planning the perfect defense and Judy knows Ellie fairly well enough to manipulate the perfect testimony out of her. Her mother probably hired a lawyers more disturbed and insensitive as her mother. "Oh I'll be fine," she said confidently as she thought about the hearing.

Sean looked at her with wonder, "what are you planning?"

"To tell the truth, the whole truth, and _nothing but the truth_," Ellie said with a sly smile on her face.

If her mother wanted to play dirty, then she was in for one messy day in court. There was nothing the lawyer could say that would make her mother look like June Cleaver and that the accident was not preventable. The accident could have easily been prevented if Judy Nash hadn't been drinking.

"You've got that evil cartoon character look on your face."

Ellie smiled wider, "I know." Ellie looked a head, "I guarantee they'll bring up any and every bit of dirt on me to make her look like the mother of the year for putting up with me."

"And you don't care what her lawyer does to make you look bad?"

Ellie shook her head, "I'm comfortable with who I am…" Ellie laughed to herself, "what could her lawyer possibly trick me into saying, other than the truth?"

Sean smiled and grabbed her shoulder gently and pulled her into him, kissing her forehead. "I just love it when you're sneaky like this…"

Ellie smiled and turned her head up to kiss him gently on the cheek.

…

"Well well…little Green Peace decides to finally show up," Jay said as he leaned against the bench just outside the Dot. Emma rolled her eyes as she strolled up to him. She wasn't the least bit amused, in fact she was down right pissed seeing as the dare only involved asking him out, not actually _going out_. She needed to remind herself later that Liberty was dead meat.

"Lets get this over with shall we?" she asked walking inside the Dot without giving him a hesitant glance.

Jay jumped to his feet and rushed into the Dot after her, "I take it this wasn't a genuine gesture?" he asked, slinking into one of the booths by the door.

Emma glared, "apparently not."

"Girls gone wild night at Green Peace headquarters?" Jay smirked, "I know it was a dare."

Emma blushed heavily, "if you knew why did you agree?"

"I was bored?" he said shrugging his shoulders.

Emma groaned, "then I'm out of here," she turned to leave, "the dare was to ask you out, not actually go out."

"You would have stood me up?" he whined sweetly. Jay batted his eyes and attempted to manipulate the situation to his advantage by throwing on his best puppy dog face. Unfortunately for him, his puppy dog face came off as more of a pitbull face and Emma backed away.

"I should have."

"Oh come on Green Peace, you can't not follow through now."

Emma raised a brow, "oh really?" she started to move towards the door, "this is me…not following through," she turned, her blonde hair whipping around as she spun on the heels of her feet.

"Free coffee?" he asked.

Emma froze in her tracks. Free caffeine. "What's the catch," she asked turning around.

"Nothing…just sit and occupy time with _moi_."

Emma looked at him questionably. "_This could be a bad idea Nelson"_ she thought to herself. She huffed and walked back to the booth and slid in across from Jay, "free coffee it is." She said, picking up her attitude and dusting it off.

Jay smiled. Jay smiled and it almost seemed genuine.

Emma read through the smile, she could feel the ulterior motives oozing out of his pores. She was almost disappointed to find no such thing. Nearly half an hour later they were still sitting in the booth and Jay was mumbling on about Alex this, and Alex that. Over the course of their "date" Emma had learned that Alex had been pregnant, lost the baby, and had found some sort of BFF in Paige. And because Alex was avoiding her mother's boyfriend, she was staying with him, so he was forced to endure endless moments of Alex and Paige.

"Are you drunk?" she finally asked.

Jay pulled out a flask and shook it lightly, a smile on his face.

Emma rolled her eyes, "you spiked your coffee?"

"I don't like coffee…"Jay muttered. "Alex likes hers black, and Paige gets those stupid frilly whipped mocha something or others."

"You should go home, Jay."

"I don't want to go home, Alex is there, and she's probably with Paige, not me."

"Um," she stuttered, "I really don't know how to help you Jay."

Jay reached across the table and grabbed her hands, "make her jealous for me, make my Lexxi come back to me."

Emma felt the urge to hug the poor lug. "I'm sorry Jay…"

Jay groaned and tossed a few dollars on the table and walked out, "what a fine help you turned out to be Green Peace."

She almost felt sorry as she watched him walk away, she managed to think that he walked pretty steady for someone who'd spiked his coffee for the past half hour. Emma found herself feeling guilty. Here someone was, in trouble, seeking help, and she just turned him down. She didn't _almost _feel sorry for him anymore. She felt like someone kicked a puppy.

…

"Ooh, lemme see!" Ashley said snatching up Jimmy's sketchbook as they sat idly on the steps. Ashley was waiting for Mark to pick her up, Jimmy waiting for Hazel to finish up her final exam. She flipped casually through the pages bemused by the comics he'd drawn, titled: the Adventures of Spinner the Spaz. "You know I don't think he'd appreciate this title as much as I do."

Jimmy chuckled, "he doesn't even know about it."

"I didn't know about this little talent you have Mr. Brooks."

Jimmy blushed. Ellie, and now Ashley, were the only two people who seemed to know about his little doodling habit. He felt like he should let Hazel in on his new hobby, but it just didn't seem like it was that big of a deal. Whoop dee doo…Jimmy Brooks was a master doodler.

"I really like these," she said showing him the more realistic sketches of Hazel. "Hazel looks really pretty."

Jimmy nodded a thanks, but quickly realized what was to come with a turn of the page. He pulled the sketchbook from between her fingers, "that's pretty much it."

"But I wasn't done…" Ashley muttered, her lower lip sticking out as she pouted playfully.

"There isn't anything else," Jimmy lied, "I promise." But of course there was more. Sketches of Ashley, mostly modeled from pictures of her since grade eight. A portrait for each phase she'd every been through. It wasn't for her to see, it was something he'd done for himself, not for her.

Ashley shrugged and pulled her hair back, out of her face, securing it with a hair tie. "Been trying to write music again," she muttered.

Jimmy slipped the sketchbook into his bag, "for the band?"

"some for me…some for the band," she said shuffling through her bag looking for her notebook. "Ah ha!" she said pulling it out and handing it to Jimmy.

Jimmy took the notebook and flipped through the pages, settling on the ones toward the end of the notebook with the freshly inked pages. Ashley watched keenly as his eyes moved from the top of the page and then to the last few words at the bottom of the page. "_I never thought, I'd say this again, the three words that you never said…the one phrase that breaks my heart in two_(4)_._" Jimmy said, reading the lyrics aloud, "I'd really like to know what that sounds like."

Ashley blushed. And for a moment she wasn't sure of the connotation. Did he take the song to heart? She smiled politely at his request, "I love the piano piece I threw together for that song, a definite change in the melodies you're used to hearing from me."

"None of the dark and gloomy?" he asked turning back several pages. He noticed the date, a few weeks after that dreaded sleep over while the Kerwin-Isaacs parental units were out for the weekend. That weekend she took one little pill to fit in…

_I'm heavily broken_

_And I don't know what to do_

_Can't you see I'm choking_

_And I can't even move_

_When there's nothing left to say_

_What can you do?_

_I'm heavily broken_

_And there's nothing I can do._

Jimmy felt his heart rise into his throat as he tried to choke back his comprehension of the song he was reading. He wasn't even sure if he should be reading it, because he knew that it was about their first big fight, and their first break up. He remembered how he'd felt that night, and the days after, and even months later when school started again. He continued to read, "_feels like I'm drowning…_" he mouthed silently, not wanting Ashley to know which song he was reading. "_I'm screaming for air…louder I'm crying…and you don't even care_.(5)" He closed the notebook. He had cared, he had cared so much he couldn't bare to look at her without feeling broken himself.

…

Hazel watched from the glass doors to the school as Jimmy and Ashley joked and passed back and forth a notebook and a sketchbook. Biting her lip she found herself unsure of the vision in front of her. Was there anything to worry about? Anything she should be concerned about? She was sure that it was just two old friends reconnecting. She swallowed the thoughts she was fumbling over and continued to watch.

Jimmy hadn't been the same since Ellie's welcome home party when Mark collapsed in front of everyone. He had gripped her hand tightly fighting himself from wanting to run to Ashley. Hazel had felt it, she felt it then, and she felt it now: he would always care about Ashley.

But she wasn't worried. Why should she be? Jimmy and her were a couple now. Hazel and Jimmy, Jimmy and Hazel, and Ashley was just a friend. Hazel would never lower herself to the tragic position of a jealous girlfriend. There was no point. She smiled as she watched Jimmy smile. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

She pushed open the glass doors and walked out into the fresh air. "Hey boyfriend," Hazel called out. Jimmy flustered and pushed Ashley's notebook back into her hands and stood up, walking up the stairs to meet her with a kiss.

"Did you pass?" Jimmy asked.

"I hope so…or all the answers I know I got right were all wrong," she said smiling and kissing him back. "Thanks for waiting."

Ashley tucked away the notebook into her bag and stood up, throwing the shoulder strap over her shoulder and waving up to Hazel and Jimmy, "I'll see you guys later," she said walking home.

Jimmy took Hazel's bag and headed to the car. "So I think I've got everything set for our end of the year bash at the beach."

Hazel smiled, "you took care of everything all on your own?" she asked impressed as he opened the door to his car and ushering her into the passenger seat. She heard nothing immediately as he shut the car door and walked around to the driver's side.  
"Yea, my Mom helped a bit," he admitted. But she hadn't done much. Jimmy just went through a list of food and led him to the garage to dig out a few camping chairs and a dusty beach umbrella.

Hazel smiled.

"You alright?" he asked assuming that her final exams had taken a toll on her.

Hazel nodded, "I'm alright," she lied. Well it wasn't a complete lie. She was relatively alright, just a bit put off by seeing Ashley and Jimmy. From a distance it seemed like there was a bit of flirting. But Jimmy was a natural flirt, it couldn't be helped. She assumed her insecurities were getting the best of her. What did she have to worry about, if Jimmy didn't want to be with her, he would have said so.

…

Ellie and Sean sat on the couch in the living room. Each with their feet kicked up on top of the coffee table as Sean changed channel after channel. Ellie sipped from her coffee cup and looked over at Sean, "so what do you want to do?" she asked.

Sean shrugged, "what ever you want to do."

Ellie shrugged as Sean glanced over at her. It was the first time in days that they'd had a few spare moments together apart from the time they spent sleeping together in Ellie's bed. "Well I don't know what to do," she said snatching the remote and flipping back a few channels, settling on the _History Channel_ and some documentary about ancient Greeks.

Sean rolled his eyes, "and you think I do?," he asked and took the remote back and changed it to _MTV_ and _Pimp My Ride_."

Ellie snatched back the remote and held it out of his reach as she changed the channel, "my house, my remote," she said with a smirk on her face.

Sean laughed and climbed on top of her to get it back, his face buried in the crook of her neck as she struggled to keep the remote from him. Wriggling underneath him, Ellie tried to wrestle against his advances towards the remote. But failed as he nibbled on her earlobe and let out a soft moan, "Not fair," she groaned.

"Alls fair in remotes and television," he said, his lips curving into a smirk against her bare neck.

Ellie laughed and using all her weight rolled the both of them off the couch and raised her hands in the air in succession. "I win!" she said laughing as she straddled him across his stomach.

Sean covered his face with his hands and wiped them down before bringing his hands to her waist and toying with the hem of her t-shirt. "So what's the plan then?" he asked.

Ellie set aside the remote and lowered herself and laid herself atop of Sean, folding her arms across his chest and setting her chin on top of her hands. "We could just go wander around town I guess?"

Sean shrugged and played with her loose red hair falling around her face, "If that's what you want to do."

Ellie pursed her lips, "we could go check on Jay if you want."

Sean shrugged again. It was turning into a bad habit. But checking on Jay did sound like a good idea. He'd seen Jay even less than he'd seen Ellie and he hadn't heard good things from Alex about him. From what he understood Jay was just laying waste to himself, he didn't even seem to want to bother to pass his exams and get the year over with.

"We could go to the movies?" she suggested. "We haven't gone in a while." Ellie watched him carefully, he was still thinking about Jay, "Jay can come too."

Sean sighed and motioned for her to get up, "sounds like a good idea." Ellie jumped to her feet and helped Sean up with a hard tug. "I'll go call Jay and check out what movies are playing."

"And I'll be in the shower," she said with a wink.

Sean watched as Ellie skipped up the stairs, as she reached the top of the landing he sighed and threw his head back as he dialed Jay's number. The cordless phone lifted to his ear as he listened half interested in the dial tone, half interested in Ellie in the shower. "Hoga---Alex stop that!"

Sean pulled the phone away and looked at the phone before putting it back to his ear.

"---residence…"

"Paige?"

"Yes, who's this?"

"Damnit Paige my house! My phone!"

Sean listened to a scuffle for a moment before hearing a frustrated Jay on the other end, "hullo?"

"Hey man."

"Hey Cameron…too what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Movies, me you and El?" Sean asked as he looked up at the ceiling, as he heard water running through the pipes.

"I dunno, I don't much like the idea of playing a third wheel."

"By the sounds of things, you're already playing the third wheel," Sean muttered referring to Paige invading the Hogart space for Alex.

Jay sighed, "can we stop by Zanzibar, Mel gets off, maybe I can get her to come…"

Sean began walking to the stairs, "the more the merrier," Sean said, trying to Jay off the phone now that he knew he was getting out of the house.

"Do you think she'll come, I mean I kind of feel bad cause I haven't even touched her car yet."

"Yes!" Sean muttered as he leaned against the banister.

"Alright, so I'll swing by an pick up you and little Red Riding Ho---"

"Jay…"

"Sorry…20 minutes?"

Sean looked up the stairs and down the hall, "give us about an hour…"

"Us…?"

"El's in the shower, I'm about to jump in"

"Dude, it doesn't take you an hour to shower and dress."

"Dude…..Shower."

"Yea, and you're about to jump---Oh!" Jay crooned into the phone. "I gotchya man!"

"Yea bye."

"Dude wait…"

"Jay---Ellie Shower?"

"so an hour?"

Sean groaned, "an hour," and hung up the phone, tossing it over the banister and onto the couch. He tugged his shirt up over his head as he slid down the hall in his socks and rushed into the steamy bathroom, and pulled down his sweat pants before jumping into the hot shower.

"Took you long enough," she said as she shampooed her hair, and turned around to face him as she rinsed out the suds.

"Yea, Jay'll be by in an hour," he said motioning that he wanted to get through to the water.

"So we have an hour?" she asked as she let him through and wrapped her arms around him from behind, standing up on her tiptoes to rest her chin on his shoulder. Sean nodded. A smile grew across his face as Ellie's hands slipped lower and lower…

Jay knocked on the door, harder and louder than he had been for the last ten minutes. "Come on…we still gotta run by Zanzibar before Mel catches the bus home!" he shouted at the door. He looked at his watch. The hour turned into an hour and twenty minutes. "I know you two are in there! Let me in!"

"Jay?" Tracker asked as he walked up onto the porch and pulled out his key.

"Oh thank goodness, those two told me like five hours ago that they'd be ready in an hour," he complained.

"So you've been standing out here for four hours?" Tracker asked as he unlocked the door, and let himself and Jay in the house.

"Well I mean…" he saw Ellie and Sean rushing down the stairs, Ellie's hair still damp as she finished braiding the left side as she hopped down the stairs. "Are you two serious?"

"Relax Jay…" Ellie said bluntly.

"ten extra minutes makes you whine like this?" Sean asked as he slipped on his sneakers.

Jay narrowed his eyes and glared at the both of them, and pointed to his orange Civic, "get in the car, let's go, I still have a stop to make."

…

Mel saw Jay pull up as she waited for the bus, her lips curled into a smile. "Oh please tell me you fixed my car and you're here to take me to her?" Jay got out of the car and looked back at Sean who urged him over to talk to her.

Jay pouted, "sorry," he muttered and prepared for backlash.

"Then why are you here?"

"To take you to the movies…"

"I don't want to go to the movies," she argued "I want my car fixed."

Jay pulled off his hat and mussed up his hair, "look, I haven't even started working on it yet, so I thought…"

"Thought what?"

"that you'd want to join me and my pals," he pointed to his car, "on a trip to the movies to make up for my lack of prioritization."

Ellie leaned over towards Sean, "since when does Jay know big words?"

Sean shrugged.

The pair watched as Mel sighed, "what movie?"

"I dunno yet, we're just heading over to the mall now to check them all out."

"Am I getting a ride home?"

"Sure…"

Mel pointed at him as she adjusted her purse on her shoulder, "no funny stuff, just a trip to the movies."

"I promise," Jay muttered as he opened the passenger side door, "no funny stuff."

* * *

**A/N**: Hey Everyone! If you're still reading, THANK YOU! It's been a while, I know, but not quite as long as the last time it took me to update. I've been working hard, didn't completely look everything over, so please overlook any grammar what have yous. I just wanted to get this this up and out for y'all. Used a lot of music this time (all are below). Any thoughts and requests, you know the deal, just hit the review button and let me know what you guys thought, or what you might like to see happen. I have most of the rest of the story mapped out in my head, but nothing is definite yet, and ideas are always fuel to the fire.

1.** Grant Park **- Marvelous 3

2.** Broken** - Secondhand Serenade

3.** Vulnerable** - Secondhand Serenade

4.** The Piano Song** - A Cursive Memory

5. **Heavily Broken** - the Veronicas


End file.
